normalized

This is incredibly valid. The pain is highly disproportionate from what should ever be expected and/or "normalized". People with cPTSD are often shattered and building back pieces of themselves so de…

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

THINGS TOXIC "SHIFTERS" SAY/DO (they are more normalized than you think) — Soo days back I made a post voicing frustrations about my shifting experience and mentioning a few a of my roadblocks. Two days ago I shifted successfully to the Odyssey and when I came back to my cr…

I (21M) have survived two decades of severe physical, emotional, and financial abuse from my Indian parents. I'm finally exhausted and need to tell my story. I am not free yet. — # TL;DR: I'm a 20-year-old only child in India who has endured severe physical, verbal, emotional, and financial abuse from my parents since toddlerhood. They have beaten me, medically neglected me, …

Your birth is seen as a debt that you must repay — I’ve been trying to figure out why so many narcissist parents treat their children the way that they do. The guilt tripping, the asymmetric hierarchy, the way that they treat others horribly. Not only…

The western treatment of Korea's feminism in hindsight. — A Korean feminist's post that I encountered on twitter made a good analogy. If a group labels itself a disability rights or working class organization, it doesn't tell you about their full political l…

Please join me in listing things that you discovered aren't normal outside your own toxic upbringing — Eta- I decided I didnt like my paragraph so I am redoing it. Eta- paragraph contains examples of child abuse, TW So as the title states, I am seeking things that were completely normal in your upbri…

Boyfriend’s ex — So me (19 F, chinese) and my boyfriend (18 M, mongolian) has been dating for 7 months but i can’t stop thinking about his past relationship (they dated for 2 years) this made me depressed, binge eat, …

I still feel like all the abuse was normal — Three months ago I had a realization that my mother was abusive my entire life. Verbally and physically. Silent treatments. Emotional neglect. Hitting me in public as an adult. About a week after tha…

Thought on boyfriend watching POV porn? — My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) have a good sex life and a good relationship. I never have to doubt that he loves me and finds me sexy as he is constantly showering me with compliments and physical aff…

At what cost is love with it? — I think relationship and men are honestly overrated and may honestly not be in my radar anymore. I wish society normalized women to live alone - with peace and dignity. I (41F) was broken-up almost …

Why the fuck do people joyfully reminisce about being abused online? — I'll just be watching some random video, not related to child abuse, abuse survivors, and abusive parents, and I'll find one comment, \*multiple\* comments happily recounting "Oh, this cat swatting th…

how do I get closure from being essentially ghosted?should I reach out myself? — hi, I've posted here before about this situation and I'm back because I genuinely need some outside perspective. I'll try to give enough context for this to make sense. I'm 20F, this was my first ev…

I feel like throwing up every time I feel jealous. — in my first relationship, the person I was with was extremely toxic and manipulative. he normalized tons of things, including obsessive love and toxic behaviors related to obsession. In my second re…

Parents staying friends with my known abuser — Just what it says on the tin.  Adoptive parents (69&70years old) are choosing to stay friends w/ my godfather(their close work friend from before my adoption). I am 29 & coming out of the FOG over m…

“Respect your parents” hits different when you were scared of them your whole childhood. — I’m 30 years old. For most of my life, I thought my childhood was normal. I thought the heavy feeling inside me was just how life is. Now I’m starting to understand it wasn’t normal. And it wasn’t m…

I gossip way too much about people I don't like — Generally I can't really sit with the discomfort of a person, perhaps for deeper reasons, and I need to externalise that by confiding in others. For example, the guy at my work is absolutely miserable…

Why is it so normalized for people to gang up on a victim? — I saw a video of a muslim girl made sitting in a car with. song over the audio and the caption was something about her dad. some people in the comments were calling her ungrateful, or that she’ll regr…

(tw: csa) mental and physical growth just stopping due to prolonged abuse/having no one else around but their abusers. — ***tw: prolonged child (sexual, physical, and psychological) abuse.*** it makes me feel lonely and extremely guilty thinking about how fucked up i became as a kid due to sexual abuse i received fro…

It was so normalized that I didn't realize until I was standing in the bedroom section of an IKEA that I wasn't really allowed to touch things growing up — I don't know how to start this. I remember going to IKEA before and being incredibly uncomfortable (angry even) in more customizable areas like the bedrooms, but I was still a teen and so I think I ju…

It is very tough to make a distinction being so far removed from the individuals themselves, but I agree that as a FA, the people who have activated me the most- I also never saw them as “perfect” vs …

Okay, I will look into this person more but Steph Anya is an LMFT. You might want to search again bc dismissiveness pulls right up as an avoidant trait only. Cognitive empathy is very limiting in true…

I need to know who the fuck normalized diagnosing people with a fear of intimacy or commitment just because they don't want to text or see you as often as you want to see them. I get it's softer on ou…

He could be an asshole, or he could just be clueless. If you want to try and save the relationship, I would change your communication style to be more imperative. Tell him to hang the artwork with y…

Right! We’re grown! Like why are people perpetuating this shit? App dating culture is so toxic and it’s scary seeing it normalized and justified. What is this doing to our brains and our relationship…

Yeah, but wanting your partner to dress nicely and wanting your partner to have good hygiene and a clean house isn't exactly apples to apples. One of those feels like a nice-to-have (preference on clo…

When did it become normalized that “maybe” means “no” in dating? I can handle outright rejection, but I’m going to lose my mind if I’m strung along one more time by someone who blindsides me that he’s…

> When did it become normalized that “maybe” means “no” in dating? Like 2008 due to Facebook events.

That was a way to test you, test the waters. He is disingenuous and won’t let go of previously held beliefs. He thinks he just has to stick it out until marriage or kids and then it’s not so easy to l…

I see. I'm just trying to figure out possibilities for how your husband operates. I have a thought of what may be going on. One possibility is that maybe because you always initiate, he feels lik…

Something that helped me a lot is finding friends that are okay with occasional hugging. It's actually something I was very tense about at first but that got more normalized. Usually from other trauma…

that's awful! I'm sickened by the fact that someone who presumably "cared" about you for over 3 years would suddenly invalidate you as a person like that'. And then he started treating you like a "les…

This is a really tough situation to be in. You need to talk to him and dig into the reasons why his drinking isn’t OK and how it affects you and your child. You need to be clear that if his behavior d…

It's the opposite, being attractive makes you more of a target for predators, and you have unfortunately been groomed into accepting abusive behavior as "love" or at least normalized it.

In a traditional marriage, where you were home to care for the kids, and he was the sole breadwinner, you may likely not be in this predicament. Problem is society has normalized this dynamic and it…

Your experiences were normalized for you. It's really hard to realize that the reality you're living in isn't normal. Similarly I've really been realizing this in the past year (at 30yo). I'm getting …

it's so validating to read this thread. i've always been treated like an insolent, ungrateful child when i've tried to express how i felt harmed by my parents' behavior. it's really sad how normalized…

>A lot of society has the same mechanisms as abusers 100% this, it's been my biggest struggle in recovery. So many parts of adult life feel like replaying abuse dynamics and it's all so normalized th…

That's so sweet! I'd love to bring flowers for a woman, but it's hard to tell if she'll appreciate it. People expect you to be so subtle these days. I feel like decades ago, people were much more forw…

If you still want to give tge relationship another try, maybe try properly teach them, as if they were a kid. For real. That's what my boyfriend did for me. Every couple has a different dynamic and I …

Well you all indirectly sort of helped with your God awful advice. No I'm not going to accept it and harness it, no I'm not going to act on it and fucking "roleplay." (I broke up with her already anyw…

Musically, I distinctly remember that it was Psy and Gangnam style that opened the door slightly for an Asian song to do well in the West. It was all a big joke/lowkey banger & shared heavily but it n…

A lot of people underestimate how powerful physical touch is as a human need. Wanting closeness, hugs, and skin-to-skin contact isn’t strange or shallow. It’s a very normal part of how many people reg…

Well, I'm going to participate in this post because exactly one year ago, I received a Hashimoto's diagnosis, and I weighed 80 kilos, couldn't sleep, and was living like an old car on reserve fuel. I…

I think this also illuminates the need for non sexual non romantic touch with platonic loved ones to become more normalized in society.

Yupppp, I really hope you find that. It’s such a special feeling having that safe person you can go to and trust, it’s a shame how normalized casual interactions with romance are, people’s feelings an…

So I'll preface by saying I don't have vast experience in this realm. I'm also a hetero male, so I come from that experience. I do have some thoughts I think are relevant: 1. I think people believe t…

And this shouldn’t be relevant to it but the counsellor was white so I assume what might count as abuse in her eyes, is known to be normalized in a lot of asian cultures. So she might not have been su…

Felt. Sometimes I make art and never finish it. I give up too easily after being conditioned to not get my hopes up. I feel as if I don't deserve to be recognized after being overly criticized, bullie…

I think when things were humming along we all kinda coped..then Covid gave a lot of people time alone with themselves. Maybe for the first time since they were a young. So, we got in these bubbles, a…

The age here (major city in U.S.) women are starting with fillers and Botox is now mid 20’s. Younger for lip filler, or tweaking their chin and nose shape in lieu of surgery. Not saying it’s a good th…

100% normalized in your 20s here now. They call it preventative.

Can people be saved? NO Can people save themselves? Yes. Does you husband want to? NO You need to get therapy for yourself and your kids and walk away from the lying cheater. Have some pride wo…

Oh yeah. I was grateful my Dr didn't think I was totally insane. But this stuff needs to be normalized.

As someone who grew up in inter generational trauma and where abuse was normalized in my culture I personally treat this book more as an introduction/stepping stone that gives people permission to rea…

I think that's just people in general. If something isn't normalized, they think it's abnormal, thus labelling it all as bad. Then they light up a cigarette while thinking "damn these people who do we…

It won't be long before Palantir becomes normalized and people start getting gaslit for paranoia, honestly wouldn't shock me

Staying in touch with someone you have been with should be acceptable. That being said SAYING YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITHOUT THE DESIRE TO HOOK UP AFTER... That is different... He either was nervous a…

I agree it needs to be normalized. I'm friends with my ex-husband's high school girlfriend. They stayed friends and she and I like the same music, so we'd go to concerts. She and I got even closer w…

men and women can both be abusive, obviously. but men abusing women is baked into the fabric of our society and so is much more normalized for example, people still get married, which is a system bas…

I “heard” about it too. It just took me till relatively recently to really understand it. I’m a woman, but because I was taught that the men around me are nice guys and was treated as wrong for being …

You've been together five years. You've probably normalized his behavior in your mind, but it's not loving at all. You know this isn't how you want to be treated for the rest of your life. If you don'…

That’s not to say people cant love each other if they’re from different backgrounds. Yoko Ono was probably a controversial choice for John Lennon for example. Im sure they get more subtle racism also.…

Honey... Did you even read the last one??? Also why is everyone assuming that doing the opposite of these = garentee one-size fit all tips??? I never said this post was exempt to what I said about med…

You are definitely experiencing something I had. What kind of sucked for me is that I'm kind of a realistic pessimist with a touch of whimsy positivity on the outside . So, my thoughts invited the wor…

This concept of avoidants is horrible and shouldn't be normalized

This is so heartbreaking. Our standards for society, what we put up with such that CEOs and the top wealthy class can take 6 months off, have vacations anywhere anytime, with no insecurities about ret…

I think it varies. I’m glad that cutting parents off and not using the whole “blood is thicker than water” way of thinking has been more normalized. If someone’s parents make them miserable or sad or …

Yes! This is my mom. She shames me for marrying my narcissistic ex but she’s the reason why I married him. She and her husband normalized narcissism for me. I married someone just as image conscious, …

I think it's because it's true and the people saying it think the right solution is rug sweeping and suppression/repression. If THEY weren't allowed (or won't allow themselves) to really feel and pr…