The Scapegoat

I know the feeling, and I just want to say, you are NOT alone! We are many here, I am sure, who has suffered this, but there is a way forward! There is even a name for what you have been through, I be…

For those who stayed no contact with a parent until they died did you regret it? — Went from the golden child to the scapegoat between about age 30 and 40. When I was 55 my father told me he did not love me anymore. I am 64 now he is 91 and we have been no contact for 8 years. Some…

My mother is super affectionate now that I'm an adult and she has dementia. It disgusts me. — My mother doesn't remember the screaming, my mother doesn't remember her calling me stupid everyday, she doesn't remember her telling me to get out of her house. She talks to me now in a baby voice, s…

Family crisis has made me realize how deeply my mother’s criticism still affects me — how do I handle this? — We have been going through a major family crisis right now and it has brought up a lot of old pain in my relationship with my mother. For some background, my brother has severe addiction issues and i…

What were seemingly "normal" things you experienced growing up, that you now realize is narc abuse? — 1. Whenever I get bullied by my siblings and I would tell Nmom, she would either say things like "just ignore them, they will stop" or "don't stress me out". As I grew older, I realized that she was c…

Realizing at 57 that I’ve been the family scapegoat my entire life — Hey everyone, I’m 57 years old, and I only recently learned there’s actually a name for the role I’ve lived in my entire life—the family scapegoat. For most of my life, I believed I was just too sen…

Realizing at 57 that I’ve been the family scapegoat my entire life — Hey everyone, I’m 57 years old, and I only recently learned there’s actually a name for the role I’ve lived in my entire life—the family scapegoat. For most of my life, I believed I was just too sen…

Anyone have advice for grandchild of narcissists and if they narc grandparents should see grandchildren? — My mother \[55\] and step father \[56\] are both narcissists. I’ve been struggling lately because I’m 100% the scapegoat (they have gleefully told me how awful I was as a teenager, telling me I was a …

Easter flying monkeys — I have had no contact with my family for more than 15 years, yet they still try to contact me. For example, this Easter I received messages from my nephews—children I don’t know, since I left when the…

My parents trapped me. I’m not allowed to date or leave and they threatened to kill me — (F30) I have two narcissistic, controlling parents and I feel completely trapped. I’m the scapegoat in my family. I can’t date, have a relationship, or move out until I get married but I also can’t ch…

My parents trapped me. I’m not allowed to date or leave and they threatened to kill me — (F30) I have two narcissistic, controlling parents and I feel completely trapped. I’m the scapegoat in my family. I can’t date, have a relationship, or move out until I get married but I also can’t ch…

I need some people to hear and believe me — Someone in my life is a lot like my mother. Not someone I chose to know, I was unlucky enough to move in above her. And she's DARVO'd and smear campaigned, the list goes on. I know there's essentially…

Should I accept my narcissistic parents’ job offer as a scaffold out of financial dependence? — TLDR; My wealthy parents have a sordid and calculated history of financial abuse, but are offering me to pay me to help manage their investments. I am disabled, possibly for life, and don’t know if I …

histrionic mom enabler dad - thinking about no contact again — 28F, really struggling recently trying to figure out how to approach the current dynamic of my parents. I am the scapegoat in my family, and therefore the only one out of 5 kids that has ever called e…

So. I think my Nmother is dying... — And that means my Nfather is going to ramp up the abuse. He's been treating me as the scapegoat for quite a few years. As for Nmother... She's been very stubborn and refused to let us call for an amb…

I always wonder if my mom is secretly mad that i left. — She fits into narcissism in most ways, and i think my sister now fits too, it's so sad growing up admiring her for standing up for what's right then end up just like our mom, as kids either of us were…

Feeling very guilty for setting boundaries — Posting on a throwaway to attempt to preserve my identity. Very very long story short, I am fairly sure my mother has BPD with narcissistic tendencies. Undiagnosed, of course. But it led to a tumultuo…

Vent; Life sucks, i can't deal with so much and I'm tired. — Tw: mentions of murder, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect. Why have i gone through so much? i don't really want an answer, i know there's none other than luck, but this is too much for me. …

I went NC now my GC sister is getting scapegoated — My sister has always been my Nmoms clear favorite. I never held it against my sister, because it was never her fault. She was just a kid. We are very close and always have been, and she has always def…

As a scapegoat when you escaped did your abusers say you were scapegoating them? — I've grown and went NC with my narcissistic family. I had to attend an extended family event. One of my toxic relatives came up to me asking why they no longer had contact with me. I explained so…

my CPTSD can be so heavy, but I still feel guilty calling it trauma. — Trigger warnings: childhood violence, bullying, emotional abuse, family abuse, medical trauma, near‑death experience, pregnancy loss, suicidal themes, abusive relationships. \- \- I’ve (32F) been t…

I need to talk about something I’m confused about… parents put AirTag in my car… and Life360 on my phone I am 28. — Long story short… I am 28 I moved out at 22 but I’ve had to come back home and start over again and then I’m going to move out again but anyways my parents are narcissists and they are control freaks…

All because of a happy birthday message — So if you look back at my profile. I sent my mother a happy birthday message. Since I’m no contact, I did it two weeks ago, as a way to stop her from harassing my siblings. I blocked her everywhere ex…

In an anxious avoidant cycle with my fiance, we've been dating for 7 years. Some times we are better at navigating the ebbs and flows and sometimes all hell breaks loose . In general I've stepped int…

This is a huge post, and there is a way “to speak of the victory”. To get there. I’ll break it down in detail. It’s very, very important to go forward into the direction of hope and strength. That ca…

The scapegoat's child gets scapegoated. As such, it took me way too long to get over this. Give your kids the head start of knowing what a true, loving, mother is. 

This was my parents. Super Catholic and wanted 6 kids, but ended up having 4. The whole point was to look good to outsiders. - My mom ignored her only son, the lost child. - Was extremely cold and c…

Politics today IS a good view precisely because it’s non-ideological. The question around politics today that goes unsaid is around the use of violence. One party is “pro violence against the scapeg…

I didn’t speak to my father the last 7 years of his life until he passed away at age 98 (I was 48 at the time). He stated that he intended to wash his hands of me (even though I did as my parents ins…

I am oldest of 7 and my only sibling that I have a good relationship with now is the sister who was exactly that, the scapegoat growing up. thanks

What if the old scapegoat has turned into golden child (in recent years)? I am now the scapegoat and I find that my sis is pretty brainwashed.

Did you stick up for your sister when she was the scapegoat? Well there’s your answer.

I didn't know that it was possible to go from being the golden child to the scapegoat in one lifetime. That must be quite confusing and painful because obviously the scapegoat gets treated much worse.…

Do you think one of the reasons she sent you a voicemail is because she's pissed off that she has to look after your dad and wants to really outsource it to you instead? So in other words, she's just …

No my parents stopped talking to me after never respecting boundaries and speaking to me with courtesy. My family got mad that I didn’t say goodbye but told them I’d be honest and they wouldn’t like…

He's negging you, because he's mirroring his mother's emotional abuse (to avoid becoming the scapegoat). Break up w the loser

I have complex feelings still. Some of it is the guilt of the scapegoat, internalising everything and feeling responsible for everything even though she was the adult and I was the child. Some of it i…

In narcissistic families, the son is given priority over the daughter. Eventually both of them develop the feeling of worthlessness. Both end up seeking attention because they were not loved uncondit…

> Nparents view scapegoat children as fully disposable. being the scapegoat, this is a very true, and very sad statement. I've been 5 yrs NC, and they still rarely ever contact me, other then to say…

Yeah, i dont believe the part about your mother being a victim of the Brother. I'd guess she's pretty much still the head abuser in control of the situation, and uses the Brother to get at you, to try…

Asian-in-laws treat their daughter-in-law like dirt. Don’t be delusional. They don’t treat you well and will never treat you well. You are just the scapegoat. They will blame you for everything. Nex…

It literally is considered a form of torture. It’s an insidious abuse tactic that is way too common. They are setting OP up for failure so they have “reasons” to target OP as the scapegoat.

I was this too, I only have one single memory of either parent standing up for me. One time I stood up for my brother to my parents, and my dad shoved me and I hit my head. I believed I didn't matter,…

I feel for only children of NParents. You are the scapegoat and the golden child, I cannot begin to imagine that.

Yeah, sooo many stories of children going no contact, then that enabler parent or golden child acting like they miss the scapegoat, trying to make them come back, so they can be abused again instead o…

Yep. My dad became disabled with old age and illness, so he no longer could physically attack me. I'm officially stronger than him now, and he only attacks people who are weaker. My mom still to this…

Only child here. It’s incredibly difficult and lonely. The triangulation is strong and the dynamics pit your parents against a child. I’m the scapegoat but also golden child when it suits their narrat…

Since your dad is not a narc do you think he would answer these questions for you? My Emom was regular too but NDad abused her too in every way possible so she had zero power. I did ask her why she ne…

My father falls on ASD spectrum so little to no emotion and my mother is narcissistic and favors my brother by far over my sister and I, I’m the scapegoat for everything. I finally started walking aw…

Yes, it's about their control and power. Fragile egos and insecurities they project on the scapegoat too.

Yes the scapegoat and also known as black sheep, the secret observer of the family the truth teller,the biggest enemy of narc family, they sabotage you for raising your voice against their abuse they…

my parents separated when i was 3... i lived with one, then the other, then back again. they constantly talked shit about the other, passively or directly. they're both narcissistic, but one is quite …

thank you for writing this. "That only makes sense if you think nice vacations make for a nice childhood" This is the phrase I've been working on articulating for so long, considering I have Nparen…

My sociopathic 90 years old grandmother worked at hospital as a nurse for 40 years. I still can't wrap my mind around this, how person like her manged to keep that job until retirement. Not only that …

I remember even Gabor Mate who worked with people who were addicted to drugs, heroin addicts mostly, saying how he has not met a single addict who wasn't heavily abused and traumatized in childhood. I…

I feel you. I was born into a family of covert malignant narcissists. I have also been the family scapegoat since birth but I did not figure this out until I was over 50. [HOW TO RECOVER FROM BEING T…

Okay as the scapegoat I needed the laugh of how "click here to learn more" left in. 

I have so much to say on this subject, I don’t even know where to start. I think the deeper healing (and pain) starts when you recognize that you don’t even have one good parent. I used to think my m…

Almost 33 and my parents spent so long rushing around for my grandmother, uncle and cousin (all from my dad's adoptive family) that they neglected me and still don't care. I often think I'm the scapeg…

Oh god. Same. I used to say global warming was my fault. I’m just so used to being the scapegoat, I apologize for breathing. Having parents like that gives you an allergy to the kind of person who c…

Hyper independence from the earliest I can remember. Realising before I was school age that nobody cared about me and if I wanted to feel safe I needed to learn how to stand up for myself. Went from a…

Yep that's literally me, I was the scapegoat in our family. Even now I still assume i'm saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing all the time. it's exhausting and really hard.

This was my entire childhood. When I turned 13, I decided I'd had enough and I wanted to choose my own clothes. I stuck to my guns but my nMother fought me tooth and nail over it. I'm in my 40s and ev…

My mother spent our whole lives keeping me and my brother from forming a real relationship. He was the golden child, I was the scapegoat, so for the most part he believed I was just a bratty, ungratef…

I felt that way for the first year. I found a wonderful EMDR therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse. She was my third attempt at finding a good therapist. I'm glad I didn't stop looking. For …

I guess just like people blaming me for something small or something I didn't even do, like it pisses me off because I was the scapegoat of my family and having that kinda role in the real world is mo…

I have a really strong memory of my dad yelling this at us when I was really young, but I have no idea if it actually happened or I am like remembering a TV show or movie I saw too young or something.…

It sounds like you are the scapegoat and your sibling is the golden child. I'm sorry.

I wish I could say the same about my sisters. My sister saw him talking to a lot of women online. I'm not on a lot of forums I didn't know. They thought he was cheating at me, but they didn't want to …

Dissociation can happen with both. **THE FLIGHT TYPE AND THE OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DEFENSE** Extreme flight types are like machines with the switch stuck in the “on” position. ...They rush to ach…

Sounds very much like you were the scapegoat and she was the golden child. The golden child will work like crazy to protect this role! She will go to war with you because it’s likely she’s been fed s…

She wants to hurt you, because it makes her feel good. She wants to be unfair, because it makes her happy. It also looks like she's creating a family dynamic where you are the scapegoat. I am sor…

Thank you. I understand what you're saying about being duped. I questioned it but pushed it aside. Thank you for understanding. It's part of my experience, and I like to share it, but I also do not …