casual sex

Obviously there are no apple-to-apple alternatives. Sorry. But hear me out. I totally relate with having an alive and kicking sex drive during and after my divorce process... just not for my ex. And…

Is casual sex compatible with secure attachment? — I feel like I have a solid grasp of attachment theory after reading a fair amount of the literature over the years, but there’s a philosophical question I can’t quite resolve. Can someone who is secu…

Why is casual sex so hard? — It took me 3 years to find a man that I had explosive chemistry for a consistent casual sex partnership/FWB. Start having weekly meetups and then I turned into a crazy person dealing with the highs fr…

Nowadays, would you say it's easier to have kids / start a family in Asia or the West? — I know flings and casual sex and "game" and all that keep getting brought up in these communities, and I understand why. But let's suppose you eventually (or currently) want to settle down, take it ea…

I Stayed For WAY Too Long — I just found this sub (after watching the Ben Affleck movie *Deep Water*, which was super triggering), so I thought I'd tell you my story. Maybe someone here can relate. My ex-wife struggled with a …

How do you guys manage? — ... being single with no physical touch, especially after exiting a long marriage? As a woman in my early 40s and actively on Bumble, I made it very clear that I'm seeking a longterm relationship. I …

Me 19m and my gf 20f ass stinks during sex can someone give me some advice? — okay so me 19m and my gf 20f have been going out for around 7-8 months now. and when i was going going down on her and she was bending over i put my face down towards her ass and me and my gf are pret…

I (29F) slept with new guy (34M) for the first time and felt he was rude to me. Was he? — Dating a new guy for a month, he was a gentleman and very kind towards me. He very recently just told me how much he liked me and that I’m “pretty but most of all I’m a kind person with a good heart, …

How do I get over the fact that I lost even though I could’ve won? I’m the only one who lost and I hate her for winning. — So my ex is one who seems to just go back to exes constantly. With her other two ex’s, she went back. The first guy she went back to twice and he pumped and dumped her both times and she even followe…

Why do people get offended when I don't want to be "friends" after a breakup? — I tried talking to some friends about this and they don't understand it either so I'm hoping someone here could give me some insight. I don't know if this is relevant, but I'm a 29 year old nonbinar…

UPDATE: Exclusivity talk: when is the right time? — Hi! A few days ago I asked about the right time for an exclusivity talk: https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/u0JrQhGdh7 Thank you for all the nice replies, I want to give un update. I had…

Should I (31F) tell the man I’m dating (28M) about my last hookup? — About four months ago I was preparing to go on vacation out of the country. I knew this trip would involve meeting up with a friend-with-benefits who I had seen and slept with before. But the night be…

Anyone else get attached emotionally in relationships/after sex? — So, I started talking to this girl late March in class last year, on April 6th last year I got her number and asked her out on a date... it felt so right because I was going on vacation for a week and…

Platonic friend hangout ended up not being that at all — Hey all, I’m just trying to process something that happened recently while I wait for therapy in a couple of days. A little background: I have a lot of sexual trauma from childhood into adulthood from…

Alternatives to sex during/after divorce? — I’ve seen a lot of posts on here about people finding opportunities for casual sex during or after the divorce process. In theory, that sounds great! In my case, my sex drive is still very much alive,…

Childhood is overrated — Yesterday I wrote a post on reddit (unpopular opinion sub) that adulthood is much better than childhood. Needless to say, a bunch of people talked about how happy their childhoods were and I found tha…

How can I change for the better? — Warning: massive essay (life story) incoming. My profile should be open, so you could maybe browse what I’ve said earlier. They can be a little too much, and I can be judgmental sometimes. Some posts …

Gf dishonest about hookup — So me (27m) and my gf (24f) have been together 9 months. We matched on hinge and texted for a week, we planned our first date and talked alot over text during this time. After our first date it went r…

Advice welcome — Hey guys, need some advice about something that has been causing me a lot of pain. For context, we are both guys. Started seeing a guy in October, initially it was just casual sex but we quickly star…

“There’s something about you that’s comfortable” = “I went in hot pursuit of the person I actually desire and they rejected me so I’m back hoping you’ll still be available. After you accept this offer…

I just have a few questions: 1. If you go out on a date with someone and it goes well, you have fun, and you find out the next day that they aren't interested in continuing seeing you -- was the date…

I recently made this connection myself, I have adhd (diagnosed this year at 28) and although it’s been several months where I’ve had my diagnosis, I’ve just started coming to terms with how it’s affec…

Thank you for responding to me. Making this post was incredibly embarrassing for me because this entire situation feels absurd and the fact that it’s making me spiral so much has been really confusing…

I'm having casual sex with a guy, and we're apparently both interested in seeing each other again and again. It's casual because I absolutely don't want a relationship, and he knows that. He doesn't w…

I've been dating to find casual sex partners for a while now, and I feel like I'm attracting men who want to get close to me, even though they know I'm not interested in a relationship. They say that …

I think that hook up culture doesn't lead to anything good and I am sort of fed up that world is these days one massive hook up culture. I know few people who immediately after they go through break u…

Casual sex only exists the way it does because humans are trying to act like God, created condoms and pills. I'm not even religious. But having sex always had consequences.... before

Only secure people with no penchant for extreme feelings should be having casual sex

Yes. I'm secure, and have casual sex. I can seperate sex from romance. I can communicate and follow through with casual sex without feeling insecure about it.

It really depends. I know a few people in open relationships who are pretty secure, and some of them enjoy casual hookups outside their relationship and activities like swinging, kink parties, etc. I …

Secure attachment is based on a healthy differentiation between intimacy and autonomy. It's based on seeing the other as independent of oneself. Being an ethical slut (good book) is possible with secu…

Casual sex has existed since the start of time. Consequences be damned.

I think it depends whether the casual sex is strictly performed with other humans that want casual sex. It depends on communication skills and awareness of one's own and other people's boundaries. As …

Ok chiming in as earned secure: I don’t think secure attachment automatically means “no casual sex,” but I also don’t think casual sex is some kind of requirement or proof of security either. In my …

Yes, casual sex can be compatible with secure attachment. If you're interested in a ton of reading on secure attachment and alternative sex choices chosen healthily, I've heard good things about the …

Same experience for me. For both genders females and male. Especially females (but that is because my female friends were just better at getting casual sex). I have struggled with the same thing. I am…

I am secure female and I have zero interest in casual sex , FWB or situationships. I am happy either in a relationship or single.

It is very much possible. Secure attachment is more or less being able to take relationships as they are instead of needing them to be a certain way. If anything assuming that casual sex must lead to …

Personally I think if you’re securely attached you won’t sleep around or have casual sex. There’s a level of self respect securely attached people have that they would think before giving their body t…

Nobody is talking about ethics. Casual sex can be chosen for reasons other than insecurity.

Yes, though I don’t see how that’s relevant in the context of wanting to have casual sex.

True. What I meant is that an insecure attachment can seek casuals sex as a substitute for deeper connection, or see casual sex as a way to deepen a bond, but a securely attached person will choose it…

It's relevant to attachment theory which is what this entire sub is about. Casual sex isn't relevant to attachment at all because it has nothing to do with relationships. Or you could say it's for peo…

I mean that’s alright..? But this post is about casual sex and how it relates to attachment styles…

I responded to you. Youre arguing that your comment has nothing to do with casual sex imo. And I agree, casual sex has nothing to do with secure attachment (it's the antithesis)

Sorry then, it was immediate in this old topic so it seemed a fair assumption. Here's my summary: casual sex is for people who struggle with secure attachment.. that is my opinion, youre welcome to yo…

Casual sex is technically no attachment, therefore not compatible with secure attachment

I wholeheartedly agree with you here I feel like casual sex leaves you feeling empty

[sociosexual behavior and attachment styles ](https://psychopediajournals.com/index.php/ijiap/article/download/975/704/1781?utm) [communication in attachment styles ](https://www.mdpi.com/2411-5118/5…

As someone who was avoidant in the past (10-15 years ago) and believes himself to be secure now, yet also does NOT like casual sex, I do think YES, it *is* compatible with secure attachment. What wou…

Great comment, and great way to explain things. I'm working towards becomeing securely attached, and just as you said, when I've had casual sex, it's been more insecurities than anything else. I wonde…

Statistically people with secure attachment are probably less likely to have regular casual sex but there is nothing incompatible with having casual sex as someone with secure attachment.

I’m securely attached, and was definitely in a long term relationship starting very early on. But, I was ethically non monogamous, I do have long term lovers. No they don’t become romantic partners. I…

It depends on a lot of things to interpret a behavior. The social programming in childhood, current social environment, individual values For example, in Sweden or Norway, gender equality is ingraine…

Nope, casual sex is a hallmark of emotionally unavailable people. That’s the whole reason they like it. Emotionally distant and safe with no chance of it leading anywhere.

I’m pretty secure in relationships, leaning anxious if I accidentally start dating an avoidant person. Casual sex lost its appeal once my deeper emotional trauma went away.

I’m a FA leaning secure (previously leaning anxious) after leaving a long marriage and experiencing my first DA discard. I have been using casual sex as a way to explore sexually in my 40s. I lived a …

I feel like discussion on this topic is really difficult, because of the following; 1. The slightest whiff of even a trace of disaproval regarding casual sex is seen as 'shaming'. Casual sex (it wou…

I used to be like you where I would have sex with someone and get very attached very quickly. I made a rule for myself probably around 29 or 30 that I would stop having sex with people until I was exc…

I think you should tell her this before you go on a date with her because it sounds like you like the attention she gives you and you just want some action, even though you don't even desire her like …

Told my partner of over a year that I can’t do non-monogamy any more. They’ve known it’s been a struggle for me and that ultimately I just want to be with one person. I tried very hard for the duratio…

I invited a man over with the mutual intention of hooking up. We've met 3 times before and hooked up last time too. The first time we had sex(3rd meeting) it was disappointing but I thought it could b…

Finding casual sex is usually pretty easy if you're looking for men. But if you're wanting it to also be long-term, ongoing, regular, with mutual attraction yet without complications, that's where it …

32f, went on a first date this weekend. I thought it went well. I texted him after the date, asking if he wanted to meet again. He responded with a very nice, but ultimately a “no” text. I responded k…

Dunno how people do it. Casual sex risks are just not worth the moments of fun. Esp as a woman. Which is unfortunate because I want to experience that fun since I never have but it's already very stre…

bruh, this guy is manipulative. “it has gotten weird” is his attempt to make you feel weird or wrong for not sleeping with him on the second date. when he says “had high hopes…strange” he is trying to…

It's more difficult for men to find casual sex. The hard truth is that you either will have to lower your standards or be willing to put a lot of time and effort into finding it. It helps a lot if you…

They are clearly showing what they want, and only want. If you dont want a casual sexual relationship, then move on pdq when they show this of themselves. Hold off having sex too early, see how they r…

Why did they cheat, it is the not knowing/understanding why that matters most. https://www.newsweek.com/why-people-cheat-relationships-infidelity-reasons-1688541 Here's Why People Cheat on Those The…