divorce

Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. -Abuse, sh…

This is a support sub. Be kind to each other. — Almost everyone who comes here is here because they are going through a very painful and difficult time. We're not all at our best. If you go into someone's topic, remember that they came here askin…

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

Self-soothe tips during ruptures? — I am the anxious partner, and my husband is the avoidant partner. He is also an addict, which has been traumatic in our relationship and in my trust in him. He is currently sober and working recovery.…

Law of Belief - Relationships — I have read the POSM by Joseph Murphy and gone through the index, but one thing that keeps coming up and seems to be rather controversial within the JM community is how law of belief affects other peo…

I had a breakthrough tonight! — Hello! Brief backstory here. I recently got divorced, and dating has been an interesting experience since. I went into one relationship very quickly with another anxiously attached person. It didn't w…

Anxious Attachment Help — I'm a 44 M and feel like an emotionally secure relationship is impossible. What's helped you heal? I feel like everything in my life has been taken from me and have a difficult time finding motivation…

I deactivated again while healing, wondering whether your experiences are similar — A few days ago I (DA) deactivated again, the first time after working on healing (4 months now). It was short (just 10 hours) but gave me more understanding. For context, I'm trying to reconnect with…

Bf of 14 months hasn’t said I love you — My bf (35M) and I (33F) met December 2024 on a dating app and became exclusive immediately after our first date. On our first few dates he asked what I was looking for and I said I was looking for som…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Cooling off or anxious attachment? — Dating a guy for a year now. I’m still struggling with managing the scars from my marriage/brutal divorce in what feels like a good, healthy relationship. I’m learning I probably have an anxious attac…

Thoughts on dating people who are legally married (but separated)? — I have a very close friend who has started dating a man who is still legally married. He's been separated from his wife for at least 6 months. But because I'm a total stalker, I looked him up in publi…

Are these early signs of narcissism? — So I met this guy on Hinge a couple of weeks ago. We do know some random people in common. Here are the signs that I find strange: \- He’s absolutely grandiose - have a ton of projects, ideas, storie…

Wife cheated on me with multiple men over the course of 3 months. — Me (31m) found out this past December that my wife (27f) had been talking to as many as 20+ people on Snapchat (non nude but inappropriate photos, sexting, ect.). I confronted before new years by tell…

My attorney said "most people don't know what they're entitled to" - so I made a checklist and found $47K my ex "forgot" about — Going through a divorce right now. My attorney told me something that floored me: most people settle for less than they're owed because they don't know all the places assets can hide. So I went throu…

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

Woke up today feeling awful — Today is my 48th birthday. I woke up feeling like a complete loser. My ex wife left almost 4 years ago. I knew we had some issues but nothing to level of divorce. She never mentioned it. Our daughte…

Dating again — I (34F) just came from a date and I could see the red flags in no time. Dating after divorce is hell

54M – Going through a separation and just looking for people who understand — I’m a 54 year old guy currently going through a separation and I’m having a harder time with it than I expected. Some moments I feel okay, other moments it hits pretty hard. I’m not looking for anyth…

Broke up with DA after a year. — Met her a year ago, almost to the day. Things started well, relatively slowly which was nice for a change compared to other situations I have been in around that time. After two months, we became offi…

Codependency and an ex that keeps coming back — Hey guys! So, I've run out of ideas on this. I got together with a single mum in summer 2024 and we parted ways around last October. Since then, we agreed to stay friends but she wouldn't even give m…

The divorce was the best decision of my life and I have to talk about it. — I'm 27f and I've been in a marriage with a man who absolutely did NOT connect with me for six years. Like... In the beginning, we were best friends since we were tots. Best friends through high school…

I (28F) had an affair and don’t know what I’m doing. Please help. — I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. He is genuinely the best person I know. Kind, safe, loyal. He’s my best friend. When I cry, he’s who I want holding me. When something funny happe…

I Genially Think My (35F) Husband (36M) is a Psychopath — Hi everyone, please I need help. I’m 35F and my husband is 36M. We’ve been married for 10 years and have two boys (7 and 5). I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. About three months ago my hus…

Ex-Wife texts daily about the kids — I've been divorced just over two years, and my ex-wife still texts me almost daily about the kids. Sometimes it's 1-2 texts, but often 5-7 texts 5 days a week. I'd say she texts me 80% of the month.…

My husband cheated and is now the meanest person I’ve ever met — I really just need to rant because I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. So my (30F) husband (38M) cheated on me 4 days after my 30th birthday. To go into more detail, he snuck out of our house while…

Divorce was not how I imagined life — I never thought I would go through divorce. When we married I really believed it will last forever. But life changes and people change too. At first it felt very heavy. House quiet, many memories eve…

Why are they always convinced they've won even when they've lost? — I'm married to a narc, and I am always flummoxed by how delusional she is about victory. "HAH I got him to leave the room and end the conversation I didn't want to have about how I won't have anywhe…

Divorce isn’t all it’s cracked up to be — I miss coming home and kissing my wife. I miss coming up behind her and hugging her, kissing her neck, caressing her breasts. I miss her laying beside me in bed at night. I miss the conversations bef…

Every time I post on social media, I feel less and less like there’s space for me on the Internet. — I grew up on social media, beginning on Xanga and MySpace at 10 years old. Then, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, as I grew up and entered adulthood. I’ve always over shared my life on the Inter…

Keeping the conversation afloat — The most difficult part I've found in OLD as a recently divorced, early 40s male is that many of the women I meet are terrible conversationalists. The most engaging and exciting exchanges have a rhyth…

Would you stay in a relationship with someone like this? — I’m in my first relationship post-divorce after 20 years of marriage. We’ve dated for a year and I love and care deeply for this man, but I’m struggling with whether I’m ignoring red flags. The good:…

Where to go from here — Just to warn you, this is a long one... For context, my partner (F39) and I (M40) have been together for 17 years, have two kids together. This all started in early January but seems to have been goi…

Quick PSA — To whomever needs to hear this - wanting a divorce is not the same as being in process. just because you want one doesn’t mean you should be asking people out

What was the hardest non-legal part of your divorce that nobody warned you about? — I went through a divorce recently and the legal stuff was hard, but honestly it was everything else that really caught me off guard. I had an attorney to help me file and communicate with my ex's atto…

Be honest ladies, how much does being bald impact your interest in a man? — I'm sure in our 40s and over, there's plenty of men who are losing their hairline or just shave it off. I'm newly single after finalizing my divorce and worry about how I look. I've lost 30 lbs so far…

Nmom wants an invite to my wedding or she is going to divorce my dad — TLDR; Nmom wants an invite to my wedding. I don’t plan on it as she doesn’t support or respect my decision, and only wants to go because my dad plans on attending and she doesn’t want to have to put m…

The quiet house is the hardest part and nobody warned me — Divorce has been final for about 3 months now and I think Im starting to realize what hits me the hardest. Its not the legal stuff. Its not even the arguments with my ex anymore. Its coming home to a …

Opened up to my wife about how I feel about our relationship and she just said "That's your problem" - am I crazy? — We're both in our mid 40s, been together for 20+ years and we have two kids who are both teenagers and I've been thinking about divorce for quite a while now as I feel like I just don't get anything b…

Friend said something that shocked me and explained everything... — Edit: added an extra story to the bottom since this post seemed to resonate with people so much. Be strong folks, you're no one's NPC. You can go back and find a lot of my story on my page, but essen…

Cheated on after 10.5 years together, divorced at 11 years together. — Hi Everyone, This is half venting and half hoping for advice or people to listen. I'm at a low point right now so I thought reaching out to a community might be beneficial as opposed to holding it…

Do romantic relationships ever work with enmeshed parenting? — When my ex and I broke up I told him that his mom was going to make his marriage miserable. She disapproved of/disrespected me and we could see it wasn't going to work out. I don't hate him, but I'm o…

I am amazed that anyone would ever get married again after divorce - help me understand! — I am in the process of legally separating (which in California is essentially the same as a divorce) from a man who I was with from the age of 20-31. We have a toddler and I separated from him while p…

Divorce really messes with your head. — You spend years thinking you know someone, building a life, raising a kid together, and then one day they blindside you. What’s even crazier is when they act like you weren’t blindsided. I’ve literall…

My biological mother sexually abused me in such weird sadistic ways throughout my childhood and I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this — For context I am a 20 year old girl I was raised by my two lesbian parents they got a sperm donor and had me and my twin sister. Starting since I’m assuming a toddler up until about 13 my biological m…

No one tells you that you have to KEEP deciding on the divorce — Arriving to this decision was so hard. Once I did, I felt lighter and confident and had Bad Bitch Energy about it. But that's faded a bit as I'm living in the same house with my STBXH, and I feel lik…

AP’s Ex-wife was told not to talk to me. — My original post is. [https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/b5fIkVp6Yr](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/b5fIkVp6Yr) Something that has been on my mind after having a text conv…

What do you wish someone had told you before your divorce? — Many people now realize that there were things they didn't know about divorce until they went through it. What is something you wish someone had told you sooner?

40M My uncle has divorced and remarried, still constantly fighting with his wife. And so much financial troubles.

I (34F) found out my ex-husband (40M) cheated on me again, after we were supposed to be working things out. — I found out, from the person he's been cheating on me with, that it happened over a year ago and has been happening since. Of course i flipped out and went ballistic! He claims she was psycho and wa…

Wife Wants Divorce so She Can Be With Affair Partner — Wife insists we divorce after I caught her having an emotional affair with her coworker. Of course she has all sorts of lies and manufactured reasons why we need to divorce and insists it has nothing …

Hey there’s a Z code in the DSM 5 for emotional neglect, I’m sure. I haven’t looked but there’s a lot of different Z codes to help identify life circumstances, to give a bigger picture to the F code d…

TIL both my parents harmed me, and they were divorced and separated. They both blame the other or me. Lovely. They’re dead to me, lost causes.

I'm about to get divorced. I don't want to go back and forth with her. She's driving the divorce. We have 3 kids so I can't go totally no contact. I can cut it down to the bare minimum and focus on my…

Early stages right now myself. My wife just asked me to fill out divorce paperwork in the end text she said that the mortgage went up. I still have s string urge to try to financially support her ev…

I'm going through divorce, I am 3 months in. I don't know how to survive. How does anyone do this?

You are farther along in your divorce process than I am! I’m still in the ‘I’ve been invited to stay in our house, but sleep in the other bedroom’ phase. I haven’t seen an attorney yet. Have you gotte…

This is so hard to do for me. It’s only been a week or so now but I would end my life if not for my 3 little kids. I can’t believe the woman I’m still in love with thinks so poorly of me she wanted to…

She probably can’t I know my spouse can buy way more than me and yea it’s hurtful at times but one thing for sure is….i couldn’t buy the Peace of mind body and spirit that my divorce purchased. ✌🏾✌�…

I understand. Just a week before my wife left me she said “I’m so glad we are such a strong couple that if we needed counseling we would go to couples therapy” however what she really meant was “ plea…

Fortunately I've taken my separation (and inevitable divorce) as an opportunity to quit drinking and make healthy lifestyle choices. I've been working really hard to practice mindfulness and radical …

If you’re suicidal, you need to seek immediate help. Listening to I Wish I Knew This Before My Divorce. It’s on Audible and is helpful in reframing your thought process and mindset. It comes with a wo…

Hi! So one thing I can tell you from lots of therapy and recently spending time around her is I realized I had been only remembering her good qualities and putting her on a pedestal in my mind. When w…

Yes, especially with Divorce. There are SO MANY variables, there is no way you know everything there is to know. The poster is here because the attorney will charge them $500 for the email, their frie…

So I want to post in this sub as an adult child of divorce, but I know some of my takes will probably come across as personal to the parents here going through divorce and so I don’t know how to post …

So I just wrote a comment today on another post that might help too: You’re being too hard on yourself. Your divorce is completely fresh and you need to give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel…

[Here’s what worked for me](https://reddit.com/r/Divorce/s/Sd0mZISd0A)

I am 52. Alone doesn't have to mean lonely. I remind myself that it has only been 4 months since everything exploded for me. I moved back to my hometown. I am looking for teaching work and such. As f…

I am 5 months out from my divorce, and I can only handle it day by day. I try to give myself the same grace I would give others. Some days are easier than others. I try to stick to a routine. Oddly, e…

I cheated on my wife back when she was still my girlfriend. I found out that my girlfriend of a couple months was pregnant. I lost my mind for a couple of weeks and went and cheated with my ex. I lied…

I could have written this myself. This describes exactly how I am feeling today, 2 weeks and 1 day after we decided to divorce. I hope you are healing and doing better now.

I realized after I read my initial response how much I repeated myself. Sigh, this shit is hard. Brain not firing on all pistons. The reason I asked for compassion is because he is acting like it’s a …

Omg I relate SO much to what you are saying. When my ex's affair was discovered he was remarkably cruel to me. He wasn't sure he wanted to continue in our marriage and refused to cut things off with h…

PLEASE READ IF YOUR LOOKING INTO ASTRAL PROJECTING. About 2 months ago I was looking extremely deep into astral projecting, once I seen what it was I was instantly drawn to it and thought it was inter…

Just to correct this statistic this guy is throwing around - the divorce rate in the US is 42%. First peak in divorces are first 5 years.. then another at 15 - 20. So, no, a majority of people don’t…

The longer I hang out here, the more astounded I am how easy it is for people to throw around 'break up/divorce/dump him/her'. Almost as if they found some wicked satisfaction in pushing real people i…

Yes. I was with a dismissive avoidant and I divorced him, and then my older sister is a DA as well and I have been regaining my voice after I left my ex. So I have set very limited time to talk to my …

I had gotten divorced a year prior to meeting him and that was what really triggered my wanting to change. My ex husband and I are still close friends but I really messed it up by being avoidant. We a…

i didn’t think i was either until i went thru divorce 6-7 years ago. it helped them too. i write down things my girlfriend says that are significant to our relationship as well.

i didn’t think i was either until i went thru divorce 6-7 years ago. it helped them too. i write down things my girlfriend says that are significant to our relationship as well.

i didn’t think i was either until i went thru divorce 6-7 years ago. it helped them too. i write down things my girlfriend says that are significant to our relationship as well.

You nailed it, western culture isn’t just “about freedom,” it’s engineered for hyper-independence and maximum consumption. That’s why divorce, loneliness, and relational burnout are the norm, not the …

This is really interesting. I’m (DA) on an SNRI, and I have no plans to come off it because I can’t risk becoming depressed again. I was always very DA, even as a toddler. I felt nothing way before I…

He sounds very much like my husband who I will be getting divorced from precisely because of his avoidant attachment. You're 100% right, they do not change. At least not on their own.

I'm sorry for the stress you feel and everything about it. It sounds like your life now revolves around him: \- You continue to have regret and remorse about the past. \- You are actively checking…

The two situations you mentioned are under the topic of divorce. They are completely different situations. Prior to these situations JM says that sometimes the marriage should not have even happened. …

The replies that you've received in this thread is enough. The masters also made other conflicting remarks for various other reasons that are never stated but which can be understood after some think…

Text of original post by u/DaniT0n: Hello! Brief backstory here. I recently got divorced, and dating has been an interesting experience since. I went into one relationship very quickly with another an…

I know it can be expensive but you mentioned in your original post you have a good career. You also, in your own words, are desperate to date someone. Are you really not able to come up with ~$100 dol…

Forgive me for being thick, but I think I just became even more confused. I read both posts and just finished reading the link to the post by Marsh273, you shared. I have read quite a few of them in …

This is exactly what happened in my marriage. We felt safe together and got married very quickly after meeting (a bit less than a year). I moved towards secure but his anxious attachment suffocated me…

Does Anxious Attachment always stem from childhood or can it develop from adulthood? I ask b/c I (40M) have always felt very secure, not much anxiety, good relationships with parents/siblings/friends…

Thank you so much! I definitely do plan to check that out when I get the chance! Recently, my divorce took a bit of nasty turn, it seems. Unfortunately, at the moment, I also have bigger fish to fry! …

Yeah! I recently realized this as well, going through my divorce. I have 2 friends! I have family friends and people who care, but as far as my personal relationships go, 2. That's why I was simply ju…

I'm a 51-year-old man, divorced twice, with autism and severe anxiety. I've been completely socially isolated with no friends. I met a woman online 6 weeks ago and we've had 1.5 in-person dates. I'm f…

I've recently discovered attachment styles. Recognize myself as anxious immediately. The initial discovery felt freeing. Everything made sense all of a sudden I thought my avoidant wife would dive int…

What I'm going to say is not going to sound intuitive at all and is going to be scary, but it's honestly one of the practices and shifts I made that has led me to being secure. It took a lot of therap…

I'm on chat-contact with a lady across the Atlantic . I feel fairly emotionally safe with her, but the distance makes the relationship borderline unrealistic. I'm divorced with a son whim I love more …

I had this with my ex, and OP, this is 1000% your sign to leave. When you're numb, that's not good. I stayed there for about 3 years thinking I could just live like that. Eventually I broke down cryin…

I love the phrase emotional burnout. That's what I had after my divorce, but it'd been happening for 3 years already at that point. And it really did get to a point where I couldn't even work or think…

You’re welcome! As somebody who has worked hard to overcome his anxieties, following a divorce three years back and reclaim a secureness in relationships, I know how difficult it can be to find your g…