unreasonable

Yeah, to me it's gross. If I'm having sex with one person, that's the only person I'm having sex with and I expect the same, unless it's a very occasional, mutually understood casual arrangement.  I…

Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…

What do secure bids for connection and co-regulation look like? — I am a dismissive avoidant trying to get better about reaching out to others for connection, co-regulation, emotional support, etc. I am really struggling to figure out what's normal/healthy/reasonabl…

Please help my friend and I decide if we're unreasonable. How much time do you spend with your partner or spouse and if you live separately or together. — My best friend and I are pretty similar. I'm single, she's married. I was dating a guy similar to her husband off and on for fourteen years but everything came to a head at the end of 2024 and we went…

My boyfriend (M35) and I (F27) have not said i love you, over a year of dating — TLDR; My boyfriend (M35) and I (f27) have been together for over a year, he hasn’t said I love you despite having talked about marriage, kids, future together. In a conversation he said he was apprehe…

I (32F) trusted my partner (34M) completely until I discovered he lied about a “friend” he talks to daily and that they were texting very appropriate. I’m shaking and feeling lost — I’m a 32F and my partner is 34M. We’ve known each other for many years and have a long history together. We were apart for a while in the past but recently decided to try again because we both felt th…

Wife (26F) scheduled cosmetic procedures we agreed we wouldn’t do before marriage, using money from our joint account. I’m (28M) struggling with the trust breach. — I’m 28 and my wife is 26. We’ve been married for 4 years and we have a 1-year-old child together. Before we got married, we had a lot of conversations about values and expectations for the future. On…

Ex-wife is adamantly opposed to me introducing anyone to the kids ever. Any advice? — My ex and I have been divorced for almost five years. In that time I’ve dated casually, but never seriously enough to introduce anyone to my kids. For the past year, though, I’ve been in a committed r…

I love my bf, but i genuinely cannot stand his dog, its affecting everything — Okay, I need honest opinions because I feel ridiculous even typing this, but it’s becoming a serious issue in my relationship, For reference, I am a girl, 21 and he is 23, we have been dating for a ye…

I have never hated anyone so much in my life — I’ll spare the soap opera that was our marriage. We were married for five years and are now in the process of separating. I was the one who initiated. We have a little one. He is 2. He is the most im…

My boyfriend (M25) saw an old video of me(F24) and was disgusted. How can I get over this? — I never thought I’d be making an advice post on reddit, but everyone in my present life is super split on the issue and can’t really relate. I genuinely don’t know how to fix this. So my boyfriend (M…

The friend zone after sex; how many actually do it? — Relatively quick question just to gauge other experiences. My most recent relationship was short, intensely sexual, and apparently one-sided in romantic attachment as she broke things off after 2 mont…

Broke up with my gf because she wants kids now and I'm not ready. — I (30) just broke up with my gf (31) of 2 years and instantly feel awful and am questioning if I made the wrong decision. She has severe endometriosis so basically needs to start trying for kids now.…

My brother (28M) is getting married to his gf (18F) and I am TA for disapproving... — The reason I have a problem with it, aside from just the age difference, is that they started dating two years ago. I found out he was dating her when he was ARRESTED over his inappropriate behavior…

My boyfriend (23M) keeps asking me (23F) to change how I dress because of other men, and I don’t know how to handle it. — So me (23F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been together for about two years. When we first met, he actually liked the way I dressed and would compliment me. But once he started taking me more seriously,…

32 years old, 4.5 years into the healing journey I've literally JUST realized I was sheltered — I can't believe this has only just hit me. I'm 32 years of age. THIRTY-TWO! It's literally just in the past hour hit me that I was extremely sheltered growing up and it's lead to me lacking the skills…

I (M29) am struggling to rebuild after my (F28) partner cheated — My partner (F) and I (M) have been together for years and have two young kids (3 and 1). A while ago I found out she had been talking to another guy behind my back. When I confronted it, she said it w…

Long distance girlfriend(27F) is overwhelmed with work and life but our communication has almost disappeared idk if I(26M) am wrong for feeling hurt what do I do? — I (26M) am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend (27F) for almost 6 months now. Earlier, we used to talk every day mostly on calls, and we’d text here and there during the day. Since we d…

You are calling the middle the end — You checked again, and nothing. Maybe a small part of you still expected something to have shifted by now. A message, some movement, anything. But the 3D looks exactly the same, so the conclusion fee…

Husband (45M) Jealous of Stepchild (16F) — Hi all, I(41F) just beat cancer last year. During my cancer treatment all last year, I couldn’t see my daughter (16F) very much as I was immunocompromised and unable to care for anyone so she spent a …

What is my (35M) role in my parents (69F)(80M) dispute about chickens — I bought a large property with my elderly parents. I have a house in the back half of the lot and they live up in the front house. Since we have a few acres I thought it would be fun to get a few chic…

AI is your friend. — I am an expat in a foreign land, and fell in love with a delightful woman here. The first month was glorious and beautiful, but soon after she began exhibiting many of these traits (before I even knew…

Ex husband spiraling — I have full custody and legal of our 9 year old son. I have given his dad weekend options to spend time with our son. Weekdays there’s always homework, physical and occupational therapy, swim lessons…

Why should someone lower their standards? — It's common to see people suggesting others to "lower our standards". It's not a gender thing because both sides are told this. I'm 42 and my standards are triple what they were in my 20's. But this…

Preparing for IMS unification of mind/concentration retreat — I'm planning on taking the IMS [unification of mind retreat](https://events.dharma.org/en/5f7ITk77/g/dF22C48yn6/unification-of-mind-concentration-retreat-5a2xVI3mybF) in July (So 3 months to prepare, …

WP’s friends - I don’t wanna hang — So, my WP has a group of friends that she would frequently talk to, and occasionally hang out with. Because most of us have kids, we would all hang out together on occasion. Most of the friends were d…

What are boundaries? — I (M,35) have just recently been the victim of a 6 month EA from my wife (F,35) with an older man. Sometimes I feel like we play opposite gender stereotypes. I feel so hurt by what's happened and ha…

When you couldn't find any single trace of ex in your life — It's more than overwhelming to me. I am left with the person before I met my ex, which is me myself. The unreasonable imperfections left behind, came back with all the perfection, just without him. W…

Should I just meet them to avoid her narcissistic fury? — I feel nauseous. I'm LC with my nmother and efather. Earlier this week she asked if I'd *like* to meet her and my efather for dinner on Friday. They live 4 hours away but were apparently going to spen…

My boyfriend (26M) and his flirty friend (20F) — My long distance boyfriend (26M) and I (22F) have been together for almost 9 months and for the most part we have a very good and genuine connection. That was up until recently where one of his close …

I ‘30 f’ feel like my boyfriend of 7 years ‘30 m’ can never apologize and instead gets mad at when for being upset or he turns things around and list the things I need to improve or. I am being unreasonable? — I feel like for 7 years I’ve been asking my boyfriend to learn how to apologize and to stop turning things around on me. Last week I went out with my cousin and he made me feel like i couldn’t be out …

How can I help us get past this wall when I bring up a concern (me vs the world mentality)? — I'm going to try to keep this short because I could share a lot of examples of how this shows up. Essentially, I think it comes down to one core issue with our communication when it comes to conflicts…

I (20F) am worried about my girlfriend (20F) and her friend who cheats — I (20F) and my girlfriend (20F) have been together for about two weeks now. We were involved before (abt 3 yrs, long story we were best friends but then we got together, a whole mess), but I broke thi…

I 20F ended the relationship with my 20M Ex for good and I’m having second thoughts. — It would have been My \[20F\] and My Ex’s \[20M\] 2 year anniversary yesterday. And I’ve been regretting ending things for good. We had broken up with the intention of eventually getting back together…

He cheated and now he wants time away — I caught my husband of 13 years cheating. Long story short, we stayed away from each other for the first 3 days. I want him back so I asked him to stay home. For the kids sake too, we have 2 small c…

How do I (M36) navigate this situation with my wife (F37) and our friend’s husband (M37)? — Would like advice about navigating this situation or if I M36 just need to grin and bear it. Also please let me know if another sub would be better suited helping in this situation. My wife F37 has a…

Found out my (30M) gf (29F) was still “seeing” others when she said I was the one. What do I do? — So, long story short. Met my girlfriend a while back. We hit it off and had a really good time. We moved fast and practically went from our first date to a committed relationship in a little over 2 mo…

Living with my best friend (27) and her boyfriend (29) is making me (27)feel deeply unhappy, am I being unreasonable? — TL;DR *Living with my best friend and her boyfriend makes me feel like a third wheel and an outsider in my own home. There are still nice moments, but overall I feel lonely and like I’m orbiting thei…

I (36/M) am feeling newly disconnected from my partner (35/F) because she works too much, is this normal? — Hey all, I'm 36 and my partner (35) and I have been together almost a year. I'm beginning to feel disconnected from her and I think part of the problem is that she overworks herself. She works fr…

My (31F) boyfriend (28M) has not invited me to his home after two years of dating, and I don't know how to talk about it. — Hi all! After avoiding "serious" dating in favor of school and career, I met a great guy online just over two years ago. This is the most serious relationship for both of us, and we both have historie…

Considering leaving a 3 year relationship… — I \[24F\] am thinking about ending my almost 3 year relationship with my bf \[28M\]. Help. I feel ridiculous even making this post, but hopeful that some outside perspective can help me come to a cle…

How do I (18M) stop feeling afraid of my partner (19NB)? — Hey all, I need some advice/guidance. !!!Cw for brief mentions of SA!!! Long story short, my ex (partner at the time) and I got into a relationship with a new person together. Two days in, they sta…

Sexual coercion/ threats for divorce — my husband is saying that if I don't do what he wants sexually (anal, swallowing monthly and blowjobs 2-3x a week ) he wants a divorce . We have 3 kids. I feel stupid but has anybody gone through an e…

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? — Im a couple years out of a 20 year marriage and just back into the dating scene. Dating is completely new to me but i have been in therapy and reading about different attachment styles and other thing…

i did not have any sort of self respect during my time with my ex boyfriend. — i dont even know why im doing this but im here to share what happened between me and my now ex bf of 6 months. i wasn't used to sharing my feelings to anyone else except him but now that hes gone it f…

Should I consider that wanting to write about my life is possibly selfish and actively harmful, and could just ruin my current progress anyway? — Basically I feel as though I have \~somewhat\~ recovered from a toxic mindset, where I can accept doing activities just for the sake of them instead of needing it to be for a goal or to ensure future …

My girlfriend’s severe depression has led to extreme hygiene and living conditions, and I don’t know how to help without hurting myself — Hi Reddit, English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes, and this is my first time posting here. I (19F) have been with my girlfriend (19F) for about 4 months now. Before we start…

Overthinking and ruining relationships. — Hey there so… I really struggle with not ruining relationships. Truthfully I get attached and honestly quite needy and I start to overthink on how they perceive me. For a bit context and a bit of …

Does anyone's parents have unreasonable paranoia and distrust of other people and their intentions? — High levels of paranoia and distrust are something anyone can have, but I'll type anyways. When I overhear my parents talking with loved ones on the phone and just hear them talk to me, I notice that …

I (F43) want to know if my expectations are unreasonable. — I really struggle with the current state of dating culture. It feels very influencer driven and honestly, it is exhausting. I miss when there was more independence in the early stages of dating. When …

BF (30M) doesn’t give me (33F) benefit of the doubt as he has a rule where he only explains twice. I think that’s unreasonable — As mentioned, my boyfriend doesn’t give me the benefit of the doubt. I found this out when we were arguing recently that he thinks that adults don’t need to be told more than twice to do anything and …

 I’ve felt like a whiny little wimp for getting PTSD from something that I saw as not a true threat to life. I so relate. This kind of things happens through out my life till middle school. I always …

Well, you’re posting here and clearly don’t like the dynamic or you wouldn’t be asking us if we think it’s normal. I’m just saying that it’s not a dynamic that most people enjoy or find tolerable and …

I don’t know, everyone is saying “you’re imaging it” but this has happened to me. Only once, but it has happened, and I would say im secure. Someone definitely flipped to “hating” me and refused to di…

I figured anyone mentioning it would get downvoted, but I second the use of ChatGPT and other AI tools. I did a couple years of weekly therapy but it was getting too expensive. Now I use a combination…

Yes, boundaries are key. I would question if you have a realistic sense of “using a person for emotional labor.” This is what boundaries protect you from. But the way you worded it, it feels as if t…

I'll take a few days off to just step back from all the practices and then restart again, because I am certain I am doing something wrong because I haven't even experienced the "unreasonable (what I m…

Hi everyone, I’m in my early 20s, and recently I went through my longest relationship so far — almost 2 years — with someone who is also my age, and has BPD. I have AuDHD on top of everything. Our rel…

I KNOW I FIGURED ALL THAT OUT BUT I STILL KEEP GETTING ENGAGEMENT BAITED😭😭😭😭😭😭 also because of other reasons- I'm not super able to manage myself and form close connections and this person's the…

TL;DR: when an avoidant asks for a break, is it real? Ive been dating an avoidant guy for like four months. He had ended a 9 year relationship a year ago and I ended an 8 year relationship recently.…

I don't think it's unreasonable to want people in your life to initiate, but the problem is the attachment it has to your value/self worth. As you get to know someone, you figure out what you are or a…

I understand him very well that he wants to help but he felt helpless. I know he's working on it. That's why I even phrased my question the way I did. I feel shitty because of how he just...acted and…

I just expected him to have any initiative or take action. I'm 100% that person who'd risk being overbearing because when I do see or hear about someone I care about having health issues, I get very p…

It has nothing to do with how bad it was. It's about your unreasonable expectations for someone who's not a doctor to identify and fix your health problem.

I don't know how to deal with my anxious feeling. My friend has recently started trying to date again. They and another friend had been dating previously, which I didn't have an issue with. I never ha…

What the other user guessed is also what I was thinking. You said she didn't explain and you're not sure she knows. Have you flat out asked her to explain? Not allowing a partner to get support like …

Triggered from not seeing my partner enough - advice please Hi folks. Please help me understand if this is my anxious attachment kicking in or something reasonable to be feeling a little hurt by. …

Absolutely! It's important to "hold space". No one will be perfect; it's all about boundaries and respect. The "one" may want more space than is ideal. But if they are communicative about it and cons…

I feel really conflicted about this post. Enough to come back to it days later. On the one hand, everyone is entitled to their own boundaries and enforcing your own boundaries is empowering and health…

All of the above. Whenever i feel triggered by something (The latest one is an approaching movein with a partner) it’s a lot easier for me to step back and look at it and think to myself, why do i fee…

Yeah I’ve been in a “relationship” with an avoidant for almost a year and he is maddening. I’m not perfect and I certainly lean towards anxious when triggered, but after so many conversations where I’…

Honestly, that depends on context - I feel like going on a trip without prior warning and ghosting for 6 days is deeply unhealthy relationship behaviour that any attachment style would feel abandoned …

Great question and I wish I had a concrete answer. I tend to write/vent in phone notes when I’m feeling activated and that usually gets me to a place of realizing either they’re being rude/unreasonabl…

Healthy trust and mutual support does not look like this. This was exhausting just to read, I cannot imagine trying to live it. Please give yourself more credit than this. You know these are unreasona…

Gonna chime in with everyone else to add to the fact that this man is controlling you and will eventually abuse you. These are not boundaries. These are completely fucking unreasonable. You shouldn't …

Nothing wrong with your expectations.... it's just that others may find them unreasonable in the early stages of dating, because for most people, a first date is a casual experience. I think you're …

Hey! First post here on the sub but hoping someone can give me some insight. I am in an Anxious/Avoidant marriage, and we are both working on trying to find a secure attachment. When expressing my nee…

I’m going to go against the grain here since most are telling you to reexamine yourself (which, fair, it sounds like he’s a great guy!) but I just can’t see yourself logic-ing your way into “this is m…

Can you give an example? I'd say any need is reasonable if it's respectful of both your needs and your partner's. It's tricky because you could have totally legitimate needs that your partner is unabl…

Yes absolutely! I don’t want to settle but I also don’t want to be unreasonable. It’s hard to know which is which for me!

Are you working with a therapist? This could be helpful to get their take. There are probably plenty of other resources that can give you ideas of what healthy boundaries and relational interactions h…

Hi, thanks for answering and sorry it was upsetting, I wanted to clarify: I wasn't upset he's asking me out and I was not questioning if people can do that: they absolutely can.  It was more that we…

I get this all the time from women I meet online. Pretty much all my dates have been good, so Idk what to tell you. I think it takes longer than 1 or 2 dates to build a connection. I just think there …

Also, I think 3 months is really about the limit that my response would be that. If it's much longer than that... I'd consider it actual cheating, unless we had only discussed NON-exclusivity before. …

All posts are manually reviewed before being approved for posting. This usually takes less than an hour, though it can take longer depending on moderator availability. While you wait for your post to …

I don’t have a spouse but I am a one date a week kind of girl. I work 7 days a week between two jobs and have a busy social life and workout routine so I wouldn’t be compatible with someone who has so…

Sure. I am saying it sounds like you are dating people who you are not compatible with. I don’t want to see anyone for free multiple times a week so I would not be compatible with someone who has so l…

I don't think its unreasonable, but ideally you need to be matched with someone who wants the same. I know of couples who live quite individual lives, its just that they happen to live under the same…

You are not unreasonable. Find someone who makes the effort. We are 35 and what has worked is establishing non negociable date nights and be explicit about weekend plans when we prioritize doing stuff…

As queen avoidant I agree. This is just about compatibility. There’s no such thing as being unreasonable 

The fact that both of you heard nearly identical language ("you need a hobby") when expressing a desire for time together is telling. That's not about you being clingy or unreasonable, that's about pa…

I think this is very true. I also think we tend to have unreasonable expectations for intimacy, especially when paired with Avoidant partners. This sets us up for disappointment and resentment.

The combination of anxious preoccupied and polyamory sounds lethal in it's own. Add your Avoidant  attachment style and a need to tell this person about your other romantic interests when they don't w…

# 7 months in, is it okay to want excitement about the future? After 7 months in a wonderful relationship, I (30F) am excited about a future with my girlfriend (35F), hoping she’ll be the love of my …

Hmmm... well to answer your question, no, I don't think your needs are unreasonable, you best ask her if she just needs time. Part of me tho has this question: Why did those things change your dynam…

So I'm not being unreasonable for getting really upset over it?

Yeah I'm also like this.  I archive them,  change their name to 'no' in my contacts, I've even blocked before. It's unreasonable, would love to train myself out of it some day. 

Was chatting over text with someone on Monday this week about setting up a second date (first was good but they became much less responsive immediately the next day). They pitched a few times that wer…

I was definitely ruined by my first big relationship. I walked into a party, we locked eyes, and I heard a voice in my mind say "oh, there she is!" She felt exactly the same. There was no guessing, no…

There was never an argument. I was asking questions to understand. First, I’d ask if he wanted to get coffee and he’d deflect, “let’s just snuggle,” which we had already been doing for a long time. So…

My boyfriend lives with two dogs (his roommates) who are very attached to him and usually in his bed. They always want to cuddle him or be laying next to him and lick his face frequently. He will clea…