caretaker

Yes, I have done a lot of research on this topic as I am also the golden child who was also scapegoated by everybody in my whole family. I was only golden because of my role as the family therapist at…

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

Nmom said out loud: "I should adopt that kid, maybe he'd take care of me when I'm old" — I wanted to pull my hair out when I heard this. Nmom is in her late 50s. We have a relative who's a young boy and the parents are neglectful. Nmom said that maybe she'd adopt the kid, NOT out of con…

Found out my husband resents me a lot for my mental illness — Let me start off by admitting I did something wrong. I looked at his Reddit history after seeing his username on his computer. Yes, that was wrong of me. Basically, I found his post on depression\_pa…

A Narcissus is an empty shell with no real existence — "A Narcissus, such as Ovid's Narcissus, is someone who thinks he has found himself by looking in the mirror. His life consists in searching for his reflection in the gaze of others. The other exists, …

How to stop being a caretaker in a relationship — I didn't realise how much I was being a caretaker in a relationship and how it impacted my mental health. I feel really bad because I love and care about this person. He's grown up in a very abusive a…

Realizing there is caretaker codependency happening in my relationship — My own journey with codependency has been a lot. My previous relationships were abusive. I’ve been in intense talk and EMDR therapy for a very long time and made lots of progress, but it feels as thou…

I (20M) haven't slept in my own bed in almost 2 months because of my (19F) girlfriend — We have been together for almost 3 years and both go to the same college. We live in dorms on opposite sides of campus. Lately I feel like I don’t have any time to myself anymore. If we’re both free, …

Whats the most hurtful thing a parent/caretaker has said to you? — “I feel sorry for the man that ends up with you” -my Dad on multiple occasions in different words Ive been told shitty things a lot, OBJECTIVELY worse things (especially from my dad) but this one st…

Anyone also childfree because you havent had a childhood, or you have gone through too much stuff....and just want a different / more healing and peaceful second half to life? — I am childfree for many reasons, but one of the big ones has been i was made to be the parentified caretaker child for my much younger siblings, but also our home was just chaos, lots of abuse, neglec…

For those who've dealt with hierarchy being a factor of there emotional what was it in plain view as in a parent or caretaker forcing obedience or more a subconscious thing. As in your not outright being order or forced to confirm but still end up having your own desires considered lesser.

Help Finding Fulfillment — So its been about a year and a half since my 6 six year relationship with my narcissisticly abusive ex ended and about 6 months since I went no contact. prior to the relationship I was already diagnos…

How do you reconcile the bad/good parts of your parents? — Hi everyone. I (24f) moved out of state two months ago. I've wanted this my whole life being the youngest and caretaker of the family. Before I left, my dad said some pretty nasty, guilttripping thin…

"When trust is lost, traumatized people feel that they belong more to the dead than to the living." — "The sense of safety in the world, or basic trust, is acquired in earliest life in the relationship with the first caretaker. Originating with life itself, this sense of trust sustains a person throug…

I (20F) decided to move out of my boyfriend’s (24M) place — I decided to move out of the basement of my boyfriend’s grandmothers house, where we both live. We rent her basement, or, I guess, \*I\* rent her basement. He hasn’t had a job in over 3 months. I no l…

I feel stuck — Hey hey, Im 25m, autistic and have experienced trauma my whole life. I struggle greatly with appreciating the amount of work and success I have achieved in the past, to still keep on going. Every li…

I need anyone to tell me I exist. — Please hear me out. I have no one. I'm 20. My only friend is my boyfriend and he's pulling away because I'm "too sad all the time." I live with my parents (absent dad, morbidly obese (it’s relevant l…

Post-partum confinement for Asian women - necessary? excessive? Should other cultures do it, too? — In China/Taiwan/Korea/Japan, it's very common for mothers to spend a month or more in post-partum recovery (坐月子) where they eat special foods, are taken care of by caretakers, avoid cold, sleep as muc…

My parents ‘trained’ me like an animal, how do I undo that? — Hello everyone! TW for multiple kinds of abuse and self harm. I was unfortunately a victim of FDIA (also known as Munchausen by Proxy) and it’s still affecting my daily life. When I was a young kid…

How to go lc when disabled and she’s my “caretaker” — Title- I’m 31 and I live with my parents and it’s destroying me and I need just a smidge of breathing room. I have multiple disabilities but I’m actually white capable of things- mainly I’m just exha…

Emotionally Abusive Father + Dementia Mother — I am hoping to get insight on anyone who has or may have similar experiences to me. What should I do moving forward with how my dad is putting himself in this situation? And how to help my mum? B…

[48F] Planning a secret exit from my highly volatile partner [56M] of 10 years. Seeking advice on safely executing a remote breakup under the guise of a work trip. — **Background:** I have been with my partner, "P", for 10 years, and the relationship has completely drained me emotionally and financially. P is a severe alcoholic who drinks about a liter of vodka a …

Any other caretakers out there find it hard to practice self care

I (30M) struggle with how my spouse (31F) parents — A disclaimer here: we communicate about this, we go to therapy. My spouse and I have been married for 7 years - we were best friends before we got married and are still best friends today. The reason …

Two Asian Characters returning for a Buzzcon house for this year? Universal Orlando Halloween Horror Nights for the 35th. Dr Plasmere and Dr Metamorph are back with a house. — Dr Plasmere and Dr metamorph the icons of their zone Vanity Ball are expected to be back this year. And They are doing a bzzcon collab?! This has me so excited! Would you love to see these two Asian…

Custody split across states — So I just got hit with the, "I don't want to do this anymore". Hurts pretty bad, but I'll live. My issue is the kids. I have 2 of them, 7 and 4. Having previously been in the military and now working …

A harsh warning about the Avoidant discard: If you sacrificed yourself to be their safety net, burn the bridge the second it ends. — ​I just spent 5 years with an avoidant partner. I spent years acting as their emotional shock absorber and caretaker through endless life crises. In the process of constantly walking on eggshells, lac…

A list of Pros and Cons for My Ex — The title basically explains it all so let's get into it. Pros: \\-We Shared common interests and values \\-He was Real easy to talk to and I was honestly able to be myself around him. \\- The De…

Can "golden child" and "scapegoat" roles not change, but also overlap? — Disclaimer: I am not really sure if I have N caretakers, I am not an authority to diagnose anyone I guess, and I am LC with all of them. Maybe it's just abuse without adjectives? I am not sure either …

Guidance needed — Hello, Sorry for the businesslike tone of my message. I am just really frustrated with things right now so apologies if anything comes across not very friendly, but I would be so grateful for any gui…

Tiny useful epiphany/phrase — my friend and I were talking about what "getting over it" or "healing" actually means in the context of cptsd. we said a little of things but out little gem we came up with was: you could forgive yo…

My (27F) mother (65F) stayed over for a month and it ended in me screaming at her. How do I do better? — \---Background--- My mother was a single mother and was always busy with work when I was younger. She was always working overtime but was always present at my soccer games. However, she was never rea…

FAQ on emotional neglect - For anyone new to the subreddit or looking to better understand the fundamentals — **What is emotional neglect?** In one's childhood, a lack of: everyday caring, non-intrusive and engaged curiosity from parents (or whoever your primary caregivers were, if not your biological parent…

I been out my last relationship for 3 months. Looking back I can see I was anxious and codependent. With that I was a caretaker trying to help become more open, share more, make more decisions, and so…

Yesss therapy - I started weekly in person therapy about 6 weeks ago, EMDR, IFS work... It's... kind of freaking hard, but I can see that it's helping me slowly start to build an internal sense of saf…

for me, it took about a year after my ex to feel good and alright about dating. I was still out there but i wasn't 100% in it yknow? I would be slow with my dating style and put my phone away. Right n…

Hi all - this could be considered a graphic post. Just FYI. I wanted to introduce myself and say why im here. My first memory is of being used as a human shield by my dad when cops pulled a gun on him…

I’ve been taking space from my friend over the past week, as I was feeling enmeshed and suffocated. I communicated my boundaries before doing so, and since I’ve taken space I’ve felt like I can connec…

I've always enjoyed being a bit of a loner as a child, coming from a big family. I absolutely love being in relationships but I also thrive when single. I've lived with boyfriends in the past, but po…

I stand on the precipice of a major romantic life decision. I'd been dating this person for 3 months...we met through shared dance scenes. By the end of that 3 months, she had fallen for me totally, b…

> she has an untreated mental health disorder (refuses to consider medication for her own reasons), big executive dysfunction (we both have AuDHD), is struggling to find more work as a yoga teacher wh…

I dated a someone for 6 years who sounds similar to the girl you're talking about, and it didn't end well for me. My vote is don't go back to her; you can do better. The negatives you mention are th…

If you've had multiple discussions and you both understand each other - the responsibility, strain, financial burden, decreasing window for having children, your being a caretaker, his fear of the su…

It sounds like a lot, and I completely understanding that feeling of wanting someone to take care of you. But i'm going to be blunt to be kind, you are never going to find a healthy relationship if th…

Don’t stress what you can’t control. I would encourage you to start with the process of mourning the parents you never had and never will. You can move past it in a healthy manner and, should you c…

This. When the money runs out, make it clear that they’re on their own. Need to hire some caretakers in their advanced age, or buy a place in a decent old folk’s home? Tough luck, they should’ve “deal…

I didn’t see this, but there is a condition called Münchhausen-by-proxy syndrome, where parents deliberately hurt their children so they can (seemingly) be a great caretaker.

I think you should also consider if you are happy? The way you describe your relationship, you seem to be acting like your boyfriend’s mom and caretaker. While he isn’t giving you much back and inste…

It feels like there's no winning here. I (37m) was just let go by the woman (33f) I was seeing. First date happened at the end of January then the second date two weeks later, and then for the next …

Im 29M. The more i 'heal' the less i belong/ am tolerated anywhere. The older i get, the more i see that i missed out on things you can only get as a young person. The older i get, the more i accept t…

I matched with a person on Tinder and we chatted on the phone for couple of hours. It was hard to get a word in as they shared so much about themselves. Their struggles, financial insecurity, past da…

My friend found his wife while he was taking care of his dad with Alzheimer's. Surely a more intense caretaker-type relationship. A relationship is about being vulnerable with someone and showing your…

I don't even need to read the whole post to tell you that your father is a narcissist. No doubt in my mind. He doesn't love you but sees you as an object that belongs to him. Please don't rely on him …

Everyday gets a little better, Im her caretaker now but we still have our really bad days :(

I wish but I’m not my mother’s caretaker. She’s getting old and as much pain she’s put me through I know she’d suffer without me and I never want to inflict pain on anyone

They want you to be his caretaker? It's nice of them reminding you why you don't want contact. I'm sorry for you but reading this it's funny they think such awfull messages work.

A lot of people get "saved" because they are reaching a rock bottom and there aren't very many venues that are freely eager to take you in and also offer you the idea that your life is out of control…

Siblings in abusive families often have very different perspectives on their families. An older sibling who is a caretaker gets emotionally blamed for the parent’s lack of care and abuse by the younge…

So these horrible parents, are they your caretakers? do they hire someone?

I'm sorry I didn't realize. I hope they're are not your caretakers

They view you as inferior. That's why fucking you over is ok. That's why they can't imagine you would disobey their directive to commence your role as caretaker.

Holy hell this is exactly what happened to me, 1st my siblings manipulated/sabotaged me into being the caretaker, but I was willing to be, and I was thinking - and was meant, to finish my Master and g…

**He does have a plan though. He found a responsible woman of child-bearing age who he thinks will do all the adulting for him.** All he has to do is manipulate OP into being his caretaker, incubator,…

Caretaker. There will be no sugar.

Yes, I think it’s one of the reasons good parents can make or break you - you are literally bound to them in your formative years because they are also your caretakers. I believe even if there are thi…

I think so too, but then narcissists are not logical, my mom took the majority of my pay for years and made me do all the domestic labour and then wanted me to send her $600 a month for a year after I…

They always look at children as future caretakers. I think that was the reason I was born. Yet, I was constantly told…she could or should have put me up for adoption and how she did not like kids. …

I get this too, and it is really so reliable. I get kinda a therapist/parental/caretaker role pushed on me around them, and then they turn out to be a narc or have strong tendencies a couple months to…

You need to talk to him. I'm in a relationship with someone with severe anxiety, and there have been points in our relationship where I felt tired or overwhelmed or as if I was more caretaker than par…

So my husband became my caretaker when we were still in our early 20s only 2 years into our relationship. It was very very hard on him. It took me years and years before my illness was treated well en…

Oh man, i'm sorry you're dealing with such difficult relationship placements 😞 (I also have chiron exact conjunct my AC, or rather, less than 0.5 deg; in my case it's opposite Ceres in 7th, so while …

Caretaker fatigue is a very real thing. They're valid for having feelings around it and being tired, just as you are valid for having the feelings and emotions you do. They're not venting because the…

I was on your husbands side of this once and my ex found my reddit account. Most of my earlier posts were asking how I could be more supportive instead of feeling like a caretaker and then when he bec…

They really do see children as future caretakers first and actual human beings second. My mom used to say similar things about how I owed her for raising me. Like I was an investment she was waiting t…

Are they insecure though? Or are they desperate to find a caretaker for themselves as they're aging?

All I can say is, yes, he stepped up for me. But he's willfully ignoring my own contributions. It's like, I've held down a job during this whole period, we both make roughly the same amount, I'm the p…

Sounds like he's burntout. It's a thing, called caretaker burnout. You may not officially take on the role of a caretaker but when a loved one or family member or anyone in the household is impaired i…

Also, sometimes partner/caretakers don't leave because they fear being alone. Just putting that counterfactual out there to challenge the notion that partners stay purely out of duty and devotion to t…

You might want to check out the laws regarding the ownership of the cat. Did you buy or acquire the cat, or did your parents buy or acquire the cat? They know you are emotionally attached to the cat a…

… I’m not sure what your parents or your sister have to do with you and your wife’s marriage or assets? Are they saying your wife should lose out on career income and retirement options when she has y…

This right here. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t have kids. She had me so afraid of having a kid worse than I was. I wish I would have known sooner that I wasn’t actually bad. Now I’m 46 and it’s too…

Your husband is resentful he had to help you through ***the death of your father***?? Like… do you hear yourself? What if you develop cancer and *can’t* work? “In sickness and in health”, right?…

I recommend reading Stop Caretaking The Borderline or Narcissist. I think it would be useful for identifying your patterns as a caretaker and how to break the cycle even if your partner may not qualif…