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Citations (101)
I've heard about the potential for attracting abusers by telling them of previous abuse too. In actual fact, I was abused by a previous partner before him, and told him about the abuse, thinking it wo…
A Procedural Update for the Continued Health of Our Subreddit. — Hey everyone on r/NarcissisticAbuse. We get it, we really do– the U.S. political situation right now is a bloody mess with further escalation, rather than some kind of stability, on the horizon. W…
Sick of Spam? Use the Report Button! — Annoyed by AI-written posts full of stealth promotion? We are, too. Whenever you see it, hit that report button! The majority of spam that makes it through our ever-evolving filters is never reported …
Why do so many retail & shopping sites hide the item details/description? — I’ve noticed this on a number of sites, and I’m fairly certain it hasn’t always been this way. "Hide" is probably a strong word, but basically retailers making the details/description of a product a c…
Feedback Thread — Our weekly thread is the place to solicit feedback for your creations. Requests for critiques or feedback outside of this thread are against our community guidelines. Additionally, please be sure that…
How does one go about creating these sorts of animations? — Sorry in advanced if this is a stupid question. I am such a noob when it comes to this sort of stuff. I came across this website ([https://animejs.com/](https://animejs.com/)) which has a really cool…
Apple-style vs Standard "Startupy" Landing Pages — One thing I'm struggling with our landing page design is whether to take an Apple style approach where the headings are — "So much power", "A whole new leap forward", etc and we have cool-focused sect…
Feedback Thread — Our weekly thread is the place to solicit feedback for your creations. Requests for critiques or feedback outside of this thread are against our community guidelines. Additionally, please be sure that…
Do we need to make our marketing tools using AI coding rather than investing in marketing tools? — Did the pricing of marketing SaaS tools go through the roof?>!​!< HubSpot is charging $600/mo for a CMS. Ahrefs went from 19$ to some 129$/mo What is happening?
SEO and Digital Marketing IG accounts — Hi everyone, I'm looking for Instagram accounts run by digital marketing agencies that not only offer services like SEO and content marketing but also focus on educating their audience, particularly…
Feedback Thread — Our weekly thread is the place to solicit feedback for your creations. Requests for critiques or feedback outside of this thread are against our community guidelines. Additionally, please be sure that…
Minimal or No Design Emails Will Almost Always Outperform Designed Emails — For most ecom owners, either spending the time yourself or paying a professional to intricately design each of your emails has to be one of the worst ROI decisions possible. I'm not exactly sure wher…
My co-founder decided to quit: I'm stuck and could really use some advice | I will not promote — Hey All, A few months ago, I shared my story here (original Reddit post in comments) about starting an IT consultancy business in the Netherlands with a friend right after graduation. At that time, w…
Is lovable.ai good? — So i tried using lovable.ai today for a project. I was working on verification as a use case and had all my screens ready. I thought that rather than prototyping, i will rather experiment with lovable…
One sided bedding — Would a one-sided four-piece print bed set for genz girls still sell well rather than a double sided (reversible) set for $85AUD/$55USD? I'm struggling to find a reversible bed set supplier with low M…
Common sense from an actual founder [fully boostrap 10M$ company] about startup studios' playbooks [i will not promote] — I don't post on reddit but I've recently seen an increased influx of post or people talking about X or Y playbook about how you should startup. i will not promote Let me get this straight, I won't cr…
using AI for repurposing our pillar content generated 4 million impressions and hundreds of leads — I recently led a Reddit content repurposing campaign that got over **4 million impressions** and **hundreds of new user signups** for my client. Here's exactly how I did it. # Why Reddit, and why use…
Making the entire website a fixed-width — This is probably a stupid question, so I apologize in advance. I am working on a website for my dad that he had someone create back in 2013. Everything is fine so far, but the only problem is that he …
Title tags for product landing pages vs the actual products — I have a niche information architecture problem that I'd like to hear your views on. The website that I help to manage basically has 2 halves: product landing pages, and the actual, sign in-only prod…
How can I let devs update their lower environment terraform while protecting production environments? — I know the title is a rather open ended question, but let me lay out where I am now, in the hopes of getting ideas on how to do this better. For a given service, we'll have one directory for environm…
Pouncemonial: 9th Kill - 30 Successful Trades — **Mission**: To accomplish 30 successful trades **What I achieved**: Accomplished 30 successful trades and learned how to execute and manage trades well. **Background**: With the previous kill, …
Learning to take space, self regulate and set boundaries as an AP earning secure — I have always leaned AP but working on security and now in a relationship with an FA leaning heavily avoidant I've realised a big goal for me is learning to self regulate and set better boundaries. Fo…
I had a breakthrough tonight! — Hello! Brief backstory here. I recently got divorced, and dating has been an interesting experience since. I went into one relationship very quickly with another anxiously attached person. It didn't w…
Practicing acceptance while anxiously attached? — Hi all, I don't always see myself as AA, but in one specific friendship, I am definitely anxiously attached. I have felt the same way with former friends, so I definitely know the problem is my attach…
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
Global Policy Journal: “Don’t look up?“ – Why it is past time for serious holistic research into Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena — Karin Austin, Michael Bohlander and Kimberly S. Engels have contributed an excellent article to the Global Policy Journal. Two of these people I've met personally and they are experiencers who are doi…
How do anxious attachers know when they are truly ready to date again, rather than just trying to soothe anxiety or loneliness? — I was talking with a friend recently and we were comparing how hard it is to get an honest gauge on your own readiness to date again when you have anxious attachment tendencies. Everyone tells you to…
Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…
DA Downplaying friendship — I have a self-confessed avoidant friend (I am secure). We dated very briefly but ended it because he said he couldn’t do serious relationships and I didn’t want to continue something ambiguous, catch …
Is casual sex compatible with secure attachment? — I feel like I have a solid grasp of attachment theory after reading a fair amount of the literature over the years, but there’s a philosophical question I can’t quite resolve. Can someone who is secu…
Curious about “episodic engagement” — anyone relate? — Hi everyone, I recently learned about this idea called “Episodic Engagement” in avoidant attachment, and it blew my mind. I discovered this after running some thoughts by ChatGPT, and this is the gis…
anxious attachment and shame — I have noticed in the times I am very aware of my anxious attachment in relationship to others, I feel a lot of shame around and make judgements about myself, how I am In relationships, or the experie…
I deactivated again while healing, wondering whether your experiences are similar — A few days ago I (DA) deactivated again, the first time after working on healing (4 months now). It was short (just 10 hours) but gave me more understanding. For context, I'm trying to reconnect with…
The fear of intimacy — I have started to realise that anxious attachment is also a fear of intimacy rather than only avoidantly attached people. I think many of us (when triggered) can prefer to live in the fantasy of a per…
I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …
Jupiter in Aquarius and the impersonal nature of this placement — This is one placement I genuinely struggle to fully understand. Jupiter, as a principle, feels conceptually misaligned with Aquarius and its traits. The expansive, benefic, growth oriented nature of J…
Why do so many high achievers seem to have strong Rahu placements? — I’ve been looking at charts of highly successful or influential people and noticed that many of them seem to have strong Rahu placements, especially in angular houses (1st, 7th, 10th) or closely influ…
Experienced ego dissolution and timelessness while a friend spiraled into a bad trip believing we were communicating through “waves” — I wanted to share a recent experience because the contrast between my trip and my friend’s bad trip was extremely interesting, and I’m curious if others have seen similar dynamics in group trips. We …
When is emotional control actually suppression? — In reading Epictetus and Seneca, I’ve been reflecting on how Stoicism distinguishes between emotional mastery and mere suppression. the texts emphasize that destructive emotions, anger, fear, resentm…
DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…
How do I beat decision paralysis? — My entire life I've struggled with making decisions, whether it's choosing what food to buy at the shop, which route to take on a trip, or more important things like what job to take, or what I should…
My (29F) brother (34M) asked me if he ‘still has a sister’ because I’m not excited enough about his baby. How do I fix this? — My (29F) brother (34M) and his girlfriend (31F) are expecting a baby in May. I’m happy for them because I know they really wanted a kid, but I don’t feel particularly excited about becoming an aunt. W…
SELF-CONCEPT BLOCKS MANIFESTATIONS! Here's my quick fix — Feeling unworthy of receiving what we want is the dominant vibration even though we've affirmed 300 times "I am worthy!" It's our self-concept silently preventing our greatest desires! Even though i…
"What does it mean to heal?" channeled message from my guides — I thought to share with you all this excerpt from a channeled conversation between myself and my guides. I love this text a lot and return to it often. Perhaps those of you on a healing journey and t…
Why do most victims survive the harm, while perpetrators can’t cope with a slither of accountability? — Victims live with the pain. The fear. The long-term fallout. Not being believed. No justice, or having to fight for it. Being made the aggressor through DARVO. The loss of safety. The way it rewires y…
The entire universe is frequency and our communications depend on the resonance of our quantum fields — As many of you in this community know, the "UFO/NHI" phenomenon and spiritual awakening often converge at a single point: Resonance. For years, I’ve been obsessed with a question: Is there a specific …
Difference between not interested and a fearful avoidant attachment — What are the signs that can tell if the person just have an avoidant attachment rather than not interested? Did you deal with one? Are you one of them? Can you help me tell the difference?
My desire for relationships disappeared after a narcissistic ex. Has anyone else experienced this? — I was in a relationship with a narcissist for about a year. After it ended, I spent about two years working through it with a therapist, and I’ve continued doing a lot of personal work since then. I r…
Permanent Enlightenment — I’m curious about something and would love to hear from people with long-term meditation practice. Many traditions talk about enlightenment or awakening as something that can stabilize. But in my own…
how do I stop being codependent with my bestfriend? — I think I might be dealing with codependency and I want to work on it before it damages my friendship. I have a bestfriend who I’m extremely close with. We’ve built a really deep emotional bond and …
How can I get a list of major transits for the year? — Instead of a chart, grid, timeline, or an ephemeris to decipher I'm looking for a source that shows it in text format. Here's a basic very much made up example of what I mean: * Dec 2 - Mar 2 '26— …
There aren't many but as far as I can tell there are a couple which could qualify. 1. Escapism. Just like anything fun, let alone of the "reality substitute" type, there is the potential to use it e…
Hi, I’ve been lurking for a couple weeks now and finished my first reading of POSM at this sub’s suggestion last weekend and The Feeling is the Secret not long after. The concept is completely underst…
>If we believe with perfect faith that our desire is already ours in the subconscious mind, why would the subconscious mind not just assume the act has already been finished in the past rather than wo…
Knowing that there's a physical reason for the confusion and lack of awareness makes it easier to accept. One feels like an outsider; the people around you seem to know how to be with each other. An…
Regardless of what it was, it was a non-physical experience. There can be lines blurred between what is lucid dreaming and astral projection, here's a video explaining the difference https://youtu.be/…
Try to focus more on leaving the body and doing what you want to do in the Astral rather than focusing too much on separating.
What if I ruined the chance of possibly not getting back together due to me being an emotional abuser??For example, she broke up with me because of unhappiness, goal of finishing her college degree, a…
And to add further, I’ve also got a quick free one hour introductory course on Kubernetes architecture that’s a bit different. Rather than slide after slide of diagrams, we build a Kubernetes cluster…
Hi! So one thing I can tell you from lots of therapy and recently spending time around her is I realized I had been only remembering her good qualities and putting her on a pedestal in my mind. When w…
At first there are signs, then with practice you just know. The signs vary from person to person can occur during a session and not occur during the next. So the only way to know is to do your researc…
I did notice there are occasional “I am an abuser/racist/sexist” posts nowadays, although more time will be needed to observe and decide whether a rule about that will be necessary because as of now, …
You put yourself in the mindset to take inspired action and you achieved your goals. Sounds like manifestation to me. This sub encourages action. As for SP...I might get banned for saying this b…
I don’t understand your take on this. No contact has time and time again been proven to be the best thing you can do for mutual healing if the breakup was bad or not mutual. Giving eachother time an…
This is 100% a pattern for avoidant attachers. It’s referenced as the “vulnerability hangover” in our own spaces. It’s almost like taking an ice bath. You can do it for a while, like 10-20 minutes, an…
For me a big part *is* (cause I’m still working on it)… not fearing losing myself in an attachment. Being able to establish clear boundaries early on, and keep to them even if I lose the other person…
I think it really depends on the partner and how willing they are to communicate. In my last relationship I was avoidant leaning secure and my partner was preoccupied. There were certain things I thou…
It’s been a year (yesterday) since my ex cruelly and coldly discarded me by text (after 18 months of dating… and lots of life experiences).. “I can’t see you anymore, I wish you well”.. It was massive…
To me, the book doesn’t so much denigrate avoidants as it highlight their challenges in relationships, to help anxious types recognize patterns and seek stability—often with secure partners as an idea…
Please look into the health issues that come along with being dismissive or fearful avoidant. You can't just shut off your emotions and experience no repercussions. That's not how our biology works, …
Take time to actually get to know someone, go slow, keep things light at first, don't jump into a relationship. Instead think about true compatibility in things like communication, lifestyle, values, …
I absolutely agree! For me, this allows me to "forgive" them, but accepting the reality of who they are and what the relationship ultimately was. I was dating potential, rather than what was actuall…
I swung from anxious to avoidant after going NC with family. Therapy will help you find secure. It’s also easy to feel more secure when you’ve removed someone rather than when you’re in relationship- …
Just read the replies and imo there's nothing wrong with asking. It's great that you did. My opinion is that if I'd only had one date with somebody and they text me saying "good morning handsome" I'd…
It’s good that you’re reflecting on past relationships - that’s what transforms them from painful failures into learning experiences. 1) In confronting your deep sense of unworthiness (which I totall…
My guess is that he has hooked up with someone, or maybe gone back to an ex, and he doesn’t know how to tell you. Since you don’t know each other very well and have barely spent time together in perso…
The fact this was downvoted is not surprising. This sub is often an echo chamber for popular opinion rather than sharing lived experiences that differ from the projections of those hurt.
Usually when I feel like this I go outside and use my hands to manipulate the real world. As for your issues with alienation, sure you are building an operating a rube Goldberg machine to run an app…
For my org, it’s basic economics at the end of the day. The cost of build (or rebuild) vs buy. Optimize for the lowest cost to meet the business need. When Elastic changed their licensing, our genera…
For us it is more about common practices rather than specific tech stack. It's better for the team to share workflows and expectations. The solutions will follow from there.
Someone’s gotta be on the other end. He might be pushing, and looks like he usually is, but you’re pulling every time you entertain him. Because most people wouldn’t keep letting him in again, which y…
Thank you for sharing your perspective :) And I do totally see your point about over applying attachment theory. I think I feel hurt by these hot and cold dynamics and probably as an anxious person I …
Waterfall in all it's forms is a problem. Hand off between teams are never smooth. DevOps principles recommends integrating all stakeholders in the process. An isolated software developer building a p…
Hey. Interesting write up, it has some good references and shows some good understanding on modern software security. Though there are some parts I would critique for feedback: >Another layer that …
Taking space from a group of friends during a prolonged outing (like in OP’s case): “Hey guys, I’ve had a great time but I’ve been feeling like I need to recharge my introverted batteries for a while…
I like this idea. It seems to help both the anxious leaning and the avoidant just check in for the day rather than the avoidant expecting to have to check in continuously, or the anxious person waitin…
I am a FA learnt secure, and I'll say almost half of the women I have dated are avoidants. Ken Reids and Dr Sarah Hensley have given lots of advice on this. I'll paraphrase them: 1) Ask them early,…
I agree with this, but also want to point out some DAs don’t actually communicate a boundary. I had two ex’s who were DA and I can lean anxious. Both were very inconsistent in communicating “I need sp…
If you knew how logic works you would know that it goes by axioms; foundational principles that are assumed rather than derived. This is not an opinion.
Aren't those the hallmarks of an AA/AP rather than DA?
The future faking is more commonly attributed to cluster B type personalities rather than any given attachment style. People can be avoidant and not manipulative.
I literally felt the same, and so needed a second opinion. Here's what Claude Opus 4 had to say (after copy pasting it): Why does this reddit post feel like an ad? My spidy sense is tingling: Yo…
Mostly because the information isn't necessarily what the person needs or may even be harmful or untrue. From all accounts people say it "tells them exactly what they need" and doesn't challenge them,…
Some thoughts - this is rushed, so not nicely written: \- Anxious-preoccupied: preoccupied with attachment figures and attachment relationships, anxious about possible unavailability of attachment fi…
Love this comment. I’ve found it to be so true. For a regular ex I was with for nearly a decade and we had a fairly normal/stable/secure attachment to each other, maybe a little bit dependent on each …
In my personal experience, it’s more a gesture or a declaration of deep feelings rather than any admission of guilt or remorse. I’ve personally never had someone with an avoidant attachment style actu…
Yet they don’t question why they showed us a version like that initially and couldn’t/ wouldn’t uphold it. Then were blamed for believing in that initial version the way we did, and then for noting wh…
I relate mostly to being anxiously attached or AP and tend usually to score most in that category. But I really relate to everything you described still despite not being DA so perhaps it’s a sign of …
It isn’t. Avoidance, more so than AA, is deeply unconscious. Consciously, we want to show up for our partners and to be vulnerable, which makes it difficult to recognize the fact that we are distancin…
> Better yet, many are up front and say they don’t want anything serious/don’t want a relationship. This isn't even an AT comment specifically, but imo ignoring people when they say this is just a re…
> I found out she was an avoidant because she assumed when I left to go get my car I wasn't coming back to drive her home. this sounds anxious rather than avoidant