don't want

How childhood trauma and bullying turned into a specific paraphilia (Enuresis/Denim). Looking for perspective. — Hi everyone. I’m a 22yo male (Engineering student) and I’m finally trying to face a complex situation involving childhood trauma, neurodivergence, and a very specific paraphilia. I’m looking for suppo…

Donald Trump & the LOB — JM sub, It has been talked about Trump and the LOB a few times on this sub, and I wanted to remind you about how Donald Trump has used, and still uses the LOB in his favor. Recently, I've seen an in…

What's the best free alternative to Dreamweaver for making a personal website? — I know the easiest route is to just use Wordpress, but I don't want a Wordpress blog again right now. Dreamweaver makes sense to me. I need to see the code view or what I'm looking at makes less sense…

Is it worth it as a new Laravel coder to buy PhpStorm? — I've been developing Wordpress sites and started branching off into Laravel. Having a great time but a friend said I should ditch VS Code and move to PhpStorm. I'm curious what your opinions are. At $…

What are the skills needed to manage a Shopify Plus account? — Some background: I've been a web designer/developer for 25 years. Spent 13 years as Senior Web Developer for a medium size corporation that manufactured consumer electronics, primarily working in the …

Why do people in LOA communities ALWAYS go to Reddit for their problems when JM advised against that? — Hello everyone. I've been into JM's (and NG's) teaching for quite some time. I enjoy it thoroughly and dipped my toes into the subreddits, so hence why I'm here instead of the NG subreddit since I wo…

Looking to transition to Europe as a Senior Product Designer from Canada — As the title says, Is this something thats possible and what is the current demand like for Product Designers in Europe? I'm currently looking to gain new experiences within my role as a Senior Prod…

Devops not using Docker (or Podman), what does your stack look like? — Edit: I have nothing against containers, I'm looking for another containerization solution / ecosystem. I hate docker with all my soul. While writing it, I'm 100% aware that "hate" is a feeling and n…

Is AI Applicable Everywhere? — Currently working in the tech space for the mining industry. Core product I work on focuses on workflows and tasks for ground and office staff to complete. Such as verifying CAD drawing, sign offs and…

Making the entire website a fixed-width — This is probably a stupid question, so I apologize in advance. I am working on a website for my dad that he had someone create back in 2013. Everything is fine so far, but the only problem is that he …

Considering a move from big tech to a small company. Worth the risk? — I know this sub leans junior, but hoping to get some advice from senior folks. Especially people in Bay Area, NYC, or Seattle-type tech scenes. Tagging this as Job Search and not Senior Only because I…

WooCommerce PayPal Payments Plugin issue — Hey I have a webshop with the Zephyr theme (version 8.35.2) and have installed WooCommerce (version 9.8.3) including some plugins. Now I would like to process my payments via PayPal (also with credi…

Way to protect a page, give access only to certain users with passwordless login — Hello, I am looking for a way to add a page to my WP site, accessible only to certain people. Ideally they would have access without a password: enter their email, and if this email is part of an au…

how do you manage cache browser control- after version update? — here's the problem- obviously we don't want to screw up our clients when they are working, so a new version should be in a manner that won't cause conflicts in the previous version, which has loaded …

Where are y'all buying T-Shirts? — I'm looking for T-shirts I can sublimate print on. I am autistic and am opening my business soon. So I am also wondering: How many do you keep on hand in each size? How did you "test" the shirt …

Should I find a business partner? Sell Or just give up? My business has potential but I don't have to energy to make it happen. — I started a business about two and a half years ago. It is quite niche and has potential but I haven't been able to get over the tipping point of making it really work. We have great processes and a…

Semrush 7 days free trial: how hard is it to avoid payment? — Hi, long story short: I'm applying for a new job and I really need to use some SEO tool to perform a case study. I will need to use it only for a week max, since I have to complete the case study in a…

Looking for a Wordpress plugin to handle images in a specific way — A small chain of grocery markets is looking to have us develop a Wordpress site for them. They need a specific function - on a weekly basis, they need to upload 4 images that are basically their sale…

Virtual address? — I'm in the process of getting an LLC and have to have an address, but I don't want to list my personal address. It's an app, so there's no actual physical location. I was considering a P.O. box, but I…

What to do with my business. Sell partner or fold? — I started a business about two and a half years ago. It is quite niche and has potential but I haven't been able to get over the tipping point of making it really work. We have great processes and a s…

FA trying to be more secure, need some insigh on relationship to have "fresh eyes" on it and not just my insecure one — Hi, So, I'm FA and my partner is secure. We're living together and are together for 9month now, it's going good and we're doing our best in the healthiest way to navigate the complicated stuff (I hav…

Afraid of the "how" — Hi to all. I have been studying the law and this sub since many years, then left, then (1-2 months ago) came back. I had my fair share of watching coaches, reading the content proposed here (and more)…

Help me to recognise my attachment style please! — I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA). On the one hand, I clearly crave intimacy and…

Feeling bad after dates? — I asked my friends for some advice regarding how to attempt to move my attachment style in a more secure direction, and one of them said that for them, going out on dates really helped them, especiall…

Detachment or deactivation? — Me (23M) and my ex (22F) broke up one month ago because she was feeling overwhelmed by some arguments we had due to changes in our lives (new place to live, new work). She's FA. I was secure for almos…

I don't want to cry all day and feel lonely anymore. I don't want to fear abandonment anymore. I want to improve myself. — In 12th grade I became very close to a classmate of mine. Both of us bonded over shared trauma and basically became inseparable. We texted each other 24/7 and became very VERY affectionate which then …

Working on becoming secure has made me more susceptible to toxic relationships — I think. Here's the thing, I'm fearful avoidant, and before I was aware of attachment styles at all the moment a person I was interested in made me feel at all rejected in the slightest (took too lo…

READ THIS if you want to POST here — This is a new thread with the SAME GUIDELINES as the previous post which is now archived. THIS THREAD IS ONLY FOR APPROVAL TO POST. You don’t have to be an approved user to comment or lurk. ONLY som…

Does this have to do with my attachment style or is it normal? — I used to score as anxiously attached when I was in my last relationship. I feel like I still have some anxious tendencies in my relationship now but I also sometimes feel avoidant and for the most pa…

The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…

Update: Self-help group for anxious attachment — Thank you to everyone who responded to my [**prior post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AnxiousAttachment/comments/1plm1g1/selfhelp_group_for_anxious_attachment/) re starting a self-help group. (Yes, The…

I did it!! I did the hard thing!!! Even though they were a good person, even though I knew they cared, our relationship was hurting me, despite my best attempts at healing myself. At the end of the day, an asymmetrical dynamic hurts. After 2 years of hoping and hurting, I chose myself. — I have been in anxious-avoidant dynamics before, but this was the first relationship where there were genuinely...*good* things about my the person I was seeing. They were emotionally intelligent, had…

Is it just me or is "date secure people" a bad idea? — To be specific, people who were born into families that fostered secure attachment. Not earned secures. I think the latter is exactly what I need but there's no stat on how much of the population is e…

If my nervous system is used to interpreting intensity as chemistry, then...am I just supposed to settle for love where I don't feel any "fuzzy" feelings? Like is love supposed to be boring? Then how do I even know the difference if a relationship is boring but good vs. boring but bad?? — Like I really don't want to be stuck in an anxious-avoidant loop again, and I get that secure love seems more boring to someone with an anxious attachment, but then...like...are all romantic feelings …

Dismissive - Anxious dynamic catch 22, how could we make it work? — I'm having issues with a relationship that's really important to me. It's someone who I dated last year for 6 months. We have very intense and wonderful attraction and connection in a way that is rare…

feeling numb in dating but longing for intimacy — For the past few years, I've been mostly numb in dating. I don’t really feel anything romantic. I don’t feel sparks. I don’t feel excited about anyone or attached. I don’t miss people when I’m not wit…

Why don't paranoid and delusional people manifest? — Hello. I really want to test LOB and believe that it's real, but so far I've had no success and remain skeptical. I'm wondering why delusional and paranoid people don't manifest things they sincerely …

Deactivation or undisclosed breakup? — I'm a FA woman...in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant....all was good, until past Christmas holidays , his bday and all situations when they deactivated.. he was the one who planned being wit…

I'm so tired of people. — For reference, a couple of years ago, I was in an abusive relationship that kinda changed who I am. I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say that I used to be outgoing and fun, but also I h…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

32(F) really need advice about feelings for friend — I have developed feelings for a friend (M30) over time. He has given me indications in the past that he might be interested in dating me, but I didn't want to get my hopes up too much. I have been try…

I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…

I'm deactivated right now and not sure it's worth trying to save my marriage — I'm DA (40M), my wife FA (41F), 3 children. Together 17 years, married 13 years, very distant 11 years (due to my earlier long-term deactivation) with no affection or intimacy at all, working on recon…

I want to to start healing so badly, how can I? — I recently posted here my journey of realizing I have a fearful avoidant attachment. I used to think I was anxious but I realize I'm fearful avoidant and I don't want this anymore. I want to stop push…

How can I become more consistent in my relationships? — I recently learnt I'm fearful avoidant and I've been in therapy for 3 years so I know how I stopped being inconsistent in many areas of my life I used to be – I learnt to be consistent with studying b…

How can I become more consistent in my relationships? — I recently learnt I'm fearful avoidant and I've been in therapy for 3 years so I know how I stopped being inconsistent in many areas of my life I used to be – I learnt to be consistent with studying b…

Please help — Hey there! Found this community a few days ago and I seriously need advice on how to push thru the panic/ anxiety. I know I'm an avoidant. All my life I've never wanted people to see me. All my life…

How do I grow? — I am learning in the past few months of my life I may (probably am) FA, espeically in romantic relationships. I constantly crave and daydream a secure relationship with consistency but when I ask some…

what do i do? my anxious attachment is getting REALLY bad. — i haven't been like this since i last had a really close online friendship w someone 2 years ago, but i recently started talking to a new friend online and we've known each other for only a few days. …

How honest are securely attached people? — I'm curious how honest secure people are with others in their life. I'm healing from dismissive avoidant attachment and my instinct whenever something bothers or upsets me is to dismiss it as not a bi…

I’m 20 and my mom still asks for my phone and laptop every night or there's consequences — I'm 20 (F) and turning 21 in a few months. My mom recently started asking me to surrender my laptop and phone again. "Again" because she did this to me as well when I was 13-18 years old. Before, she…

Thank you lol, those who don't want to focus on the Bible aspect don't have to. Just use it practically, that's it. But the Bible knowledge he spread is extremely important and freeing for those who b…

I'm about to get divorced. I don't want to go back and forth with her. She's driving the divorce. We have 3 kids so I can't go totally no contact. I can cut it down to the bare minimum and focus on my…

This was a helpful read, especially the confronting bit. I'm worried I'm told I need to confront my parents but I don't want to.

Whatever your mind tells you to do, don't go back. You can never win anyone if they don't want to be with you.

It hurts, but is pretty common. Exes often have backup or have set up their next relationship quick. They don't want to be alone either!

It is so sad when it feels wrong that it ended. But if they don't want you, all you can do is value yourself and move on. You are going to find someone who will treat you right and wants to fight for …

Thank you. This resonates so deeply. The consequences listed are so painfully familiar. An early memory is my mom getting out the phone book, picking up the phone and saying she's calling the orpha…

I broke up but she didn't want to get back. It's my fault but she wasn't a Saint either. Immaturity on both ends. I have paid for my mistakes in heartache and tears. I hope you get the person who ch…

>minimizing how much anger I feel over the betrayal Perhaps this minimization is a form of self defence. I also feel the same way. We are still living together and I don't want that to be stressful. …

Think of all the things you don't want but still get and vice versa. It's a really bad lane to go down if you think what you conciously beleive or 'assume' is facts.

So pardon the length (I haven't told anyone yet) and thank you for reading. I might have a crush on a good friend ("Steve") who I've reconnected with after a few years of not hanging out. We didn't …

Nah. They just don't want to be treated like crap.

This is the one. I'd also add that attachment doesn't just stop at partners — it's also at play at work, friendships, family relationships/siblings, and even children. It's really fucking hard to be …

They are where you "draw the line". They are things that are unacceptable to you. For example, a boundary of mine is that I will not tolerate anyone yelling at me - I don't care how angry or frustrat…

I've been experiencing something similar, broke up in December. In my mind, it's almost as if the person I knew and loved severed (like from the show Severance) themselves and returned from a trip as …

No I didn't dance with him..we just saw each other during dancing and he smiled at me and I smiled at him ,and people around me are like forget him ,he was an outsider and he won't even come back to t…

This is so interesting! I'm extremely avoidant when it comes to dating...I literally don't even attempt to. Which is insane for someone at 32 lol. At least I know I don't want kids haha

I am avoidant and I don't hate my exes - I just don't want to be smothered or expected to constantly reassure people. Just because I have to get away doesn't equal hate. That is a strong interpretatio…

Did you try and address the concerns or did you just "forgive them" until you decided there's one last straw that you may or may not tell them about and bail? If so then that's toxic and unhealthy; I …

Yeah and it's not that avoidants are lying, they actually like the love bombing stage. They actively choose to instigate that. U never see AA lovebombing avoidants in the beginning. Avoidants are l…

ok so i typed up a hypothetical example haha let's say i have a coworker/acquaintance who seems like they'd have a lot in common with me, but we don't know each other well. i want to become closer to…

I don't want to google it. Thank you.

FOMO, but DAs don't want U when Ur there

I think silence can be closure, painful yes, but he's saying ' I don't want to communicate any further' perhaps he thinks it's the kindest thing to do especially if he's very angry. It's incredibly t…

I don't want to tell you how you should feel, but maybe it would be helpful to learn the technology properly. Maybe Docker is not the problem, but how it is used at your company. I fear Docker is use…

CI to auto approve those pull requests.  But really, you don't want to do things this way. You protect the main branches. You need to give them the ability to deploy their own branches to whichever …

another question about a random amount of money. So you don't want to hear the story of the guy who is making $200k in profit?

It depends on what kind of AI you're looking to do. Smaller, tactical, modular AI applications are going well. And these All in one solutions are harder to sell. Also, for some people, they're VE…

My therapist pointed out actually that withdrawing emotionally while still feeling emotionally connected or retaining symbols of connection as a part of push and pull dynamics. It is not a manipulatio…

I run a service agency for small business (we specialize in Urban Planning), if you need help but don't want to hire someone we can help you, since you are a fellow new entrepreneur I can offer you ou…

I think it's interesting that DAs often say it feels exhausting having to communicate this, yet again it's your behaviour that leads to misunderstandings. It's fine if you don't want to communicate yo…

No, you didn't get lucky. I know it feels like a win, but look at how much thought and work you have put in to make a relationship barely functional. You say you don't want to fix her, but you do ever…

I get what you're saying with respect to people taking responsibility for their actions, but I think it's unrealistic to expect everyone to be at the same point in their healing journey as you are. If…

so true, I gave up permanently on it because I ALWAYS incinerate my friendships or get too deep in the attachment, now I have to accept I'll be alone for the rest of my life even if I don't want to bc…

I recommend the following YouTube channels: The Crappy Childhood Fairy The Personal Development School by Thais Gibson Paulien Timmer - Healing the Fearful Avoidant Heidi Priebe The Crappy Childh…

I will give my own experience as an FA. A lot of women will project who they want me to be onto me, even If I gave no indication of such from the beginning and even when I actively try to shatter pr…

Stop desperately wanting things. Instead see them as on the way or already yours. Don't want them, but rather have them. Its no simpler than that. If you want something you are sending out lack. If yo…

I'm definitely not a philosopher by any means, but here are my thoughts. The article references previous research by Monroe & Malle (2009), where it's said that people's concept of free will consists …

I love this post and appreciate your ferocity in protecting the community and all of us in it. We need to keep this a safe space for us. I receive the occasional DM but usually don't respond because …

Why can't they stop experiencing love like they say they do and start experiencing it like I think they should??? >Avoidants should swear off dating forever and leave us who are actually capable of l…

I don't want to go to those other spaces and have to wade through the slog, but could someone explain why we are lumped in with narcissists? Most of my family members are avoidant attatchers (it runs …

>pursuing people who have communicated they're not offering what you're after is a great way to not get what you're after. >I spoke to an AP woman about this on a thread elsewhere and she said that i…

I think it's cause anxious attachers (and I say it as a former anxious attacher) tend to go after us a lot, and are very sensitive for rejection. "They don't want me, so they must be deeply fucked up"…

I remember getting a DM from someone seeking advice a mere one day after posting something, and just a couple of days since I had been approved to post. I agreed because I was curious, to be honest, a…

I bring this stuff up of because I don't want to waste my time or someone elses. If our goals don't match I'm gonna move on

I mean it can be tough especially when you are talking about money. Money is always in your face. We deal with it daily. A few things work for me. 1. I revisit things I manifested and think about ho…

It's not worth a response, IMO. If you give this type of person an inch, they'll take miles from you. They're probably weighing around all their options and seeing what sticks. They want your attentio…

Okay, this is long and it might sound harsh, but I relate to a lot of what you're going through and acted much in the same way as you did, and I've gone from anxiously attached within a friendship to …

Yes I know this feeling. A big thing that helped for me was to actually notice when I'm picking my partner apart in my head or feeling some ick. I have to objectively observe those feelings and ask if…

I know, but I'm afraid that by telling them I need space I'll activate them. I don't want them to think I'm rejecting them or pulling away because of them, I've done that and the person started to ove…