book
depends
Evidence
Citations (92)
I don't mind the answer "it depends" so long as there is a "what" it depends on. It doesn't bug me that, the answer to the recipe to bake a cake is "it depends, there are many kinds of cake, in some c…
I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
What do secure bids for connection and co-regulation look like? — I am a dismissive avoidant trying to get better about reaching out to others for connection, co-regulation, emotional support, etc. I am really struggling to figure out what's normal/healthy/reasonabl…
Bf of 14 months hasn’t said I love you — My bf (35M) and I (33F) met December 2024 on a dating app and became exclusive immediately after our first date. On our first few dates he asked what I was looking for and I said I was looking for som…
Growing Up With a Perfectionist Parent Is Messing With My Sense of Self — Recently I’ve started noticing a pattern in the way my mom treats me and my siblings, and it’s been messing with my head a lot. I genuinely love my mom and I know she loves us deeply—she’s the kind of…
Asian Male Experience Living in LA? — Hey what’s up fellas. I notice this community often recommends LA for single, young Asian guys looking to date. But I feel like a person’s LA experience depends heavily on which neighborhood they l…
Why do people on shifting subs avoid sleeping methods? — Most successful shifters I know use some variation of WBTB, lucid dreaming, astral projection, or just shifting when they are already super tired. It is pretty obvious there are common threads between…
Something I wished I had heard about sooner when I struggled leaving my now nex that would've made me leave a lot earlier. — Why we stay is because of trauma bond and hope even though they play on that and say to you "if I am abusive why don't you leave", unhealed empaths stay because we delude themselves on what they could…
I believe I’ve ruined everything by praying and asking for better opportunities — My prayers has true don’t OCD, I don’t look forward to them, and dread them, I can’t miss a single nightie I fear everything I’ve prayed not to happen on previous nights will happen, it’s very long ni…
Best self improvement apps compared side by side so you don't have to download all of them — Used each of these for at least two weeks. Straightforward comparison. Habitica. RPG habit tracking. Character, gold, monster fights. Community quests for group accountability. Fun and unique. Gets c…
Anyone else feel like they’re wasting a lot of time but can’t really stop it — I’ve been thinking about this more than I probably should I have goals, things I actually want to work on, and I’m not clueless about what I should be doing but I still end up wasting hours on my ph…
It has been two years since I broke up, and here we are, folks. — It's a strange day/event to commemorate, yet it's undeniably a significant one. I feel like it's important to pay a token of respect to the journey I took. So here we are. 1. Before diving deep into …
I don’t know which subreddit to post this in, but I need answers — Sometimes I do something, where when I go to sleep, I’ll lay on my back, because it works best that way, and then I lay completely still. No movement whatsoever, and sometimes it works better than oth…
An Experiential Argument for Non-Local Consciousness and how this is connected to OBEs — This morning I woke up from two hours of dreamless sleep and a thought hit me that I haven't been able to shake since. It started simple, when you wake up from deep sleep, you had zero dreams, zero re…
Success Story: "I make $55/hr" 2 week streak F20 — To preface, I've had the knack for manifesting money here and there for around 5 years now, and I'm still in the process of fully realising my power and being in total control (ie having it come more …
Where Did you Go to Find Your Therapist? — I am a very experienced clinical psychologist with a PhD from a very strong university. I have recently left an agency where I was pressured to do unethical things (for example: record things in the m…
My peculiar version of ladder experiment + how I manifest effortlessly — This is gonna be long, but worth the read. I've been consciously manifesting for years with lots of successes but recently fell off my mental diet a bit (bc I'm human, ayo 😂) so was recommitting to…
THE ONLY ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS! (manifestation and neville) // PART 2 — SELF-CONCEPT (roll those drums caz i got my tea and i got to PREACH) i can claim to be the GOD of self concept i swear on me i got it baby and i got it sooooooo goooood (please take what you will …
THE ONLY ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS! (manifestation and neville) // PART 2 — SELF-CONCEPT (roll those drums caz i got my tea and i got to PREACH) i can claim to be the GOD of self concept i swear on me i got it baby and i got it sooooooo goooood (please take what you will caz…
A Tale of Two Easters — **Hers** I woke up with a migraine and threw up as quietly as I could with the fan on so the boys wouldn’t hear, wouldn’t worry, wouldn’t have one more thing to carry. I brushed my teeth to …
Stoic free will versus determinism — I recently posted this comment on a question regarding free will in Stoicism. I’d like any refinements or corrections to improve my understanding of free will and determinism in Stoic thought. The St…
I look for tips how (as a man) to steer the night — TLDR: first night evening vs morning. Hi! Very excited as I am getting married next weekend. The party finishes at 4:00am. From your experience, why is it better to wait until morning or take the un…
Is a person's worth is measured by how much money they can give? — I have no one to share this with, i thought I could share it here. I'm 27F in the Philippines, When I was 15 I was convinced to go find a job because my father had a mild stroke and left the half sid…
If your heart is smashed to pieces, then you REALLY need to read THIS …. — I wish someone had just sat me down and said this to me straight when I was in that awful post breakup spiral. If you want your ex back, you have to STOP making them the centre of your world. I know…
My boyfriend isn't sure about us — So recently my partner 'M21' and me 'F22' recently got into a pretty hefty argument about marriage. We've only been together for 1 year and this whole argument started when I brought up that if after …
I’m struggling to make positive habits stick and to feel happy on my own. — For 30 days I didn’t drink alcohol, didn’t check social media, and didn’t masturbate. I was also going to the gym almost every day. During the first two weeks I actually felt amazing sometimes. I had …
(25M) Bringing up my feelings led to being called controlling and wrong? By (24F) — I will be keeping things relatively vague for anonymity, I’m not sure if gf or friends are on here. As far as what happened. I (25M) and my girlfriend (24F) of 3 years had made plans to hangout over…
Why Life Can Feel Empty Even After Self-Improvement — I’ve had a better perfected version of this written and posted somewhere else. Right now I’ve wrote this as a comment, but it got a bit longer and deeper then expected, therefore I’ve decided to mig…
Has the desire to be in a relationship disappeared? — Hello everyone, It’s now been over 6 years since I’ve been single, and at my age, it feels like time to make big life decisions. The genuine desire to be in a relationship is unfortunately no longer …
i feel like my productivity depends too much on how i feel — some days i can focus for hours and get things done other days i can’t even do something simple like replying to a message i’ve been noticing a pattern lately it feels like my productivity depends …
How do I prepare for my first therapy session, and what does a first session normally look like? — I (15F) have my first therapy session tomorrow, and I am really nervous. I don't know how to prepare for it and how it's going to be like. My therapist seems nice as far as I can tell from her email…
Stoic apatheia looks like integration from the outside but is single-pole ego management of emotion, not dipolarity — **The Stoic sage achieves equanimity by bringing all emotional response under rational governance:** the passions are not *eliminated* but *disciplined* by logos. From the outside this looks identical…
my IMPOSSIBLE LIFE AND HOW I'M TRYING TO MAKE IT OKAY-ISH TO LIVE — Hi, I’m 16(F) going on 17, this september, and…I have a lot of issues, I’d consider this as a vent post, but I’m also going to be needing a sprinkle of advice and support. Today, yeah, around 6:30 am…
Feeling trapped — TW: unwanted advances, rape?, molested I’m in a relationship that’s slowly destroying me, and I don’t know how to navigate it anymore. I don't feel like I have a voice. I’ve been with my partner for…
I have never felt loved — I’m 23, and I genuinely feel like I’ve never been truly loved by anyone. Because of the birthmark on my face, people have mocked me, laughed at me, and made me the subject of gossip for something I n…
Question regarding dharam karmadhipati yoga — I'm still in my learning phase and was wondering about this particular yoga. I've heard it happens when 9th and 10th lord are in same house, parivartan or something regarding it. I'm looking for mor…
My (23F) boyfriend (26M) plans his life around football and I come second how do I address this without sounding harsh? — I’ve 23f been with my boyfriend (26M) for 3 years, we moved in together. He is really into football, which I initially didn’t mind, but it’s starting to feel like everything revolves around it. His m…
How could you do this to me? — How do you let go when they were everything to you? How do you accept the sad reality that you might never see them again? I was so in love with you. I guess I still am, even after everything that…
I don’t want my husband to sell Pokemon cards anymore… — I (28F) have been struggling to keep my frustrations in any longer when it comes to my husband’s (28M) new full time gig being a Pokémon vendor. All of this started towards the beginning of our relati…
How do you know if you’re falling out of love or just emotionally exhausted? 30F & 29F — I think I don’t love my (30F) girlfriend (29F) the same way anymore. We’ve been together for 5.5 years, and we broke up yesterday. She told me that I often seem annoyed or irritated when I’m with her…
Astral Projection: Quick Start Guide — This post contains guides, FAQs and the fundamentals that are suitable for both beginners and experienced members. Explore the links, videos, Astral Projection stories from experienced community membe…
It just depends on what kind of beings you want to meet. Duality still exists in the Astral. Just like in physical life you can find good and bad teachers. And yes, dimensions above the Astral are gen…
Personally? Depends on my life situation but on average maybe 4-8 times a month. The amount of time that passes is usually not too different from physical time, but it can definitely differ - anywher…
We can go to all sorts of different dimensions during OBEs, it all depends on your level of consciousness. I recommend these 2 videos to start understanding the complexity of them: https://youtu.be/H…
I think it depends. Sometimes with meds still active it's easier for me to lucid dream. Other times there's no way I'm going anywhere other than watching my thoughts stream by. I've never APd, but I'…
It depends what you mean. Some people try to wake up intentionally and have a hard time, which isn’t related to how real a dream seems. But you are going to wake up sooner or later, you can’t get st…
I discovered that both statements work equally, it probably depends on how accustomed we are to the statement I think. Specifically how well we experience the meaning of the words we use. If we can us…
1. Mental thoughts don’t become physical reality. Beliefs do. Repetitive mental thoughts turn into beliefs. 2. People in your world reflect your beliefs. Perhaps upon meeting someone you had an origi…
I think it really depends on the partner and how willing they are to communicate. In my last relationship I was avoidant leaning secure and my partner was preoccupied. There were certain things I thou…
Sounds pretty avoidant. That sucks - I’m sorry. Does she actually understand how important this is to you? If so, I might try having the conversation one more time, being clear that it’s a dealbreaker…
depends on who you're talking to. I recognize the part I play in my own suffering and I'm working on that, but I'm gonna bitch too.
That depends on where you’re reading. I see plenty of attacks on AP. It’s not a contest. You’re reading here, and like you said, folks most likely to want to post about issues are AP. Head over to the…
I never said they tried, but who wants to find out that someone else emotional regulation depends on your constant presence. Again I’m talking about anxious attachment because secure people are secu…
I don't think there's a simple answer here, but my personal experience is that if I'm deactivating before having sex with someone, then it's probably just a lack of attraction/chemistry. If I deactiva…
As a man who has been on both sides of the coin… bear with me cause this is a long read but it has relevance I promise. I’ve been the anxious wreck begging and pleading. Saying stuff like “you don’t…
honestly, it's pretty situational and depends on the person and the relationship, but in general with interpersonal stuff that i have dobuts over, i try to not take any action immediately and instead …
True, but it really depends on why they're reacting that way. There's a term, 'reactive abuse', which can happen when you continually push someone else and react in what you're calling 'emotionally ma…
Depends on the team/company etc. Currently I don’t need it but knowledge of it can be handy. In my previous company we had a lot of stuff done with databases so knowledge was highly appreciated especi…
Depends on the therapy. Somatic, and EMDR, and AEDP are generally better suited for avoidants, as a lot of the reactions are tied into bodily/nervous system responses.
No straight simple answer to this. It depends on your data volume, schema, usage patterns (IE: read Vs write ratios, types of select queries), whether it's ok to serve stale data in some cases etc etc…
I am in online marketing for the past 15 years with a focus on early stage startups and scaleups.... And no... SEO is not the way to go. I welcome the phased approach to paid, but you need to unders…
It all depends if you plan to raise funding. Of the answer is yes, start marketing now. Investors won’t fund you to hire an agency at least until you figure it out. If the answer is no, and you have t…
Running a small café means juggling a lot from great service to smooth operations. That’s why having the right point-of-sale (POS) system matters. Choosing the best fit depends on your needs and budge…
Hey, [OpsLevel](https://www.opslevel.com) CTO here. We have a ton of respect for what the Backstage community has accomplished. It's impressive how they've expanded the IDP space and created a vibra…
I guess it depends on whether you think AI/LLMs are here to stay or not, but software products keep adding ai features and the cost of public LLM APIs is already very high likely to get higher. Self h…
It depends on what kind of AI you're looking to do. Smaller, tactical, modular AI applications are going well. And these All in one solutions are harder to sell. Also, for some people, they're VE…
Hey. Interesting write up, it has some good references and shows some good understanding on modern software security. Though there are some parts I would critique for feedback: >Another layer that …
Congratulations! EDI provider here, there are many of us. Much depends on what you sell, how you store product, and how you fill orders today. Happy to jump on a call or chat if you want to share more…
I think it all depends on whether or not you are able to communicate your need for space. If you just disappear without saying anything to the person you’re traveling with, dating, or communicating wi…
wow, i coulda wrote that with my FA girlfriend! i had a very similar journey and whatta roller coaster of emotions it was for a year or so. i’ve dated my fair share of avoidants in my youth, didnt r…
Its really heartbreaking when you view it this way, but suddenly all the puzzle pieces fall into place. Theres even scientific studies that back this up. When parents don't touch their kids enough a…
This seems normal for 30s to me. Guess it depends on your friend group. Maybe straight people focus more on raising kids. All the LGBT people I know (myself included) are constantly traveling, going t…
Yeah… I had a rough time with my DA ex but he never suggested sleeping with anyone while we took some time apart. As for how long, it depends on the person. He usually didn’t need more than a week b…
I tend to agree. While some alone time is fine, “space” as in “the expectations of the relationship are a problem and I want to absolve myself of the responsibility temporarily because I want to live …
Well my post was more about my experience with learning to take space and regulate myself and focus on myself instead of my previous behaviour of being completely focused on him instead. Security is a…
I think it depends on what you want. If your boyfriend is FA and he doesn't know how to regulate his feelings then the exact thing that he would do is breakup/ghost you when he started to become emot…
Hey, possibly so, but that doesn't mean that it's not great that you've actually thought about how you act and react in relationships. You \*can\* rewire your brain. Anyone can. It just depends on ho…
Fuck! How about if it depends on the relationship? I have felt that throughout my 20s, but the one relationship that lasted into my 30s, I did feel the panic thing. And still do a year later lol
It depends. If you're completely emotionally detached before it ends, and then flip - yes that's FA behaviour. It's not unusual to grow into more of one style with age.
It depends on both people. Everyone is different, but yes, people do stay with anxious people. Hugs and luck for you!
My partner is FA and I am a DA leaning earned secure. He definitely brought out some things in me that I had yet to address. We lived together for 1.5 years. Much of it was tumultuous. I moved out aft…
I think it depends a lot on the other person, if they are secure you're not triggered as much as you are when you are with an anxious or avoidant type of person.
I’m new to the whole topic of attachment theory and in taking 3 tests I got three different results, however FA and DA kind of resonated most. I just wanted to ask how did being fearful avoidant LOOK…
I think that it depends. I mean heavy texting and calling is not sustainable over time and will naturally drop off and should seek a new rhythm. If you think it is related to a conversation then you…
Yes and no… it depends on when you grieve the relationship. If you feel everything at once, immediately, that puts you on a different timeline from someone who delays facing the pain.
I totally get what you mean, like when we’re anxiously attached, it often feels like our whole sense of self depends on the other person’s attention. Being aware of it is already a huge first step, …
Like you say in the comments, some of these people are crossing your boundaries and in cases like that, it isn't a good idea to give a disingenuous response because it will most likely be taken as a g…
It depends on many factors like why or for what reason you are abandoning yourself. And what the other person in the relationship is experiencing and what they are willing or capable of. It is not som…
This is really insightful. I've noticed this habit alot with myself as an AP. I think it depends on certain DA's who tend to take a break longer vs shorter.
I guess it depends if he goes into a more "deactivated" state between conflicts or not. He will probably pull away and be more distant and more avoidant for a time. Sometimes he will get closer and lo…
Honestly? You do your utmost to develop secure attachment like your life depends on it - and then you build slow, steady and safe mutual interest into a lasting connection.