dealbreaker

I get that this is a HUGE issue for men in the online dating pool, but as a woman, it really shocks me how much I see other women openly admit to such a harsh and superficial dating "dealbreaker" so f…

DAE feel like they want to be in a relationship but don’t really know how to? Intimacy problems? — I mean in terms of intimacy. When I think about being in a relationship, the concept of having someone in my corner that I can cuddle with, do things with, nurture and support and generally love—that …

Am I crazy? I feel like a stalker. — I (26F) don’t understand how my ex (31M) switched on me overnight, and I’m struggling to cope. We dated for almost a year. At first, he was obsessed with me. He talked constantly about our future mar…

When/how to disclose weight loss — After a lifetime of obesity, with the help of a GLP-1, I lost 110 lbs. I'm now also recovered from a lower body lift to remove all the extra skin. I'm a 47F and now a US size 6. All to say, with cloth…

Ladies: What makes you swipe RIGHT? (inspired by today's recent post) — What are some things in men's profiles that make you swipe **RIGHT**? I'm looking for positivity here. The stuff that makes you say "ooh," not the stuff that made you say "eww." We hear about dealbre…

Some men have questionable hygiene and it has made dating even more challenging than it already is. — Dating is already challenging enough. I (43F) am completely exhausted from conversations about hygiene before a date - because I don’t want something like hygiene to prevent us from getting to know o…

Dating in your 40s changed what I look for - and not in the way I expected — When I got divorced I assumed I'd become more practical about dating. Older, wiser, better at screening for the right things - income, stability, shared goals. The usual checklist. Three years later I…

Are My Expectations Too High? — 46F who has been dating on and off for the past year or so after leaving a DB marriage. I have had minimal sex in the past 2 years. Most men seem to have ED in my age group and this results in sexless…

It’s okay to walk away from someone you do not vibe with — I feel like so many times I have invested time in people i wasn’t compatible with because I didn’t want to be “ too picky”, but I’m 44 now and I have learned a lot. 1. You will never change a person a…

[23M] gf [24F] wants my parents to be grandparents to her child, but they’re not open to it right now, should I end it? — I (23M) have been with my girlfriend (24F) for a year. We’re very compatible, great communication, and I can see a future with her. She has a 2-year-old from a previous relationship. I haven’t really…

I (24F) am pregnant by my (27M) boyfriend after a toxic relationship full of love bombing, lies, and sexual assault. I feel like i have no way out. What should I do? — Hi Reddit, I don’t even know where to start, but I’m at my breaking point and I really hope you can help me. I’m 24, my boyfriend is 27. We’ve been together for two years and have been living togethe…

What should I do abt my bd/ex — Relationship Length: 3 years Ages/Genders: 19F and 20M The Background- When we first met, we were incredibly happy and in love. However, things started going downhill when I realized he was hidin…

my (21f) boyfriend (22m) doesn’t want to sleep with me. can the relationship still work? — hi guys, i’m writing this for a bit of outside perspective as i’m unsure what to do. for context, my boyfriend and i have been seeing eachother for around 10 months (7 of which we were on and off fwb…

Is disagreement on circumcision reason to breakup with my (28F) boyfriend (28M)? — Hi everyone, My (28F) boyfriend (28M) and I have been together 2 years. Marriage is still a couple of years out, but we fit into each other’s lives well and make a good team. We’ve been having discu…

Is my (23F) BF (23M) not having any money a dealbreaker? — For context, we both work full time, I earn less than him (25% less) but throughout the month I have way more money because I save a lot plus I don’t own a car, I use public transportation for the mos…

How much should we have saved up? (Given no fallback/support system) — The last year or so of my life has been a whirlwind, from graduating college to moving back home for the first time in years before my first job (which was a nightmare, but that's a given) to finally …

To break up or not to break up? (F25) (m27) Great on Paper, But Something Feels Missing — Lately, I (25f) have been questioning my relationship with my bf (27m). We’ve been together just over 2 years. He is a really great guy- extremely loyal, has good values, listens when I bring up issue…

I just need to get it off my chest — Hi everyone. So my boyfriend (28M) and I (23F) broke up 2 weeks ago because I found messages from him on Twitter asking 3 girls out. I just couldn’t ignore the fact that he intended to cheat on me and…

Boyfriend lied about college degree and income — I (25F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for almost 2 years, and I’m struggling with how to process some things I’ve recently learned. Before we started dating, he told me he had a college degree.…

We want a future together, but my fear of pregnancy is kind of becoming a dealbreaker. — My boyfriend(27 M) and I (26 F) are dating for two years, and honestly, he’s incredible—respectful, caring, and someone I can truly see a future with. We are at the point where we want to "settle dow…

He broke up with me because I don’t want kids — Despite the fact we are in our early twenties, and my reasoning for not wanting kids is because the world is a mess right now, for some reason, it’s a dealbreaker for him, even after knowing that mayb…

Bf just told me he didn’t want kids — I (33F) and my bf (33M). This happened right after I ask for discussion about the possibility of spousal sponsorship. I was told he didn’t want kids and he knew I always want kids and it turned out we…

I (24M) love my girlfriend (24F), but our sex life is almost nonexistent—what do I do? — I (24M) am contemplating breaking up with my partner (24F) and I really do not want to let her go. We have been dating for three (3) years and she is like my other half. She is very beautiful, kind, s…

Bf just told me he didn’t want kids — I (33F) and my bf (33M). This happened right after I ask for discussion about the possibility of spousal sponsorship. I was told he didn’t want kids and he knew I always want kids and it turned out we…

My boyfriend (34M) said he doesn’t care about getting married, but I (26F) do. — Bf and I have been together just over 3 years, and lived together for just over 6 months now, and we even recently adopted a dog. My coworker is going through a divorce and we both discussed it. He di…

Do I tell my partner I’m smoking? — My partner (25M) and I (25F)got together 11 years ago and both smoked heavily at the time, 4 years ago he got told he had problems with his heart and if he kept smoking he would die before surgery so …

Need relationship advise with weird p*rn bf watches M26 F23 — Hi everyone, I’m feeling really confused and would appreciate some outside perspective. TW: p\\\*rn My partner (M26) and I (F23) have been together for about 5 yrs, and in a lot of ways we have a re…

regretting opening up — hi guys. quite a bit of a backstory as quite a lot happened in a short period of time. i (23F) have a friend (25M) whom i've known for quite some time now (about 3 years through another friend (24F)) …

how do i make him rethink his choices — **TL;DR;** : situationship made his decision to cut things off due to what i said, how do i make him rethink his choices? hi guys. quite a bit of a backstory as quite a lot happened in a s…

My gf 33/f seems hesitant having kids with me 32/m, after 6 years of dating, I am lost on what to do? — We’ve been together for 6 years. Around the 3-year mark, she said she wasn’t sure if she wanted kids, and I gave her an ultimatum because it’s a dealbreaker for me. Since then, she’s never really expr…

Is poor dental hygiene or bad teeth a dealbreaker for you when dating? — Personally, I wouldn’t date someone with poor oral hygiene. Regular dental visits twice a year for cleanings are important to me. Brushing twice a day, flossing, using mouthwash, and even tongue scrap…

How do I deal with my (24M) girlfriend (21F) considering breaking up due to my inability to have kids? — I’m sterile due to chemotherapy as a teen for leukaemia and found out about two years ago. I have always wanted kids and to raise a family. My girlfriend and I have been dating for around 8 months an…

My (35M) gf (30F) cant mingle — I (35M) am engaged to my gf (30F) and I really love her. We’ve been together 5 years now and everthing is going well id say. The only main and reoccurring thing is that she is really introverted and…

Dating in your 40s with little experience is harder than people admit — This is a bit of a rant based on patterns I keep seeing here. I’m a pretty shy person, especially in social situations and around women. At work, I’m fine (I deal with people all the time) but that’s…

Me [23M] and my GF [23F] are having a disagreement and we need your thoughts. — Me \[23M\] and my GF \[23F\] have been together for about 2 years now. Ever since we have been together, she has asked me on at least 50 occassions if I would be up to try having sex with a man, somet…

My boyfriend (34M) and i (30F) just ended things and i feel like my world is caving in — My boyfriend told me a month ago that he wanted to back out of moving in with me and can’t envision marrying me anymore. We were together a year and 2 months. He stated that he doesn’t think our 10 …

Would you date someone with hsv1? — I (30F) just contracted G and O hsv1 from someone I’ve been seeing. He has had cold sores in the past, but has not had one recently. He went down on me and gave me HSV 1 orally and genitally. I’m worr…

My 30M bf of six months told me 27F that he doesn’t see himself getting married, and I’ve said that’s a dealbreaker for me. The logical thing to do is separate, he loves me a lot but I don’t want to continue on, waste time, and then resent myself later. I’m in emotional pain. What would you do? — Added context, we live in different countries and when we’re together things are amazing. We were talking about someday eventually closing the distance, and the only way is for me to move to him bec…

How do I (22F) get my bf (25M) to have better hygiene? — To start off, I already told him on several different occasions to improve his hygiene. Either I'm not getting through to him, or he's just ignoring my advice on purpose. We've been together for 3 …

I'm FA and I identify with this. I value my alone time, and generally speaking, consider myself an introvert. A recharge period is definitely necessary, not just after a social interaction but at the …

Sounds pretty avoidant. That sucks - I’m sorry. Does she actually understand how important this is to you? If so, I might try having the conversation one more time, being clear that it’s a dealbreaker…

First, I think this is the wrong question to be asking. You can’t completely know someone’s attachment style until they attach to you. I think a better question would be “how can I identify relationsh…

avoidants (especially those that are actively working towards healing and becoming secure) may come off as secure in the beginning of a courtship. until they are met with some triggers which will lead…

When you notice yourself being hypervigilant about signs they may no longer be interested, ask yourself "so what?" So what if they really are pulling away and are losing interest? That's ok, you'll de…

My (27F) bf (27M) broke up with me after 5 months tgt because I might have anxious attachment. How am I feeling: Feels like hell and torture. Shaking. Spiraling. No appetite/havent eaten for a coup…

True. When I started online dating, I thought I had to agree to things that are dealbreakers (like polyamory/open relationship) because, in my head, that was to ”compromise”. Now I know how to set bou…

You can share a resource like a book or article you came across in a simple way. But you do not get to dictate what their healing journey looks like or how they go about it. Healing is a personal jour…

Address the fear. Why would you be stuck? You are allowed to change your mind any time. Maybe those are the type of affirmations that you need to say yourself. If anything think through your boundar…

I appreciate this. The self abandonment aspect is definitely part of my history, like text book examples. Like I had an out of state job offer textbook example. We’re not in a relationship anymore and…

I think it might be helpful to define what “socially stimulating” actually means to you and check it against what others think it means. As well as what you identify as “boring”. I think this can be h…

This might genuinely be terrible advice, so please take it with a grain of salt, but here is a process that has been helping me when my anxiety flares up like that. This might be long, forgive me (ADH…

Very happy to share :) A few years ago I worked with a life coach to work on self-esteem and managing/setting boundaries. I still touch base with her when I need 1:1 support. After the avoidant discar…

I’m not dismissing the fact that you have engaged in some amount of healing. However you managed to avoid doing the most important part of the healing that would make this all so much more bearable. Y…

I started a little experiment a few months back, just on Hinge (I’m also on Bumble). I used to say “I get no likes,” but I’m a data/evidence person… and also have the memory of a goldfish 😅 So I star…

So my two year relationship ended last month. It sucks. I didn't want it to end, but I can see now that it was ultimately for the best. We both tried our best. I'm trying to be kind to myself and not …

I don’t agree with this. If it’s a must have for someone to have good conversations or to be able to laugh together for example, but that’s missing in the 20% then someone are betraying themselves bec…

Basically we acknowledged that we have different personalities but it wasn’t a dealbreaker at that point

New dealbreaker unlocked

You have explained here what you don’t love about him and that’s enough to be a dealbreaker for you. If you can’t see a life with him, you shouldn’t have to force it. Please don’t feel bad about it. T…

My hinge profile gets close to zero activity, despite the fact that I feel like I put a lot of work into it. Maybe 1-3 incoming likes per week, if that. Out of curiosity, last night I turned off my de…

First: 1-3 likes is a lot 😂 Second: I hadn’t heard of this before, but it would make sense. If their goal is to have some benefit to paying then bypassing certain profiles just bc the dealbreakers w…

That happened to me too! A little while ago out of curiosity I set a dealbreaker for “doesn’t want children” and swiped through maybe half a dozen profiles before it told me I was out. You really expe…

The implementation of filters and dealbreakers is just done so, so poorly. I get a lot more activity when I don't use them at all, or use them one at a time. It makes getting the premium services to…

Yeah I just hopped back on these apps and noticed that on a few. While not a dealbreaker it is a slight negative. Same as how unaware men make profiles where they look cool to themselves but look an…

I think I've told this story before in this sub, but basically - I used to want kids, but as I got older I realized that I don't want them as much anymore. Am I fully committed to a child-free lifesty…

I did the same this morning, I just unchecked the age dealbreaker, and poof a man 6 years younger than me appeared in my likes instantly

I also saw that and experimented. Had gone on a Hinge Binge on Wed night, after not bothering with the app much for the past while. Sorted through all my incoming likes (didn't keep count, but had mor…

Oh yes I know and that's how I've had it for years. Someone on a daily yesterday mentioned removing dealbreakers to help with your algorithm if your likes were drying up (or maybe it was the day befor…

If you're in the US and 'non political', you're right that you're going to get passed over by a lot of women. Trying to hide it and hope to win them over with your personality ain't the way, though. I…

>"no dealbreakers" on Hinge thing What is this? As in, not mentioning any dealbreakers?

I think the "hack" was that people also got shown previously hidden people within their usual dealbreaker range, but results may vary

You should keep those dealbreakers, it doesn't make sense to get rid of them

My take was that if you're getting a dearth of likes, opening up the dealbreakers makes you more popular, which then will make the app think you're more popular, which then will increase their likelih…

Might not be the original comment but the thing about gaming the popularity algorithm by allowing people outside your dealbreaker range to send likes to your profile makes a lot of sense. Would be nic…

This has happened to me too. It's happened with women who went on two dates with me, even. I think "no connection" or "no spark" are just polite ways to reject someone, you'll never know the real rea…

For me personally it's not enough to meet you for a couple of hours to figure out whether this will work long-term or not. My guiding principle when meeting new people is to keep hanging out with them…

If you want a truly peaceful relationship, keep as many people as you can out of it. Everyone has their own reference level and what is acceptable to some is a dealbreaker to others. The amount o…

I agree about feeling a bit off when there’s a gap, unfortunately. But I guess that’s out of your hands. And I honestly never forgot about someone I was actually interested in after a few weeks, so wo…

Every time I've given someone a chance because I couldn't put my finger on a solid reason not to go on the date (beyond "vibes"), I've very very quickly found the solid reason and wished I had just st…

The things you describe seems controlling and would be dealbreakers for me. She is like this 3 dates in, imagine how it will be 3 months or 3 years down the line. Controlling behaviors don't usually g…

I will be honest with you, it seems like this relationship is lacking emotional and intellectual depth for you? It would be a dealbreaker for me at least. Someone not really asking questions about m…

Uhhh idk I mean a lack of curiosity is an automatic dealbreaker for me but that’s for you to decide.

what? you don't like a lack of curiosity? you don't like watching men play video games for your entertainment? c'mon what's not to love ab that lol feeling the dealbreaker of this whole thang more an…

have a list of dealbreakers and other criteria. weight dates based on those.

A shirtless photo will deter women with intentions of finding a long term mate. When I was on the apps it was a dealbreaker for me because you quickly learn what men with topless photos are looking fo…

>A shirtless photo will deter women with intentions of finding a long term mate. When I was on the apps it was a dealbreaker for me because you quickly learn what men with topless photos are looking f…

As a fearful avoidant myself, this trick has been the biggest help that my therapist had me do. Make a list of your deal breakers in a partner. Not icks. Actual deal breakers. Like is this person hu…

I think you should make a list of qualities you might want in a person, and realize you won’t get all of them… so you need to pick the most important ones and figure out your dealbreakers and work wit…

my last boyfriend had cheated on his ex-wife twice while they were married. he and i started dating a year after they broke up and he was in therapy. we were together 5 months before he cheated on me.…