stakes

Most people would suggest trying to find an activity group to join. I attend certain support group meetings and most of the people there are women, I feel absolutely no general anxiety talking to a wo…

Does attachment style start to shift after cutting out toxic family members? — Recently, I removed a toxic family member from my life after years of emotional turbulence and manipulation. This person liked to gaslight me, hold past mistakes over my head, and blame me for everyth…

Even as an FA the one thing I'll never understand about avoidants is how they can hate someone they cared about a week ago. — I was reflecting and journaling on my past relationships, and taking full responsibility for past mistakes. I'm an FA so there were times when I thought I needed external validation to feel whole, and…

Pouncemonial: 7th Kill - Disciplined Trader — # Here's how I achieved my 7th mission! **Mission**: To become a disciplined trader **What I achieved**: Mastered stop loss and trading discipline **Background**: After my 6th kill, I was eager t…

I made $32 after 16 months of coding. Was it all a waste of time? — Over the last 16 months, I’ve done something that sounds cooler than it really is: I built a SaaS. In my free time, at night, on weekends, while everyone else was at the beach or watching Netflix, I …

Would people pay $5 to protect a restaurant reservation from no-show fees? Testing a micro-cancellation MVP. (i will not promote) — Hi all - I'm working on a simple MVP and looking for early feedback: **Problem**: Some restaurants on Resy and Tock now charge $50–$100 per *person* if you cancel too late or don’t show. Totally fair…

Business is about execution. As long as nobody dies, don't sweat it. — A good idea is only an idea. Do something about it. What's stopping you? Stop mental masturbation. Get the reps in. Earn it. You're just starting out. Don't fear mistakes. You're not going to die. …

Underestimated fulfillment in my eCommerce startup, nearly paid the price — When I launched my first eCommerce brand, I thought fulfillment was "easy" find a product, set up a store, ship orders. Simple, right? I couldn’t have been more wrong. As soon as we got traction, thi…

What’s one thing you wish you knew before starting a POD store? — I’m preparing to launch my first POD store, and while I’ve watched a bunch of tutorials, I know real-world experience beats any YouTube advice. For those of you who’ve been through it, what’s somethin…

The most painful relationship and breakup I've ever had, but it cracked me open so that I could heal. I created a text message llm analysis tool that revealed insecure attachment. — EDIT - TLDR; 8-month, high-intensity relationship. I was DA-leaning; she showed a lot of push–pull/negative lensing. We loved each other and still couldn’t repair, so we went NC. Post-breakup I focuse…

Thank you — I'm in one of the healthiest relationships I've ever been in, and this subreddit—along with my therapist—has helped me in a big way. I still get triggered, but I'm better at self-soothing and have lea…

We should keep in mind that its a spectrum.. — I realized something in my relationship and it is not much shared in this way so maybe it helps someone else I am anxious and my fiancee is avoidant. He is very introverted and trying to deal with hi…

This situation is too messed up — Hi everyone, I (20F) really need some guidance about my SP (19M). We’ve been on and off for the past 2.5 years, and our relationship has always been very messy constant fights, unnecessary arguments, …

The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…

A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…

I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…

I want to to start healing so badly, how can I? — I recently posted here my journey of realizing I have a fearful avoidant attachment. I used to think I was anxious but I realize I'm fearful avoidant and I don't want this anymore. I want to stop push…

How can I become more consistent in my relationships? — I recently learnt I'm fearful avoidant and I've been in therapy for 3 years so I know how I stopped being inconsistent in many areas of my life I used to be – I learnt to be consistent with studying b…

How can I become more consistent in my relationships? — I recently learnt I'm fearful avoidant and I've been in therapy for 3 years so I know how I stopped being inconsistent in many areas of my life I used to be – I learnt to be consistent with studying b…

I astral projected last night.. — I astral projected last night... What was your first experience? Here's mine: We arrived in Tunisia yesterday, had some sleep, woke up, yawned, and my nose started bleeding, only mentioning this bec…

F**CKKKKKKKKK — I don’t really have anywhere to say this, so I’m just putting it here. I was with someone for a long time who I truly believed was my person. From the beginning, there was just something about her th…

Struggling with wondering where life went wrong without a "defining moment" — I struggle with wondering where my life went wrong. I have good parents, had a good childhood, got good grades, had friends, went to college, etc. However, I've never been in a healthy romantic relati…

Recommend podcasts / videos about healthy male roles and positive masculinity — Early thirties male and I feel my brain needs some intel on being a better male role model. Emphasis on role model. Things I never learned or observed growing up. Can you recommend a podcast host or …

Has anyone else experienced something very feeling strange ever since the election of the current American President?? — Hello everyone. This might be an unusual post to make at this time. However, I am looking forward to see if anyone has experienced anything similar or exactly what I have experienced. Before earlier i…

Effective ways to get lucid dreams 80% — A way that you might think is contrary to the ways on the internet, but this is actually the most effective way according to me, how? This is the way. The first way, this method often allows you to h…

Unexpected gift of healing — The unexpected and awesome gift of healing from codependency (or rather the trauma that underpins it) is the gift of time. I have so much more time for myself now when I: * don’t get involved in th…

Struggling with a morning porn habit that ruins my whole day need advice — I’m a final-year undergraduate student trying to get my life together and focus on my career. I really want to improve myself, learn more, and get a good job after graduation. But there’s one habit th…

As an East Asian, I feel discriminated by colleagues — I feel I have experienced a lot of discrimination in the workplace due to my race, but I feel like it's also getting worse as the years go by. Actually, so many things, like the propensity for cancel…

Realized in a lucid dream that my brain was generating both sides of the conversation — Guys, it was an mind blowing experience for me in the exact dream, It went crazy but I still didn't end the dream and I kept it on (basically I can wake myself up anytime I realise it's a dream, but I…

I wanted to be recognized as an artist — (Non native English speaker, sorry for mistakes) I had 1 dream. Im an artist, i do art. Ok, this is ego talking, but anyway, art is all I do Since i’m a Little girl. I’ve been told I was good at it, …

I feel like I was cursed or hexed by someone. How can I get rid of this? — I suddenly feel off. I don't understand what is happening to me but I can't think about anything else other than my past mistakes in my life and insecurities and struggles and negative thoughts in my…

I (29F) have cancer and my estranged father (60M) is funding my treatment but forcing me to leave my boyfriend (24M) or marry him immediately. Do I have any way out? — Please be kind. I was unable to type so used audio to text converter and ai to fix the spelling mistakes. I m already in a terrible mental state so hope this sub can be a little gentle on me. Haven't …

My ex called me a “walking green flag” when we first started dating, and then I ruined it all — I can’t live with myself. I hate how relationships sometimes bring out the worst in people. I went from the best boyfriend (my first relationship too) and now it’s been 3 months since the breakup and …

I understood Neville much better after started reading about transurfing. — I am more of a reasoning person and therefore neville's amazing techniques left me full of doubts because I don't know WHY they work. Reading about Transurfing actually had me see Neville from another…

Which one trait helps you detect narcs early on? — For me it is people that can NEVER laugh about themselves or admit mistakes. I don‘t mean people should be self deprecating but people that take harmless remarks as personal attacks. I.e. the…

I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…

I'm a rotten abuser and I can't forgive myself for it and I don't feel that I should. — I 30F am an abuser who has ruined my husband just because I can't accept being loved. yesterday I told him that I hope one day he gets the self esteem to leave me, and he responded that he hopes one d…

A fun hypothetical — Would you rather go back and fix mistakes or relive all of your favorite moments?

Coping with anxiety — Hi! I am a 26 yo doctor who is about to give a presentation on Sunday at a medical conference. Last few years (out of the blue, I didn’t struggle with this before the age of 21-22) I developed some s…

Energy Exchange: How We Give, Take, and Protect Our Vital Force — Energy exchange is, essentially, communication. The energy a person generates is given outward. But, in accordance with the laws of conservation of energy, a person must receive energy from outside. …

Is it true when a woman ‘mentally checks out’ before they break up, they never come back? — I have been watching a range of YouTube videos, and a there seems to be some agreement amongst some of the videos that once a woman checks out she never comes back. Is this dramatising or is there t…

First Stage Separation [Success] - Wave 3, Exercise 6 — First thing first, English is not my first language so if I make mistakes I'm sorry, I won't use any AI translators for my experiences. I've done Wave 3 a few times and my first experiences with "Fir…

So Called "Punishment" or "Discipline" My Parents Did To Me — Hello fellow Asian folks, I have been lurking here for very long time, and I want to share with you all about some of my early life. (Trigger Warning) I (17M) did have some of happy moments in my…

How does one contend with their guilt and regret of past mistakes? — I am 17. Back when I was 15 I had some morbid curiosity and regretted it deeply. I’ve had lots of moments where I just can’t help but want to cry over what I did and what I saw that shook me. I am …

Met my ex after a year apart. It was the best day since our breakup. Here's what happend. — A year ago, I said goodbye to someone I truly loved. A year and a half together, big plans, intense love. The breakup was painful and messy. For a year I processed it, analyzed it, doubted myself. Ev…

How do you approach talking about sex in a new relationship? — I (23F) have recently started dating someone (25M) for around two months now, and we recently had a conversation explicitly about us being exclusive. Our sexual chemistry is definitely there, but we h…

Recovering from emotional affair. — I discovered my wife's inappropriate relationship with her coworker in August of last year. We are finally at a point where I believe nothing physical happened (I truly believe it) and she has admitte…

REVISE — “Man and his past are one continuous structure. This structure contains all of the facts which have been conserved and still operate below the threshold of his surface mind. For him it is merely histo…

Immense anger after being cheated on.. 8 year relationship. — 8 year relationship down the drain.. I met her when I was 23m.. She BEGGED ME to take her serious. I took road trips frequently for work during that time and she felt like I didn’t spend enough time w…

I think I’m a female narcissist and it’s ruining my relationship — I’m a 29 year old female and I think I’m a covert narcissist. It’s ruining my relationship with my partner, a 28 year old male. I constantly feel overly sensitive to criticism, have the “victim mental…

What if we could use Depression? — I had depression for 16 years, and one thing that helped me was shifting the perspective on it, Instead of seeing depression as anything else other than just a black hole that sucks everything thats…

Saaame, were you able to move on? I'm still getting there, blaming myself for all the mistakes I've made

I broke up but she didn't want to get back. It's my fault but she wasn't a Saint either. Immaturity on both ends. I have paid for my mistakes in heartache and tears. I hope you get the person who ch…

Yeah I've seen a lot of increase in those posts too. I don't think is the subreddit to tell everyone else that NC led you to get back with your ex, first of all is giving everybody false hopes or unre…

After all is said and done. My one true key belief is that YOUR BELIEFS SHAPE YOUR REALITY. Good or bad. Right or wrong. How you feel about everything in your life is what receive from it. It’s th…

So pardon the length (I haven't told anyone yet) and thank you for reading. I might have a crush on a good friend ("Steve") who I've reconnected with after a few years of not hanging out. We didn't …

I feel this! The stakes are higher when I truly love/like someone (idk about you OP but for me this even extends to platonic friendships/ coworker relationships) and so my fear of messing up and pushi…

Interpreters make do. Sometimes agencies will have specialists that are better at technical or medical or legal contexts and send them, but it isn't always the rule. When I was in grad school, there w…

From my experience, failure is part of the journey, not the end. Every failed venture teaches you something valuable whether it’s about your approach, market fit, or persistence. Don’t be disappointed…

Honestly the amount doesn't matter. Everyone pretty much starts the same way. Worked a full time job while starting my business. Essentially spent every moment of free time before and after work …

[We just had a discussion about this in the AvoidantAttachment subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AvoidantAttachment/comments/1kp4duk/the_hottest_hot_take/) What you're describing is very indicativ…

Orrrrrrrr.... In the early thaw of spring, when frost still clung stubbornly to the edges of the earth, the apology remained unsent. It lingered like a letter never mailed. Its seal unbroken, its tru…

Thanks, I'm dyslexic and often make those mistakes. I feel like not talking about what you want from a relationship is how people get stuck in situations-ships

Send them a message back on how their behaviour affected you, so they know. They will act like this again without therapy. They need the realisation that something is wrong. This won't come from ignor…

Like anything in life, you cannot master a skill without practicing. So find out what attributes a secure man looks like & practice them until you embody being secure. It’s been proven that are brains…

As a fellow CPTSD survivor who has worked in the field for 2 decades now (internationally), both clinically and therapeutically, I want to give you hope; it doesn't ever have to get to the point again…

My fa ex posted this as WhatsApp status for me after 3 months I didn’t reply I know an apology won't change anything, but I still carry the weight of my mistakes every single day. I lost someone who g…

Yep the world would be a better place with far less conflicts and misunderstandings if everyone could have a common understanding of what words mean! My "be with somebody" and their "be with somebody"…

Congrats brother or sister. 30 kills at an 80 percent win rate is incredible ! I know its a bit late to ask How do you know your results came from Law of belief and not from pure conventional di…

Hey, thanks for the reply. I'll do my best to answer as precisely as possible > 1. You say you’re in the state of “I could get up, but I do not want to.” This means you’re not fully relaxed or in th…

Also, I’m not working on myself SOLELY for her, I just recognize the mistakes I’ve made and would like to reconcile. My progress and growth have been for myself though.

Already started therapy a couple weeks after breakup.  As far as engagement I thought that's what she may have wanted...I think she did in the moment, but it triggered something in her.  I was there f…

Wow! That is so insightful! Holy heck, why isn't this comment at the top?! That makes so much sense that it kind of hurts a little. And, to be up front, the only way I've ever been able to feel "heale…

Hey - you’re definitely not alone here. A big part of anxious attachment truly comes down to the fear that abandonment is always lurking around the corner. Making mistakes or getting into difficult mo…

All you can do now is reflect and learn from it. Explore to find out what your real need was. What were you trying to soothe with reaching out? What is still in need of soothing because it didn’t pl…

Yes, I identify with this and have a lot of thoughts here. I definitely overcorrected. One of the first things I worked on was more open and transparent communication. At the time, I think I was mostl…

It’s kind of normal to go through this with a lot of mental health treatments. People finally understand themselves and others better, there’s new skills to implement, but the outcomes initially swin…

I struggled with the same issue, and what helped is to realize that not everything is personal. I think that's a part of anxious attachment (or at the very least, something that worsens it): making na…

Reflection is a brilliant thing to be able to do. I can see now all the ways I people pleased to manipulate and all my anxious protest behaviours I used when I was in my 20s and it feels embarrassing …

Hey lovely, I hear you putting ALOT of pressure and shame on yourself. It makes sense that healing anxious attachment comes with a phase of being hyper vigilant of our patterns and seeking to change t…

She said she was afraid I wouldn't like her at the start of our relationship. She deactivated when it was getting real. I was weeks away from asking her to be my official GF. There were mistakes and m…

I’m starting to allow myself to feel what I feel without shame and allowing myself to make mistakes and learn.

I did see your disclaimers, and I do believe change can happen quickly. I managed to make huge changes myself as a DA in a very short period of time, completely changing how I act and feel around my w…

it's not a binary. you just have to do the work, accept that you're going to make mistakes, have bad feelings, fail utterly at self soothing, and that all of those things are okay and part of the pro…

It sounds like you may be abandoning yourself somehow and that is why you are getting anxious and worried about him leaving. People make mistakes. How others handle such things is important info to …

*These are definitely* the conversations we should have for sure. I know from what I’ve deeply experienced, I understand that I, like many others who want to, I want to grasp *what is it* I’m attached…

I’m pretty new to learning about attachment theory, and I’ve been reading about whether anxious attachment can be linked to infidelity. In my last relationship, I cheated twice. I’m not saying this t…

I really hope I can find some answers here about why I’m unable to let go of and forget one person. The breakup was unbearably painful, drawn-out, and emotionally exhausting. I spent years chasing an…

Him being online doesn't mean anything. You're different as you are/were in a relationship. It's much more emotionally loaded. It's very possible he doesn't have the capacity for that even if he has o…

For me, awareness came first, repair later. I actually know the exact dates. I'm not sure what the exact trigger was though. Our situation has been stabilizing, as the youngest has gotten settled into…

> because even the act of seeking out a boyfriend feel so pathetic, desperate, and needy. have you accidentally done the thing I've done where you've internalised being in a happy relationship as …

Edit: I will just share my experience here. I have to say I did something counter-intuitive. I basicly said that I fully acceppt her decision and in a manner of calm loving person I told her about how…

It's easier to notice when I'm spiraling, and I'm a bit more honest with myself when I hit up social media to numb the brain a bit 😆 Plus, I've learned to be much more gentle on myself. (That one vid…

I've gotta ask: Is it normal for someone with an advoident attachment style to have an issue with taking accountability and placing the blame onto others for their mistakes? I knew this woman for 9 ye…

That’s not avoidant. Avoidants love bomb the heck out of you. They’re the perfect person until things get real and then the fear kicks in. Avoidants learned to associate love with abandonment. So, whe…

Time to put on the big person pants and just do it. No, seriously though, the best way to get used to being alone is just practicing it, even if it's weird or uncomfortable at first - the fear is irr…

Question: are you both avoidant? Just asking because for a lot of people a connection like this is ultimately a waste of time and energy. Though, sometimes anxious would do that sort of thing too just…

Yes I do! Currently much happier in a relationship but my brain randomly chooses to resurrect the old one and carefully analyze it constantly for what went wrong so I don’t repeat my mistakes

Hey everyone, I really need some perspective on my situation. My ex and I recently broke up after almost 3 years together, about 8 days ago. The breakup was reportedly over “values” — but from my pers…

So for me shame spirals are something I deal with as an anxious attachment and also as someone with adhd. What really helps me when I’m in that space is to force myself into some kind of routine, even…

I always cringe at the comment section of all the attachment videos because I know it’s going to be nothing but comments about how shitty we are at doing anything. Communicating. Listening. Supporting…