book
Anxious and Avoidant
Evidence
Citations (36)
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Studying attachment theory — I’ve been studying attachment theory for a couple of months now, and I’ve only recently started to REALLY look into it. I started reading a book called Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for…
How Am I Supposed To Feel? What Am I Feeling? — So I (26F) just got out of my first real relationship with someone (25F) who I really liked - the day it happened (a week ago from tomorrow) I was devastated and begged her to stay, and about the same…
Introduction, Valuable Healing and Attachment resources — # Hi, and welcome! It is a pleasure to have you with us. Please come as you are, we encourage you to share openly and vulnerably. If you do not wish to share and just browse, you are welcomed here to…
Sorry, the more correct term is fearful avoidant leaning avoidant, and DA and FA are their own categories. However, there are a number of variations among FAs, including whether we lean anxious or avo…
God, I relate to this SO much. Meeting people in person leads to me idealizing that person but anytime I match with someone online, I get the ick and ghost (not proud of it but that's the truth). Do …
Yeah I tend to agree. Trying to pander to avoidants can be damaging. There needs to be give and take. If an avoidant needs some space to think, ok that's great, but agree when they re-engage in a few …
Childhood trauma doesn't always look like yelling or hitting; people mistake this a lot. You can have a lovely attentive parent who still didn't teach you emotional regulation, sent you in time out in…
Anxious and avoidant can be a really beautiful match if BOTH people are willing to work on being more secure together. If she knows about AT, she may know she’s avoidant and want to work on it.
I agreed until the part where you said the choosing is just leading to superficial when I made a distinction between investment and interest. Investing to me includes being willing to do that work. Ch…
People who are securely attached are often more than their attachment style because their behavior isn’t constantly filtered through anxiety or emotional defense mechanisms. They’re not performing saf…
You mentioned all of your other relationships were with avoidants and he is anxious attachment. Have you considered that being with someone anxious, who moves towards you when nervous, has encouraged …
Not OP but I had this experience. At first, it felt great because we had this never-ending cycle of both constantly giving and receiving reassurance on an endless loop. After a few months, I moved tow…
>It’s also worth wondering WHY I want to even try to be friends in the first place. Must be an anxious thing Grief avoidance is common in both anxious and avoidant attachment systems. My advice, as …
FA here it’s not splitting I think that’s for an actual mental health disorder or personality disorder. Let’s all be clear attachment styles are not disorders and they all can be changed with the prop…
I'm in a miniature version of your dynamic with a guy who makes me feel on top of the world sometimes and forgotten about others. The hot and cold is exhausting and the good times are just enough to …
I don’t know you, so this was a general statement. You speak from cognitive empathy, I speak from lived experience (anxious and avoidant, if that fact matters).
Sorry to say but probably you will not become secure while dating insecure.. but this is me talking about my own experience ;). Try to find a way together and both work on attachment in therapy, than …
I (49F) am a recovering anxiously attached person. I did a lot of work in therapy after my dismissive avoidant ex discarded me in a blindsided breakup. My goal was to heal so that I never, ever get in…
I kinda hate it when dating secure people is presented as a way to "fix" insecure attachment. I get the logic but I feel like it's not fair to them nor is it their responsibility to help us heal. It'…
My reply is a little darker, and it's that both anxious AND avoidant-coded behaviors started to irritate me when I encountered them in the wild. I would say that I am much tolerant of attachment anxi…
Hi!! I highly recommend these: For core wounds and relationships : 📚Mathew Micheletti and 3 more The Inner Work of Relationships: An Invitation to Heal Your Inner Child and Create a Conscious R…
Probably for a different thread, but check this.. AP = always moves toward the other in relationship FA = yo-yo - hot / cold. Oscillates between anxious and avoidant. AP chases. FA runs, then comes …
Hi I previously recommended these to someone so will copy and paste it here Book on understanding and healing trauma : 📚The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma…
I identify as a fearful-avoidant. I’m still on a healing journey and still have strong avoidant tendencies when it comes to romantic intimacy that I am working on, and I have a tendency to abandon mys…
So I am an FA myself. FA shows both anxious and avoidant characteristics. I'm going to assume that you're speaking of a partner/ex- partner, not like a new fling. If I'm not interested in someone, I d…
Oh boy, you're an anxious. I'd recommend you to RUN. cause anxious and avoidant are a match made in hell. But if you don't wanna break the connection, I'd say just have boundaries.
Well that's where attachment styles and trauma matter, a secure person knows why they are breaking up and will move on instantly, if a secure person comes back then probably yeah, its for attention, a…
I would also like to add, that while what you said was hurtful, I don't think it's equally hurtful to the way you've been treated. People come down on the original poster hard without doing a lot of c…
Yup. I have Anxious and Avoidant tendencies but mainly Anxious traits. Sure there are nuances. But overall I guess what he was trying to explain is how this mimics an addictive/obsessive pattern.
Whoa, OP reading this sent chills down my spine! I also just got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease (Type 1 diabetes with absolutely no family history) a few months ago and I've been seeing a ther…
You're welcome, bear with , this is a little long. I still don't think you're a fool. You were manipulated, People like us can't fathom how evil other people can truly be. Once I started going to the…
Not my words; from the Book “Ghosting” It would actually be best for an anxiously attached person to say no to a partner with an avoidant style. Just as nobody would wave at an occupied taxi,” advis…
anxious and avoidant are both destructive. the goal is to become secure !!
Yeah that sounds like it sucks for sure. The just being around each other part hits. We’d be together and she’d just zone out and stare into space. I’d ask if everything is okay/how she’s feeling and …
This doesn't read as anxiously attached to me, it reads as fearful-avoidant - both anxious and avoidant at the same time.