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compassion
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Citations (101)
Is it a valid for me to be concerned by my partner’s cultural knowlege? — I (21F) have been with my partner (21M) for 4 years. I love him and he’s a great person. He's patient, so kind, and I've grown up with him. But I’m starting to be bothered by a certain level of "intel…
The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…
Helping my partner — I (40f) looove my partner (36m). We've been together almost 9 months. When he isn't triggered, he presents as very secure. Loving, consistent, communicative, vulnerable, empathetic, self-reflective. …
A little positive reflection for anyone feeling they’re in the trenches right now. — I only learnt what attachment theory was during a breakup with my most recent ex 2 years ago. When he dumped me seemingly out of the blue because ‘I deserved better’, ‘he needed to be alone.’ Etc etc …
Detachment or deactivation? — Me (23M) and my ex (22F) broke up one month ago because she was feeling overwhelmed by some arguments we had due to changes in our lives (new place to live, new work). She's FA. I was secure for almos…
Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…
March 2026 Astrology: Transits, Key Dates, and More — **Last month’s write-up, I ended with this,** *“Let’s just say we end the month in a chaotic state of energy. Nothing seems real while at the same time, there is a sense of urgency that something need…
Did your partnert felt like your mother emotionally? — I’m 26m and my partner 29f. We broke up almost a year ago but I cant cut my ties with her emotionally or spiritually . I dont want someone to be in her place so I don’t want to move on from her. Basi…
Life's expectancy for life & love — Unfortunately, I think for the rest of my time on this planet, I will carry a quiet fear. Even in the midst of real, full-blown love, I may never truly trust that one day I won’t be lied to, cheated o…
„Did you forgive them yet?“ — I stood my ground and said NO. — I opened up about my abuse to a 'spiritual friend'. His first question was: „Have you managed to forgive them yet?“ I said NO. And it's NOT my duty to forgive. He said „But forgiveness causes healin…
Covert narcissists are drawn to people with a strong instinct to help and care. — I grew up early. Owning Responsibilities that weren't mine. I learned that love was earned through being useful, stable, and selfless. I became the person people brought their chaos to. The one who a…
Second Guessing My Feelings — Hi, I am starting to heal my DA attachment style but today, a minor thing has me second guessing.... my AP girlfriend normally leaves the house at 7am and I'll sleep till 8.30am. This morning, she wok…
One of the loneliest things about being single is no significant human touch. — I'm trying to get out of a long term situationship with someone. He's (38m) not right for me (38f) and I'm not right for him. That has been clear and well known. We're looking to just be friends. He…
Stop wanting a relationship with neglectful parents. — All of us are so attuned to their emotions and how THEY feel. But I’m here to tell you that being low contact/no contact is okay. You aren’t withholding energy from them because you’re compassionless,…
How dating a narcissist has changed you to this day? — I personally now clasify people very quickly: you either have empathy or you don't. I'm a bit black or whote thinking in this aspect. I don't want people around me that are non-compassionate. I f…
After 30 years of being a people pleasing, peace-keeping, manipulative, caretaking, dysregulated, codependency "addict," I've finally reached a point where I have enough control to simply STOP. In a very short amount of time, my whole entire life has changed. It's nearly impossible to describe. — The first part of this post is just context, and you can skip it all by scrolling down to **The Proof** I'm not going to go into much detail, but just for context: I experienced some pretty major chi…
I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…
self concept work is no joke — For years I have been manifesting things like money, good career, etc via scripting, visualization and other methods with ease. But I noticed that every time I acquired those things there was still …
I'm a rotten abuser and I can't forgive myself for it and I don't feel that I should. — I 30F am an abuser who has ruined my husband just because I can't accept being loved. yesterday I told him that I hope one day he gets the self esteem to leave me, and he responded that he hopes one d…
[Update] My (24F) Husband (23M) Faked Fainting After I Gave Birth — It’s been almost a year, so I thought I’d give an update in case anyone is wondering. First, I want to thank everyone who took the time to comment, message me, or simply read and reflect on the post.…
How would you explain to a codependent person what a healthy relationship actually feels like? — I am a recovering codependent. I am in a relationship with someone who is incredibly codependent. I‘ve tried explaining codependency to him in various ways but he seems to view it as an accusation, a …
"You'll understand when you have kids..." — ... has got to be the biggest load of narcissistic bullshit. I hope I can treat my kids with love and compassion instead of control and manipulation. I was also told, "I know you better than you know …
Finding out about an unknown child from an affair 28 years ago — I’ve found out I have been deceived for 28 years by 50M after DNA test I F47 and husband 50M. 29 years together, was contacted by my BIL 3 days ago , had spoken to a F27 who had take a dna test tryi…
if you're in this vibe, you're not alone — some of the vibes I've observed on a personal level now, has a lot to do with past pain resurfacing around "muggles," and the "muggle world." specifically the antagonistic energies we experience as in…
Coda Slogans — I've been attending a meeting for about 2 months and realized last night that Coda doesn't seem to have slogans the same way Al-Anon and other Recovery programs do. Or maybe there is just a lot of cr…
Important research statistics on contact experiences — Many people aren’t aware of the research that has been done on contact experiences. People often seem at least somewhat familiar with a few of the big names from early on (Budd Hopkins, John E. Mack, …
Could use some compassion - I broke up with my ex of nearly two decades last fall. I was codependent on him for everything. — TW: a depressing and heavy post, self blame, neglect I left him last August after realizing we were holding each other back. I wanted to get married but he just… never proposed. At one point we did …
2 Years Later — I just wanted to share for those of you who are still “in it,” that there is so much light on the other side. The first year was so dark. I had so much guilt for leaving and I was so entangled in hi…
What do you do when you feel annoyed and angry with someone for no reason — This is a vulnerable post, so please no judging...it's an honest question for inner exploration to find the love and compassion for others. There are some people who seem to instantly irk me. It's o…
April 2026 Astrology: Key Dates, Weekly Forecast and Mundane Astrology World Events — April is one of the most active months we’ve seen. Not one planet is in retrograde. Aries fire and cardinal energy sets the stage for initiation, assertion and spontaneous energy. There is a bit of na…
Blocked by ex — My ex broke up with me 6 days ago. Before that she had like a week in which she didn't feel like herself. She was hot and cold towards me but mostly distant. The day of the breakup she was very angry …
Just trying to gain closure on my own... — This is something I wrote in my journal, trying to process emotions and gain closure. Lori, Since you would not give me the opportunity for closure, I'm going to do what I can to get it here. This…
Can You Change a Toxic Relationship? - Is this the right place to post this? — Hello, I am a long-time lurker of this sub first time poster. I’m not sure how to even start this post all I can say is I am completely at a loss. I am so afraid to be alone. Actually, I am horrified.…
What I have learned through psychedelic mushroom usage + yoga — With the mushroom trips I have done throughout my life with lots of intention there were some good and bad trips. The good trips left me with a very grateful and happy attitude for life and the people…
32 years old, 4.5 years into the healing journey I've literally JUST realized I was sheltered — I can't believe this has only just hit me. I'm 32 years of age. THIRTY-TWO! It's literally just in the past hour hit me that I was extremely sheltered growing up and it's lead to me lacking the skills…
Understanding True Spirituality: Avoiding Illusion — True spirituality does not pull us away from the world—it roots us more deeply within it. In times of uncertainty, what we need is not escape, but a fuller embrace of life with clarity, compassion, an…
Overarching Energy of the Libra Full Moon on April 1st, 2026 — This Full Moon is all about our responsibility when it comes to our relationships. We are reminded to balance what is external, creating harmony without sacrificing self. The solution isn’t about “we…
feeling a bit hurt after my session yesterday — i have this flaired as advice cause im hoping someone has anything to say. Apologies if this turns into a rant in advance… So, six years ago i sort of “officially” started my self growth journey- it …
Anyone so traumatized by their APs emotional abuse and toxicity that they have to fight thoughts of hurting themselves all the time? — This feeling comes in waves. When I’m stressed mostly. It goes from either feeling sad and angry at my parents or if I’m struggling I feel like a failure and feel like I don’t deserve anything good or…
Discipline — I have been struggling to meditate. I lowered the bar for myself, so I can be compassionate rather than frustrated and annoyed. I am doing very short meditation intervals, because that is what I can d…
Why do people think that traumatized people are either evil or victims? — Like I don't know, when someone's pretty mentally unstable and starts venting about their mental health problems, the first reaction everyone seems to have is that they're weird or that you should avo…
You have the answers — ​ Hello folks, hope your day is going well! Below i'll post the final chapter to a short work I put together. while out of context it does provide some useful tips on how to be. A dedicated …
Praised as "gifted" — TL;DR: Did you recieve praise as a "gifted" child? Did your family never encourage effort and only praised results? As an adult, because of this, do you now find doing the things you were praised for …
I put my heart chakra in my EC box — And I woke up with so much compassion. I’ve been practicing that Rumi quote, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built agains…
Being called "strong" feels invalidating, like pressure disguised as praise — Just saw a new therapist yesterday and after completing an extensive intake form, that took me 2 solid hours to complete by the way (given I have lifelong extensive trauma), the first thing she did wa…
How can I do better — My Story — A Journal Entry Where It All Began I grew up in a joint family — grandparents, cousins, relatives all around. On the surface, there was warmth and togetherness. But my immediate family wa…
Remember this! — Hey folks, happy easter! I sincerely hope you all have an amazing day and wanted to drop a little reminder: It's not what you see that matters, it's about who you are being! Who you are being changes …
Asian-American activist influencer hesterjeanlee — Hester is an amazing Asian-American influencer/activist based in LA- and she's like a sunflower on shitty days, so I wanted to share her video with the sub. More info from this video: "Steph’s non…
My ex un blocked me and I don’t know how to feel about it — I’m not one to use Reddit a whole bunch so bare with me here. So in February my girlfriend at time broke up with me an it was hard and it still his hard because I genuinely cared and love her even n…
Mindset shift 3 weeks into No Contact — At first I (19M) blamed her (18F) for dumping me, thinking about how much she sucks and how she treated me like crap. But then I realized something: The circumstances surrounding the breakup (family e…
Self love through cooking date-night meals for myself has helped me immensely — Generally, I used to really detest myself, however things have slowly been getting better with therapy and separation from the main source of discord in my life. I say discord, but really my love is p…
>Lizard brain. Don't get me wrong, on one hand I do appreciate you doing what you do, but on the other you are just another spawn of devil, promoting life as if it isn't self balancing, as if you ain'…
Hi. My mother and father to a lesser degree were emotionally neglectful. It is a miracle that I’m still here and have been able to do all that I’ve done. But I’ve done a lot of work and healing and I’…
It worked out. I reached out when I felt ready to but not because I wanted him back but because I finally realized my wrongs and wanted to own up to them. He isn’t perfect but I felt better equipped f…
You're allowed to feel anger. If that's how you feel it's how you feel, it's healthy to express anger if it's authentic to your experience. People deserve kindness and compassion, AND it's not wrong t…
It's so easy to resent and want to blame your parents, but don't you think the way you where raised where how your grandparents raised them? Finding compassion, and understanding that your parents did…
Thank you so much for saying this. I said some things, calmly and collectively to my soon to be ex husband last evening, which were all true, but reflecting back today I wondered if he may have thoug…
I realized after I read my initial response how much I repeated myself. Sigh, this shit is hard. Brain not firing on all pistons. The reason I asked for compassion is because he is acting like it’s a …
I honestly agree with this post. So much. It is hard to be "victim-blamed". I victim blame in my own personal life, and I know I have been victim blamed as well-- it does not feel good. Bravo for co…
>I have had conversations with my partner over time about attachment styles, and they eventually determined that the descriptions of Avoidant Attachment sounds awfully familiar to them. They have star…
Yes, I do this myself and see this happen with the guy I'm dating as well. I think it's triggered by positive feelings/increased connection or vulnerability. For me, when we get closer, or when he tel…
What have you done to resolve your fear of commitment, your emotional unavailability and the inferiority complex? Why are you searching for excitement from a partner? What does that mean to you? Is i…
Feel all the emotions! But, when only the good keeps you stuck on rumination, remind yourself of why it couldn't/ didn't work out! It's very easy CBT, that is incredibly effective and offers a peace …
It's a theory, as that'd what it is. It may work for some, it may not for others. Its essentially a basic CBT method to help you break a loop of rumination and understand you can have 2 opposing thou…
It's a theory, as that'd what it is. It may work for some, it may not for others. Its essentially a basic CBT method to help you break a loop of rumination and understand you can have 2 opposing thou…
This is where "and" is super effective. You can feel both opposing emotions! "I miss the person I fell in love with ANDi know that person no longer exists!" I miss the things we used to do AND I kn…
Absolutely! This stops the suppression of feelings we want to push down, as well as helping to accept the reality of a situation! If you can do it every time a thought comes up, it helps with the pro…
I was literally just discussing this with my therapist yesterday. The balancing act of navigating knowing two truths can exist at the same time is hard af. But it does help so much processing emotions…
And so we are able to appreciate, give compassion on both sides AND understand our own needs. It works in every way! Well played!
Happy for you. Nobody asks to have an attachment style that’s dysfunctional. I’m working through mine and try so so hard to have compassion for others. But a big part of self love is learning how to h…
You can ruin potential connections and negatively impact your social life this way, if that's any important to you. As kindly as I can, this is is a common misconception people can have about avoida…
Very understandable. Not sure why you were downvoted. This is an attachment sub - of course we have our issues. Where's people's compassion?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach to [psychotherapy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy) that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or families within each pers…
very insightful! i appreciate you sharing that bc i want to be sure i don’t fall into assuming etc… just bc i’m hurting i don’t want to miscategorize. and this helps me keep compassion bc we all have …
“It shifts your worldview to think that some people can love and care about you, but still fee nothing about hurting you.” WOW wow wow. I’m going thru this with someone I believed to be chosen family…
Sorry, the more correct term is fearful avoidant leaning avoidant, and DA and FA are their own categories. However, there are a number of variations among FAs, including whether we lean anxious or avo…
Such a good point! The push pull dynamic isn’t emotional manipulation, it’s a capacity issue stemming from a desperate need to protect oneself. You’re right, when it’s framed that way it’s so much mor…
Yes, the impact is real and matters. A securely attached person can try and minimize the sting by providing self compassion. A FA or DA are going to operate from a place of woundedness and project tha…
It's absolutely true that the outcome is you getting hurt. I just don't think you understand how terrifying it actually is. If you were that scared, you'd do the same. It is a survival instinct. Idk.…
Again, well said. You definitely have a good handle on it. So, if we honour our feelings and let ourselves get mad initially, then let that transition into compassion for the other unhealed person, th…
Thank you for sharing your experience 💜 Although I am feeling frustrated and have some resentment towards this person and this probably comes across in my post, I also do have compassion for him. He…
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach to [psychotherapy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy) that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or families within each pers…
Very much this ^^^ It's a hard pill to swallow though, not sure OP will question anything concerning their own attachment style... It sounds like it comes from a good place of compassion, but it's wa…
What else would you suggest based on the knowledge you have gathered? Self-love and self compassion, being able to organize all the feelings alone, have a mindset that you are good enough, but also ha…
Well, where do I start? I guess for me the foundation was based on 3 pillars. 1st was of course Mindfulness as ability to comprehend that neither thoughts or feelings are our true self, which is in fa…
It isn’t. Avoidance, more so than AA, is deeply unconscious. Consciously, we want to show up for our partners and to be vulnerable, which makes it difficult to recognize the fact that we are distancin…
Yep, and in fact, the nicer you are, the worse you can make it. Because then there's a nice compassionate loving person guarding the exit door you have to destroy to escape. That can feel like an imme…
No, it’s not normal to ask for that much space. The idea that dismissive avoidants “need space” gets thrown around a lot, but here’s the truth: that need for space usually comes from emotional overwhe…
I see you're posting again. No blame here- I am commending you for posting here instead of reaching out to your friend. Give her space. She is clearly nonverbally communicating that she needs it. T…
Yikes I definitely understand. Also pretty similar to me. Mine wouldn't really 'blow up' but would just let it leak out as resentment during a fight. When I tried to ask him to lean in and share the t…
Humans find AI more compassionate than therapists because AI doesn’t challenge them. Therapy is supposed to challenge you, it’s supposed to make you better.
The fact that she brought it up so early, to me, is a green flag. Those who have been repeatedly hurt by FAs would say it’s a green flag in a sea of red, but IMO to be able to openly have discussions …
Go slow, always offer space. And, difficult but, when it’s something out of proportion, or irrational, that’s not something to take personally. FA brain is always on hyper vigilant mode. And it’s no…
I'm sorry for the stress you feel and everything about it. It sounds like your life now revolves around him: \- You continue to have regret and remorse about the past. \- You are actively checking…
Not OP, but wanted to thank you for sharing. Hearing this perspective (the need for control manifesting as ease in leaving relationships) helps me to find compassion and acceptance in a situation that…
Thank you for prioritizing those that need it most. I totally understand there to be doubt and criticism, but these spaces should also be fulfilling and uplifting. As a new member, it feels very muc…
Honestly, I am so grateful for this space- considering it has aided plenty of beings including myself. With most experiences in all that we do, one might not understand or be quick to accept it as the…
I'm going through almost the exact same thing currently. Like you, it is only really in this specific friendship i experience this kind of anxiety - probably because of how vulnerable i have been with…
This is actually such a huge win! You’re learning to catch yourself mid-anxious spiral and reframe the story you’re telling yourself. That’s not silly at all, that’s real growth. The fact that you wen…
Nobody will care or remember this in 100 years. Focus on what really matters: Love and compassion for yourself and others.
This is difficult. it sounds like there is the continued "forgetting" (possibly divergence, which requires a behavioral strategy you both practice) of something which you agree to, which is reinforcin…