protector

My wife of 10 years physically attacked me. I’ve built a successful life from nothing, but the abuse and isolation are life-threatening. Need an exit strategy. — **The Background:** I am 29 Years old man . I married in 2016 while I was a student with zero income. My father supported us, and my wife chose to stay with me in the city during my university years. …

I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…

Black and white thinking — Hi, how do you guys deal with black and white thinking? I didn't know what this was until recently. My therapist suggested that I make a pros/cons type of list to get a better understanding. For me,…

Please help me: My husband did something he doesn't remember — I want to start by saying I love my husband I'm just so lost and I don't know what to do for myself or for him. When he was young he was sexually abused by a kid in his neighbourhood. He was around …

Planetary Answers from a Lucid Dream "Tom Cruise" — I've had lucid dreams sporadically for a while with a group of dream characters/people in them who I've dubbed 'the family.' Most of them look unfamiliar to me (just regular looking people, though man…

I’m (37f) 25w pregnant with our second kid but can’t shake the feeling that my partner (39m) of 7 years is not what I need — TL;DR: I (37f) am 27w pregnant with my partner’s (39m) second child. Wondering if the relationship is right after feeling strong feelings that I need a more “masculine” and sexually driven partner, or…

Is this real life? I wish I'd never started therapy. — Here we go. When I had my daughter, I promised myself I'd never do the things my mother did - namely, hitting her. That's back when I thought that was the worst thing my mum did to me growing up (lol…

I actually need physical proof or an admittance of guilt? — Pretty sure I already know. My profession involves data analysis and pattern recognition. Unfortunately, I also have residual trauma that provides a substantial foundation for self doubt, projection,…

Fiance had horrifying experience with what he thinks is an angel. any insight? — My Fiance is the kind of person who doesn't believe in anything supernatural and has never astral projected nor does he know anything about it. However, last night he told me about how he both ap and …

I don't even know. — this is gonna be pretty jumbled. sorry in advance i have family, that have such a detachment when it comes to sexual abuse. most of the women in my family have been abused. I was by my adopted sibli…

After 10 years as a secret protector, I was branded a monster to cover her tracks. — I am just now coming to terms with the fact that I spent a decade in a high-pressure trauma loop. For ten years, I was the secret partner of a woman from a high-status religious family. At her explici…

It helps me have a better relationship with myself when I let my protector part shit on avoidants.

Very astute observation with IFS: It happens infrequently, but it can actually encourage psychosis and dissociative conditions due to think of oneself as a multiple rather than integrated whole, so it…

You're not broken ❤️ your old protector is just not needed anymore. The wounds which seek to keep you safe worked for you when you were younger, they helped you stay alive in a world where caregivers …

Hey, I remember asking you something about IFS/parts work in a different sub a few days ago :) It's a bit of a strange situation in the country I live in that it's usually only the non-medical practi…

Haha it's a small world! My deactivation was definitely a protector part: 'stop caring otherwise you might become vulnerable and then you could get hurt' is the basic MO. The underlying exile was a l…

He’s making that decision for himself, not you. You are experiencing some level of hurt right now, correct? Don’t let a man tell you how to feel or how you’re going to feel. He’s acting in his own sel…

i dont like taylor swift and so i just didn't listen to her lol. you don't have to like and share everything your partner likes. if you can't be playful about the things you disagree on, then yeah it …

lol nope! Goalposts was always moving and I wasn’t the golden child. I had a nervous breakdown from a combination of work and personal stress, had to take leave from work, continued my already extensi…

A lions body is typically associated with Sekhmet. She is the protector of the royal tombs. A lot of folks report strange things around her statue in Karnak and report issues with photographing it som…

I try to listen to my body. Some days are tough, I try to be understanding and self compassionate with myself, which is hard due to the toxic inner critic. I have a photo of me as a baby and interac…

My wife was similar. Our couples therapist shared this with me in a 1:1 session - "..She's a grown woman. She has a college degree. She is capable of providing for herself. She can get a job. You'll b…

The new one had its issues, but wouldn't call the concept of having a Pan-Asian group like that racist. It suffered for having too large of a cast and being more like the "Amadeus Cho show" than a fu…

Damn your Mars in cancer has that fierce protector energy, especially as the youngest with Gemini rising keeping you adaptable af. But Pluto squaring moon? Explains the abuse and no one having your ba…

I'm happy you've found some measure of peace and health, especially if you're a contact experiencer, which is often inherently stressful. But I'm not here to just say niceties, I'm on a mission. The m…

I feel the same way about my mom I believe she would get off on me begging her to stop and like the enemas themselves I think was some sick fetish and that made me realize later on in life that I need…

That’s so wonderful that you broke the cycle and chose to be a protector! That’s what children need! They need to be protected and they need to know that they’re seen and heard and having emotional ti…

One of them said they are my guide / protector

IFS therapy has you label it as a protector voice, but a misguided one. It’s not from your core self. Labeling it helps you set it aside.

They do this because if you do try to go to police or stand up for yourself, they would have "proof" that you are bad too. That this is a "both sides" thing and they are not the only one at fault. Esp…

Point of view from a man (32M) who’s been in a relationship for the past 2 years. Open communication is very important imo, sometimes you are going to hear things that you don’t want to hear and vice…

I’m more on the anxious side (either AP or FA leaning anxious) but have you looked into internal family systems (IFS) at all? I am still new to it but if I am understanding its ideas correctly. Not …

> I do wonder how much of it is being caused by more traditional negative factors (e.g. bad fathers) Louis Theroux was just talking about this on Triggernometry. Apparently more than a little.  I …

Your dad is a controlling jerk, probably has bad case of testosterone poisoning. Very toxic. You clearly are a very mature and responsible person, it's too bad he can't see that. Put as much …

You are definitely experiencing something I had. What kind of sucked for me is that I'm kind of a realistic pessimist with a touch of whimsy positivity on the outside . So, my thoughts invited the wor…

1. Dated a narc coworker (I know I know terrible decision) she was inquiring about hanging out outside of work March 2024 while she still was in a relationship she labeled abusive. That was my first…

Yep. Dad was verbally abusive, emotionally unstable and barely around because he worked away. I watched him make my mum cry, I grew up petrified of him and feeling like I had to be the protector of my…

In my case, nothing could be further from the truth!!! I begged, pleaded, cried to matter!!!! To be as important as ALL the other things that came before me!!!! He simply took for granted that i would…

Why does your husband keep infecting you with his illnesses? Some protector

You want to control these feelings? Using CBT, feelings, thoughts and actions form an interconnected triangle. We can only change thoughts and actions, which indirectly change feelings. This is one wa…

I relate. I have practiced numerous variations of the Vipassana path for about 12 years. Lots of weekend sits, a few 10-day and week-long retreats. Daily practice for bursts of a few months of consist…

Yeah so the same people that told me as a child in the 80’s to “suck it up” and “stop being so sensitive “ are the same IFS protectors and managers that get triggered. Like I should suck up being negl…

When I turned 26... I'm 28 now. I realized that I really didn't have any 'protectors' because my parents were the type that say, "family is family" and allowed PEDOS to be around me and my cousins a…

Really interesting question, it made me really think. My "role" was a protector, defending all others, even if it damaged myself, physical or otherwise. I was/am an afterthought in all things, des…

Hey this has happened to me a handful of times in my 20s, 27F now. I know how awful and embarrassing it can feel. Take care of yourself as much as you can. And for some practical advice, get a mattres…

What if it's that he's insecure and built up this story/scenario in his mind of failure after failure after the first time and then psyched himself out too much to where he retracted and then began to…

I created my own world, as I later would learn is called a "paracosm". I had control there, I was more powerful and nothing could tear me down especially when I fought alongside my friends on the epic…

I do IFS therapy, and when we do parts work, one of the steps is asking a protector part to give your inner self space to step back and observe the protector part without being enmeshed in the feeling…

I am of the belief that there are many practices and methods of creating space and pause and being able to observe ourselves. Different ways of describing concepts that can be hard to describe but sta…

Absolutely men and women can just be good honest friends, with meaningful emotional benefits and mutual support. I lived in a house with 5 guys at university as the only female (platonic household a…

I think you hit on something here OP. Genuine. I have had people say that phrase to me or even just sit quietly and not verbally reply with such a communicated sense of pain and sadness that is genuin…

I misss my J beyond anything I can explain I still tear up daily if not cry and cry in the worst heartbreak ive ever in 40 years experienced, not sure my soul will keep safe. I cant fall asleep with o…

This is how isolation starts. He's targeting your protectors.

Hopium is a powerful drug that clouds judgement and makes decision making difficult. A relationship is either two yes or one no. She has told you she votes no, believe her and act accordingly she a…

It sort of reminds me of internal family systems therapy where you have individual parts and one is a protector part just trying to do its job to protect you from another part. So the anxiety was prot…

Simple, there are cases where therapy has made couples stronger despite what people said about fuck cheaters; that’s not objective advice, that’s just rage. I’ve once cheated on my girlfriend whom I…

In the context of Hathor, the bull was known as the Apis Bull. There was an actual bull that was picked to be the living representation of Ptah (the architect god who spoke the world into being). Whe…

Is this some psyop or something? Second post I read today about needing a male partner to be a “protector.” Whatever your insta algorithm is giving you, you need to chill out.

I'm sorry to hear that, but thank you so much for your perspective. I'm glad to hear there is a change or some willingness to change, even if it came so late. I feel like my father is in a similar si…

My heart goes out to you. What has been done to you and your son is devastating. If I were in your shoes I could only work through it if my husband took the steps necessary to make amends. Making am…

\*Thinks\* Yes i definitely do this a whole lot i'd say on a daily basis just fantasizing about someone i'm attached to and it's usually about them coming along to save me or help me, comfort me, hold…