father

How to Create a "New Identity"? — How to Create a "New Identity"? I've long understood and concluded that we don't attract what we want, but what we are. There's a really cool example in my country, Brazil, where a girl pretended to…

Anyone Else Feel Relationships just Aren't for them? — Hello all, I'm basically pretty severely A.P. , & so far I've been unable to get close to anyone (romantically) in my life without just exploding with terror that I'll be abandoned (or feeling a stro…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

What I'm realizing: I relate closest to others with deep trauma and that is a troublesome recipe. — TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfunction. I grew up with an alcoholic parent…

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…

My father is sabotaging my career and medical treatments through "smear campaigns" and monitoring. I feel like I'm living in a Truman Show nightmare. — ​I (25F) am an Indian doctor currently preparing for NEET PG, and I am living with a family led by a malignant narcissistic father. My mother and brother are complete enablers. I’m writing this becaus…

College was supposed to be my escape plan — I'm so angry that I'm literally shaking while typing this. My dream all four years of high school was to get good grades and standardized test scores and participate in extracurriculars to get into a …

Mom self harms in front of us since I was 8 yrs old. I haven’t been able to stop doing the same. — My mom would start beating herself whenever something tragic happened to her (failing an exam, fight w father etc.) or even because of me sometimes, she’d tell us (when my siblings and I were still ki…

“My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.” - Alice Roosevelt Longworth — Written by Alice Roosevelt about her father, Teddy. I feel like this quote perfectly captures the dynamics of having an nParent. Whenever sympathy, positive attention or adoration is being doled out …

My boyfriend and I had an argument over his marriage demands, and now he claims he means none of it... — Tl:dr: My boyfriend of two years has a list of requirements from me after we get married, and after our argument over it, which lead us to break up-- he said he didn't mean any of it and wants to go …

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

Read! if you were anxious ! — I am going to write this with neville goddard lectures quotes. I know it will help some of you :) **Feel the wish fullfilled :** I know some people can't generate the feeling of wish fullfilled and b…

I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…

My (28f) boyfriend (37m) drinks to excess nearly every weekend, am I selfish for wanting it to stop? — Throwaway account. Please tell me if I am crazy for feeling this way. My boyfriend (37m) and I (28f) have what I consider to be a generally good relationship. We’ve had some issues in the past that we…

You can be pretty and still fucked up. Attractiveness will not save you from this disease. — I am not model-tier attractive, but I have modeled for local brands and have a very unfulfilling "successful" dating life. Everyone in the internet, and in real life claims that attractive people "hav…

Looking for Data about seeing auras while pineal gland is calcified. — Greetings. I am looking for validation. By my reserach , human can only see auras if pineal gland is not calcified. But there is a paradox, i have done CT scan of my brain and i know my pineal glan…

Why did it take me so long to realize the neglect? — I was always a fairly gifted child and after puberty I started to question everything in the world, society, meaning, etc. I was aware that I was depressed at the time and having clear symptoms of lo…

I'm 26 and i'm lost. — Hello, I’m a 26-year-old woman. My family isn’t wealthy, so when I started college at 20, I eventually had to stop because of financial problems. I began working instead. Since then, I’ve mostly been…

A Stunning 26% of Adult Children Are Estranged from Their Fathers — "Research indicates that **estrangement is often initiated by the adult child**, with studies showing **26% of adults are estranged from their fathers** and **6% from their mothers**, though some esti…

The term lunar new year was first used in British Hong Kong to quell Anti-colonial anti-imperialist sentimemts — “Lunar New Year” was first used to refer to the Chinese New Year in legal documentation in British Hong Kong in 1968. The holiday was officially called "Chinese New Year" in British Hong Kong until th…

No contact year 6 update: — Hello everyone! I’ve made some update posts in the past and figured I would make one for year 6 as that anniversary is coming up soon, and with context it will make sense why I still specifically reme…

6 month mark, can't progress further right now, but pausing feels shitty too. Leave? — In September, I cautiously decided to start seeing the father of my daughter's best friend. It's been really great, and has helped me work through a lot of emotional stuff including heavy grief. Aft…

Codependent to my mother and now son — I was raised by a codependent mother and a father who was mostly the provider. My mother would do everything for me, even as a teenager and young adult. Back then, I loved it but now realize she didn’…

I am successfully shifted — Hi! My English is bad sorry I wanted to shift my reality where my sister is alive and healthy with me. I started to robotic affirmation 24/7 and subliminal, I have been locked in my room since 1…

As an artist, I now can see the reason I loved art, nature, and music so much growing up was a form of escapism from my emotionally neglectful parents — Can anyone else relate? I think when I was younger, getting lost in a painting or paying attention very closely to the natural world around me would help me find joy in a world where I felt extremely …

Why do I have such a strained relationship with my mother but a good relationship with my father? — I always hear the generalization of “cancer moons have nurturing mothers” but I can’t really relate. Maybe when I was younger but once I became a teenager are relationship was never the same. I’m 29 n…

muslim girl trynna move out without family knowing — hi guys, i’m not gonna talk too much and ill try to make this as concise as possible. im 23 and i’ve been wanting to move out since my mom decided my big brother could become a father figure and tha…

For those who stayed no contact with a parent until they died did you regret it? — Went from the golden child to the scapegoat between about age 30 and 40. When I was 55 my father told me he did not love me anymore. I am 64 now he is 91 and we have been no contact for 8 years. Some…

Got an insane flying monkey voicemail this morning — So long story short: My dad is an abusive piece of shit narc in a family of narcs. 7 years ago was the last straw when he beat up my little sister who was 19 at the time. Rather than harm him, I went …

Broke up with me because his father didnt want him to be distracted from his career. Why cant I forget him? — As the title mentions. I (DOB 30.12.1993, first chart) was best friends with this boy (DOB 13.10.1994, second chart) from 2013 and we started dating in 2014 beginning. The relationship was a very good…

My cop husband cheated and now I can't trust him when he leaves for night shift. — My husband became a cop in 2024 and our entire relationship changed. We've been together since 2019 and we have three kids. Before this, I truly believed he was loyal and strong. He always told me he…

Is it possible to feel extremely terrified of a parent even if they never hit you or directly insulted you? — My father always seemed to have this kind of “sinister aura.” Being around him felt tense, like walking past a sleeping tiger you absolutely must not wake. Like one wrong move and he’d be ready to tea…

In Need of Guidance and Advice — Hello Guys! I am going through one of the hardest times in my life. My Father 62, is suffering from early onset Dementia caused by his plethora of Medical Issues and may have to start dialysis in a fe…

The horrific stories of abuse on this page make me feel ashamed of my CPTS. — I had a narcissistic father and a neglectful, mentally ill mother and my childhood was very unstable, but my story pales in comparison to the gut-wrenching stories on here. I read a story about someon…

Being forced to become smarter than them because they are dumb as hell — My Indian parents turned out be really really dumb. Their problem solving skill is terrible. My father is the worst, he is a utter brainlet. All he does is work all day. No socializing, no nothing. Ju…

I'm learning myself — I'm in my 40s, and I came across Avoidant Attachment about 2 years ago. I made a post on FB about a dating experience I had. He was a great guy. Good job, good father, cool to hang around with, everyt…

please, take your time to hear my story, because no one else ever did — My mom gave birth to me when she was 41 years old, I have a sister and a brother, my sister is 27 years old, but she has mental problems and behaves terribly immature, so she is always making screamin…

Me (32F) leaving my husband (39M), MIL (70F) became distant. How do I approach her? — I (32F) recently made the decision to separate from my husband (39M) of 9 years after a long period of ongoing marital issues. Now that it’s clear that the separation is actually happening, things hav…

(TW) Forced cosmetic procedures as a minor – is there a name for this kind of trauma? — TW: body shaming, child abuse, medical procedures forced on a child. Hey folks. I've been digging through some memories in therapy and I just recalled something horrifying. Heed the trigger warnings …

Buffalo Boys(2018) and Grisse (2018): about Indonesian resistance to Dutch colonizers — WARNING SPOILERS!!!! Buffalo Boys is an Indonesian movie about two brothers who return from working on the American transcontinental railroad to overthrow a Dutch colonizer who killed their father an…

First post here, don't normally do this but I need help. 27M — Gday all, firstly just want to say hi to all who come across this post, and also forgive me if my grammar is bad. I was never really good at it... What is mentioned in here could be quite triggering …

How can I forgive myself for the abuse I committed towards my father? — For twenty years from the time I was about two years old to 22 years old until my father died from health issues in 2018, I was always my father's number one priority. He always took care of me and ga…

I (29F) have cancer and my estranged father (60M) is funding my treatment but forcing me to leave my boyfriend (24M) or marry him immediately. Do I have any way out? — Please be kind. I was unable to type so used audio to text converter and ai to fix the spelling mistakes. I m already in a terrible mental state so hope this sub can be a little gentle on me. Haven't …

So I'm a bit confused how does capricorn represent the father if it a feminine sign wouldn't it make more since for leo to represent the father since it ruled by the sun and cancer rules the moon so there like yin and yang in way — Also in terms of north node if you go by that south node cancer is the feminine north node capricorn the masculine but that makes so no since because of those signs are feminine planets

People underestimate the power of connections that were formed during childhoood — And I dont mean positive connections only. Negative connections also seem to stick around till we die. And since our parents chose to form negative bonds with us, unfortunely that is what lasts up…

Is it actually possible to re-wire the brain and actually stop sexualising… everything? — I posted here a few times, I'm currently at 107 days of sobriety. I don't watch p0rn, don't masturbate, don't go cruising. The only times I've done something sexual were with my ex, as we are still cl…

The "Manosphere" — Last night my wife and I watched the new Netflix documentary on the Manosphere. It was entertaining and informative, but also quite sad. My first reaction, honestly, was that with the exception of th…

Today was the worst day of my life — I am beyond heartbroken writing this. Need any help, advice, anything because this has crushed my soul. Today I found out my (M29) girlfriend (F24) of 4 years cheated on me 3 months ago during a gir…

My mom who disowned my for being gay is ready to forgive me, oh and for me to financially support her and my dad after he retires of course. — I don’t speak to any of my family anymore because they disowned me for being gay after i was outed. It hurt at the time but honestly the more time i spent away from them the more i realized how awful …

>power of the subconsious mind say people get result in one month two month but and me i never use it! ​ Your father is right. You are an idiot.

This was so helpful to me. I’d be interested to learn more about the potential effects of a parent who was always physically present, but whose emotional availability varied to extremes for the first …

I've asked two different entities, and they gave me partly conflicting answers. The self-proclaimed deity said most humans and all animals go to an enormous astral...warehouse waiting room thingy. Th…

Hi. My mother and father to a lesser degree were emotionally neglectful. It is a miracle that I’m still here and have been able to do all that I’ve done. But I’ve done a lot of work and healing and I’…

because I did something similar to as described and worked? but I agree with much of your points, as to me is annoyingly frustrating. and certainly read of NO LIMITS, yet my sister has cancer, can I c…

Just found this sub and consider it a safe place. My mother is a narcisist and my father is just there. I suffer from complex-ptsd from emotional neglect, and verbal,emotional abuse. I just recently…

We knew each other ten years ago… it was an easy going relationship then we didn’t end up together he went away disappeared when his father passed away he was not in a good place so it was done … then…

You can have different attachment styles with different people. I an slightly Dismissive Avoidant with my Ex and Father who both may have quiet BPD. With everyone else I am Secure. IMO we all have al…

LOOLLL this kinda reminds me of myself. i’m FA and also have bpd. my psychiatrist was the first person i rlyyyy opened up to after being hospitalized at 19. gosh i became so attached to him after and …

Lmao, no, don't worry about it. I have daddy issues as well, and I have friends with BPD that have pointed out that I may have it too (I'm not diagnosed and have no need to know though atm). And I tot…

I’m new at this posting thing ,so sorry if I don’t get everything in the text. My wife will not help me to go to hospital if I need to,I’ve been alone for days . She says putting our children through …

Your story might be my story if he didn’t break up with me (of course, with having a mature conversation). It lasted a month, and we were thrilled until we first met and it became real and fantastic –…

>There's a good chance she might have a kickback dismissive avoidant response when things get real and she has to "choose you". That'll start off a progression of fault-finding. You're not going to th…

What do you want out of this? That's the starting question. This person said they didn't want a relationship? Do you want a relationship? This person has free access to you whenever they like, how d…

You deserve to feel proud, as a man, as a father, and as someone who chose to evolve rather than repeat themselves. Thanks for sharing: for many here, your path is a map.

I’m 45F. I was previously anxious and have moved to secure. Part of getting there was realizing that my family of origin had used me as a scapegoat. I set a boundary with my mom that she could no long…

I would suggest therapy. Find a professional to help you wade through all of this. I imagine proposing in front of a bunch of people felt like entrapment because if she said no she looks like an assh…

The mom was mental and so was the stepfather for putting up with it. He should have actually gone to meet Neville, told him what was happening, and asked him to fix it. I'm sure Neville would have don…

Wow, this is a beautiful way to look at it. I can imagine that that siren going off for me, is actually a scared little girl tugging on my shirt hem with tears in her eyes. I just need to look down. L…

I’ve been dating my guy for 5 months. He has been extraordinary. Patient, kind, loving, basically says all the things my soul has been dying to hear. He reached out to me, and by date number 2 said he…

Friend is distancing and I’m not sure how to correctly deal with it. I very much believe I have an anxious attachment style and it’s very closely linked with my BPD and OCD. In the past year, I bec…

I believe her to be FA because she told me she has a fear of abandonment. Her father abandoned her and she has a track record of dating emotionally unavailable men or narcissists.

I, M29, have been in a long-distance relationship for 6 months now with a Fearful Avoidant. Before this relationship, I had always thought that I'd be secure in a relationship after 2 years of therapy…

I feel very seen because your reply reflects my situation almost exactly. What you experience with your partner, I experience with my best friend. With my regular friends I’m “casual friends.” I l…

Text of original post by u/f1rstpancake: TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfun…

Sure, here is a portion that resonated with me a lot and made sense on what attracts me to the avoidants or unavailable or troubled people. Shall share more if you are interested: The need to be need…

Yes, this was conscious. Early on I responded defensively, and I saw that resulted in escalation. I started seeing these as fights I "can't win" and deliberately did not engage so it would pass over i…

Yes, indeed. In this case individual differences may matter a lot though. I think I'm unusually calm even for a DA. Some of my earliest memories involve me staying completely calm as my father got ang…

Hello. I have a question. Are anxious attached people self-centerd? I heard from my Ex-BF that I am self-centerd and think the world revolves around me. Sometimes I act upon my anxiety, only to be pro…

You just described my marriage to an AP and why it was so damn exhausting. Their lack of self-awareness (even after learning about AT) is astounding. During our divorce, my ex painted himself as the v…

[trigger warning] I have a lot of childhood trauma related to a horrible abusive stepfather ( stabbed my mother when I was 4-6, shot at our house when we were inside) I was the oldest sibling and at…

Hi there, I’m F16 and I have attachment isuess. In childhood I didn't receive enough love from my parents ( abusive, emotionally unavailable father and a toxic mother, and I don’t intend to repair tho…

Hi u/tongfather, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s): * Be excellent to one another! This is a place for all races, genders, sexual orientations, non-exploitive sexual prefe…

So I read the article, and it's pretty interesting. I'm definitely in the freeze+fawn group. Freeze from childhood emotional neglect, and fawn from my narcissistic, volatile, and controlling father. I…

After 14 months, I return to this subreddit, single again. I had called him around 7 from the grocery store wanting to know what type of beer I should get for the superbowl party we were going to the …

I’m a card person and I’ve yet to have the pleasure of being with someone who really appreciates the idea of snail mail or holding onto little love notes for a while, or at least something more than r…

He had been having some cardiac symptoms but hadn't seen a doctor. I am in the medical field and my previous position was in an advanced heart failure/heart transplant program. The prior weekend was t…

I've been single for 10 years at this point and frankly I've all but given up on the idea of a partner. I'm convinced I will be alone for possibly the rest of my life at this point. It hurts because n…

I spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, especially around heartbreak and how hard my life is because romantic things always feel through. On the weekend just been, a girl from my highschool wa…

Wow! I cannot imagine leaving my child behind! I assume you're the mum, without knowing any facts, I'd suggest that perhaps if he is willing to just fuck off and leave you with the baby, then he doesn…

Not at all. My mother and father never abused me. I’m autistic and I perseverate on difficult problems to solve. She just reaches the deep desire to problem solve and to never give up. It’s the Zeigar…

So I told him (the guy I am seeing) about the communication (lack of it). That I connect with someone through communication and I feel like communication have been quite minimal between us (like curio…

He's not the father? That's the only scenario where that would make sense.

I had two cases like this, both cases the guy was the father. They didn't give much reasons for the divorce other than distance. Both said the wife wanted the divorce, which, honestly, doesn't help. …

No woman leaves the father of her child at a time when she needs her partner the most (during pregnancy/ with a newborn). If she has left him during such a vulnerable time, I'd take it as a sign that …

You should run because he’s old enough to be your father and you’re closer in age to his kid than him. There’s no good reason a man of his big, big age should date someone so much younger.

Sometimes! It's a trick of being open and friendly enough, and being aware of social cues. Someone has headphones on, looks stressed or rushed, is staring at their phone, etc. - do not approach. Someo…

Thank you. I think it'd be different if her kids were younger. One is 18 and the other is 15, so I wouldn't really take on a "father" role with them. But I can build relationships with them to the poi…

So, it would make me question whether you both truly want the same things. You want children - have them - I just had my first and it’s amazing. She essentially spent her prime reproductive years wit…

I’ve been seeing a man significantly older than me for about a month. He started out very secure and loving, but my anxious attachment and mental health triggers caused a lot of friction. I became the…