children

>I (F41) have read enough posts to know that maybe the majority of men over 40 accept that women over 40 will likely have children. It seems many men are open to that. My question is more about how yo…

It’s frustrating how often I run into women with Avoidant tendencies. — I’m at a point where I just end things early if I see too many Avoidant tendencies early, but it seems like women with Avoidant tendencies are drown to me more often than secure or anxious which I’d r…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

Recovering DA trying to reconnect with FA wife — For context: * I (40M) am a DA, my wife (41F) an FA. We have three children. * Together for 17 years, married for 13 years, distant/no-touch for over 10 years but stable and no deep conflicts. * Cont…

Being DA but really wanting kids — Ever since I was 5, I’ve known I’ve wanted kids. I spent my teen years fantasising about having them, and felt like having kids was the best thing ever. I love the idea of caring for kids and helping …

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

How does the process look transitioning from dismissive avoidant to secure? — I'm 44 and have slowly worked out there's something up with me, to finding out about this term and seeing a lot of myself in fellow sufferer's description of it. My life is full of unrealistic expe…

Anxious Attachment Help — I'm a 44 M and feel like an emotionally secure relationship is impossible. What's helped you heal? I feel like everything in my life has been taken from me and have a difficult time finding motivation…

Trading book recommendation! For those trying to fix attachment issues. — “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” -by Lindsay C. Gibson, PHD This book helped me realize that, at my core, I struggle with dating and attachment because it’s hard for me to comprehend …

A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…

Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

I'm deactivated right now and not sure it's worth trying to save my marriage — I'm DA (40M), my wife FA (41F), 3 children. Together 17 years, married 13 years, very distant 11 years (due to my earlier long-term deactivation) with no affection or intimacy at all, working on recon…

How can I become more consistent in my relationships? — I recently learnt I'm fearful avoidant and I've been in therapy for 3 years so I know how I stopped being inconsistent in many areas of my life I used to be – I learnt to be consistent with studying b…

How can I become more consistent in my relationships? — I recently learnt I'm fearful avoidant and I've been in therapy for 3 years so I know how I stopped being inconsistent in many areas of my life I used to be – I learnt to be consistent with studying b…

RULES: PLEASE READ — *POST REMOVAL: Understand that all posts are instantly removed into a queue to await mod approval. Please allow 24 hours, though usually it is much less. Your post will either be approved, or you will…

Women keep telling me I need to date younger and now my daughter has too. — I (39m) look young for my age and have been dating for the last 4 years. I have mostly dated women in their 30s and about half of them have told me to date someone younger after things didn’t work bet…

Will I ever not feel so lonely? (Seeking input from older folks on this platform) — I am nearly 47 years old and the emotional neglect I suffered as a kid and still suffer at the hands of my parents, still has such a profound impact on me. I know there are people of all ages in this …

I(F28) have to have a tough conversation with my bf(M30), but I’m scared. — We’ve been together 8 years this July. Not married. It’s been a point of contention. We’ve been in a pretty rough spot since last year, and honestly, it’s only gotten worse this year. I’ve realized o…

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…

“You must respect your mom, she’s your mom.” — How many times have I heard this lecture? People who have normal families have absolutely zero clue what they are talking about. When people see a situation or even read a situation they can’t tolera…

Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…

Codependency and an ex that keeps coming back — Hey guys! So, I've run out of ideas on this. I got together with a single mum in summer 2024 and we parted ways around last October. Since then, we agreed to stay friends but she wouldn't even give m…

I’m the problem. — My husband is perfect; amazing Dad who does half if not more than half of the school runs. He cooks every night, he brings me a cup of tea in bed every morning. He is supportive of my job (I’m C Suite…

Wondering if anyone has taught a child the basics of grounding, meditation, shadow work, and/or energy work? — A little information, my children are younger, but not too young to understand, and we are expecting again. My wife is very skilled with energy even out of practice, and I am getting back in tune with…

AM silent treatment is HELL — For context- two days ago AM asked me (19F) and my sister (17F) why our cousin and our close friends are scared or intimidated by her. We started making fun of her for the things she used to do or say…

‘Bing’s Cherries’ rewrites the American tall tale through Oregon grower’s life — “Bing’s Cherries,” written and illustrated by Taiwanese American authors Livia Blackburne and Julia Kuo, is set for publication on March 10. **If you grew up in the United States, chances are the fol…

I find this insane they don't love their children — I know that they have a mental disease, some have been deeply or horrifyingly traumatized some didn't need a lot to turn this way. And yet I can't help thinking I just can't wrap my mind around it, no…

I just need to rant, Y'all. I'm so angry!!!! — My 83YO Ndad is selling the farm/family business Emom left my brother (48) and me (52) in an irrevocable trust. Dad is tickled pink with himself for installing legal loopholes to fuck us over. His IQ …

A Stunning 26% of Adult Children Are Estranged from Their Fathers — "Research indicates that **estrangement is often initiated by the adult child**, with studies showing **26% of adults are estranged from their fathers** and **6% from their mothers**, though some esti…

Where to go from here — Just to warn you, this is a long one... For context, my partner (F39) and I (M40) have been together for 17 years, have two kids together. This all started in early January but seems to have been goi…

Nmom wants an invite to my wedding or she is going to divorce my dad — TLDR; Nmom wants an invite to my wedding. I don’t plan on it as she doesn’t support or respect my decision, and only wants to go because my dad plans on attending and she doesn’t want to have to put m…

When the therapist is speechless… — I had my therapy session this week and she asked what I did differently with my kids than my own mother (who had Dxd Borderline). I told her my children were allowed childhoods, kids were not parenti…

Do romantic relationships ever work with enmeshed parenting? — When my ex and I broke up I told him that his mom was going to make his marriage miserable. She disapproved of/disrespected me and we could see it wasn't going to work out. I don't hate him, but I'm o…

Why do people not read dating profiles? — Just as the title suggests. If you are on an online dating site it seems obvious that reading profiles would be a big part of it? But apparently lots of people...don't do that? But why? It just seems …

“She doesn’t have to respect you” — My ex was told this today by a person in a position of major power over him after he vented about how I didn’t treat him like I used to when we were married. I mean he did betray and destroy our famil…

Children know when they parents don't love them. Children know when their parents resent and hate them. — It's surprising the amount of parents who not only think that their abuse is justified, but that believe that their children "are too young, so they won't notice" or "they'll forget about it". I heard…

I feel it is very hard to make "permanent" progress, like this is a mind virus that keeps coming back — I'm 39M. I met my partner when I was 36. Dated for 2 years, now we have lived together for 1 year. I've made progress over these 3 years but I feel like it's very easy to "reset" and get back down int…

My mom was supposed to pick me up after surgery. Instead my son took the bus. — I’m in my 50s and still unpacking things about my mom. Growing up, she was always extremely emotionally absent. There was almost no affection, no comforting, and very little interest in my inner life…

Histories of Native American Treaties and Anti-Chinese Violence Win Bancroft Prize — Emilie Connolly’s “Vested Interests: Trusteeship and Native Dispossession in the United States,” published by Princeton University Press, examines the financial aspects of many U.S. government treatie…

NHI that Stop Time and Timelessness of the Oversoul; More Research that Supports how Aliens Obscure Human Memories. — Hi everyone. This is [me](https://www.reddit.com/r/Experiencers/comments/1ai4nzi/i_had_26_physical_contact_events_with_grey_aliens/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_c…

I'm convinced that I've done something horrible to my nephew. (POCD) — I'm so sorry. I'm having an absolute panic attack right now. I've been ruminating about a lot of things, and this is specifically me ruminating about my nephew. I have POCD, at least, I certainly ho…

I hate narcissists! — I tried so hard to forgive. I even made a comment here months ago about forgiveness. I was trying to delude myself. Narcissists deserve to rot and burn in the lowest depths of hell there is. How can y…

It is the fucking pictures and their beloved Facebook. — Looking back through Facebook and all the bullshit my parents deemed necessary to record of me and post all over fucking social media in order to show off and make themselves look good. I tell you one…

My boyfriend (31M) is upset I prioritize money and don’t want kids, even though I (24F) told him this from the start — I (24F, in university) have been dating my boyfriend (31M) for 3 years. We both still live separately with our parents. From the very beginning, I was **extremely upfront** about my priorities: I do…

I (29F) have cancer and my estranged father (60M) is funding my treatment but forcing me to leave my boyfriend (24M) or marry him immediately. Do I have any way out? — Please be kind. I was unable to type so used audio to text converter and ai to fix the spelling mistakes. I m already in a terrible mental state so hope this sub can be a little gentle on me. Haven't …

Wife Wants Divorce so She Can Be With Affair Partner — Wife insists we divorce after I caught her having an emotional affair with her coworker. Of course she has all sorts of lies and manufactured reasons why we need to divorce and insists it has nothing …

People underestimate the power of connections that were formed during childhoood — And I dont mean positive connections only. Negative connections also seem to stick around till we die. And since our parents chose to form negative bonds with us, unfortunely that is what lasts up…

My mom who disowned my for being gay is ready to forgive me, oh and for me to financially support her and my dad after he retires of course. — I don’t speak to any of my family anymore because they disowned me for being gay after i was outed. It hurt at the time but honestly the more time i spent away from them the more i realized how awful …

Nmom said out loud: "I should adopt that kid, maybe he'd take care of me when I'm old" — I wanted to pull my hair out when I heard this. Nmom is in her late 50s. We have a relative who's a young boy and the parents are neglectful. Nmom said that maybe she'd adopt the kid, NOT out of con…

Just found this sub, I know I'm a little late commenting. One thing that I think can be added in relation to how emotional neglect can cause PTSD: People think of PTSD as something that is a threat …

Glad it helped you in some way. I’ve felt like a whiny little wimp for getting PTSD from something that I saw as not a true threat to life. Babies and children absolutely register lack of affection…

Hi there - you may want to post this as a new thread (a toplevel post) or as a comment in the weekly check-in thread since not many people are going to see it here. I think basically all parents who …

I've asked two different entities, and they gave me partly conflicting answers. The self-proclaimed deity said most humans and all animals go to an enormous astral...warehouse waiting room thingy. Th…

It’s difficult when there is something you share with the person though, like children. You’re involved to some capacity and you can see how they are doing in all aspects of life - relationships, fina…

Hi. My mother and father to a lesser degree were emotionally neglectful. It is a miracle that I’m still here and have been able to do all that I’ve done. But I’ve done a lot of work and healing and I’…

I have a feeling that many parents who emotoinally neglect were neglected themselves. How can you learn to connect with your child if that was never modeled to you? So many children were and still ar…

It's so easy to resent and want to blame your parents, but don't you think the way you where raised where how your grandparents raised them? Finding compassion, and understanding that your parents did…

Just found this sub and consider it a safe place. My mother is a narcisist and my father is just there. I suffer from complex-ptsd from emotional neglect, and verbal,emotional abuse. I just recently…

This is the one. I'd also add that attachment doesn't just stop at partners — it's also at play at work, friendships, family relationships/siblings, and even children. It's really fucking hard to be …

They can be self critical, but that's actually the opposite of being accountable and aware because typically it's just another way to ruminate. I also think that tendency in general is what drives the…

No, disorganised attachment is essentially the same as Fearful Avoidant, except disorganised tends to be used for children. Fearful Avoidant already is a "mix" - these people tend to be anxious about…

Thank you. This research at least is not wedded to what is seems to me to be a very over simplified model. I've just read the abstract and will chew through the rest of it. Then look at what else …

I think the attachment styles in place work well. I know it was studied exhaustively on thousands of children in the 70s/80s/90s and had there been more definitive styles we would have caught them bac…

This isnt wrong. Think about the way we used to punish people in our societies of the past - we would exile them. Being socially ostracized used to mean certain death for us. Somewhere in our genes we…

Honestly, senior services are going to be drastically needed soon. I'm in the US, so I don't know if it's the same in Canada, but here as the Baby Boomer generation ages, we have so many people who ar…

Those people are real good at preying on children lol

Thank you for your supportive words :) I am definitely still an AP, but in comparison to some years ago I am able to identify my patterns and self regulate my emotions much more. This is the big diffe…

I’m really glad it helped you! I think DAs involuntarily push people away because of the unconscious fear of engulfment. They are predisposed by their childhoods to feel encroached upon, so any kind o…

The depth of their reflections if you ask them about previous relationships, how they healed, what they want from a partner, relationship with parents… etc How they feel around children: if they’re …

Some of these comments are saying silly (and heteronormative) things like "weird around children" or "checks out other women when they think you're not looking". Obvious reminder that being uncomforta…

You are also not going to have children with strangers, acquaintances, or even friends, and let those people potentially hurt you deeply + take half of your things when those relationship ends. You a…

Childhood trauma doesn't always look like yelling or hitting; people mistake this a lot. You can have a lovely attentive parent who still didn't teach you emotional regulation, sent you in time out in…

Oh you mean that as we showed our true selves and you looked disgusted we shoved those parts of ourselves down, the way everyone does as children?

1. It seems like the study you linked investigates a slightly different topic than what your post is about. The study is investigating the psychological relationship between attachment anxiety, attach…

Also you lie to them and expect them to except it.when I notice some one is just saying something that isn’t real ,it bothers me. Often my wife needs space,so she stacks her calendar with appointments…

Consistency,is all,. Co regulation is a great tool that partners,as wall as children need their caregivers for,.stop being so selfish. Can’t believe yall are claiming avoidant like it’s you street gan…

I’m new at this posting thing ,so sorry if I don’t get everything in the text. My wife will not help me to go to hospital if I need to,I’ve been alone for days . She says putting our children through …

>pursuing people who have communicated they're not offering what you're after is a great way to not get what you're after. >I spoke to an AP woman about this on a thread elsewhere and she said that i…

It sounds more like you’re drawn to avoidants than the other way around. I don’t know about FAs, but DAs don’t really seek out people to date. We tend to have an ideal partner in mind, and we spring i…

Me ex said he was “anxious attachment”, he proceeded to panic and freak out after he got me pregnant and dump and abandon me. Any time I talked about moving the relationship to the next level, or plan…

Some avoidants bring up marriage and children on the first date and if they don't receive 100% positive feedback it is a great reason to assume that there is no chance to build something and sabotage.

Yes! EFT is an empirically-based modality. Gottman, a world-renowned researcher in the field, is a strong proponent of it. Look up Sue Johnson and EFT for the research. It’s not new and she is the one…

You can clearly rewire your brain. It takes time and may require fucking up over and over, but that's how we learned as children. It is all possible. You, internet person, are a yogurt.

Like the things i was worried about my parents, my spouse, my children - they don't really bother me anymore. I am not worried that i will be abandoned, i know i am loved. I know i don't need to shut …

Having children is important to me and that’s not going to change because the other person is not interested in having children. If the other person is opposed to having children, then forming a roman…

Fix yourself (any personal mental or physical health issues, fill your time with hobbies/books/work/fitness/social time), not him. I’ve been there, girl, I wasted ten years on gentle-parenting men int…

As soon as I accepted that some people just aren’t that attracted to or interested in me, but are willing to date me for the convenience of easy/on demand sex or attention, it got a lot easier to let …

😂 I am suffering from nothing at this point, other than my frustration with how psychiatry has inappropriately overstepped its ethical boundaries, and thus my children continue to be abused in public…

The same ‘fight’ keeps getting picked as I’m trying to educate the world about how psychiatry is questionable medicine at best. The problem here is the world believes that it is real medicine, thus …

Healing without going no contact is really hard. I think you might benefit from reading "Adult children of emotionally immature parents" (I think you can find it on YT for free). Specifically, "Detach…

My two kids went through this same thing. It was also difficult when they were around age 5ish. I spoke with a child therapist friend. She said it is in the realm of normal, and that actually anxious …

The screaming is likely to be your abandonment wound. Good news is that you can't be abandoned because you're a self sufficient capable adult and only children can be abandoned. The more difficult pa…

I really appreciate your honesty. I agree that over consuming info makes it so much more confusing and changing our beliefs of others is a difficult journey. I am trying to have a relationship with …

I don’t think it’s about infantilisation. Many therapists talk about how we all want to feel a sense of safety that’s similar to what we ideally experience as children, since attachment wounds often b…

I would suggest therapy. Find a professional to help you wade through all of this. I imagine proposing in front of a bunch of people felt like entrapment because if she said no she looks like an assh…

Thank you so much for this. Haha it made my eyes water. Tbh ya i had been putting the majority or more like all of the blame on me. I'll try to eat although it's really hard to, but as for seeking pro…

I have had numerous friends I think when we come from scarcity we believe that there will never be another As for the comment true friends stick around. I would not agree with that. People have dif…

Anxious attachment does indeed show up at work The issue is to look at scenes from your childhood where these issues originate from The sense of being abandoned . Anxious attachment is indeed cyc…

Exactly! That was just a guy I was seeing recently for a couple of months. But my boyfriend of 4 years just previously was cheating the whole time (while I stepmothered his 2 children when I was only …