excuse

I'm in a similar situation where my parents usually shoehorn in comments about them helping out with property purchases. I'm really not trying to live with them or get financially entangled with them …

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Did I make my Avoidance worse by pushing through it? — Hi all, I’ve been aware I have issues with commitment/avoidance my entire conscious life, but despite it I’ve always wanted to find love I didn’t meet my first boyfriend until I was 22, and it was l…

Projecting insecurities — Hi everyone, I’ve just realised something that I’ve been doing which I think is both an outcome of my low self esteem and also a way for me to find excuses to end relationships when otherwise I have n…

A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…

Considering to quit therapy — I have been with my therapist for a little over a year. Up until now, he was very comfortable and not confronting me. Last session, he started to point out the various ways I push people away, and th…

My Experience Being an Avoidant Woman — I 27(f) am a lesbian who has a fearful avoidant attachment style. I have almost no control over my attraction; I can be really into/attracted to and excited about someone but then something happens/th…

Deactivation or undisclosed breakup? — I'm a FA woman...in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant....all was good, until past Christmas holidays , his bday and all situations when they deactivated.. he was the one who planned being wit…

Specific Person (SP) Manifestation: No Magic, No Supernatural Forces. Just Proven Science — Hi everyone, It’s been a long time since I last posted, and honestly it was overdue. I keep seeing the same recycled LOA bullshit everywhere. Endless manifestation porn, more unqualified people calli…

A lot more people are hurt/traumatized than evil — A lot more people are traumatized/ in pain than are evil. And I won’t say that evil people simply don’t exist, they do, but there’s fewer truly evil people than there are hurt/traumatized people who d…

Wife cheated on me with multiple men over the course of 3 months. — Me (31m) found out this past December that my wife (27f) had been talking to as many as 20+ people on Snapchat (non nude but inappropriate photos, sexting, ect.). I confronted before new years by tell…

I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…

I (28F) had an affair and don’t know what I’m doing. Please help. — I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. He is genuinely the best person I know. Kind, safe, loyal. He’s my best friend. When I cry, he’s who I want holding me. When something funny happe…

I Genially Think My (35F) Husband (36M) is a Psychopath — Hi everyone, please I need help. I’m 35F and my husband is 36M. We’ve been married for 10 years and have two boys (7 and 5). I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. About three months ago my hus…

Why do most victims survive the harm, while perpetrators can’t cope with a slither of accountability? — Victims live with the pain. The fear. The long-term fallout. Not being believed. No justice, or having to fight for it. Being made the aggressor through DARVO. The loss of safety. The way it rewires y…

No one understands the effects of being trapped inside for years with an Nparent. — As flair said, its a vent. So please excuse my weird formatting. I'd also really love to know if Im not alone on some of these things. 1. Not being given the support or permission to learn how to …

Hypomania with MDMA and doubts — In December I had an experience with MDMA that made me increasingly happy until, in mid-January, I was told in the emergency room that I was hypomanic. I was prescribed Olanzapine 7.5 And that caused…

How to seperate Asian parenting culture vs just straight up abuse? — For a long time, I’ve generalized Filipino/Asian parenting to be just very abusive overall. And I’ve thought that my parents were bad because they were Filipino, and that I know many other Filipinos w…

Broke up with me because his father didnt want him to be distracted from his career. Why cant I forget him? — As the title mentions. I (DOB 30.12.1993, first chart) was best friends with this boy (DOB 13.10.1994, second chart) from 2013 and we started dating in 2014 beginning. The relationship was a very good…

How many of you had suitors before meeting your NPD partner that were actually really nice, attractive, and ready to go all in with you, but you turned them away? — Asking for a friend 😏 jk…that was me. Those suitors’ love felt strange and off-putting. It felt too easy and therefore not genuine. You mean I don’t have to perform for you, hide my feelings, or s…

I texted her. Here's what I said. I hope this was honest and vulnerable enough. — OK so, this will be a long one. I fucked up. I have some many things to tell you, so many regrets with a heavy heart. I'll start with I miss you. I've been missing you for a long time now. I haven't t…

Is my relationship doomed? I love him, but I’m so alone. — Hey everyone, I’m Lucy (F, late 20s) and I’ve been with my husband, Rick (M, late 20s) for about 8 years, married for 2. I know he cares about me and our family, and I see that he loves us. But latel…

Hi — All I can say is I’m sorry. I regret how I handled. Back then I wasn’t ready to give it another chance. I disappeared and distracted myself instead of facing it. I didn’t think at all that we could be…

Ex reaching out after 10 years — Hi everyone, my ex reached out to me after 10 years. This was a tumultuous high school relationship that gave me the blueprint for the life I’m living now. The heartbreak was so intense I went on a so…

Not feeling like myself - suddenly cold & not sure why — I, 26F have always been quite positive and friendly. And even on my worst days I’d keep a level of kindness and respect to others. But lately I’ve just been feeling so different as if nothing matters …

Just realized how damaging people pleasing and not being able to say “no” really is — Let me preface this post by saying that I have my own issues with codependency and have spent many years working on it in therapy. I also have issues with saying no, and I completely understand how ha…

I wish I left after the first affair — I feel so stupid for trying to reconcile after I caught the first affair. I was too much of a coward. I was too afraid to be alone. I was still in love. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal, everything wa…

My ex wife changed after the divorce and I don’t want her back but I am angry — I see little bits of my ex wife life through my kid and I just don’t see the women I divorced anymore. She immediately got a new husband not even 2 years later. I original thought it would fail becaus…

My parents raised me to just serve people — I'm 22(F) and have moved away from my parents place but might have to go back because it has become too expensive to live alone and my parents bought a bigger house so it would all work out for me if …

After 30 years of being a people pleasing, peace-keeping, manipulative, caretaking, dysregulated, codependency "addict," I've finally reached a point where I have enough control to simply STOP. In a very short amount of time, my whole entire life has changed. It's nearly impossible to describe. — The first part of this post is just context, and you can skip it all by scrolling down to **The Proof** I'm not going to go into much detail, but just for context: I experienced some pretty major chi…

UPDATE: How do I (28M) tell my girlfriend (28F) a prenup and keeping my inherited house separate are non-negotiable? — TL;DR: I had the conversation. She brought up moving in first. She completely agrees the house and inheritance should stay separate, supports a prenup, was impressed I’d thought it through, and confus…

I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…

Does anybody else feel like you’re a “I’m whatever I need to be in this moment” person, where you do whatever you need to do regardless of your feelings, but were raised by “I’m doing the best I can” people? — I have no idea if that question makes sense. I have just never understood people who make excuses for themselves. That simply wasn’t an option for me growing up because both of my parents were the typ…

[Update] My (24F) Husband (23M) Faked Fainting After I Gave Birth — It’s been almost a year, so I thought I’d give an update in case anyone is wondering. First, I want to thank everyone who took the time to comment, message me, or simply read and reflect on the post.…

Calling AM on her bluff, even if it means she becomes homeless — \*\*\*\*Warning this contains Abuse, this is not for everyone if you’re under 18 please do not continue reading this. I’ll try to make it brief. My AM was a single parent of 5 kids. That’s where he…

How do people become emotionally immature? — I was raised by and surrounded by emotionally immature adults my whole life, while living in a toxic and abusive household created mainly by my father’s abuse towards my mother, and her compliance and…

I Stayed For WAY Too Long — I just found this sub (after watching the Ben Affleck movie *Deep Water*, which was super triggering), so I thought I'd tell you my story. Maybe someone here can relate. My ex-wife struggled with a …

I got into medical school but my mother is still ashamed. — I (24f, Filipino) recently got accepted to medical school away from home. For context, I had a conditional acceptance for my local medical school that did not work out in the end. After 3 cycles and 4…

I finally stopped chasing him… and everything changed — I don’t know if anyone else has felt this… but I just need to get it out somewhere. I used to be the one who always texted first. Always waited for his replies. Always made excuses for why he was d…

Leaving my relationship for the right reason — Me (m30) and my partner (f39) have been together for 8 years. We have two kids below 4. She has been diagnosed with different mental health issues. She has also had two very rough childbirths. During …

I (21M) have survived two decades of severe physical, emotional, and financial abuse from my Indian parents. I'm finally exhausted and need to tell my story. I am not free yet. — # TL;DR: I'm a 20-year-old only child in India who has endured severe physical, verbal, emotional, and financial abuse from my parents since toddlerhood. They have beaten me, medically neglected me, …

Therapy, discovery — I recently started seeing another therapist, the second one i’ve ever been to. The first one was a guy that was very nice to talk to but i felt like i was one of his first ever patients. This new lady…

Struggling to redirect my impulsive co-dependent decisions — I am unfortunately dealing with a best friend break up, it's been nearly 2 months and I am still struggling to not give in to some of my co-dependent thoughts and decisions. i have been doing a ton o…

Me 19m and my gf 20f ass stinks during sex can someone give me some advice? — okay so me 19m and my gf 20f have been going out for around 7-8 months now. and when i was going going down on her and she was bending over i put my face down towards her ass and me and my gf are pret…

I think I just figured out what having “ no chemistry” feels like …. — Please excuse type-o's microphone to text is acting up. we met OLD. Finally someone in my town with the same age, same number of children ready to nest ready for a relationship fully divorced!!!!!!!…

the “meditate 10–20 minutes a day” advice is why I never stick to it — This might sound stupid but I feel like this is actually the problem. On vacation it’s easy, you have time, you’re relaxed, you can sit 10–15 minutes no problem. But when you have a job, a routine… it…

How do I not let regrets hold me back? — I have very deep regrets, im 18, and need to move on forward with college, probably having less time to do my hobbies/develop my skills. I took the free time I had as a teenager for granted, and I jus…

I have never hated anyone so much in my life — I’ll spare the soap opera that was our marriage. We were married for five years and are now in the process of separating. I was the one who initiated. We have a little one. He is 2. He is the most im…

society pushing the "your parents did their best" nerrative — I grew up in a dysfunctional home to say the least. I do not remember my parents caring for me and they taught me nothing - not academic nor necessary stuff (like laundry, period, showering etc.) and …

What if we could use Depression? — I had depression for 16 years, and one thing that helped me was shifting the perspective on it, Instead of seeing depression as anything else other than just a black hole that sucks everything thats…

Ex wife (36f) never read the divorce paperwork - Not even once. — Long story short, former step-son (15m) broke into my (42m) house in CT that I'm selling and caused some serious damage. I still talk to my stepson because I'm really the only stable adult in his li…

Excuse me ?

I was neglected from birth till, well, now, and have CPTSD for 28479227392 reasons related to my parents and to other experiences. I don't think focusing on blame is useful. I can't blame my one paren…

This!! Same man. I want to use my trauma as an excuse but the truth is when I was with her I only knew my own toxic coping skills taught by my manipulative dysfunctional family

I can see you deeply care about her and I found it weird that you seem like a overall great dude but she still decided to end it. Have she mentioned the reasons why other than "dad wanted so"? I'm in…

Ummm cause you keep call us losers? And all you’re doing is bitching? lol you don’t listen or take advice or even argue with forethought and reasoning. Why the fuck would we have a discussion on your …

FA leaning more towards DA here, when I’m dating and we spend a lot of time together or talk/text a bunch I typically take time to myself after. It can be pretty overwhelming “dealing” w my partners i…

>I have had conversations with my partner over time about attachment styles, and they eventually determined that the descriptions of Avoidant Attachment sounds awfully familiar to them. They have star…

I was with my partner for 2 years and he ended things over the phone. I did nothing to make him feel unsafe, ever. He simply took the easy way out. He didn’t want to see the hurt on my face and feel…

I agree it was a shitty thing for him to do, but “I did nothing to make him feel unsafe, ever” is a statement you should probably introspect on and consider unpacking with a therapist. For one, if you…

What's the difference between rationalising a relationship into the ground and fleeing, and it 'just not working for them'? Because anyone can say 'it's just not working'. It's a catch all excuse. An…

"And if someone ghosts, maybe they didn't feel emotionally safe enough to communicate openly with you." This is the most equivocating, invalidating, dismissive bullshit I've ever seen. There is a di…

Take time to actually get to know someone, go slow, keep things light at first, don't jump into a relationship. Instead think about true compatibility in things like communication, lifestyle, values, …

I definitely have much less and less tolerance for dismissive avoidant individuals once I identified those traits in my mother, realized they’re a root of pretty much all my lifelong trauma, and start…

Worst thing I heard my FA say was their excuses for the silent treatment and stonewalling. "Can't you just enjoy the silence for once?!" Trying to make toxic behaviors a positive is a red flag for me …

Haha didn’t work with mine, he would have been sooooo happy if I just didn’t text… he was such a little scamp. He had an excuse for everything… when it came to missing my call or not texting, the list…

All the nice words he said are just that: words. And excuses. When two people are away and didn't really have much time to really create a strong bond, anything can happen. First, once you saw he's le…

I've been reading people's experiences with partners who have borderline personality disorder, and I keep wondering... Is it possible for someone to not have a meltdown for a whole year before it happ…

Super invested with me until we moved in and things got real. Not that sex is everything but went from 3hr can’t get enough of you multiple times a week to nothing almost the day we moved in together.…

I don't know your situation, but it reminded me of my own, so I'll share in case it might be relevant. (Also: I'm sorry you had to go through that-- that sounds horrible. There's no excuse for that ki…

It’s a team sport for sure. But you’re right, it doesn’t mean everybody has to be a part owner to equal degrees. But I think a lot of “solo” founders use it as an excuse not to learn to work with ot…

I too, am a solo founder and I learned to build apps with no code like a champ. There really is no excuse nowdays with AI. I just built a Deep Work timer with Lovable and Supabase, and I have three mo…

I am a FA learnt secure, and I'll say almost half of the women I have dated are avoidants. Ken Reids and Dr Sarah Hensley have given lots of advice on this. I'll paraphrase them: 1) Ask them early,…

True. We can all have struggles from trauma but if we're aware of them and actually trying to work on it, that is amazing but using trauma as a reason to not even try is complete BS. and as an anxiou…

Before I say anything else, I want to say that there's no excuse for abuse, including emotional abuse. Ever. I'm sorry to hear you've experienced that. I also don't think an anxious person should sac…

I actually agree with a lot of this. I used to be a completely unaware avoidant. Shut down, withdrew, pushed away people who loved me and then blamed them for needing too much. And for a long time, I…

When I was younger I was anxious. In my late 20's I started self-help and working on boundary control, which fixed a lot of that and left me more secure. Committing to a career and conducting myself a…

>The excuse would sound something like "You're too needy," or "You're too insecure," or "You're trying to control me," which causes the partner to start doubting their own very reasonable boundaries a…

>Avoidants should swear off dating forever and leave us who are actually capable of love alone!! 😡 What gets me is there are plenty of avoidant attachers who aren’t dating at all. Better yet, many a…

>Better yet, many are up front and say they don’t want anything serious/don’t want a relationship. I lost count of how many times others will be like, “Avoidants use that as an excuse to hurt you late…

My husband cheated, multiple times. I love and care for him, and do believe he loves me (in what way is up for debate). Some of his actions are related to insecure attachments and childhood sexual tra…

If I were you I admit I’d probably be curious about what he had to say. But being real, it probably isn’t going to be about taking accountability, it’s probably going to be excuses. (Not necessarily i…

Seems like a person who got spooked and having escaped unscathed has calmed down, reflected, and realized that perhaps their anxiety was irrational. And that is a good indicator that when times get to…

Honestly where did you come to the conclusion you are FA and not AP, you definitely lean anxious and if that "work excuse" gal is secure, then yes she is taking it slow because she senses your insecur…

Who said anything about enabling? And ur right they don’t decide but when they truly care, yes they can see things not going the way they want it to go. Sometimes that leads to no change but for other…

Like I said in my reply to the above comment, I realized I blurred the lines between friendship and coworker. I’ve said this as well when I apologized to her. I’m not saying this as an excuse but she …

Having children is important to me and that’s not going to change because the other person is not interested in having children. If the other person is opposed to having children, then forming a roman…

Absolutely. When my avoidant stated his excuses for the fun being over, I wanted to cry and rage at the fakeness of his excuses, and unfairness, and how I didn't do shit wrong to him, etc etc. But I …

Well, I sadly had experience with avoidant before and I knew some patterns. Unfortunately for me I didn't recognize it fast enough, at the point where, I think, I could discuss it better and maybe bre…

I hear you. And appreciate what you're saying. Thing is, DA's have a bad habit of ignoring an expressed need from a partner or hearing it as "neediness" or clinginess. Expressing a need can be seen …

Im healing FA myself and my unaware FA avoidant leaning did this all the time. She was hard people pleaser aswell and when time passed i couldnt trust anymore what she said to me. I really understand …

I mentioned before the breakup that I thought I was AP and that he was DA which he originally denied and said he was secure, then 6 weeks after he reached out regarding returning items. I knew it was …

What I would say is that you should decide if you can deal with this long term. In my case, this is the second time we've had an explosive fight like this, where he goes into a full on defensive spi…

You can lead a horse to water…anyway props to you OP. I invested almost six years into mine. I almost lost myself in the process. I told him this morning the ball is in his court going forward. I’m mo…

No? I’ve never yelled at anyone or pointed my finger at anyone. In fact, it took me several years to even begin advocating for myself instead of just rolling over and letting people hurt me. When I’m …

That is interesting. I would say he is also leaning avoidant, but during the relationship, maybe because I lean anxious. Once we broke up it seemed his anxious side took over and he missed me. Do you …

Also noted that his apology about how he was "toward the end" is followed up by "I'd love to talk to you about what was going on," implying there was a *thing*, probably situational, that caused him t…

Oh, we're talking about the sex part now? I thought we were talking just about leading the relationship in general 😁 In sex though, I don't think im motivated exactly by bounding them so they can't r…

I don't grieve after breakups. Like, at all. If not for my AA ex I would think Im a psychopath or something, because my love can be shouted dead with just a few words like that. It's like an unforgiva…

Congrats on your hard-won self-awareness! It sounds like it was painful and difficult and you're still grieving. I just find one part problematic: >I decided to go on a rescue mission, for myself, a…

Stop trying to find excuses for this immature behaviour. Instead ask yourself why you’re willing to put up with this abuse. Because the silent treatment is exactly that.