book
emotionally immature
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Citations (101)
That was verbally abusive. Yes, I experienced something similar. When I was a teen, I was sobbing in my room at night. (I don't remember why. I rarely cried). My mother asked me to quiet down because…
Trading book recommendation! For those trying to fix attachment issues. — “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” -by Lindsay C. Gibson, PHD This book helped me realize that, at my core, I struggle with dating and attachment because it’s hard for me to comprehend …
Will I ever not feel so lonely? (Seeking input from older folks on this platform) — I am nearly 47 years old and the emotional neglect I suffered as a kid and still suffer at the hands of my parents, still has such a profound impact on me. I know there are people of all ages in this …
It’s my birthday. I’ve made it to 55. — Despite having two narcissistic, extremely emotionally immature, miserably inadequate so-called parents who made my life a living hell , I have SURVIVED. 💜❤️💜
Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…
Hi — All I can say is I’m sorry. I regret how I handled. Back then I wasn’t ready to give it another chance. I disappeared and distracted myself instead of facing it. I didn’t think at all that we could be…
For the adult children with emotionally immature parents.. now what? — Okay, we've established our parents are emotionally immature and neglectful. They don't care to know us as adults but they expect us to care about them. Now what? Is this just how it is now? …
Potentially unpopular opinion re: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents — Just finished “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay Gibson after seeing several recommendations for it on subreddits like these. I thought the book had some good info, and I’ll a…
How do people become emotionally immature? — I was raised by and surrounded by emotionally immature adults my whole life, while living in a toxic and abusive household created mainly by my father’s abuse towards my mother, and her compliance and…
I Changed Myself and Got it All — Hello, I’ve been wanting to write this post for a very long time. Grab a snack and come along for the ride! **The Beginning: April - October 2022** I discovered Neville 4 years ago; after a year of …
What's a statement from your parents that sounded good back then but has aged like milk once you realized your emotional neglect? — As in something your parents often said about you that at first sounded good but you look at differently now that you are aware of the emotional neglect you experienced. I have one. And it's pretty h…
I finally stopped begging my toxic Mom. Her "Extinction Burst" over my sister's wedding is insane. Has anyone else experienced this? — Hi everyone. I (M) and my two sisters have spent our entire lives tiptoeing around our emotionally immature, highly controlling mother. She uses guilt, silent treatments, and the "I'm a terrible mothe…
Anyone know of a subreddit that deals with this issue? — Does anyone know where I can find out more about emotional immaturity from my parents on the opposite end of the spectrum? I thought I would benefit from the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immatur…
Update: Tried to set boundaries, now they want to be paid 25k — It's been a few months since my \[last post here\] (https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianParentStories/s/lXVFmvyxxM), but its mostly come to a resolution. I wanted to do an update because I got some really …
DEA not have a roll model growing up and it's made you the way you are? — \*\*\*Yes I know I put DEA not DAE but I cant change it\*\*\* I was very loved by my parents, but they weren't role models. I didn't have any siblings and wasn't close to extended family. I don't r…
Family crisis has made me realize how deeply my mother’s criticism still affects me — how do I handle this? — We have been going through a major family crisis right now and it has brought up a lot of old pain in my relationship with my mother. For some background, my brother has severe addiction issues and i…
Not sure how to make friends after my mom destroyed any attempts I made growing up — I just remembered this as I woke up and checked my phone and there were no messages or anything. My mom was completely emotionally immature and unavailable and I turned to boys for attention. This got…
Used to get yelled at for crying — When I was a child, my father used to yell at me for crying and tell me to “stop crying” because of this I feel emotionally immature at times, on top of other reasons. Can’t seem to be vulnerable and …
I want to send an apology letter to my ex from 10 years ago — Long story short, he was my first love, first kiss, first \*everything\*; we met in high school and dated for a little under a year, but we had a somewhat complicated 3-year friendship prior to that. …
What should I do abt my bd/ex — Relationship Length: 3 years Ages/Genders: 19F and 20M The Background- When we first met, we were incredibly happy and in love. However, things started going downhill when I realized he was hidin…
I'm 14 years old and I have no idea what to do with my emotionally immature mother — My mother constantly tries to argue over anything when talking to me, it could be the smallest thing and she'd instantly find a way to be extremely angry (and take away my devices for nothing). She ha…
Why is healing from a discard taking longer than the relationship itself? It was only 2 months — I'm 3 months out from a discard with a suspected covert narcissist, but we only dated for 2 months. Is it normal for it to take longer to get over the discard than the time we dated? It feels kind of …
Lessons from a relationship with a narcissist — I posted this a year ago but deleted after my narc ex found this post. Posting again because this helped me find a better partner for myself, and can help others as well. 1. When a man says they don…
Hi, - I dislike my parents, at the same time, and, I don't know if this is controlling or abusive : I'm F(16) turning 17 this September, I live in a place where Privacy is a luxury and kids are investments to your parents. My parents...have high hopes for me, but they force some things on me. — # Hi, - I dislike my parents, at the same time I love them, and, I don't know if this is controlling or abusive : I'm F(16) turning 17 this September, I live in a place where Privacy is a luxury and k…
I'm just tied and fed-up of my narcissistic and emotionally immature mom — *Hi, I'm 35F who likes to stay with my parents sometimes to help out with their chores and other day-to-day stuff as they're old, and technologically-handicapped. But I don't look forward to staying w…
Anyone else find that people compare your experiences with your parents to their experiences with their siblings? — As I have told others my issues with my elder family members, I have had people sympathize with experiences they have had with their siblings. It is so sobering. Like my elders really were so emotion…
I get back at my mom by stealing her money — My mom is emotionally immature and most of the time unavailable when it comes to emotional stuff . In her eyes , as long as she makes enough money to put food on the table and keep a roof over our hea…
My mom girlfriend (19F) and I (19F) might break up in about 2 weeks. I’m not sure if it is reasonable or not? — so we’ve been together for 2 years, about. our 2 year is in 9 days. when we met we were in our final 2ish months of highschool. we both weren’t looking for a relationship at the time but i fell for he…
Mindset shift 3 weeks into No Contact — At first I (19M) blamed her (18F) for dumping me, thinking about how much she sucks and how she treated me like crap. But then I realized something: The circumstances surrounding the breakup (family e…
I (26F) feel like my partner (23M) is too emotionally immature and its starting to affect how I see the relationship — I have been in a relationship for 8 months and the more i get to know him the more i dislike his character. He is living alone and his mom and sister came to visit for a month. Since then he has been …
Anyone Else Remember this Throwback "parenting book"? — TW: Name-calling, general emotional abuse. After a dreary Easter Sunday with the Parents who raised my mother, was recalling some memories of my Mother robbing my siblings amd I, and even on my birth…
Supporting my emotionally immature AuDHD mother (LONG POST, TL;DR at the end) — My (25F) mother (48F) has been living with me for a month and my patience is wearing thin. For context, my parents decided to move to another country together and when they did their marriage started …
Sent this to her. Will start no contact. — I’m not gonna end up like my mom who gave up everything for someone who doesn’t truly love her. I’ve lived under my single-mother long enough to know that when she loves, she gives it her all. She s…
Tim Fletcher, his reading list — https://youtu.be/q0RiIkd9\_pc \* the Body Keeps The Score (Bessel van Der Kolk) \* What Happened To You? (Bruce Perry w/Oprah Winfrey) \* The Myth of Normal (Gabor Maté) \* When The Body Say…
‘Not having long-term friends is a red flag’ — I think this CAN be the case, but I honestly think people who have this generalised view have probably had a privileged upbringing and aren’t looking outside of the box. I used to have a busy social …
I’m lost I don’t understand apparently I’m a narcissist and emotionally immature — I’ve been separated since August last year. I’m finding out now my wife’s ex-wife I guess is online calling me a narcissist emotionally immature. She’s told me this. I don’t agree. We had problems yea…
my IMPOSSIBLE LIFE AND HOW I'M TRYING TO MAKE IT OKAY-ISH TO LIVE — Hi, I’m 16(F) going on 17, this september, and…I have a lot of issues, I’d consider this as a vent post, but I’m also going to be needing a sprinkle of advice and support. Today, yeah, around 6:30 am…
Can’t stop blaming myself — Im starting emdr tomorrow from the recommendation of my doctor but I feel like nothing I’ve ever dealt with was even ”traumatic”. I feel so stupid even using that word because my parents never hit me …
Did anyone else suffer from severe and chronic verbal abuse? — My narc and emotionally Immature parents hate each other to death,and there are constant fights in our home. It's always someone yelling and blaming. Because of this,my mom/dad uncommonly verbally a…
Emotionally immature parents who are now grandparents — Anyone here 1. Realize into adulthood that their parents are emotionally immature (I realized after doing therapy myself which was so good) and 2. This gets so much worse once they become grandparents…
how do I deal with emotionally immature and neglectful parents? — I'm 16. My whole life I've had to push and fight and self advocate because neither of my parents take my problems seriously. I have depression, anxiety, and adhd which were only recently diagnosed bec…
Is it ok for ex wife to call me narcissistic on public forums — My ex wife of 6 months together for 20 years 3 kids under 11 is constantly on you tube absolutely bad mouthing me on Wendy’s tarot readings every day it bothers me as it’s behind my back I’ve asked he…
Right now I feel extremely alone, emotionally exhausted, and unsure how to move forward. I’m hoping to connect with others who understand parentification, narcissistic abuse, or rebuilding after losing support systems. — TRIGGER WARNING: Emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, sexual assault, relationship abuse It took me a long time to realize what had happened to me growing up and I’m still trying to understand. As …
I feel so fucking infuriated!!! — 55, F, have done a TON of healing work the last several years. Currently unhoused and have been staying at shelters for the last 5 months. FUCK!!! I feel so fucking angry and I feel like I want to …
Anyone Else Wish They Hadn't Been Diagnosed? — For the longest time I had always thought I was cursed, or there was something off about me, and that for whatever reason I couldn't seem to function and do relationships the way normal people do. I a…
A list of Pros and Cons for My Ex — The title basically explains it all so let's get into it. Pros: \\-We Shared common interests and values \\-He was Real easy to talk to and I was honestly able to be myself around him. \\- The De…
Emotionally immature mom — I went no contact March 2024 after like 15 years of going back and forth with my mom. I’m 34 and married now. I had a good childhood, my mom was depressed and hardly worked. We moved in with her siste…
How did other people learn that it was emotional neglect that they experienced growing up? — I am 40 and have been in and out of therapy since I was a pre-teen. I have never had a therapist call it emotional neglect. It wasn’t until last year, that a therapist brought up the book “Adult Child…
Ambivalent grief over not a real breakup? — I know this is nothing compared to what most people on here are going through so feel free to ignore. A year ago I went through an excruciating heartbreak. 3 months after that, I met someone at a summ…
I needed my emotionally immature mom for once and it went exactly how I thought it would — God forbid my (29f) mom ever does something for someone else. Everything needs to be about her as if she is a child. Last week, two things happened and I just need to vent. 1. My cat of 6,5 years was…
Recovering people pleaser — In recent years I have put some distance between myself and my narcissistic mother and enabling father. Since then I am questioning a lot of my relationships and friendships. I used to be such a peopl…
It's very, very painful. I'm so sorry. I went through something similar 2 yrs ago. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, felt incredible low self-esteem and rejected. I never pegged him to ghost me, and we ha…
I'm not suggesting that sub is 100% bad (nothing is all bad or all good). But it's absolutely an echo-chamber that frequently becomes toxic and dehumanizing, conflates every negative behavioral trait …
Healing without going no contact is really hard. I think you might benefit from reading "Adult children of emotionally immature parents" (I think you can find it on YT for free). Specifically, "Detach…
I loved this and it explains so much about my home life growing up! My parents were emotionally immature..
I'm not sure if your person is FA or DA but I'll add my view as a healing fearful avoidant. If you have lighthearted things to share, the best way to share them is to just send them to the person. Giv…
Assessing Adult Attachment by Dr. Crittenden was a really validating book for myself personally. It isn’t really a self-help book though. But if you have a curiosity on attachment that is more in ali…
Jonice Webb PhD Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Ichiro Kishimi The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real…
Great recommendation! Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is a cornerstone for understanding why validation can feel tied to self-erasure. What really stands out is you checked in with your…
It is part of the human experience, but so is cheating and being mean. It's still an emotionally immature thing to do. It's fine to try to let things grow, but he and the other guy were not honest wit…
I feel this. My ex was a friend of many years who ended up breaking up with me out of the blue. Turned out he was *not* ready to be in relationship*,* in addition to being emotionally immature and ins…
I'm so glad I don't fall for love bombing anymore. Anytime someone spends 3 hours on a video call with me or showers me with compliments before a 1st or even 3rd meeting, I externally smile and my int…
What parts of this is emotionally immature for you? The approving the event with a friend from you? If that’s something you don’t like the dynamic of, you can say so. (“I want to know what my prospe…
Calling for bisexual/pansexual folks! How do you feel when your partner expresses passing remarks like "She's cute" referring to actresses etc (who is of your gender)? Do you join in to enjoy admirin…
For me, the key has been not to try to "fix." The urges you have aren't the enemy, they're your system trying to protect you, and going to war against them or judging them will often result in entrenc…
These women are telling you you’re too emotionally immature and should date someone younger who arguably doesn’t have their shit together. I’ve dated men like this. They are a fun time but not the kin…
Hi I previously recommended these to someone so will copy and paste it here Book on understanding and healing trauma : 📚The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma…
My guess would be that this is pretty common on this sub, since ignoring or outright denying your kids' feelings and experiences seems to be the number one thing emotionally immature and neglectful pa…
I struggled with similar feelings until pretty recently, maybe a year or so since I seem to have finally gotten away from wanting something from my family members. I think it was a good therapist. I'v…
Thank you so much for the reply, and I apologize that mine is so late! This is very insightful, and it resonated a lot with me. I don’t think this is related to attachment theory, but I really strug…
>"give you a much lesser version of the relationship that you deserve" The way you read this statement as being entirely about you, and feeling somehow accused of your standards being too high is wil…
Typically it’s called “parental enmeshment” when emotionally immature parents become codependent with their kids. Not sure if that’s what you’re experiencing but try using those key words and see if a…
I often have this same thought - like I must be nowhere as smart as I think I am if it took me THIS LONG to work this out. I'm 49 and only identified it last year as I'm digging deeper on parenting my…
Have you read “adult children of emotionally immature parents”? 🫠 Sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s not your fault
Also, setting boundaries and respectfully asserting yourself in these situations is a SKILL. It’s one I never learned. I am in the thick of it right now! I am in a leadership position with a person wh…
I think, like many terms, it has been taken out of context and weaponized, as most of these concepts are because there are always people wanting to twist and exploit concepts for their own benefit. I…
Your parents sound like mine before they finally divorced after over 40 years of marriage. Both of my parents are also emotionally immature like yours — your dad is clearly done with your mom and your…
Your mother sounds extremely emotionally immature. Don’t play her childish game.
Adult children of emotionally immature parents was the most important book in my journey
For me it required me to find the right therapist, which took a long time. I also happened to stumble upon some great books like Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, etc. and I started jour…
Idk it also feels like it was all my fault . He said it's not it's not don't blame yourself but the reasons he gave me were indirectly telling me it's me . I mean yes we have had hurt each other , I …
Hello, I had a similar perfectionist mother. Mine was a covert narcissist who secretly enjoyed pitting people against each other, but always under the guise of "kindness" and "what's best for her chil…
You're right that this isn't because you look bad or anything (I sincerely doubt you look bad at all), it's him controlling you. He feels entitled to dictate how you look. A lot of emotionally immatur…
I feel you. Same thing happened to me. I am 28, and was in a relationship with someone for 2.5 months. She broke up wit me a month and a half ago over some stupid misunderstanding. I said that i wante…
Yeah your right, but the issue is it takes two people to tango and if one person doesn't want to change and sees no issue in their behavour and maybe is stubborn then its a waste of time... take twos …
That is the reason behind much of what people like this do. They have an uncomfortable feeling, and as they are emotionally immature and dysfunctional, they decide to make it someone else's problem. A…
Sorry you have been through this. I think it is characteristic of emotionally immature, or narcissistic, or toxic people no matter their age. I experienced this same thing with the last man I dated. …
Ghosting is so they don’t have to face accountability. Extremely emotionally immature
The only reason I can even entertain the possibility that it wasn’t physical is because the texts I saw were honestly embarrassingly immature. I mean, if you are going to risk blowing up your marriage…
My dad made me feel so ashamed/ worthless whenever I made a mistake - in homework or athletics. My mom I have no memories until she stuck up for me when I turned 13 and started talking back to my dad.…
So he’s emotionally immature. Doesn’t make plans. Can’t discuss anything serious including the future and finances. And the cherry on top? He disappears for DAYS when you want to have a serious talk. …
Go watch Lindsay Gibson and Monique Koven's video on the adult children of Emotionally Immature Parents. I bet you will see him in it. If you don't have kids with this person, it's a great time to lea…
I feel you. Im stuck being married to this emotionally immature avoidant ass. I have 3 small kids and about to get laid off from the amazing career where I was the bread winner. I fantasize about bein…
No. Please, please don’t reach out. She has some kind of insecure attachment style. Or she’s very emotionally immature. You’re going to go through this cycle repeatedly.
Anyone else here watches "Love is blind" on Netflix?Could you ever go on that show? I for one have accepted that physical attraction is important, like character. A cute guy can turn real ugly if he'…
My mom has depression that was diagnosed probably sometime in the late 00s, likely started as PPD that persisted long after she stopped having kids. It's definitely not managed correctly despite her t…
Absolutely DO NOT reach out!!! Take it as a blessing that it happened early for you, man. You’re 100% dodging a bullet! The longer you stay with an emotionally immature disaster like that, the worst t…
In line with getting yourself some better, more effective birth control - you and your partner need to seriously educate yourselves on proper safe sex practices. There are many birth control options o…
I feel your pain (also, your username is fucking cool 😭). I stopped trying years ago to train mine. If they won't change for me (their blood) I figure they won't change for anyone unless there's mon…
I joined the rowing community here, mostly couples and single women. One single guy was 62. I’m still raising kids, we weren’t aligned. I attend networking events all over town, always on the looko…
I am really sorry to hear that. No matter who it is in your family, that kind of treatment doesn't feel good. I think you'll still get a lot from the book, because it's mainly tools on dealing with em…