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YES! Been there my friend. I've written an essay for you here 😬 hopefully someone get something out of this: It's not a personality disorder or anything, it's just that you genuinely don't know how…
What is a trigger you have that originated from your parents’ treatment of you? — I was thinking about how the triggers we develop can seem strange or over the top to people who don’t get it. One of mine is when I’m actively listening to somebody yapping at me about things I don’t …
Uncertainty gave me happiness again. — Feel like I've been waiting around the last few years, and I'm not even sure what I'm waiting for. I'm just hoping life will fall on my lap one day. But life is out there, and it's also waiting. T…
i dont know whats my issue — first of all, i dont use reddit often so im sorry if i sound 'awkward' also this post contains very sensitive topics. I never really had a good life for multiple reasons: my father was absent and my …
Anyone else wish they were adopted by decent people? I dropped out of high school due to mental illness when I got older I asked why they didn't care they said my education something I was suppose to care about, mind you they dont believe in mental illness. — Im in my 20s and its so painful knowing I have to grind the school system out for many years to even begin making above poverty money. Much of my life was straight up wasted. I also got brain damage…
Hi, - I dislike my parents, at the same time, and, I don't know if this is controlling or abusive : I'm F(16) turning 17 this September, I live in a place where Privacy is a luxury and kids are investments to your parents. My parents...have high hopes for me, but they force some things on me. — # Hi, - I dislike my parents, at the same time I love them, and, I don't know if this is controlling or abusive : I'm F(16) turning 17 this September, I live in a place where Privacy is a luxury and k…
does anyone else feel like they have a way of existing and can’t go out of it? — i’m 16 and 6 years passed from my trauma, i don’t have certificates that proves exactly that i have a trauma/c-ptsd but i have all the symptoms, i am going crazy cs just now i’ve realised how many tim…
monologues trigger me — bc of those endless monologues my father held about topics no one cared about and how great he is now every time someone holds a monologue about sth i don’t care about or explains things to me that I …
M21 how do I bring up ending things with someone I care about, knowing she’s not over her ex? F24 — I (21M) have been seeing a girl (23F) for around 8–9 months. We started as friends and things developed naturally over time. Early on, we agreed to keep things casual and not label it as a relationshi…
20M, 20M. What would be the best way to reach out to a person I really care about, but seems to want increasing amounts of space from me? — I (20M) and me and my previous boyfriend (20M) broke up a little over a month ago, and I'm left wanting some closure/answers. We met on Hinge in November, talked for a while, and then decided to mee…
my IMPOSSIBLE LIFE AND HOW I'M TRYING TO MAKE IT OKAY-ISH TO LIVE — Hi, I’m 16(F) going on 17, this september, and…I have a lot of issues, I’d consider this as a vent post, but I’m also going to be needing a sprinkle of advice and support. Today, yeah, around 6:30 am…
I haven't talked to my friends in months and I don't understand why; but it hurts them regardless and I want to change. — I've been ignoring and putting off any form of conversation with my closest friends for months on end. I make promises that I inevitably don't keep, I hurt the people around me, and then I sit in my o…
I need help and advice. — Hello, I am a 16-year-old male from Sweden who is struggling heavily with emotions, relationships, and school to the point where I often don’t feel like existing. I try to cover everything with a smil…
I wanna love people, and be loved by people, but I’m scared of being hurt, how do I fix that? — Something about me that I learned, is that i love so hard and so deeply. if someone I cared about who lets say just made me upset, if they called to me for help i would instantly run to them and do a…
Why does my (21M) Girlfriend (20F) comes off grumbly or frustrated when I end a date? — This has been happening consistently now, and I am getting a bit frustrated with it because it sets the tone of the date bad at the end of the day. She does not drive, and I drive. I graduated fr…
It’s not necessarily wanting them to hurt. But it is expected that when people hurt people they love/care about, it hurts them too. It’s kind of the norm. It shifts your worldview to think that some …
*These are definitely* the conversations we should have for sure. I know from what I’ve deeply experienced, I understand that I, like many others who want to, I want to grasp *what is it* I’m attached…
I think it’s important to acknowledge that as avoidants we are probably coming at this from our own unhealthy place, if that makes any sense. Like having someone be obsessed with me sounds like pure t…
It does sound like his idea of what love is could be quite different, and maybe he really does feel the same way about you, but for him “love” isn’t the right word yet. However, it’s definitely a vali…
I’ve always been team join clubs and volunteer for causes you care about, not just to meet women. I know if I was doing something I cared about and was genuinely interested in, it would be very easy t…
Patricia Crittenden’s way of understanding attachment behaviour really helps me with thinking about what security looks like. In her framework, avoidance is marked by privileging cognitive information…
I've been feeling like I was waiting for a bus until about a year ago. Just... sitting there, watching things happen to me. I did not have the me to care about, to want things with. Abusive wife? Wel…
Thank you for taking the time to write all of this, seriously. A lot of what you said hit me especially the part about confusing respecting my parents with giving up my own life, because I think that’…
Thanks for your reply. I realize I should have included this in my original post. Another aspect I’m curious about is whether it’s possible to remain in an “enlightened” mode while dealing with people…
I’m sorry. In a way, it feels cruel to stay when you know there is a person out there who wants the same things as your partner, right? I’m sure there is a woman who would be happy with the pace of li…
I see a multifaceted situation going on here. Yes, when you’re in a relationship with someone you care about, you do have to take into consideration what or how you do things and how that affects you…
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You are going to be ok. Tell yourself this even when it doesn't feel like it's the case, you need to constantly be reminded that. It's disgusting how peo…
I am so sorry you’re going through this. People do and can change but your husband doesn’t want to. This is really tough. Take it one step at a time: decide to confront him or not and go from there. I…
The way I read stories to my son - silly voices, over acting the emotions, just generally getting really into the book and hamming things up. The way my brain forms connections that other people don…
Yes, and they also completely changed their personality to be more similar to AP even after the affair. My guess, after talking with a lot of people who have survived infidelity, is that people who …
>they know what you care about, so to show they care for AP they do those things This is all that needs to be said when people ask why they treat them better.
Dude from the bottom of my heart... This deeply saddens me. I can literally feel the pain in your writing, the headspace your in, the chaos in your head you deal with on a day to day, you having grown…
Hard to suss out the depth of ingrained patriarchy there, but I think it'd potentially be worth a conversation about it if you think the rest of the relationship is giving what you need. I personally …
Yeah, the book is not perfect. In a way she's still avoiding emotion because she's avoiding YOUR emotional experience as her child. Like she was unaware, or did not care about, the impacts her behavio…
If you make all your preferences a deal breaker, you may find it very difficult to find that person exists, or if they do exist that they want to be with you. Now far be it from me to tell anyone how …
Difficult times in life will bring relationship insecurity to the foreground. If you've had a shit time at work you'll likely want some support from those you care about, and your mind seems to be tur…
If someone is only nice to people they're attracted to, are they really nice? If someone is only nice to people they care about, are they really nice? Even if that wasn't you, what an ugly reaction …
Oh... only doing the breaths on the exhale is interesting. Makes sense because the chest is more relaxed then. TBH I'm having the opposite issue from most Westerners, where I can only connect with met…
My mum bangs on my door, if I locked it. She would bang doors, every single door that exists in the house, until the locks and handle bars would break. Having rules, like never locking the bathroom do…
Many moons ago I was with a man who, the moment I made more than him, told me to quit my job so he could take care of me. I had just applied to grad school, and saw a future where he also wouldn't wan…
I’ve found music frequently speaks to me in synchronicities and as a form of communication. The most direct messages are ones that come 100% out of the blue, buried very deep back in my memories, but …
I'm pretty sure that the majority of us have gone through this, and it sucks. My ex discarded me like trash for no reason other than her own fears, paranoia, and things she projected on to me. She sai…
As they awaken more, they will listen. The old world needs to go, to make way for the new world, free from the evil and corruption. It’s more like a cleansing. Just broadcast to those you care abou…
The best sex is with someone you care about, who you can communicate well with, who feels safe with you.
First, I am sorry for what you are going through. It sounds as though you are completely checked out. Your fiancée may be having some depression issues, as she’s too young (or too lazy) to be laying a…
Yeah, because I (23 y.o). kinda take myself out of it and state it as it was or happened. I forget that they see it as happening to me, someone they care about, at 8 y.o to 22 y.o.
For me it shifted from big “life goals” to smaller things that actually feel real day to day. Stuff like getting a bit better at something I care about, having a sense of progress, or just building a…
I get that, but wouldnt the memories be more charged in that case? Thats whats confusing me because theres some emotion in these memories but nothing that i really care about, they just come n go
I mean, I can't sleep and I've got to be at work early, but You are totally fascinated by whatever cool things or person has your interest to the exclusion of pretty much everything else. So you get …
Typically we form self worth during childhood. If we have adverse childhood experiences it can leave a hole in a person. Insecurities that prevent some internal reflection. If you consider yourself …
went on a second date yesterday and realized i was more nervous for it than the first one. something about knowing i actually like someone makes me way more in my head about it. first dates feel like …
So, I don’t have a lot of experience with creating a safe relationship as I’m still learning. But honestly reading this reminded me of, well, me. In therapy I’ve really realized how much I put someone…
First one, definitely. Mine was someone I did not care about, was great for a night, and reminded me that I was totally free to do such things - really anything I wanted. Which was really nice. Over…
Re: the text, it seems you’ve merely substituted a new unhealthy response for the old one. Old you may have texted back right away in the wrong energy. New you is ignoring her for two weeks (ie, b…
Worst thing you can do to break a habit is trying to "stop" it The only way to break a habit is by replacing it Doomscrolling is wired in your routine Find hobbies or projects you genuinely care …
Very much feel this. For me, it's a combination of having "failed" at being what I was "supposed" to be (due to complicated circumstances I don't wanna get into), and having been in a position where t…
Journaling is one of my favorite habits and the only one I've carried forward from my Mormon days lol. They encourage our journaling so future generations have your records and for genealogy and stuff…
Dear Natural_Nerve_9517, First, I commend you for your strength and awareness in realizing what is best for your mental health and setting boundaries. It isn't easy to break away from someone you car…
Sounds like a mismatch of giving each other what you want - what would you say that *he* would consider an example of you going above and beyond to make *him* happy? You might appreciate planning date…
Been through similar stuff when I was younger and that person above got it right - you just learned what red flags look like early which is actually huge win. The calling you names thing especially, t…
Also: >"I just want to feel loved, appreciated and cared for again. I truly long for someone to care about me. This isn't it." >"Now don't get me wrong, I love my baby more than anything and she fil…
I feel like communicating and reassuring the people that we care about, about our need for distance but how we still care about them and reassuring them we will be back, really helps. What about you…
Let me tell you something, you are so young you don’t even know what your future holds! Just grind for yourself, you are going to college soon so be hyped for that! Build yourself to be a woman worth …
chronic pain can really mess with someone's head and make them push away people they care about, but that doesn't mean you should stick around waiting for him to figure it out.
This is so hard, and I am really sorry, I have also been through it. Dismissive avoidant and narcissistic ex that cheated. What we usually want is for them to feel how badly they have hurt us, the pro…