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This is quite normal. I always say that the struggle of the victim of emotional neglect (and worse) at the hands of our parents is our persistent attachment to them no matter what. I understand your p…
My arguments against manifestation — 1. **Maladaptive daydreaming proves that manifestation isn't real**; Manifestation doctrine teaches that what you focus on expands and manifests in your physical reality. Do not split hairs and try to…
I've been out of the coding loop for awhile. What is the best static website framework / scaffolding / generator that works with VSCode? I don't need react or any other bells and whistles. I'm just testing out creating various HTML/CSS styled elements. — I am really just trying to play around with HTML/CSS to create various client-side styled elements. For example, one project is just to create a more enticing email signature. Another project I am cre…
Pouncemonial: 7th Kill - Disciplined Trader — # Here's how I achieved my 7th mission! **Mission**: To become a disciplined trader **What I achieved**: Mastered stop loss and trading discipline **Background**: After my 6th kill, I was eager t…
SEO Results in 2-3 Months — I run a small business and am looking for someone to help transform my website through SEO, which up until now has had very little traffic. In the past I have mostly relied on word of mouth and target…
How do I put together a multi-product design system as a sole designer? — Hi all, my UX design journey has been chaotic but I suspect that’s normal. I was in visual/web design for about 8 years then 2 years ago I got my first UX role (after trying to pursue and study UX f…
Am I Overcomplicating This Workshop? (Personas or Empathy first? — Hey everyone! I need some advice on structuring a workshop for a client’s new product. They’re unclear on the direction (app/web/game?), target audience, or features, so I suggested a workshop to alig…
Minimal or No Design Emails Will Almost Always Outperform Designed Emails — For most ecom owners, either spending the time yourself or paying a professional to intricately design each of your emails has to be one of the worst ROI decisions possible. I'm not exactly sure wher…
I work with meat snacks and my supplier is one of the leading companies. Looking for a partner. — I’ve developed two types of meat snacks products - beef jerky and dried beef slices. My supplier is one of the leaders in the space and is EU-certified organic. Marketing isn’t my strong point, so wo…
Stategies for scaling out MySQL/MariaDB when database gets too large for a single host? — What are your preferred strategies when a MySQL/MariaDB database server grows to have too much traffic for a single host to handle, i.e. scaling CPU/RAM or using regular replication is not an option a…
Every day I try to do things right. Every day they say no. Now I duct-tape and maintain the mess I warn them about — Hey folks, Just wanted to drop this little gem of corporate masochism So I work at this company where we develop software for real state agencies, in this 'properties' sql table we have a field cal…
Overtraining and being effective — Wanted to share about a recent breakthrough I had in being effective and getting things done. Like many of you, I believe that being physically fit is a huge part of operating at peak efficiency. Whe…
Do sellers still get paid when customers use Shop Cash? — I’ve had a few orders recently where customers split their payment between Shop Cash and debit/credit card. I noticed only the amount they paid with credit/debit is then added to my payouts. Is this …
Need advice: Is it possible to be anxious anxiously attached to a specific person? — Good evening everyone! I am 25 M Recently, things ended pretty badly with this woman I was close to with. She was aware I had feelings for her, and well would flirt back sometimes. I was and still am…
Do fearful avoidants "split" or "idealise" and then "devalue" when triggered? Or is it more likely to be a sign of something else? (Eg BPD/NPD?) — I am curious about whether "splitting" is something that is an FA behaviour or if it's a separate issue associated with other mental health disorders. As an FA, do you feel yourself "idealising" or p…
Septile vs Novile — Hi friends 🩵 so I've been digging pretty deep into astrology recently, I had been messing around with it lightly for a couple years but now going in headlong. Not to make a career out of it or act li…
23 and feel stuck with no direction — I’m 23 and feel really lost and stuck in life. I’m in a good relationship and I’m grateful for that, but mentally I’ve struggled since I was a kid. I had really bad anxiety starting around age 8–9 an…
I (24f) am tired of cooking for my bf (25m) — i recently talked to my bf about not cooking dinner for him anymore. for context: we both work from home, have been together for 2.5 years, and have been living together for about 6 months. since movi…
Where to go from here — Just to warn you, this is a long one... For context, my partner (F39) and I (M40) have been together for 17 years, have two kids together. This all started in early January but seems to have been goi…
Alone — The loneliness gets you. Not having those goodmorning texts,"I love you" "be safe" or ""l miss you" after hearing it everyday is crushing. It's lonely and sad. I don't miss them. We split a while ago…
Broke up with me because his father didnt want him to be distracted from his career. Why cant I forget him? — As the title mentions. I (DOB 30.12.1993, first chart) was best friends with this boy (DOB 13.10.1994, second chart) from 2013 and we started dating in 2014 beginning. The relationship was a very good…
THE PHOENIX LIGHTS 29th ANNIVERSARY This is what I saw that night March 13, 1997. It was a totally solid piece of machinery not just lights. I could see the bottom of the UFO clearly by two light sources illuminating the bottom of the craft as it flew over my head — I posted this also in UFO sub. March 13, 1997 I was working in East Mesa, Arizona in a 10 bed Hospice inpatient unit as the Charge RN. We worked 12 hour shifts getting off at 7:30 PM but that night t…
Unexplained flash of light — A few years ago my sister & I were laying in bed both on our phones & we saw what looked like a camera flash came from one side of the room. We both ignored it partially bc we hoped it was the other o…
UPDATE: How do I (28M) tell my girlfriend (28F) a prenup and keeping my inherited house separate are non-negotiable? — TL;DR: I had the conversation. She brought up moving in first. She completely agrees the house and inheritance should stay separate, supports a prenup, was impressed I’d thought it through, and confus…
Insane Similarities between Gateway Experiences and Vedic Hinduism — So I asked Claude to cross reference all the gateway documents and manuals I uploaded to it with Hindu Vedas, Upnishads, Puranas and Patanjali’s book on Yog and only limit itself to these sources. He…
Be very specific — Thought I’d come on here and share my success story, for context my ex is my SP and I’ve been trying to manifest him back for months now since we split and I didn’t necessarily manifest him back yet b…
My (23M) girlfriend (26F) desires less sex and has slowly stopped initiating. When are things deemed as sexual incompatibility? — My (23M) girlfriend (26F) has, over the course of our 3 year long relationship, wanted less sex. At the start of our relationship, we were going at it like crazy. Daily, if not twice a day. Over time …
My best friend (F35) with BPD has dropped off the radar and I (F30) don’t know if inviting her to my wedding will be too much pressure or not involving her will hurt more. What should I do? — My best friend and I met 8 years ago at work. Our friendship was very full on as we worked together and lived in the same city but even when we both left the city we met in, we stayed in close touch. …
I [27f] feel like I have to ask for a lot from my boyfriend [29m] of 2.5 years — When we first met, as kind and fun as he was, I noticed he seemed to be a bit thoughtless with certain things, like on our third date when I got in bed to go to sleep he started playing video games in…
I Stayed For WAY Too Long — I just found this sub (after watching the Ben Affleck movie *Deep Water*, which was super triggering), so I thought I'd tell you my story. Maybe someone here can relate. My ex-wife struggled with a …
UPDATE: I asked for a divorce — Here is my original post: https://old.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/1b6vfpt/i_asked_for_a_divorce/ Hi everyone. Hope this post finds everyone better than the last time I posted. I last po…
New to CE5s Should I be concerned? — Hi everyone. I’m new to the CE5 community, though I’ve seen orbs throughout my life. For years, I’ve followed Dr. Steven Greer’s work, believing that advanced intelligence must be peaceful or they wou…
Leaving my relationship for the right reason — Me (m30) and my partner (f39) have been together for 8 years. We have two kids below 4. She has been diagnosed with different mental health issues. She has also had two very rough childbirths. During …
She cheated after 14 years — This is my first ever post on Reddit and it’s a long one so apologies in advance for any formatting errors. I have been with my fiancé for 14 years, we have been engaged for the last 4. Our relations…
I Changed Myself and Got it All — Hello, I’ve been wanting to write this post for a very long time. Grab a snack and come along for the ride! **The Beginning: April - October 2022** I discovered Neville 4 years ago; after a year of …
Processing my NDE and the paranormal experiences that followed — I can’t sleep and i’m feeling the need to document a sequence of experiences I had from February 2019 through 2020 that forever changed my life. I’ll try my best to keep each section somewhat brief, b…
Could use some compassion - I broke up with my ex of nearly two decades last fall. I was codependent on him for everything. — TW: a depressing and heavy post, self blame, neglect I left him last August after realizing we were holding each other back. I wanted to get married but he just… never proposed. At one point we did …
How to move past fear of the unknown — Hi everyone! I’ve been experiencing a spiritual awakening which has led me to discover the tapes. I did a lot of research before trying it out for the first time and I’m currently on Advanced Focus …
My Orb experience as a kid and what it did to me — Hello everyone, ive been lurking here for a while and i thought id finally share my first and only ever orb experience. i remember this day very vividly and i have pretty much 0 recollection of any m…
How I finally "tricked" my analytical mind and shifted from AP to Eversong Woods — Hi everyone. I’ve been practicing Astral Projection and Lucid Dreaming for a while now, but I kept hitting a wall—literally. My analytical mind would always pull me back to my body whenever I tried to…
I think we keep shifting realities — Idk how to put this into words I just feel like I need to share it. I occasionally witness lights flickering at random times, at work, at home, everywhere generally. most of the times no one pays atte…
Question I would please like answered, if you have a good idea of what I'm asking? Serious — Technically speaking this is a strange sighting. I would really appreciate someone who may give me a proper answer and what it may mean. This is what happened, although condensed, I will stick to the …
My boyfriend (M25) saw an old video of me(F24) and was disgusted. How can I get over this? — I never thought I’d be making an advice post on reddit, but everyone in my present life is super split on the issue and can’t really relate. I genuinely don’t know how to fix this. So my boyfriend (M…
The friend zone after sex; how many actually do it? — Relatively quick question just to gauge other experiences. My most recent relationship was short, intensely sexual, and apparently one-sided in romantic attachment as she broke things off after 2 mont…
Advice for my ex and for others in the future — Do not tell others about problems in your relationship, especially without letting your S/O know first. A lot of people are toxic and will just tell you negative things and tell you to leave. Those co…
We broke up and it’s my fault — Hello! My partner and I split up and it was all my fault. I regret every bit of it but accept all responsibility. i totally deserved to get dumped and i’ve accepted that we won’t get back together. …
How is this the only life time we don’t spend together? — We talked our past lives and the different time periods we spent life together. We talked about how we were soul mates and that is why it was so easy together. We have the same thoughts, same humor, s…
My situationship doesn’t want a relationship but still has feelings for me?? — Please don’t call me delulu, because I’ve had my fair share of avoidant weirdos, but I don’t think he is one. Been talking to this guy since December. Things were great. The chemistry was there. The c…
Trying to help friend who can’t stop drinking and can’t get past MH issues — Hello, so my best friend has had serious mental health issues that have led her to having serious physical health issues in her life and idk where to even start… She has messed up her liver and pancr…
Teen here. — Me, 16tf, closeted, has just gone through a rough mess of a night, spent hiding in my room, comforting a sobbing 10 year old as Mom and Dad discuss splitting up outside while smoking. My room is right…
The impact of Mother / Daughter SA - People don’t talk about it — People don’t talk about MDSA (mother daughter sexual abuse) much. They do more than they used to though. There’s also Janette McCurdys Memoir *I’m Glad my Mom Died*, which discusses this type of abuse…
Oh dude last year I split up with a man and I was DEVASTATED. Like, thought I’d never meet anyone like him again, tried everything I could to get him back, and then finally went no contact with the in…
This is so interesting to read.. I was looking up astral projection and this reminded me of a recurring dream I had as a kid. I was a princess running along a path. It splits, and if I went Into the w…
And to add further, I’ve also got a quick free one hour introductory course on Kubernetes architecture that’s a bit different. Rather than slide after slide of diagrams, we build a Kubernetes cluster…
Hi Ralumarian35 On Moonbeam's instructions, the mod team has decided to ban you for 4 months. From your post history, it is clear that you've read, thought about and understood the posts in the index…
Like I said in the original post, don’t split hairs and try to claim that Joseph Murphy said something different. “What you focus on, expands” and “what you believe in, manifests” are essentially the …
You could try to get a cert or two, but honestly, why not apply now? The programming experience helps, but every DevOps position is different. Some split Dev and Ops 50/50, but in my experience, Dev…
Thank you so much for your answer! So, so much good advice. ''it's really strange, but I can actually feel when I flip from anxious to avoidant.''-- I just wanted to share with you: I too can tell …
I had gotten divorced a year prior to meeting him and that was what really triggered my wanting to change. My ex husband and I are still close friends but I really messed it up by being avoidant. We a…
No one has an attachment style. You engage in behavior strategies that are effective for that specific relationship. People do end up dating others that are familiar that allows for that behavior to b…
It does feel like this subreddit is split into 2 different categories of posts most of the time: experiencer stories & collective discussion threads. As you said, someone talking about their specific …
I’ve also been exploring ways to recognize my own attachment style, and I tried a platform that surprised me with how relatable its questions were, they really helped me see patterns I hadn’t noticed …
My partner is FA and I am a DA leaning earned secure. He definitely brought out some things in me that I had yet to address. We lived together for 1.5 years. Much of it was tumultuous. I moved out aft…
I've got an ex situationship who's very avoidant in all facets, we split around 9 months ago yet she periodically messages me some low effort "how are you:)". I have learned to give very bland generic…
I literally have been having these same conversations with my bf the past month. There was a week or two where he wasn’t initiating— i told him that this made me feel not desired which was emptying my…
Because she ‘split’ it sounds like. The mirroring and abandonment issues sound like this could be BPd.
Having dated people with BPD and avoidance I'd say the biggest difference is how much they change when they do split. Most avoidants from my experience are able to come back pretty quickly but BPD peo…
I don’t know where the line is between splitting and being FA but I will say I’m glad I’m not the only one asking this hahaa
So… I have dated someone with DID before. Dissociative Identity Disorder. In these individuals, when anything even remotely stressful happens; they will quite literally turn into a different person. L…
For me it was essentially a ptsd flashback and they “were” the person hurting me if this was taking place. Like I was trying to control the damage that I believed (rationally or not) was coming. So a …
yeah that’s classic FA pattern - it’s not full “splitting” like BPD but it rhymes with it when safety flips to threat your brain goes black-and-white - love turns into danger so fast you can’t see nu…
I’m going against the grain here, because I absolutely do not split. And I’m very familiar with it, having grown up with a probably borderline parent. The only person I devalue is myself. Any lashin…
No one who is splitting knows they are splitting. Put down the dsm and get a hobby.
Thank you for your detailed experience, it helps me understand better. Yeah I definitely agree that one symptom doesn't define a disorder or lead to a diagnosis, I'm more wondering if it even is a s…
I don’t mean nothing else is important, but don’t try and do someone else’s internal work for them yk? There is a difference between curiosity and a more codependent kind of need to “figure someone ou…
I’ll add I would snap out of it at some point and realize I reacted disproportionately or maybe didn’t treat someone as they deserved somewhat soon after this kind of thing. Like my head would clear a…
I would say he comes up with very negative, often completely untrue, narratives about why I did something and to justify why I'm not a good partner. For example, believing I was romantically intereste…
I dunno, I feel like you're making a lot of assumptions and untrue ones. Lots of people who have BPD and other disorders are very capable of reflecting, especially if they are doing active work on the…
Everyone splits. It's a psychological defense mechanism. Under emotional stress everyone will eventually lean on more primitive defences. When you are mad at someone you become less able to view thei…
That isn't splitting as typically used. Splitting is goob/bad, black and white thinking in the context of OP's post.
Just a note. Everyone splits. And your second paragraph *is* splitting. Veiwing the self as good or bad like that is simply the splitting turned inwards.
I guess I understand that everyone splits under a certain pressure or environment and I definitely get people do it with racism, sexism and paedophilia etc but I dunno, I feel like I mentalise quite w…
I guess it depends if he goes into a more "deactivated" state between conflicts or not. He will probably pull away and be more distant and more avoidant for a time. Sometimes he will get closer and lo…
It occurs in any personality type, with the severity related to the level of personality organisation. Disorganised attachment and closely related BPD it's going to be prominent defence in the relati…
You are right— splitting is used is used in many mental health disorders in a similar manner.. BPD in the way you are talking about and possibly how op is too. Schizophrenia, DID, etc… have splitting …
FA here it’s not splitting I think that’s for an actual mental health disorder or personality disorder. Let’s all be clear attachment styles are not disorders and they all can be changed with the prop…
I get what you’re asking, but I don’t really find that I ever 'split' as an FA. To me, splitting is more like a total shift in how someone sees another person and I’ve only observed that in one person…
this course would be of interest for anyone with that issue: [https://attachmentrepair.com/product/healing-internal-splits-of-idealizing-and-devaluing/](https://attachmentrepair.com/product/healing-i…
This is interesting, I think I can see a lot of him in what you're saying because I have felt that he is FA leaning DA and he does tend to idealise when he feels safe. Unfortunately all it takes is a…
If you enjoy gaining knowledge on this, just for your own sake, I recommend the book “Why Do I Do That?” It’s all about defense mechanisms and how to identify your own so you can shed them and live mo…
Agree but because there’s a split, the reality is that neither one is the “real” her. The real her would be an integration of those two mind states and the healed version of her wouldn’t look anything…
i wouldn’t consider it splitting, but yes to a certain extent. like you said i get triggered which causes emotional dysregulation, especially in response to feeling disrespected, rejected, or betrayed…
> I think this is an anxious trait so I want to know if this also happens to you? Why am I reacting like this? Is it justified or is it my insecurity talking? How do you communicate, instead of pullin…
...not everyone splits. It's a psychological defence but it's further along the extreme end of the spectrum then your average psychological defences.
Thank you. He went through a break up 5 months ago and it’s maybe just hitting him now, he never has girlfriends so I think it was a big deal for him even though he called me up maybe a month before t…
It's not really specifically an anxious attachment issue. Sure, attachment styles can manifest in different ways, and yes, you can be preoccupied with your own feelings when your attachment issues are…
Sure, all this information is accessible to anyone that wants to read Dr. Crittenden's work on the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment. Type A attachment defined my the DMM: >The Type A pattern…
Can’t recommend doing different kinds of nervous system regulation enough. There’s formal programs but you can also look up free resources on YouTube like limbic and vagus nerve exercises. And ofc ju…
I’m not technically living with him. We’ve been split for a few years and the divorce is finalised. But he was house sitting for me while I was overseas and now I’m going home but he needs time to …
I hear this a lot, and I absolutely agree confidence helps definitely, being miserable doesn’t help anyone be more attractive, but like at the same time social isolation and being treated as not worth…
Oh, that’s interesting! So somebody showing an AP positive emotions/attention could cause them to be attracted to them when they weren’t previously? This may be splitting hairs, but would it be “rea…