protective

Can my mothers behavior be justified? — A guy I was dating gave me a book about abuse, and I realized that my parents had been extremely abusive to me in childhood. In order to process that, I decided to take some space away from them. I se…

Set out to launch my first e-commerce brand, feedback? — Looking for advice on a health and wellness business, A transdermal nootropic patch designed for biohackers, deep workers, and anyone looking for clean, all-day cognitive enhancement without the stim…

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

I need some FA to give me insights on this situation — Break up with a FA need some insights Hi guys, i really need some insights as someone whos desire is to be a safe space for a FA girl. Breakup context: I (M, 23) was in a 2-year relationship with my…

What qualities to look for in a therapist — Previously, I had been working with a somatic therapist for 6 years (on trauma healing, not specifically attachment related) and a few months ago they closed their practice for personal reasons on *ve…

We live in a culture that glorifies self-sufficiency and punishes inter-dependence and needs. That impacts what we start labelling as anxious attachment, and how we are encouraged to heal. — Disclaimer - anxious attachment style is real, it creates distress in those who have it, and causes real strain to relationships. That being said, we cannot ignore that cultural norms have *always* di…

Did your partnert felt like your mother emotionally? — I’m 26m and my partner 29f. We broke up almost a year ago but I cant cut my ties with her emotionally or spiritually . I dont want someone to be in her place so I don’t want to move on from her. Basi…

F**CKKKKKKKKK — I don’t really have anywhere to say this, so I’m just putting it here. I was with someone for a long time who I truly believed was my person. From the beginning, there was just something about her th…

Feelings of self hatred without my crystals — I am staying in my mother's house, and I tend to get feelings of self-hatred. I don't know if it's me or the house, but I wear protective crystals. It helps. I left the bracelets off for 24 hours, an…

NHI that Stop Time and Timelessness of the Oversoul; More Research that Supports how Aliens Obscure Human Memories. — Hi everyone. This is [me](https://www.reddit.com/r/Experiencers/comments/1ai4nzi/i_had_26_physical_contact_events_with_grey_aliens/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_c…

Some Pointers after 12 Years of Meditation — Meditation is an invisible skill, which makes it especially prone to confusion and obfuscation. I wanted to jot down some pointers and opinions about meditation that have served me at one point or an…

My wife keeps helping her sister and husband — Hello, I need some advice, I'm a male of 45 yo, and my wife 44 yo, live a good life together with our dogs, no kids, because we got married at the end of our 30's and realized we didn't want kids. …

I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…

The best and 5 worst things I did after 5 breakups in 12 years chasing unavailable partners, and I just got marriaged on 2.14.2026 — I've been through 5 painful breakups over the last decades, all with the same pattern: I'd chase someone emotionally/physically unavailable—either a cheater or straight-up avoidant—who'd pull away jus…

I love my bf, but i genuinely cannot stand his dog, its affecting everything — Okay, I need honest opinions because I feel ridiculous even typing this, but it’s becoming a serious issue in my relationship, For reference, I am a girl, 21 and he is 23, we have been dating for a ye…

My girlfriend drove 10 hours to see me and my mom showed up at 3 am and ruined everything — Someone told me I should come over here and check this community out. I’m not sure if my mother is a narcissist or not. I just need some similar stories, advice, or ways to handle this going further. …

30 Years in "Functional Freeze": How I mistook Survival for Personality — For three decades, I lived in a state of high-functioning freeze. I was the "perfect" and reliable son, but internally, I felt like a total fraud. I grew up with a mother who used the Silent Treatment…

My abduction story. — I was abducted from my balcony when I was 16 years old. It was October 2018, around 8:00 PM, when my mother called me downstairs for dinner. I left my phone on my study table and stepped out to get my…

Why does it take years to realize you’re traumatized? And why does "standard" therapy often miss the point? — I’ve been thinking a lot about the "lost decades." For 30 years, I thought I was just "the nice guy." I thought I was just "lazy," "unmotivated," or "heavy." I went through life thinking these were m…

Admitted to Stanford but at the cost of my childhood — I am a high school senior who has spent the past 18 years growing up in a middle-class Asian family in the Bay Area. My parents constantly complain that they have no money, no connections, and no adva…

Narc mum's (horrific) reaction to my gf's pregnancy — I’m 35M and recently found out my girlfriend (we’ve been together \~6 months, known each other \~12) is about 7 weeks pregnant. We live together in my property, we have jobs, we're secure enough, and …

Concerned about my 13-year-old brother’s regression and boundary issues — Hi everyone, I’m looking for advice on how to help my younger brother. He’s 13 and has been showing a lot of behaviors that worry me: • He still sleeps in our mom’s bed every night. • He wears tod…

My dad (66M) started making sexual “jokes” about me (20F) after I turned 18. — I’m 20F and I live with my dad (66M). Something changed so drastically in the past two years. For context: he’s not a “bad father” in the traditional way. He’s responsible, financially and kind …

I feel sad — Lately I've been talking to a girl that seemed very nice to me. It feels like she is the only one who can kinda match my autistic humor. She is literally all I ask for, yet it feels like she's unreach…

Husband had an affair… is reconciliation even realistic? — My husband and I have been together for 10 years and have a 1.5 year old together. Recently, I found out he had been having an affair with a co-worker and lying to me for months. He denied it every ti…

anyone else? — About six months ago, I began noticing unusual visual phenomena. Initially, I believed I might be seeing drones surveilling me, especially given recent legal stress. I would observe lights staying abo…

32 years old, 4.5 years into the healing journey I've literally JUST realized I was sheltered — I can't believe this has only just hit me. I'm 32 years of age. THIRTY-TWO! It's literally just in the past hour hit me that I was extremely sheltered growing up and it's lead to me lacking the skills…

I'm already behind in life at 18 — I wasn't sure which flair to use, because I think I need advice on a lot of things. I also want to preface by saying I do not blame any of this on my parents, schools, mental health, etc, and this was…

Do you ever look back and think maybe you should have been taken away by child protective services? — When I look back from adult view, how my parents were was just so far gone and beyond of anything that could be called normal that I wonder how it was allowed. My first memories were domestic violence…

My sister (36f) and I (28f)are fighting because she didn’t tell me that mom died and I really feel like she crossed a line. How do I fix this? — TL;DR: my sister was told about my mom’s death, but intentionally withheld information from me. After I confronted her about it, she became mean and made unhinged and unsubstantiated claims about me, …

I can't stop thinking about what I did to deserve this. I've been cheated on so many times in my life. What's wrong with me??? — (I changed some details and names for privacy reasons,) My ex-fiancé and I were together for just over three and a half years. We got together in 2020 when I was 19 and he was 20. I’m 25 now, a trans…

Have you ever gotten an “Error Message” from the Universe on a heavy dose of mushrooms? — Hey psychonauts, I wanted to see if anyone else has experienced something similar during a deep psilocybin journey. A while back I took a heroic dose and broke through into full ego dissolution. It …

My [27F] boyfriend [29M] goes through my phone regularly and says he trusts me but not "other people's intentions" -- how do I bring this up without it turning into me defending myself? — Been together two years. He's generally kind and things are mostly good, but there's a pattern that's been sitting wrong with me and I haven't been able to shake it. He regularly picks up my phone an…

I'm just tied and fed-up of my narcissistic and emotionally immature mom — *Hi, I'm 35F who likes to stay with my parents sometimes to help out with their chores and other day-to-day stuff as they're old, and technologically-handicapped. But I don't look forward to staying w…

Just tired of my mom's bullshit — Hi, I'm 35F who likes to stay with my parents sometimes to help out with their chores and other day-to-day stuff as they're old, and technologically-handicapped. But I don't look forward to staying wi…

The guilt is consuming me and I don’t know what to do in my life situation. — My life conditions are pretty wild and I’ve been living in it gradually realising how messed up everything is. Not to be too long, I would say that my family has bad hygiene like really bad to a poin…

Someone I saw a future with shattered my view of relationships for the rest of my life. — I no longer can see relationships the same and I used to find myself resentful of woman sometimes(I know not every woman is a cheater or a liar but it builds up and need to find someone to blame). T…

The shock of secondary dissociative disorder — I got a cPTSD diagnosis on wednesday. I’m soon to be 40, woman, chronic pain patient at the severest level with trigeminal neuralgia since 2012. I got new treatment that made the pain managable a year…

I don't even know if it's POCD anymore. I'm so horrified. — Words cannot begin to describe the disgust and fear I feel towards myself. Legitimately I cannot look at any person without assuming they might somehow be underage. When I look at someone who IS unde…

Should I (19M) be okay with my girlfriend (20F) of ) months going to Magic Mike? — Hello :) Meant to write 6 months td;lr My girlfriend and I had a rocky start with it being my first relationship and her previous relationships being unhealthy and abusive. I’m not going to get i…

I [21F] am confused about my long-distance relationship [21M] because I do not feel the same way anymore - how do I go about this? — I have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now; We met 3 years ago online, and things had been great until about 6 months ago when I started having second thoughts. For …

Abuser of mine pretended to have gone through the same trauma I did to manipulate me. — I'll keep this brief. Right when I first started remembering things I reached out to my only "friend" at the time. (There were a thousand red flags I won't get into that I should've seen much earlier)…

[28M] I pay for absolutely everything for my [26F] girlfriend of 3 months. She gets mad when I need to work weekends on my startup. Am I being used? — I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 3 months. I recently left my corporate job to build a startup. I still make good money/have savings, so I don't mind paying for dates. She is a 26-year-ol…

New to Meditation & Astral Travel – Seeking Advice on Protection and Approach — Hi everyone, I’m new to this world and wanted to share my experience so far. About two weeks ago, I started exploring meditation. I tried a guided theta wave meditation focused on full cleansing. Th…

How do I (21F) tell my partner (21M) that I'm feeling slightly unfulfilled/unprotected in our relationship? — (Throwaway acct). The title sounds incredibly harsh, but I didn't know how else to say it. My fiancé and I have been dating for 6 years and I love him more than genuinely anything. We started dating o…

Is my (23M) boyfriend emotionally cheating on me? (22F) — My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years now and I love him so much, we always talk about spending the rest of our lives together. However, over the past year, I found that he’s grown distant. Fo…

Can you have aphantasia and cptsd? — I just realized I have aphantasia, and apparently, it's supposed to be a bit protective against PTSD because I don't really see things. The thing is that even though I don't even think about things I …

My best friend is furious that I got married what do I do? — I F60)decided to give my recovering partner(58m) another chance. We have more resources now and a new start in many ways. My best friend of 40 years ( 60f) is furious. Her concerns are valid, she’s w…

Is it okay to love someone and still miss your ex? — I’ve been in a situationship with a guy for about 1.5 years now, and I broke up with my ex 2 years ago. In the beginning, it was really hard for me to recover from what my ex did. He lied to me, sayin…

I'm angry again, and it is a good thing (Heavy) — Having so many memories of her cruelty flood back into me and vindicate me for my anger and validate my pain has caused me to truly feel **anger** again. Not self hatred, not frustration: **ANGER.** A…

DAE feel like they miss skin layers? — I have learned the skin has 3 layers. But everytime I dare to relax my muscle tone, there are always white christian men who think they can walk right through and take the opportunity to kiss me out o…

My therapist pointed out actually that withdrawing emotionally while still feeling emotionally connected or retaining symbols of connection as a part of push and pull dynamics. It is not a manipulatio…

I'm definitely not a philosopher by any means, but here are my thoughts. The article references previous research by Monroe & Malle (2009), where it's said that people's concept of free will consists …

I really appreciate how fiercely protective mods are of this space. 

I think the tricky thing I’ve experienced with DAs is that avoiding labels feels protective for them, while it creates confusion. Because if you liked each other, hung out, and had sex, you’re basical…

Who said anything about enabling? And ur right they don’t decide but when they truly care, yes they can see things not going the way they want it to go. Sometimes that leads to no change but for other…

No one has an attachment style. You engage in behavior strategies that are effective for that specific relationship. People do end up dating others that are familiar that allows for that behavior to b…

That book is where I stole the idea about attachment styles being evolutionary protection! 😂 That single idea clarified so much about how overprotective our amygdala can be - considering it’s a reli…

The second to last paragraph here is so important. I didn't truly start healing until I realized that I was treating relationships like they were something I could react correctly to rather than corre…

i think it was as attempt to get the " daddy dont wants me" wound solved . i was physically attracted, never had proper social contact in my life and wasnt able to read between lines. he was always …

If it's numbness/blunting, it follows you everywhere: * You can't enjoy your favorite hobbies anymore * You can't cry. My friend had to say something profoundly comforting in order for me to break li…

You say it doesn't affect you at all, but it clearly does? Is he being there for you the same amount when he's hurt or away? He's more distant, less protective and less caretaking. Focusing on himself…

Avoidant deactivation is a protective mechanism used by people with an avoidant attachment style to distance themselves from loved ones and maintain independence. It's a reflexive action triggered by …

I know this is an old post, I was searching FA on this sub and yours really piqued my interest. I don’t think I was ever that much of a FA except for when I was a teenager, I had childhood trauma and …

In an anxious avoidant cycle with my fiance, we've been dating for 7 years. Some times we are better at navigating the ebbs and flows and sometimes all hell breaks loose . In general I've stepped int…

No I know, the fact it’s entirely on him is freeing but also shit 😭 I’ve done a lot of self-reflecting and realised my limits (I’d hit them as it turns out, my behaviour was massively guarded and sel…

That's how she identified herself. As for why we meet so rarely ... Not entirely sure tbh. We're about 30ish mins away from each other, and we technically do have different days off. The only thing th…

Great stuff here. You always post good, interesting shit on this forum. Lots of valuable insight in your post, thanks for taking the time to write it. One thing I appreciate is that you talk abou…

All of the above. Whenever i feel triggered by something (The latest one is an approaching movein with a partner) it’s a lot easier for me to step back and look at it and think to myself, why do i fee…

Well, I’m really intrigued by attachment theory…and I’ve got a crush on an avoidant guy. Our connection has not been advancing beyond mostly text conversation and sort of “fantasy.” I get mixed signa…

Avoidance is protective. It keeps fear hidden and managed behind other feelings (disgust, repulsion, indifference, etc). To feel fear is to feel vulnerable, I imagine if someone actually felt scared …

Hey everyone, I really need some perspective on my situation. My ex and I recently broke up after almost 3 years together, about 8 days ago. The breakup was reportedly over “values” — but from my pers…

Not sure if this is helpful for you or not, but it helps me to talk about the new person with people who love you. It’s heart warming when they start acting protective and discerning about whether thi…

Interesting observation! Attraction is not a choice but the way you deal with it is. I feel like attraction to me is like a feeling, just like my emotions, it comes and goes and can be small or inte…

Text of original post by u/pineconewashington: Disclaimer - anxious attachment style is real, it creates distress in those who have it, and causes real strain to relationships. That being said, we can…

Thanks! Yeah I'm aware of that difference, here it's the standard way of communication, but it's still a bit suspicious to ask to switch this early. So I'm a bit protective of my account/kidneys :) T…

She's not insecure, she's protective over her bf because she sees you like him. And if you're his friend then you should warn him of letting her into his business in such a short amount of time knowin…

I think the more important question you should be asking yourself and also her is what is the root cause for this behaviour. I do not want to play the reddit psychlogist BUT this behaviour is over the…

Just wanted to say that I identify as having a schizoid structure rather than schizoid personality disorder. That is - I have a lot of the same tendencies and protective instincts even though they're …

If you just want to focus on yourself, you still have work to do around vulnerability being used against you triggering such a strong reaction. It is self protective, it serves a function. But the fac…

I think there's always some value in taking the time to sit with your feelings and really process them. Anxiety or avoidance, it's always good to understand where your feelings are coming from. I see …

Firstly, I appreciate the very well formatted post. So many instances felt like I was teleported back the past At various points in the relationship you've communicated your needs, triggers, boundari…

Thank you so much for the reply, and I apologize that mine is so late! This is very insightful, and it resonated a lot with me. I don’t think this is related to attachment theory, but I really strug…

I feel it's really hard to judge those points because of the personality and relationship dynamic variable. Like, she has apologized, said she learned her lesson because the pain it caused both of us …

I remember asking for a book in paperback so it would match the others in the series on my shelf. She got me a used library hardback still in the crinkly protective cover. She patted herself for getti…

So to summarize... within the relationship, he showed signs of anxious attachment: begging you not to leave, saying he'd do anything for you, etc. And now, suddenly his anxious traits are gone and he'…

lol nope! Goalposts was always moving and I wasn’t the golden child. I had a nervous breakdown from a combination of work and personal stress, had to take leave from work, continued my already extensi…

From experience, Don't fall for it, once your married they think they have total control over you, I know It took me 30 yrs to figure all that toxic mess out, Glad I had him removed by protective orde…

Even if this were true, after the wife originally confronting him, he would make the connection that it was the mistress sending them, and prevent it in the future by changing his password or being mo…

This! My husband would be furious. He's wildly protective of me. He'd also go to the ends of the earth to figure out what was going on.

You are a royal personality with strong emotional attachment to family and roots. You have this feeling 24*7 that want to achieve something big but I also need emotional stability. In relationship u p…

ikr! and i can’t find ways to prove this w/o being seen as crazy. he seems to become protective whenever i try to bring up the topic

I would report the girlfriend to adult protective services. It's against the law to financially exploit an elderly senior citizen. Tell them you suspect she's taking advantage of your father because h…

Because mars 8th aspect is on 6th house which is house of job and daily routine. Mar’s 8th aspect has tendency to make you protective about that house even if you have to fight till last resort.

Since age 15, you may have started thinking seriously about life responsibilities. A few marriage proposals or connections could have appeared earlier, but either you or your parents declined them. Th…

This is way more common than people realize and honestly it might be the most important thing to bring up with your therapist. The irony is that the performance itself is clinical material. It's showi…

Same here My relationship was for 30 yrs he is a toxic Malignant Narcissist, and cause Mental emotional and physical abuse after the last two years we had got married and it got worse, I finally got a…

i agree with all the other answers, but it could also be mental resistance sometimes. no child ever truly wants to hate their parents. no child wants to admit that they were neglected or abused when i…

Thank you. It's really helpful to have that perspective from the outside. I've wondered the same thing. I've been struggling to figure out where there's room for me to be more understanding of differe…

Indeed! And I’m just a stranger on the internet writing my own gut feelings on the situation from your description. It’s so difficult when your protective parts are being loud. Perhaps try to connect…

I'm aware that good, considerate partners don't do this. My ex seemed to be that type of man for the first three years. It was only after certain family members moved closer to us and were able to jus…