vulnerable,

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

Helping my partner — I (40f) looove my partner (36m). We've been together almost 9 months. When he isn't triggered, he presents as very secure. Loving, consistent, communicative, vulnerable, empathetic, self-reflective. …

I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …

Is it just me or is "date secure people" a bad idea? — To be specific, people who were born into families that fostered secure attachment. Not earned secures. I think the latter is exactly what I need but there's no stat on how much of the population is e…

Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…

my bf let his sister come in while we were being intimate (19F, 20M) — my boyfriend and I both (20M and 19F) were being intimate. his sister who is a year younger than me and her friend who is the same age knock on his door to ask him something which i ended up finding d…

You have the answers — ​ Hello folks, hope your day is going well! Below i'll post the final chapter to a short work I put together. while out of context it does provide some useful tips on how to be. A dedicated …

My ex wanted me back — I'll start when it all started (last year when i was 17 and now I am 18) . So when my ex and I first met she had joined my friend group at college and we all were hanging out and just chilling walking…

Do people ever miss how kind i was to them — I've been thinking lately if people ever miss how kind I was to them at times. I'm a vulnerable, sensitive person who quickly opens to others and wants to be there for them at all times. But I've been…

I (22F) broke up with my ex (23M) after he cheated and said he was never “excited” about me… but I still believe he loved me and that’s what’s messing me up — I (22F) broke up with my ex (23M) two months ago, and I feel like I’m stuck between two completely different truths that I can’t reconcile. For context, we’re both medical students and were flatmates…

I (33M) felt triggered by my partner’s (43F) response to a message from a past situationship — unsure how to handle it — **Yes I used chatgbt to help write this out. My thoughts were too scattered and it helped break it down.** **TL;DR:** My partner (43F) got a reflective message from a past emotionally complicated par…

He came back and then hurt me again in 2 weeks — I broke up with my bf after half year of struggling. I already broke up with him twice, so three times during the whole relationship. The first one was because I wanted it to be a real relationship no…

I feel stuck — Hey hey, Im 25m, autistic and have experienced trauma my whole life. I struggle greatly with appreciating the amount of work and success I have achieved in the past, to still keep on going. Every li…

I’m scared to be vulnerable, but if I don’t allow myself to be, am I just going to end up even worse? — I’ve been feeling this way for a long time, maybe since I was a child. It’s like no one ever truly loved me unless I was “nice” in a way that made them comfortable. For the past few years, I’ve been t…

The person I loved the most used my vulnerability against me and I’m devastated — Hi everyone, I'm writing this because I can't keep this anymore. I'm going through a really hard time. My ex broke up with me a while ago, but I never truly moved on. The first few months were absolu…

Feeling trapped — TW: unwanted advances, rape?, molested I’m in a relationship that’s slowly destroying me, and I don’t know how to navigate it anymore. I don't feel like I have a voice. I’ve been with my partner for…

Emotional flood? flashback? — Hello, I hope someone will be able to understand and share a similar experience, because I am trying to make sense of this and stay with it. The situation is that a year ago my boyfriend left me. He …

I make my life worst — Im 17. I am dumb, no early childhood achievements, no achievements at all that are important, probably not any at all. Im a complete idiot, I can’t reason, analyze, follow instructions, common sense a…

Intimacy problems,can you relate? — (M31) I am totally disgusted by sex. People assume I always have someone around because I’m supposedly good-looking, but I’m repulsed even just talking about it; I feel weak, vulnerable, dirty. I don’…

I found out I treat my partner bad in public — ​ I found out that, even that I love them eagerly and love spending time with my partner, I sometimes make depreciating jokes to/about them when we are with friends, and that when I talk to th…

Unhappy with my life and don't know what to do about it — Need to get some things off my chest. Not 100% sure if this is the best sub for this but I couldn't think of anything better. Can't place exactly what's bothering me, nothing uncommon but it always …

Men love to cry these days — Hi, I am 24M. Single. And this post is for anybody to read. Primarily those, who are sad over breakups. These days, I see so many posts, now I don't know whether they are true or not, but they are abu…

don’t be friends. don’t be enemies, either. — i was in a relationship of almost two years. she broke up with me on a random tuesday, two months ago, in february…she said she didn’t feel the same anymore, she physically didn’t like me anymore, eve…

I came home to help my mom after surgery and now everything has blown up. I don’t know what to do. — Hi everyone, I could really use some outside perspective because I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed and unsure how to move forward. I came home to Chicago for about a week and a half to help my mom (67F)…

34F and 24M Letting You Die — Eight scalding months of denial, of trying to breathe around the hollow where you should’ve been. Eight months of convincing myself I should've seen it sooner… that love doesn’t always mean anything…

I appreciate your response I have been doing a lot of work on myself. I have been trying to be more self reflective,more present, and more mindful. I think I am not used to being this vulnerable,I…

Got it. Was not expecting her to share something vulnerable, I draw a line in shallow connection & up until 6 months it was casual banter. I need serious invested friends, not those who are there just…

He was definitely avoidant and also very emotionally unavailable so maybe I’ve confusing the two! I also like to take things slow, and hate rushing into anything as I’ve gotten older but there’s slo…

Wanting to help others improve as a person isnt exclusively a secure trait and avoidants get awkward revealing their past if it makes them feel exposed or vulnerable, at least for FAs.

Yea, but I understand how that itself is such a scary thing to do right. It activates the avoidance and discard instantly because they start feeling vulnerable, safe and almost exposed. Vulnerability,…

Ahh, I know the feeling. They have been vulnerable, but, somehow, you don't quite percieve the effort that it must take them (& the trust that they must feel in you to do that). And then, when I star…

This is probably my own AP side coming through and influencing things, but, I'd always sort of viewed the avoidants desire for space in a similar way that Marxists percieve a proletarian false-conscio…

It isn’t. Avoidance, more so than AA, is deeply unconscious. Consciously, we want to show up for our partners and to be vulnerable, which makes it difficult to recognize the fact that we are distancin…

Im going to get down voted for this but the fearful avoidant bashing on here is rough to read. They needed healing yes, and are responsible for it but this text was raw, very vulnerable, and it cost h…

I think there’s some good advice in this thread, but just adding this bc I didn’t see it mentioned in your post or other comments—work on platonic relationships! I know it can be difficult to make fri…

You are unconsciously putting distance between yourself and others and it's tricking your brain into thinking love isn't possible. You probably need therapy to learn to be vulnerable, as avoidance sys…

The comment about fear. I think I immediately think he’s forgetting me, he’s not into me, im not important or a priority in his life, he doesn’t care, and he feels annoyed and nagged by me and he’d be…

I don't resent any of my exes. When exes would reach out to me I was pretty aloof/indifferent towards them. Which is typical avoidant behavior strategies. Usually the one's that have resentment toward…

Damn that’s so true. I think she’s probably not in the space of wanting to change.  Hm yeah I do think apologizing is vulnerable, I appreciate the insight in that! Appreciate the response here!

>You are unconsciously putting distance between yourself and others and it's tricking your brain into thinking love isn't possible. You probably need therapy to learn to be vulnerable, as avoidance sy…

I’m also new to attachment theory after a therapist pointed out that I have some avoidant tendencies from my childhood. I got different results when I took tests too! I’ve noticed that when I was in…

The majority of a message (thought stream) sent to my significant other, after two days of receiving (what I believe to be) whimsical communication and apathetic tone, from someone I know loves me—am …

You should be proud of yourself!!! Remember don’t go giving away your vulnerability to people who don’t deserve it. But you are being brave in going first and offering it freely. Just be careful with …

Avoidance is protective. It keeps fear hidden and managed behind other feelings (disgust, repulsion, indifference, etc). To feel fear is to feel vulnerable, I imagine if someone actually felt scared …

Anxiously attached people aren’t really looking for a relationship built on mutuality. They’re kinda looking for someone thats similar to a parent figure to fulfill their needs. Because they emotiona…

Of course. My current partner is anxious. Sometimes during conflict he argues from emotion, exaggerates, and his characterization of me is awful.  I tend to be careful not to escalate issues and try…

That's awesome that you found the support group helpful! It really makes a difference to be in a positive setting in which you feel comfortable being vulnerable, and really moving that it can happen w…

I think just being honest with yourself about how you feel with your partner is really important, at least speaking from my experience. We dated for 5 months and I just broke it off after a month of r…

Put yourself in situations where you're likely to meet lots of people you're interested in and talk to them. I honestly think any IRL dating advice beyond that is a scam. Apps you kinda gotta be…

3 months passed since I started dating someone. Sadly I still struggle with comminicating about anything that feels more delicate... including asking what our relationship status is, asking for more t…

I am offering my thoughts in hopes that something somewhere might help you see things in a new light. This will be long and I will take no offense if you don't read it. >Unfortunately, I think for th…

I can start to feel the dating excitement from the new year wax and wane. So much effort, so much putting myself out there and being vulnerable, for what? All to go on 3 total dates, including the mos…

I think that emotional safety is more a measure of a relationship than anything. It is not a personality trait of one person, but the way two people come together and meet each other's needs in a vuln…

You have a couple of planets indicating a transformative relationship/romance experience (7H lord in 8H, Jupiter retrograde in Scorpio 5H). Think of your break up as that karma fulfilled. Your Sun-…

I’ve never liked soft talk with any partner and I’ve never liked him doing it — I brought that up early on but it’s just kind of his default during intimate moments. I feel bad because it feels like i…

Gemini rising with the moon in Leo in the third house tells a very specific story and it matches exactly what you described. Gemini rising as a child means you had to be adaptable, quick, reading the …

First, take a breath. Sending a message like that takes courage. Your message is honest and vulnerable, which is good. You took responsibility, you didn’t blame her, and you explained what was going …

Good luck! It’s difficult to be this vulnerable, but also remember that it might be hard to receive something this vulnerable. I wish you get what you want, but I also wish this allowed you to gain so…

I don't diisagree. But i've had 500$ dollar VALUE epifany style sessions. Is disabled my life for the better, in a way tobsay i was not going to exist anymore, and it's been almost 9 years consecutive…

Omg yes. Current bf is so emotionally stable. It’s so great. Any previous relationships with guys who were hot-headed or temperamental, I’d find myself eventually disinterested in all things vulner…

It can be shocking and confusing as the emotions of feeling embarrassment, sad, mad, frustrated, vulnerable, lost, etc all hit at once when some who is supposed to be a partner betrays trust like this…

Trust me, I KNOW. This is nothing new to me, unfortunately lol I’ve been in several long term relationships, good & bad. I’ve been in different types of therapy since I was 8 years old and I’m 32 year…

Because non-avoidants feel deeply about their romantic partners. They miss them when they are apart, and they feel the disconnection when there is a rupture between them and their partner. I know you …

Online dating has been so overly exploited that guys now just use it as a free sex service filled with vulnerable, lonely females that might be DTF. It’s the crowded dance club pick-up joint of the 20…

the idea of family dinner time is new.  but the category of behaviour isn't.  this man cannot Intimacy, cannot Vulnerable, cannot Be Exposed, and will do anything to avoid it (deliberately or desperat…

Exactly right. None of this is ok. And I would not hang around someone who treats me like that, wtf? I think she likes the power of hurting you when you’re vulnerable, and she knows it hurts a lot, th…

I want to do my best to reassure you concerning your use of the word "vulnerable". I've had NHI contact, (mental contact) and I've had to go down the rabbit hole of what ...WTF... I'd tangled with.…

I definitely relate to this sentiment quite a bit, and have reached similar conclusions at different times in my life. When I have been a target of narcissistic abuse, it has been very challenging to …

I'm 52 and going through the same thing. My husband wanted to separate due to dealing with severe childhood trauma that he has ignored all of his life, is depressed, and has anxiety.  He pulled away…

I mean the taste is never great, the nausea during the come up is again just an expression of the anxiety, before blasting off on DMT, it makes me feel cold, shivery, sweaty, sometimes like I need to …

My attachment anxiety flared up yesterday... I thought I did a pretty good job self-regulating during the day and not overly seeking out reassurance from my partner. By the time we met up at night I w…

regardless of if you “reciprocated” or not, this person is a predator. he preyed on you. knowing that you were vulnerable, and young, then took advantage of you. please report this. i know you’re scar…

This!! In many spaces with those who are vulnerable, comes people of whom are willing to take advantage. I've noticed that's kinda a pattern.

You did absolutely nothing wrong. I am honestly filled with rage on your behalf. You showed up authentically, and vulnerably. That's what you're SUPPOSED to do in a therapy environment. Honestly even…

This man is a predator and he preyed on you. He absolutely has done it before and will do it again. I can’t imagine what mental gymnastics went through his head to allow him to behave the way he did…