hurt me

I don't openly speak about this because I know people will accuse me of kink shaming and being a bad person when I say it but, to be frank, yes I'm a kink shamer. I'm also a CSA and SA survivor. I ful…

Considering a move from big tech to a small company. Worth the risk? — I know this sub leans junior, but hoping to get some advice from senior folks. Especially people in Bay Area, NYC, or Seattle-type tech scenes. Tagging this as Job Search and not Senior Only because I…

DAE feel like they want to be in a relationship but don’t really know how to? Intimacy problems? — I mean in terms of intimacy. When I think about being in a relationship, the concept of having someone in my corner that I can cuddle with, do things with, nurture and support and generally love—that …

Sp related question — I have been try to manifest ex sp for a while now . Which is 2 months to be precise And we have been friends in the whole process. Selectively calling but texting twice daily for random catching ups…

Losing (F23, AA) my mind in my relationship with my (F22, DA) sister. — We’ve had some real struggles, and I’m at a loss for what to do. I feel generally pretty secure outside of this one relationship, but recently it’s been making my AA flair up in my romantic partnersh…

Working on becoming secure has made me more susceptible to toxic relationships — I think. Here's the thing, I'm fearful avoidant, and before I was aware of attachment styles at all the moment a person I was interested in made me feel at all rejected in the slightest (took too lo…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

DAs, do you find that you avoid things in wider aspects of life, not just relationships? — I’ve noticed that I sometimes avoid things that stress me out. For example, I avoid looking at my bank account and I just don’t look at it unless I absolutely have to, because it makes me stressed. I …

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…

A letter to my fearful avoidant ex — 31st December 2025 So here we are. Another night, another thought. It’s been nearly 25 days since Eddie left me. Recently, so many emotions have been running through my mind. I never thought I would…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…

Why Manifestation can FEEL Forced and Unrealistic (Success & Guidance) — Today I came upon a realization that many people do not have for most of their lives. It was the realization that our feelings and the meanings that we attach to them are also affirmations. Right no…

Any clue what could have happened? — I took a heroic dose of dmt last year. I had every intention to communicate with whatever I may have seen during the experience. I hit my rig until I couldn't anymore, I had been sitting on my brother…

True kindness is displayed under circumstances where being unkind would have been justified. — I am currently reading Marcus Aurilleus' *Meditations* as my first Stoic book. > When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, …

Am I crazy? I feel like a stalker. — I (26F) don’t understand how my ex (31M) switched on me overnight, and I’m struggling to cope. We dated for almost a year. At first, he was obsessed with me. He talked constantly about our future mar…

My (26/M) Girlfriend (26/F) Of 6.5 Years Emotionally Cheated and I Don’t Know What To Do — My (26/M) girlfriend (26/F) and I met our first year of college and started dating shortly after. We went through Covid together, graduated together, and started living together about 2 years ago. We…

Coworker with anxiety simply stopped talking one day — I don't have anxiety disorder myself. But in Dec I randomly started talking to a coworker from another team (our work and teams are completely unrelated to each other) who does. Apologies in advance f…

Why do I struggle to form intense friendships/relationships? — Hi everyone Since young I’ve always had a bit of an insecurity about not having much intensity or overt vehemence to my personality and I think it’s affected my relationships with people for a while …

I was going to be incredible — I was such a smart kid. A gifted child, kind and clever and great at academics. Everyone said I was going to change the world. I could have done so much. Instead I am thirty and I am frozen with terr…

Can you still think of your WS as a ‘good person’? — I was having a random conversation with my WH today about something… and he said, “Well, I’m a good person, so I could never do that…” I was quiet for a beat, but eventually agreed with him… though I…

Does anyone have any insight into my difficult relationship with my mom? — I'd be curious for insight as to why my dad was the way he was, too, but mostly my mom. (Since my dad wasn't really there to hurt me, he hurt me in a different way than she has.) I won't trauma dump t…

Idealization vs Devaluation: how it looked like for me — Tldr: Just read the Idealization and devaluation parts.  ## Idealization * You're a king! * You sexy tiger, handsome god of a man * You're the best!  * Gives gifts early on in the relationship * On…

I (37F) am tired of my boyfriends (45M) cleaning OCD and the comments it comes with. Is this workable? — My boyfriend is very smart, caring and kind in so many ways, but we're not on the same page about cleaning. I feel like a broken record bc I know this is an issue in many relationships, but what's hap…

Just feel so disappointed in myself all the time — I just can't help being so disappointed and sad about myself all the time. I constantly feel like I've been a disappointment, and that no matter what I do, I won't be able to escape that, and I'll end…

Considering divorce from my husband. I need perspective. — Hey everyone, I've been lurking, but it's my first time posting, so sorry if this is inappropriate. For starters, I'm not asking for advice, as in "what to do", but more like perspective in case I'm …

why do I feel bad for someone who emotionally cheated on me? — why do I constantly feel bad for someone who hurt me numerous times? I just had a recent partner of 4 years emotionally cheat on me and for some reason all I feel is bad for THEM. we are no longer tog…

I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…

My husband [M31] let slip in a compliment that he thinks his ex was prettier than me [F28] and I can't stop thinking about it. How do I let it go? — EDIT: I have made an update to this post for everyone, see here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1rwh3g2/update\_my\_husband\_m31\_let\_slip\_in\_a\_compliment/](https://www.r…

The most disgusting thing they do. — Im sure I’m not the only one who has experienced this.. The most disgusting thing that my ex has done is made be believe I could trust him. We were friends for years prior to us dating, and he would …

A couple great tips for easier Revision. — Revision is an extremely important yet underrated technique. After going through an event that "future" manifesting just wouldn't solve, I knew the only thing that would fix this situation is to chang…

If your ex blindsided you, no contact probably will make them come back. — This is long- but I hope someone in NC with their ex in hopes they’ll return will read this because this is reality. I had an ex I loved so so much. We were together for 6 years, from when I was a t…

I have to leave tonight, I'm not safe. Am I missing anything? — I'm 19(f), living with my parents in Alabama. Shit hit the fan last night, and my parents had me locked in a room all night without any of my devices. They physically hurt me and yelled at me and…

Are aliens helping us or hurting us? — For the past two or so years Ive been stuck in this very strange alien encounter where entities claiming to be aliens have taken over my mind, specifically my internal voice and imagination, but they …

BF stayed in contact with an old hookup. Should I be worried? — Dating a wonderful man for almost two years. We both are divorced and were cheated on. So we’ve both come into this acknowledging that trust is hard for us but we’ve consistently communicated well. I …

Why do people have it out for me? — Hi all, I’m new to this sub and don’t know the terms or anything, but I have always felt in tune with nature, energy and have always the ability to read peoples emotions very easily. I’ve also alway…

My (23M) girlfriend (26F) desires less sex and has slowly stopped initiating. When are things deemed as sexual incompatibility? — My (23M) girlfriend (26F) has, over the course of our 3 year long relationship, wanted less sex. At the start of our relationship, we were going at it like crazy. Daily, if not twice a day. Over time …

How do I (39F) forgive my husband (39M) for making a fake vet appt for our senior dog? — My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 4, and have 2 kids with another on the way. We have also been best friends since we were in middle school up until we started dating. A …

My (M19) Gf (F19) constantly asks for details on me being raped because she "can't wrap her head around it", is this worth it? — Me and my gf (both 19) have been dating for 2 years. 4 or 5 months before we started I was raped by an older woman. She tried to play being my friend and it just happened. I have never told anyone ab…

IF YOU ARE 30+ USING NC — If you’re 30+ using the “no contact” method as a means to “Get your ex back”, DON’T. This is long. I just met up with my ex for the first time in 3 months. I was nervous, worried & genuinely conce…

Dealing with an energy vampire parent? — I'm pretty sure my dad's an energy vampire, anytime i'm around him i get sick, ALL the time. Which never happens on the months he's gone for work. I feel down, lazy, i don't want to get out of bed, ev…

Met my ex after a year apart. It was the best day since our breakup. Here's what happend. — A year ago, I said goodbye to someone I truly loved. A year and a half together, big plans, intense love. The breakup was painful and messy. For a year I processed it, analyzed it, doubted myself. Ev…

the narcissist catchphrase bingo list — edit 1: jesus christ my initial 32 I wrote already look like they arent a lot lmao (the comments in total added 45 UNIQUE PHRASES HOLY JESUS) , okay heres the updated list (most of the updates will be…

Are my mom and sister codependent? — ​ I really need some outside perspective because this situation is driving me crazy. I moved closer to my family recently, and ever since then, my relationship with my sister has gone downhil…

My ex destroyed his life after we broke up — I don’t even know why I’m writing this, but everything has escalated so much that I just need to get this off my chest. I (33F) was in a relationship for more than 14 years with my ex, let’s call him…

People with CPTSD what are things that people just don’t get about it? — There was a time when my ex-best friend told me, “I don’t understand why you’re so depressed. All you have to do is pull yourself together and get up.” Her words hurt me so bad, and she didn’t even t…

Tired of toxic connections.. can my birth chart help me finding the right people? — I’ve been trying to understand how to not stay stuck in what hurt me + somehow still find people I actually feel aligned with. I also wonder if some of these patterns make sense through my chart, lik…

How can I attract genuinely aligned friendships? (my NN is in the 11th but I have a very hard time with it) — Hi! I’m very interested in the insights of this sub bc I’m not very experienced with astrology but even less with the whole sign system. Just right now while transferring my chart in whole sign notice…

Managing anger — I've been feeling angry for a while now. I'm angry at myself for not being the person I want to be and I'm angry at my partner for hurting my heart. They weren't trying to hurt me, but I don't believe…

I (20M) haven't slept in my own bed in almost 2 months because of my (19F) girlfriend — We have been together for almost 3 years and both go to the same college. We live in dorms on opposite sides of campus. Lately I feel like I don’t have any time to myself anymore. If we’re both free, …

Anytime I've been lucid dreaming or maybe even unconsciously astral projecting I've had a recurring dream that I'm being chased by someone who I think wants to hurt me. I just heard an AP podcast talk…

Am I handling it with grace or strength, though? I'm completely torn apart and can hardly eat. I have to force myself to. The one thing I'm proud of is minimizing how much anger I feel over the betra…

I echo this about sitting in your uncomfortable feelings. Most of the time we want to rush out of those hard uncomfortable feelings but I learned that they are just feelings and emotions that can't hu…

>minimizing how much anger I feel over the betrayal Perhaps this minimization is a form of self defence. I also feel the same way. We are still living together and I don't want that to be stressful. …

I think its more about your relationship to it, like personally and privately. Before you bring your caregiver into the conversation. If you hurt your child by ignoring their feelings when they were c…

lol majority of posts in here come across veryyy differenty to me. More like: “my partner / ex is avoidant. They hurt me constantly in a multitude of ways. I’ll list numerous negative qualities about …

I’m FA. I hate people I cared about a week ago, yes. If they hurt me on purpose or they are revealed to be a manipulative or disingenuous person. Then the love I had for them has nowhere to go, and tu…

Living through this right now. Was dating a DA last year and I really liked her, but she would put me down and be generally disrespectful at times. She would often say things that minimized our relati…

Are you asking to empathize with or seeking revenge 😏 As a recovering DA: betrayal of any form. Mind you betrayal can only be felt for the few that walls were let down for. This takes awhile…for me …

According to the science, DAs are triggered/hurt by criticism, conflict and closeness. My DA ex also expressed feelings of guilt when he would hurt me. He would actually say “I’m sorry you feel hurt b…

I had something kinda similar happen recently, and I totally understand why you're hurt over it! I can't even imagine that situation, honestly. Mine was different (and still is) because we met online …

Great observation. Ever since I've had a situationship with an avoidant, I came to notice this a lot in songs. I've heard them written seemingly from the perspective of each side... more commonly anx…

Thank you for sharing your experience 💜 Although I am feeling frustrated and have some resentment towards this person and this probably comes across in my post, I also do have compassion for him. He…

Thank you so much for your answer! So, so much good advice. ''it's really strange, but I can actually feel when I flip from anxious to avoidant.''-- I just wanted to share with you: I too can tell …

I'm an FA that leans anxious, and this never bothers me unless I'm in romantic relationships. Platonic relationships with friends that disappear never hits the same for me. Quite honestly, and as som…

Yes, I am fairly secure & friendly guy and almost want to  have more authentic friendly relationships, she probably wanted a casual banter acquaintance. It hurt me & had to try very hard not to fall i…

I totally felt the same, like he loved me but had contempt anytime I had a need or comment that somehow threatened him. Like “yeah, so” turns completely cold::: and just sooo many easy ways out, shots…

I totally feel you. It hurts a lot and we feel trampled on by their harsh words. At least I knew that he was not trying to hurt me on purpose. Emotional immaturity is not easy to deal with.

Omg!1!! How dare u. I've been thru so much and now this. Is it really so bad to want to know why My DA hurt me so much despite me being literally an angel who is innocent as a newborn baby with inten…

I am highly skeptical of people online armchair diagnosing anyone as a narcissist. 9/10 it just means "person that hurt me". It seems to be a way to write someone off and never have to understand thei…

I feel this. as a female FA who leans anxious (specifically towards men) I can relate a lot because in my female friendships, a lot of the time you're expected to be an emotional rock all the time for…

Ahh, gosh!! What a coincidence. I'm sorry you have such poignant memories associated with this image, but, perhaps it would be helpful to see them as a source of strength: that you care so much about …

My view is, they had their chance (s) and they hurt me. Time to move on to the next person.

What I would say is that you should decide if you can deal with this long term. In my case, this is the second time we've had an explosive fight like this, where he goes into a full on defensive spi…

People are everything. They're fickle, they're stupid, they're disagreeable, they shove you away at times, they're not solid...but they're also beautiful, and dependeable, and deep like the sea, and e…

I think if you find yourself needing to break up to get him to fight for you then it's a clear sign of an anxious spiral. In my earlier years I used to use unconsciously manipulative protests to feel …

No? I’ve never yelled at anyone or pointed my finger at anyone. In fact, it took me several years to even begin advocating for myself instead of just rolling over and letting people hurt me. When I’m …

The fact that she brought it up so early, to me, is a green flag. Those who have been repeatedly hurt by FAs would say it’s a green flag in a sea of red, but IMO to be able to openly have discussions …

Why would an avoidant push me away, but then orbit me for almost 2 years — even while committed to someone else? I feel ashamed for being stuck on this.. I (32F) had a short but intense connection wi…

I think Fearful Avoidant - I know someone has a great counter argument in the above comments - but it’s a complete myth that fearful avoidants don’t crave intimacy The crucial part of fearful avoida…

I'm so happy for you!! I also stopped talking to someone I used to talk all day and I spiralled at first, but I realized that after talking to them once and telling them how I felt and the ways that t…

Hi everyone, I’m in my early 20s, and recently I went through my longest relationship so far — almost 2 years — with someone who is also my age, and has BPD. I have AuDHD on top of everything. Our rel…

TL;DR: when an avoidant asks for a break, is it real? Ive been dating an avoidant guy for like four months. He had ended a 9 year relationship a year ago and I ended an 8 year relationship recently.…

I need to vent and word-vomit my story, in this community, as I just found it and it might really help me. Can someone tell me what they think? My avoidant attachment gf broke up with me (anxious att…

Hi OP! I can totally relate to this. Having anxious attachment makes fights feel huge, like your whole world is about to fall apart. I’ve done the same thing honestly, cried, begged, and felt complete…

I've been dating this woman for 3 months, fantastic, love her. The honeymoon period ended pretty abruptly when she suddenly "stopped feeling it". A couple days, therapy sessions, and some very long co…

My relationship is still less than a year old and is long distance. I love my girlfriend very much and I know she loves me and she has put up with various of my problems and supported me and has been …

I usually just try to focus on something or write down my feelings if it's too overwhelming. I don't really know why I'm like this, but I do tend to take a little while before feeling fully trusting a…

So… I have dated someone with DID before. Dissociative Identity Disorder. In these individuals, when anything even remotely stressful happens; they will quite literally turn into a different person. L…

I’m sorry this is the case for you. I’ve been cheated on in most of my serious relationships. That is a reflection more on my ability to choose a trustworthy partner rather than attachment style. I ig…

Perhaps your "FA" was actually BPD. I've never seen any of my partners as either perfect or trash. The person who triggered my attachment system the most, I saw as either charming and attractive, or s…

Wow I am sorry. I have felt similarly before and it is such a terrible thing to experience. There was a time, even, where I was paranoid that I was NPD (despite being, if anything, the complete opposi…

Also, my ex would do similar things like you described. If I voiced I was concerned I had BPD and shared “why,” he would be supportive in the moment but the second there was conflict he would weaponiz…

I went through a devastating break up three years ago. My ex was a dismissive avoidant. We were in couples therapy before the breakup. I kept seeing the same therapist after the breakup and that’s whe…

I’m 22 this month and had to breakup with the only person I’ve been in love with back in September. I originally ended the relationship due to too much toxicity and fighting, the usual bs At first I …

I am not sure what you said here: “… he thought he had hurt me during sex and told me it was over. But as soon as I said that it was like something changed…”. I am very confused. 🙈 Could you please…

He thought he hurt me during sex, so he said it was over because he did not wanna hurt me in any way. I told him he had not hurt me, and then I made a the general statement that I was with him because…

My partner and I had a disagreement about living arrangements. They feel ready to decide to move in together when my lease ends in 6-ish months while I am still not sure I’ll be ready. We didn’t have …

Definitely go to therapy! It helped me immensely. The biggest takeaway, which also ended up being the hardest thing for me to learn, is the importance of boundaries. Boundaries are there to protect yo…

Edit: I will just share my experience here. I have to say I did something counter-intuitive. I basicly said that I fully acceppt her decision and in a manner of calm loving person I told her about how…