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Citations (101)
Now that I’m not there to be her punching bag, my mom has turned all her violence toward my dad. idk what to do — I grew up in a household where 'unfilial' was a weapon used to silence me. Ever since before kindergarden, my mom was physically abusive. holding knives to my throat, pouring buckets of water on me wh…
Start Here: Essential Resources & FAQs — The idea for this post came up in [this thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/Wordpress/comments/1cpme25/mods_can_this_subreddit_implement_a_minimum_karma/) by wiz to avoid the number of similar questions …
Happy New Year and Bye-bye 2024: 6th Kill - $20,000 from Futures Trading — # 6th Kill: $20,000 Money Mission **Mission**: To make $20,000 from futures trading **What I achieved:** I made $20,000 from futures trading **How long did it take:** 5 and a half months **Backgro…
Too Long on First Mission And Moving On — Hello Everyone I know I'll probably be banned for this so let me explain my story. I have been on my first mission for the last 8 months using the index training guide fully and it has been a massive …
Suggestions are like Forex signals - doing the exact opposite is where the real money is — I was in a Discord channel with 90K+ designers and every time someone dropped their landing page or website, it felt like getting advice from someone selling Forex signals. Doing the opposite would a…
Helping my partner — I (40f) looove my partner (36m). We've been together almost 9 months. When he isn't triggered, he presents as very secure. Loving, consistent, communicative, vulnerable, empathetic, self-reflective. …
Pouncemonial: 7th Kill - Disciplined Trader — # Here's how I achieved my 7th mission! **Mission**: To become a disciplined trader **What I achieved**: Mastered stop loss and trading discipline **Background**: After my 6th kill, I was eager t…
The "Perks" listed at the bottom of an ad for a *Senior* Product Design with 5 years of experience. — Stuff like this is why I read job ads throughly and I encourage all young job seekers to do the same. This tells me they are either hesitant to discuss benefits, or there are none to speak of and th…
Help with my website — Hello friends, I could really use some help with my website. I provide content localization services, but my website does not rank well. I barely get any impressions, and even less clicks. [https://…
Help with my website — Hello friends, I could really use some help with my website. I provide content localization services, but my website does not rank well. I barely get any impressions, and even less clicks. [https://…
Why do people in LOA communities ALWAYS go to Reddit for their problems when JM advised against that? — Hello everyone. I've been into JM's (and NG's) teaching for quite some time. I enjoy it thoroughly and dipped my toes into the subreddits, so hence why I'm here instead of the NG subreddit since I wo…
A/B tests zero-effort app — Thinking out loud... Most merchants don’t have time to test if “Free shipping” or “Fast delivery” converts better. They don’t A/B test button colors. Or hero headlines. They’re busy running a busine…
Routine to get programmatically better — Hey fellow webdevs, I have an issue. I have no problem working at my current job working with various systems/technologies e.g. Shopify Liquid, NextJS, Twitter, Astro etc. I can build components well…
A great copywriter is worth their weight in gold — I've been building brands for 15 years. If you just got your first $20k-$100k budget to build your brand/web/app, let me humbly offer you a tip: # In 2025, the #1 thing that will affect how 'pro' you…
Considering a move from big tech to a small company. Worth the risk? — I know this sub leans junior, but hoping to get some advice from senior folks. Especially people in Bay Area, NYC, or Seattle-type tech scenes. Tagging this as Job Search and not Senior Only because I…
Should I hide my plugins in WordPress for safety? And how? — Hey folks, I've been thinking about WordPress security lately and came across this question: **Should I hide the plugins I'm using on my WordPress site to improve safety?** I’m not talking about u…
We all have this problem, what's your solution? (i will not promote) — I'll cut straight to the chase, do you **focus your marketing on**: 1. **The benefits of your product** (which other solutions similarly provide) 2. **The novel way those benefits are delivered** (wh…
Developer completely changed my design — I worked so hard on it and the other developer practically said my work was ugly and hers was better. He was like "Are we going to use her work because it's better... I mean different?" He said "Maybe…
How do you validate your idea before building it? — Hey all, I'm a developer working on an idea aimed at helping online tutors boost productivity and manage students and lessons better. I'm excited about it, but before I start building, I want to mak…
ELI5: What is TDD and BDD? Also, TDD vs BDD? — I wrote this short article about TDD vs BDD because I couldn't find a concise one. It contains code examples in every common dev language. Maybe it helps one of you :-) Here is the repo: https://githu…
Should I sell my design agency? — Should I sell my design agency? Growing a design agency takes time especially when most of the business comes from cold outreach. It’s a high-volume game: thousands of emails, countless calls, and co…
How can I let devs update their lower environment terraform while protecting production environments? — I know the title is a rather open ended question, but let me lay out where I am now, in the hopes of getting ideas on how to do this better. For a given service, we'll have one directory for environm…
Pouncemonial: 9th Kill - 30 Successful Trades — **Mission**: To accomplish 30 successful trades **What I achieved**: Accomplished 30 successful trades and learned how to execute and manage trades well. **Background**: With the previous kill, …
Why hold out hope for other people to meet my needs when it feels more productive and ultimately better to want nothing from other people? — I try my best to be the most attentive friend I can be no matter my internal state. I don't mind doing this for the people I value, and it makes me feel better to be helpful to other people, although …
Women I’m dating is afraid I’ll lose interest when I learn who she really is. Seeking FA perspective. — I’m ramping up my dating efforts because I’m doing well—both financially and mentally. Things have been going really well with a new woman I’m dating. We shared a nice moment on our last date, and I’m…
Seeking self-closure — To give a brief overview. Had a multi year situationship with someone I had fallen for, a fearful avoidant. Much pulling and pushing until it ended by her pushing everything away. A year later she st…
A message to earnestly curious skeptics and non-experiencers: How to engage experiencers within this community and learn about the topic. — We are seeing an increase of activity from people outside of experiencer circles in threads as time has moved on and more and more people are starting to understand there really is a "there there" and…
Law of Belief - Relationships — I have read the POSM by Joseph Murphy and gone through the index, but one thing that keeps coming up and seems to be rather controversial within the JM community is how law of belief affects other peo…
I regressed so much this year — This year has been brutal since the beginning. Every single aspect of my life increased my anxiety. Multiple health issues in the family, some of them still ongoing and very serious, financial concern…
does anyone know of any meditations that focus specifically on calming/healing anxious attachment? — sometimes i feel like ill get my attachment issues triggered by something random and then spiral. im trying to not do this or at least handle it better. i also wanna get back into meditation. does any…
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
how to deal with an avoidant's freeze response in hard times? — my partner is FA, I've known him for a long time. He has made a lot of effort and has changed for the better. He's the more secure one between the two of us honestly, and he's pretty good at fighting …
How am I supposed to deal with the "ick" without leading a person on? — I don't get emotionally attached easily, so the early stage of dating is often a long game for me where the other person is trying their best to win me over, and I'm trying to be a good sport and go t…
What did you notice changed when you began leaning secure? — I'm pretty happy with my progress. I notice I have a much lower tolerance for unaware dysregulation (no matter what kind it is whether it's someone push-pulling or an anxious type dumping on me). I d…
contemplating root of avoidance — I have been considering why some of my relationships work while others make me disconnect. I think the root is a desire to feel deeply understood and seen. I recently had a connection with someone I…
The pain of being unmet... — I'm never sure whether to consider myself anxiously attached, or mostly secure, because I generally do fine if I feel really loved in my relationship. But where I fall apart easily is when I don't. I …
Looking for advice on how to stop being an avoidant — Hi Everyone, I started dating rather late, at 28, but since then I've been a major avoidant. Every time I find myself getting close to someone, I overthink it, and feel like I can find someone better…
Women keep telling me I need to date younger and now my daughter has too. — I (39m) look young for my age and have been dating for the last 4 years. I have mostly dated women in their 30s and about half of them have told me to date someone younger after things didn’t work bet…
Avoidant wins! 🎉🎊 — Meant to put this in thr weekly vent but it's kind of late now. It's amazing what consistency of safety can do to your nervous system. So the main reason I have no real friends is because I fear the e…
It does get better (dumped by an avoidant) (personal advice that helped me) — Too anyone who deems themselves as a hopeless romantic, anxiously attached, etc, this may relate to you. After three months of what I thought was the worst time of my life, it truly gets better. T…
Any clue what could have happened? — I took a heroic dose of dmt last year. I had every intention to communicate with whatever I may have seen during the experience. I hit my rig until I couldn't anymore, I had been sitting on my brother…
Parents spending all of their inheritance — This might come off as entitled, but essentially our family has always been relatively poor. About 5 years ago, a relative died and left my parents and their siblings $5m each. The relative had save…
DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…
Ex going on dates and hooking up — Me and my ex boyfriend broke up 2 months ago and he’s already going on dates and hooking up with them? I’ve been with him for 3 years and as soon as we broke up he was on the apps going on dates again…
I just did something weird before bed and I'm curious if it works — 've tried every habit people recommend for adulting better. Journaling. Meditation. Gratitude lists. Morning pages. I quit all of them within two weeks because they felt like homework. Tonight I trie…
My boyfriend (M35) and I (F27) have not said i love you, over a year of dating — TLDR; My boyfriend (M35) and I (f27) have been together for over a year, he hasn’t said I love you despite having talked about marriage, kids, future together. In a conversation he said he was apprehe…
My Fiancé kicked me out with only a few hours notice — This is the situation I am in. About a week ago my fiancé (25 M) brought up how he has some problems with me (25 F). We have been together for almost three years. He said he cant bring up sensitive to…
Where to go from here — Just to warn you, this is a long one... For context, my partner (F39) and I (M40) have been together for 17 years, have two kids together. This all started in early January but seems to have been goi…
Be honest ladies, how much does being bald impact your interest in a man? — I'm sure in our 40s and over, there's plenty of men who are losing their hairline or just shave it off. I'm newly single after finalizing my divorce and worry about how I look. I've lost 30 lbs so far…
Unexpected gift of healing — The unexpected and awesome gift of healing from codependency (or rather the trauma that underpins it) is the gift of time. I have so much more time for myself now when I: * don’t get involved in th…
First Acid Trip (2 tabs) — This happened like a month ago and sorry if it comes off corny: At first, I was just lying in my bed, nervous. My roommate wasn’t back yet, and the walls slowly started to breathe and layer with col…
Preach! I used to always skip these posts about not getting my ex back, but now I’m happy to be moving on, it’s much healthier and I don’t feel like shit everyday. The more you accept that you don’t w…
Yes, the "okay we are divorcing" phase is so much better. When I thought we might reconcile (only I wanted to, he "wasn't sure"....) I was in SO much pain and panic and stress every moment. It was awf…
https://www.astro.com/cgi/chart.cgi?showgif&lang=e&gif=astro_2gw_jared_mcknight.75112.31364.png&res=100 This is the best I can do. As you can tell I’m not very good at this. Would you mind looking at…
No i have the power of your subconscious mind and knew Joseph Murphy much before, i didn't even bought that book! I somehow trusted my soul/subconscious to help me and i asked my mom to bring some boo…
Ultimately, like dreaming itself, the answer is we don’t really know, but it’s a natural thing. Maybe one day we’ll understand it better.
Hi guys, I started 2 Youtube series to help new people getting into devops. The first one: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-WCaWbINSZ6tTkXVYXKvB7oC7-t19rHF revolves around containers and kubernet…
If it helps at all, I'm doing better a few months in now. Not *a lot* better... but enough, for now. Pick a couple areas you want to improve in. Now's the time to get started. Don't try to fix every…
Shut up ew that's so loser energy. He needs to get over his loser ex, idc if he's a man, he needs to get out there, because his pathetic ex loves playing head games with him. Stop discouraging ppl fro…
Omg I relate SO much to what you are saying. When my ex's affair was discovered he was remarkably cruel to me. He wasn't sure he wanted to continue in our marriage and refused to cut things off with h…
What does that look like??? Find a new hobby. Anything. Try learning to knit. Learn to build robots. Take a class in 17th century blacksmithing. Join a woodworkers guild. Join an improve troupe. Volu…
Try therapy. Just remember that therapy can take a long time and be expensive. If you haven't already in the meantime, try looking for parenting classes. Or try parenting forums, if a specific p…
At first there are signs, then with practice you just know. The signs vary from person to person can occur during a session and not occur during the next. So the only way to know is to do your researc…
I did notice there are occasional “I am an abuser/racist/sexist” posts nowadays, although more time will be needed to observe and decide whether a rule about that will be necessary because as of now, …
When I said self hate, I meant those posts which very obviously points to OP not having a desire to be better. It refers to posts just venting and talking about how useless and worthless they are, how…
Yeah finally! I thought this subreddit was wanting to be better and do better.
36 days later from my last comment: I still think about her but the feelings aren’t as intense. This marks month 3. 3 months now and it gets better. You just need to keep yourself busy with POSITIVITY…
If you want to talk, I invite DMs but I'm only here sporadically. I'm a healed avoidant. I say that, but it's not black and white. I measure now for mostly secure. I still experience the initial resp…
I think hating people who mistreat you is a key component of identifying that you deserve better.
I'm also a recovering FA and I recently realized a few REALLY important things that are actually really simple. Figure out your boundaries and enforce them from a calm place. Our anxiety builds in our…
I feel like this is such an underrated post. I find myself very anxious in some relationships and very avoidant in others, so I don’t know what I am overarchingly… But I always know that I have to bo…
I do understand and I can agree it’s not a behavior that can cultivate a long standing relationship with someone who is secure or anxious. But the same can be said about other attachments aswell (no…
No it doesn’t. That’s why we use different words for different things. I’m very happy this platform gives hurt people the chance to talk and figure out their feelings. Similarly- my comment you respon…
This sort of thing tends to get worse with age, not better. Unless addressed
It was difficult untill last summer when I joined a men’s group, and got some feedback to my story… at the same time I was deeply committed to learning about avoidant’s and how they manage (or more to…
Thanks for sharing the reel. I really liked how it acknowledged the full range of the trauma spectrum. It was both enlightening and validating. I wonder if I should find a therapist who specializes i…
It helped me to cut out some toxic family members. One of the elements that fed my anxious attachment was that I had low self esteem. I worked really hard to build that up, but it was difficult to m…
You are correct. Your perception of love is warped. And thus it can be really hard finding it without accidentally finding yourself in shit relationships. As many have commented, avoidants typically …
Time to move on. 3 months is a blip in your life. Go no contact and in the months from now you'll feel so much better.
Yes, absolutely. I believe that we all have the capability to devolve into the worst versions of ourselves when under extreme stress, which the SA definitely qualified for me, and on my more understa…
That's really sad. I hope things get better.
That's good to hear. Glad you're doing better. Wish you the best.
I think you answered your own questions. You crossed an unspoken boundary. Most likely something trust related? This is a deep core wound for DAs as trusting someone with emotional vulnerability isn’t…
> Question: Does Symfony block concurrent requests by design No. PHP applications run concurrently on each child process of the php-fpm interpreter, starting with a request and ending with it - unles…
At our shop, the dumber and more boring the setup, the more stable and automated everything becomes. Our "internal developer platform" is just a simple CLI: `./run-cli.sh deploy all/staging/demo…
You see if the existing solutions are making good money, then make yours better.
There are a few big competitors in this niche. I would evaluate those first, see where they suck and how you can do it better.
Start with talking to potential users, tutors in this case. Conduct interviews or surveys to understand their pain points and needs. You can also create a landing page that explains your product and g…
This guy is too unhealthy. Your energy and time are better served elsewhere. You deserve better. I'm glad to hear you decided on your own to break up with him. Hope you take good care of yourself.
Terraform! Specifically HCL logic. Don't get me wrong, I still use it, there isn't anything better... but on complex infrastructure with dependencies and conditional scaling is bad. I know, I know, I…
The first question is, why does the drugs trigger you? What are you imagining or feeling when they talk about it. Logically, it's just part of their past. If it was something that could happen again o…
"Treating unhealthy behavior like unhealthy behavior is lacking empathy". Okay. I can have empathy and still acknowledge that you need to do better and improve yourself. Talking as someone who used to…
I can say absolutely the same about anxious-attached people, but you don’t see me doing that? You ripped my words out of the context. Do I know that I’m avoidant? Yes. I used to be real bad as a teen.…
It’s astonishing how you think you know me to try and acknowledge anything about a stranger online 😭 thank you, I know that I’m avoidant and also fluctuate between FA and DA. I know about my behaviou…
This is beautiful to read. You describe it so well, what it is to heal this stuff. It doesn’t actually go away, we just learn how to navigate the default urges better. Glad for you that you’ve done …
Hmm he is giving you breadcrumbs. Guys and girls can both do this if they are avoidant! I hope you ended things. You deserve better. But like the other comments said - might be worth looking into your…
It feels like a child is clinging to me and then getting angry with me if I try to have a life or any interests outside of them. It starts with needling comments from them, passive aggression, accusat…
I'm so sorry they put you through that, you deserve better. I hope you and baby are doing well.
Highly recommend The Thais Gibson Podcast, that was a gateway for me and a flood of information that helped me understand myself and the dynamics of many relationships better.
The normal stereotype is that non-secure men lean avoidant and non-secure women lean anxious. I would bet a lot of money that these days there are more avoidant women and the number is on the rise. T…
>Whatever the actual proportion is, I bet there is definitely a rise in non-secure attachment overall. Yeah, agreed. People keep citing these dated and dubious "statistics" that 50% of the populati…