suffering

THE OYSTER IS NOT YOUR WORLD! (IT'S THIS SIMPLE) — LONGGG POST! DISCLAIMER: for any of ya'll havin a problem with "long posts" , "english", "structure", "accent" etc etc. i got 2 tips for ya 1. chat gpt (or any other ai platform) - command c+v (summ…

Do push/pull dynamics happen even when you’re not participating in them? — I (F, 32, originally AP, now definitely more secure) have just gone through a very confusing dating experience. 3 months ago I started seeing this man (34 met on Hinge). He started off very interested…

Why hold out hope for other people to meet my needs when it feels more productive and ultimately better to want nothing from other people? — I try my best to be the most attentive friend I can be no matter my internal state. I don't mind doing this for the people I value, and it makes me feel better to be helpful to other people, although …

I need some FA to give me insights on this situation — Break up with a FA need some insights Hi guys, i really need some insights as someone whos desire is to be a safe space for a FA girl. Breakup context: I (M, 23) was in a 2-year relationship with my…

What I'm realizing: I relate closest to others with deep trauma and that is a troublesome recipe. — TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfunction. I grew up with an alcoholic parent…

chronic depressed and sad — I have been suffering from chronic depression for many years. Despite many attempts, it still persists and has become part of who I am. Sometimes, I have been able to cope with it. I used medication f…

RSD potential cause of AA? — Hey fellow AA folks, Since discovering attachment theory 2+ years ago, life has improved quite a lot. However, for the sake of anyone else who might be fresh to attachment theory, I want to spare yo…

My father is sabotaging my career and medical treatments through "smear campaigns" and monitoring. I feel like I'm living in a Truman Show nightmare. — ​I (25F) am an Indian doctor currently preparing for NEET PG, and I am living with a family led by a malignant narcissistic father. My mother and brother are complete enablers. I’m writing this becaus…

My friend felt stuck for years - in session we found a core belief that life is only suffering — I did a quantum healing session for my friend Ramona and honestly what came up was intense. She has felt stuck for a long time. Putting things off, hard to get moving, hard to create, hard to do even…

My friend felt stuck for years - in session we found a core belief that life is only suffering — I did a quantum healing session for my friend Ramona and honestly what came up was intense. She has felt stuck for a long time. Putting things off, hard to get moving, hard to create, hard to do even…

Shame has dictated my entire life for 41 years — And I didn't know it until now. It was the silent background noise, the "I'm not good enough," "Don't do that or you'll fail!" "Look how stupid you are, you can't do anything right," "Don't notice m…

Why do most victims survive the harm, while perpetrators can’t cope with a slither of accountability? — Victims live with the pain. The fear. The long-term fallout. Not being believed. No justice, or having to fight for it. Being made the aggressor through DARVO. The loss of safety. The way it rewires y…

Struggling with a morning porn habit that ruins my whole day need advice — I’m a final-year undergraduate student trying to get my life together and focus on my career. I really want to improve myself, learn more, and get a good job after graduation. But there’s one habit th…

I've been shown how our inner narrative creates and shapes our worlds — So I've been asking for more knowledge and guidance from my guides about how can i feel like myself again after period of suffering. (i was also asking my human guide-my therapist and got answers from…

Heart chakra help — Hello all, I hope everyone is well. I am suffering from a closed heart chakra, I consciously think I am good there but I am not. I hold pain there. It began in 2023, I got a snippet of some trauma i…

In Need of Guidance and Advice — Hello Guys! I am going through one of the hardest times in my life. My Father 62, is suffering from early onset Dementia caused by his plethora of Medical Issues and may have to start dialysis in a fe…

Is suffering required to create the reality we desire? — Hello all, I have been working very hard and headstrong at trying to create the reality and world I see as best for myself and humanity, but it has felt full of friction. I align myself with good, lig…

What was happening to my Codependent mind? — I am a Codependent in recovery, and as I heal my emotions, I do realize a lot of difference in how my mind used to operate back then and how it is now. And I wanted to share about my experience becaus…

Her family keeps kicking her out and I couldn't be happier about it. — Long story short she was cheating on me with several men the last 2.5 years of our 9 years together. Since she moved out, she moved in with her grandma, her grandma kicked her out. She moved into her…

She snuck out with a "friend" while we were at a party — Hello everyone, this is all still very new since I just founf out about everything 3 days ago. I (24M) am in deep intense pain in knowing that my girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me at least 4 times …

Some Pointers after 12 Years of Meditation — Meditation is an invisible skill, which makes it especially prone to confusion and obfuscation. I wanted to jot down some pointers and opinions about meditation that have served me at one point or an…

It Was Always About You — I thought I would share an experience I had a while ago that really changed my understanding of Neville’s teachings and manifestation in general. **How it started** In 2022 I was very into occultism…

My peeling vision and what really happened. — For months i felt stuck in life and sat in meditation asking my guides to reveal what is expected of me in this life. All I got every time was a vision of a fruit peeling, losing its skin. What i gath…

Nmom said out loud: "I should adopt that kid, maybe he'd take care of me when I'm old" — I wanted to pull my hair out when I heard this. Nmom is in her late 50s. We have a relative who's a young boy and the parents are neglectful. Nmom said that maybe she'd adopt the kid, NOT out of con…

Being the dumper — People often talk about being the dumpee but hardly about being the dumper. I was seeing a guy who seemed really into me and vice versa but he made it clear he wasn’t going to respect my boundaries an…

Sunken Cost Fallacy — Married for almost 27 years. Got married at the ripe age of 19. Funny thing, I thought it was a mistake on my wedding night when he got out of bed to jack off because I was so exhausted from the long …

How to have a helpful conversation when you feel something is wrong. — I am working to become a therapist and I have run into a situation in my life that I don't know how to have productively. My fiancee is Catholic and has decided to wear a cilice. For those of you who…

All is now. Be Here Now. — One of the biggest misunderstandings about manifestation is the idea that you are trying to create something in the future. Neville’s teachings point to something deeper. Creation is finished. Every…

As long as your ex knows you will always take them back, they will never truly want nor respect you — Now how come it is this way? How come you need to walk away, abandon them and put yourself first in order for them realize what they had? And why can’t your ex just put their pride and ego aside, st…

When the Disciples could not perform Miracles, they were not told to become Detached or to do somatic release work, they were told that they MUST Believe! — I had to share this as I have noticed in recent times a slurry of misinformation being shared on this subreddit. I see endless mentions now of the need to let go, the need to be constantly detached, t…

The dangerous 'toxic positivity' of AI therapy: A personal story — **TL;DR:** I used a customized Gemini "Gem" as a complementary therapist, but it completely failed to spot a predator. The AI interpreted extreme red flags (love bombing, gaslighting, and manipulation…

Farewell — In the last two years, I have posted to this group a few times. Last year, I posted ([“Here’s the thing: you’re dying, too.”](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1ifz1cr/heres_the_thing_youre_…

Energy Exchange: How We Give, Take, and Protect Our Vital Force — Energy exchange is, essentially, communication. The energy a person generates is given outward. But, in accordance with the laws of conservation of energy, a person must receive energy from outside. …

I saw my ex after 3 months of no contact, everything looks different. — Met him recently. We were together for 4 years. We broke up three months ago and he moved on with his best friend within a week. I was so devastated by this because this new gf was someone who he told…

I stopped chasing happiness and started building contentment instead and it made all the difference — For years I was obsessed with being happy. Every self-help book promised that if I just did this one thing, happiness would follow. Gratitude journals, affirmations, visualization, cold plunges. I tri…

An update : Projected twice since meeting my wife’s deceased great/great great grandmas and it was not a good time — Hello my fellow travelers. Since my first post I’ve projected two times and both of them were not the best time to be honest. To pick up where I left off here is a link to my first experience [The G…

The 'technique' that helped me manifest in 1 week what I have been trying for months — I decided to make this a more general post since it's extremely helpful for any manifestation. Like everyone, I was trying to manifest something for a few months with common techniques like visualizi…

Fear of the death of the people you care about — I have been suffering from anxiety for almost 4 years now. It all started with my narcissistic relationship. Everything was OK on a surface level however, lately I have been experiencing the fear of t…

“ he never harmed me” good to know my suffering meant so little to you — My ex husband left me for the mistress 6 years ago. It was hell. I am still to this day dealing with the trauma of having the person you trusted and loved so much just pull the rug from under your li…

The Astral Plane: its Nature, Structure, and the Unseen’s Map found in world religions — *Disclaimer: The views expressed here are my personal opinions, except where excerpts are quoted.* # Nature of the Astral Plane The Astral Plane is the wider dream world. It’s a constant place that …

"Men Can't Be Men Anymore" — A week ago, I [posted about the Louis Theroux documentary on the “Manosphere,”](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1rtveyg/the_manosphere/) noting my surprise at the scale of the phenomenon, u…

Im so scared of the future coming. The world looks so bleek — Im so scared of the future coming. The world looks so bleek. Im crying. I can't handle it. I feel like the world is gonna collapse before I even get a chance to finish my 20's. I had dreams and goals.…

Catastrophic incident — It's been a while, and again I'm here with a heartbreaking story. Three years ago a little girl (4 year) in my country got the horribele news that she has neuroblastoma stage 4. She fought this il…

How do I deal with a non-virtuous past that led to a good and comfortable present? — Hello everyone, In the past months I have been studying Stoicism (I have read the Discourses, Meditations, and now I’m on my way through the Seneca letters). I, however, wanted to have an opinion on s…

Gut issues during spiritual growth? — Hi I was seeking some advise regarding a health issue ife been experiencing for a few years which doesnt seem to be getting better. Ive been diagnosed with Ulcerative colitis. Over the last few yea…

REVISE — “Man and his past are one continuous structure. This structure contains all of the facts which have been conserved and still operate below the threshold of his surface mind. For him it is merely histo…

Covert narcissists are emotional sadists! — I hate the term “vulnerable narcissism” so much and I will never use it. I have had many moments where I saw the “duper’s delight” when they see you suffering or in distress. In my opinion, it is the …

Religion might be trapping people in their own hell 💀 — We know that assumptions and beliefs create our reality. Think about people throughout history who did absolutely horrific things, yet genuinely believed they were doing the right thing in the name o…

The chains your parents put on you (that you don't even remember) — My English is not native, sorry if I write a bit imperfect. I want to share something from a recent session that might help someone who feels stuck in their love life. Tina came to me feeling stuck. …

Surprise.. He did it again and even worse — I had posted on here 3 months ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/1GiZMvLtGp I had caught my husband texting his coworker. Well I gave him a second chance, we went to therapy, he did …

Stoic reflection. Happiness isn't about getting what you want, but wanting what you have. — I’ve been reflecting lately on how much of our suffering comes from chasing external validation, the dream of being loved, admired, or deemed normal by society. We often treat happiness like a trophy …

I echo this about sitting in your uncomfortable feelings. Most of the time we want to rush out of those hard uncomfortable feelings but I learned that they are just feelings and emotions that can't hu…

THANK YOU. I fucking hate the porn addiction posts every two seconds. I feel sorry for the boys suffering with it, but try SEARCHING OLD POSTS. There are amazing answers out there, just use the search…

If that's how you want to look at it. I quit smoking this year after 15 years. It took constant "affirming" in my mind that I was no longer a smoker. Same with losing a ton of weight. I decided I was …

Uh oh…better get to affirming and visualizing before your man runs away! Imagine not being able to enjoy your time with your partner because you always need to check your thoughts and assumptions? Wha…

depends on who you're talking to. I recognize the part I play in my own suffering and I'm working on that, but I'm gonna bitch too.

Yes, that's precisely my message! And that's why I started treating myself for my issues so aggressively since my late teens (now mid/late 20s). I didn't want to keep passing on the cycle, and this go…

Irritating the ones you love, polysecure (because it deals with a lot of attachment education), women who love too much, polyvagal theory and exercises, legit anything to do with different therapies— …

I totally relate to the awful feelings of seeing an avoidant ex move on super quickly while you are still reeling from the triggering and retraumatization of that relationship. Going through it right …

Having self-awareness enough to reality-check yourself is a real blessing. Will it stop you from feeling miserable and suffering, unfortunately not, but it can save you from taking unwise actions that…

I dont know but I know that my DA told me he felt guilty for hurting me. He said hearing me cry got to him.  Even if I doubted his love (because of how he treated me) I still trusted him. He was not…

I have anxious attachment but I get over people very quickly if I feel their interest wane. I think U could have a bit of romance/fantasy addiction. For people suffering that, they tend to fantasis…

I'm in the real estate space and I'm in the process of building a shop space for a few independent contractors to run their own businesses out of, and it has taken over a year and is 80% over budget, …

I don't agree with that no one should suffer. Suffering is, on some level inevitable. It's a signal to address an unmet need. While I agree that we should work on healing and healthy ways to connect w…

What I find obnoxious about it is how often it seems they want to be judged by standards that they would never accept judging others by. How many avoidants would accept "well, I didn't mean to make my…

This is what FA attachment style people do. The closer you get the faster this person will run. I'm trying to save you from suffering. They come back just to run faster the next time.

Ignore please, nothing good comes from you interaction with him, its already dysfunctional communication, you are in for more confusion, pain and suffering.

LOL I don’t normally take joy in other people suffering but this is too funny not to. It’s almost like there’s a pattern here 🤔 maybe it’s all avoidants conspiring against him?

Well first, I made a point to say words vs actions is nuanced but that this situation didn't seem like one where you needed to try to figure anything out because the words and actions matched, when yo…

Fix yourself (any personal mental or physical health issues, fill your time with hobbies/books/work/fitness/social time), not him. I’ve been there, girl, I wasted ten years on gentle-parenting men int…

Your story might be my story if he didn’t break up with me (of course, with having a mature conversation). It lasted a month, and we were thrilled until we first met and it became real and fantastic –…

I am feeling lonely. Like I am not a priority to my partner. Yet? Or any more? Who knows? I know this is mostly her communication style over text/online. But in the beginning, we would call every da…

Chatbots have caused severe psychosis and mental breaks in people in crisis, not to mention completely neurotypical people just looking for answers. All it does is agree with you and mirror you. It fe…

😂 I am suffering from nothing at this point, other than my frustration with how psychiatry has inappropriately overstepped its ethical boundaries, and thus my children continue to be abused in public…

Got issues with Sam Altman and technology? What are you suffering from?

I do have issues with Sam Altman, yes. He is pushing unregulated technology that perhaps has a great usecase for many but he's pushing it so hard that it's deeply hurting every day people so he can ma…

Same situation. Anxious attachment and limerence. This has been more painful than any breakups I've had. Here is what I recommend  - Go low contact since no contact is not possible in your case. Out o…

I've been on the other end of this.. the push and pull was exactly my ex-girlfriend.. thank you for explaining your side. It's like you're speaking for her. She will never admit any of that in the day…

Wow, you have done a significant amount of research. I am just now learning about these Avoidant Attachment Styles. I'm not real sure what my SO has, and I'm also not sure which attachment style I hav…

I can relate to you, I think people don't talk often enough about how dark and suffering it feels to be at the other end of the spectrum. People tend to only discuss the aftermath of how you should pi…

With more of those specifics I would say that part of what you are suffering from is the fear around how things have changed and will look different naturally. However you are personalizing it, as in…

Thank you, this is amazing advice! I just have to be brave enough to ask for what I need even when my issues are telling me there's danger, because I know logically that there is no danger whatsoever …

after writing with a shy introverted male avoidant for 2 years he wrote me he wants a break and i am free to write him, because he cares about me. i met him in 2023 when i had anorexia nervosa and nee…

I understand him very well that he wants to help but he felt helpless. I know he's working on it. That's why I even phrased my question the way I did. I feel shitty because of how he just...acted and…

You say it doesn't affect you at all, but it clearly does? Is he being there for you the same amount when he's hurt or away? He's more distant, less protective and less caretaking. Focusing on himself…

Text of original post by u/f1rstpancake: TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfun…

Sure, here is a portion that resonated with me a lot and made sense on what attracts me to the avoidants or unavailable or troubled people. Shall share more if you are interested: The need to be need…

"They" is a big word. It is clear a subsection of our species is capable of doing the things you speak of and will have to drag the rest of the species along with us so humanity can catch up to the tr…

I’ve been dating an avoidant woman for 4 months, we’ve been through two short break ups (2 days and 5 days long respectively). We’ve been together for about a month since the last break. Last week, a…

I agree with you except it's never been established that his occasional smoke has snowballed into a full blown addiction. The latter is a fear that OP has and she's reacting to her fear. He asked her …

Text of original post by u/prouticus: Hey fellow AA folks, Since discovering attachment theory 2+ years ago, life has improved quite a lot. However, for the sake of anyone else who might be fresh to…

I relate to what you’re saying. I’ve spent most of this last year alone and it’s been very difficult but honestly, I had no other choice. For me, it was a matter of “I can’t force people to be in my l…

You know what the problem is? We look for things in people we know they can never give us. This, in my opinion, is the work to be done in therapy. It's also the crux of why relationships end. I use th…

Stop doing oppression olympics. It’s not a competition. It doesn’t matter who “has it worse.” Suffering is suffering. Everyone, regardless of gender, suffers under the patriarchy or kyriarchy or whate…

I am beyond tired of the proudly anxious. It's one thing if they're aware of the issues that it poses and are actively working on it. That's fine. But the one's that think it's a cute little quirk wh…

I was recommended a video on youtube by a lady that kind of presented herself as a conselerus counselor or professional of sorts and was really shocked by how mean spireted it was against people suffe…

Its so painful; I'm really so sorry you're experiencing this horrific pain right now, I've been through this twice; both partners were DA's who discarded brutally after the new relationship energy w…

Mmmh, food for thoughts, certainly. However, my last "situationship" came crashing down precisely because I (anxious) coundn't stand the breadcrumbing, confusion and surface-level relationship with my…

I'm currently suffering and this is so interesting. My wonder is - is this only useful while dating? When I'm single I don't have this feeling at all because ofc I have nothing to lose but while datin…

Thanks for the response! Yeah, I think you've said it quite well. Having a partner gives me the emotional strength during tough times, easing the suffering. I don't know why exactly either, but probab…

I'm sorry you're struggling. You don't sound one dimensional to me, but you do sound like you're still suffering with your mental health. Did you resolve what caused the crisis at all?