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Good question. This is one of those things that separates surface level chart reading from actually understanding how aspects work in practice. Aspect strength comes down to the orb, which is the dis…
To the former LOAPorn folks here — Hi everyone! It's been about 3 months since me and my SP have been NC. It's quite a long story to retell it there, but we two got really close, and we were very happy with each other. However, due to…
What will it take? — Seriously… What does it take to land a UX role these days? My wife is graduating with her masters in UX from a good program but it seems that the industry is evolving and everyone is making it seem …
The brutal truth about content marketing no one tells you (until you burn out) — The brutal truth about content marketing no one tells you (until you burn out) You can publish 3 blog posts a week, schedule a dozen tweets, crank out a newsletter, and still feel like you're screami…
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
How do avoidant dynamics move forward — and when do they not? — I’m trying to understand where the line is between someone genuinely moving slowly due to avoidant attachment, versus someone who just doesn’t have the capacity (or intention) to move forward. I’ve b…
F**CKKKKKKKKK — I don’t really have anywhere to say this, so I’m just putting it here. I was with someone for a long time who I truly believed was my person. From the beginning, there was just something about her th…
AM silent treatment is HELL — For context- two days ago AM asked me (19F) and my sister (17F) why our cousin and our close friends are scared or intimidated by her. We started making fun of her for the things she used to do or say…
Great guy, but after 4 months, there's just no physical touch — I've been dating a great guy for about the last four months and we're a good fit in several different ways. We're both in our 40s, no kids, no previous marriages and have lived all over the world. We'…
My (M38) wife (F34) has been very quiet since a conversation we had of why I love her. Confused about her silence. — So I'm a little bit confused about this. A couple of days ago, my wife came to me asking the question that has been asked many times during our marriage. "Do you still love me? And why do you love me?…
Considering divorce from my husband. I need perspective. — Hey everyone, I've been lurking, but it's my first time posting, so sorry if this is inappropriate. For starters, I'm not asking for advice, as in "what to do", but more like perspective in case I'm …
How to bring up SI to my therapist? — (Prefacing: I am currently safe! This post just sucks to make.) I'm relatively new to having a therapist, I started last year in November. I feel like I hit the jackpot with my therapist, I think we …
If your ex blindsided you, no contact probably will make them come back. — This is long- but I hope someone in NC with their ex in hopes they’ll return will read this because this is reality. I had an ex I loved so so much. We were together for 6 years, from when I was a t…
Travelling to Budapest soon, any recommendations — Hey guys, I’m a Chinese guy traveling to Budapest cut to the chase I'm hoping to have as much "fun" as possible. I'm there for a few days only so I wanted to do some research ahead of my trip so I ca…
What is your earliest memory of being neglected? — I was reflecting on my past, and I realized one of the first memories I ever had was when I was 5 and was neglected. I remember I was in the backyard, completely unsupervised, and I climbed up our m…
Processing my NDE and the paranormal experiences that followed — I can’t sleep and i’m feeling the need to document a sequence of experiences I had from February 2019 through 2020 that forever changed my life. I’ll try my best to keep each section somewhat brief, b…
I accidentally shifted to a parallel Earth today — I went shopping with my wife. We were listening to the song "Hey there Delilah" when we arrived at the shopping center. While shopping, I experienced this intense moment of deja vu. I even spoke out l…
Bought a house on my own and AP come over every day… — I (27F) recently moved into my own house, and my parents have been coming over every day to help out. I haven’t asked them to, they just show up. I do appreciate the help, and I know it’s coming from …
Out of a delusional episode and have quit drugs, but evidence of something "wrong" with saying it was delusional has emerged today... — First off do me a favor plz, google for "what is the electrical phenomenon some stipulate is needed for a timeline shift?" yourself and tell me if it throws in the answers anything about a change in S…
Narcissistic collapse is terrifying — TW for suicide. I fully believed he would realise he needed to change when he was forced to hold a mirror up to himself. That the man I love would see that the way he was treating me was wrong and he …
My (32M) wife’s (29F) jealousy is getting worse and is affecting my friendships and work. What should I do to help her get real help without losing myself? — My wife (29F) and I (32M) have been together almost 5 years and married for 1. I love her, I am committed to this marriage, and I do not want to leave. What I want is for her to get real help for this…
TRIED MANIFESTING FOR THE LITERAL FIRST TIME WITH ZERO ACTUAL HOPES AND IT KINDA AMAZED ME — Hi, something just happened that honestly amazed me ! I have a big exam coming up in a week, and I haven’t prepared to a decent level yet. I really need good marks, so about 3-4 days ago I started lo…
affordable therapy when you make too much for assistance but not enough for 150 a session? — I feel like I’m in the worst possible affordability bracket. I technically make “too much” to qualify for any assistance or low income clinics, but not enough to casually drop 600 a month on therapy. …
I (32m) found out my partner (32f) cheated on me while she was away on holiday. She doesn’t know that I know. How do I navigate this? — So I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 7 years now. We’ve had our ups and downs and have started to go to couples therapy (and we’re still going), trying to figure out our relationship.…
She Was Taken Home by the Police ー And Then She Disappeared — **I previously shared a story about my neck injury and a dream of Christ. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read it. I honestly didn’t expect that kind of response. There’s something else tha…
Family crisis has made me realize how deeply my mother’s criticism still affects me — how do I handle this? — We have been going through a major family crisis right now and it has brought up a lot of old pain in my relationship with my mother. For some background, my brother has severe addiction issues and i…
Don't know where to go from this, is my marriage dead? 38F and 38M, 15y relationship — Hello. Context: Im 38F in a couple with 38M since 2011. We have 2 kids (8yo and 6yo). Our relationship has never been very smooth, we both have huge characters, fights can be very heated (but without…
Anxiety tips you might not have heard of — Hello, I've had crippling anxiety on and off for many years and I have developed coping tools that has helped me alot. This Mostly is for people who have GAD and panic disorders but can help for almo…
One sentence he said which broke me…. — Long story short he had an affair i found out, we had been together 20 years 3 kids a very turbulent relationship but we stood by each other. We finished and he has stayed with mistress. He said t…
Close friendship ending because I ( F26) became their (M 27) emotional punching bag — I (F26) have known my friend (M 27) since high school years. We’ve been like family to each other. There’s this saying - “ Familiarity breeds contempt”. I have wanted to avoid that in my relationship…
I think I need to leave my marriage — I’ve been going back and forth on whether to post this, but I need to get it out somewhere. I think my marriage is over. There wasn’t one major event that caused it. No cheating. No physical abuse. …
Should I leave my girlfriend (body count) — So long story short my girlfriend of 6 months has a pretty promiscuous past in my opinion. Let me state this first though me and her have the best relationship I’ve had with anyone ever in my life. Sh…
Just broke up with partner because we were becoming codependent — Hello, I (26F) broke up with my girlfriend (25F) earlier this week. I’m really struggling because I did really care for her and we cared about each other, but ultimately, I could see our relationship …
How to get over irreversible, life altering mistakes? — Check out my previous post about not going to the prestigious engineering school I was accepted to in high school for details, but I am having so much trouble moving on. I need to accept my life is no…
No one goes no contact immediately. — We have all been there, and you know that no contact is the right thing to do. Fuck that, no contact is out only thing to do when have broken up with. But why is it so dam hard? The fact that it's ha…
Letter to Self before Meeting her — Figured it helped a few on other subs so I would add here. I've also been told to warn it may be a trigger to some. Hey dumbass, I don’t really know how to start this without it feeling unreal, beca…
Partner(35M)could not attend a family event due to my(33F) appointment and his family is angry. What to do? — I moved to my partner's country to be with him so I had an important appointment to get my official documents on the same day as his sister-in-law's father's funeral. My partner chose to be with me an…
TRUST YOUR GUT! Dont ignore red flags — Ignored my gut for years. Don’t do what I did. • Stories didn’t line up • Had to press for the truth every time • Only got partial answers, then more would come out later • Felt like I was being made…
I can only experience pleasure during intimacy if it is violent — For the entire time I have had consensual sex, starting in my teens, the one constant is that I require it to be violent. The partners I’ve had normally are willing to do it because they want to hel…
A dream that felt like normal life, not a dream” — About 2 years ago I had a dream that felt completely different from normal dreams. There was no fear, no curiosity, no strong emotions. Everything felt completely natural, like normal life. I didn’t…
How do I detach from people who have an on and off pattern with me? — 23(f) I have always been emotionally invested in my friends. The thing is, my friends are either really good at filling there void with company or their family. Being a motherless child who is only su…
Trying to process the severity of my mothers actions — I’m 37 weeks pregnant and I genuinely think I’m done with my mother, and I should have been years ago. We haven’t spoken in months, basically since she left my apartment. Before that, she stayed with…
Dopamine and Infidelity — [https://mindlabneuroscience.com/dopamine-and-infidelity-neuroscience/](https://mindlabneuroscience.com/dopamine-and-infidelity-neuroscience/) New here. I stumbled upon this (very long scientific) ar…
My peculiar version of ladder experiment + how I manifest effortlessly — This is gonna be long, but worth the read. I've been consciously manifesting for years with lots of successes but recently fell off my mental diet a bit (bc I'm human, ayo 😂) so was recommitting to…
Husband choosing affair partner, we have two kids - how does anyone survive this???? — Ten months ago I found out that my husband of 13 years was in a long-term, physical and emotional affair with one of my closest friends. I spent the past ten months trying to save my marriage and my f…
THE ONLY ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS! (manifestation and neville) // PART 2 — SELF-CONCEPT (roll those drums caz i got my tea and i got to PREACH) i can claim to be the GOD of self concept i swear on me i got it baby and i got it sooooooo goooood (please take what you will …
THE ONLY ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS! (manifestation and neville) // PART 2 — SELF-CONCEPT (roll those drums caz i got my tea and i got to PREACH) i can claim to be the GOD of self concept i swear on me i got it baby and i got it sooooooo goooood (please take what you will caz…
When you know you know — So all this started when my ex finance stated working at a drilling company he was working outside in the field and then he got transferred to like the lab where he meet let’s name her Emily they stat…
Shifting through meditation question — Hey guys I want to shift through meditation but I can get into a meditative state and I have never been there dose anyone know how I can get there and shift from there?
Do people ever miss how kind i was to them — I've been thinking lately if people ever miss how kind I was to them at times. I'm a vulnerable, sensitive person who quickly opens to others and wants to be there for them at all times. But I've been…
I (28M) want her (31 F) back but am conflicted around how everything ended. — Hey y'all, I'm looking for some advice on if I should continue holding out and hoping to get back with my short term ex or finally find a way to try and get over this. there's many layers to this bu…
If you can think of the place you want or have been there in real life and think of going to that place on the astral plane then yes you can
So I just wrote a comment today on another post that might help too: You’re being too hard on yourself. Your divorce is completely fresh and you need to give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel…
You obviously did it wrong. And now you mad as fuck trying to shit on people who got it right. It’s okay, we get it since many of us been there for a brief moment too. But instead of actually learning…
It has been there for the last 5 years : [https://www.reddit.com/r/JosephMurphy/comments/h7g0vn/progressive\_goal\_structure\_for\_lob\_mastery/](https://www.reddit.com/r/JosephMurphy/comments/h7g0v…
I've been there! I'm bordering between being a DA and a FA, personally. For me, it happened somewhat quickly after I opened up to my therapist and it was i n t e n s e. Like, I had never in my life…
Been there. Tiny changes are your friend. Don’t make enemies. Wait for upper management buy in. Collect your check and don’t fret.
Im not saying you should leave when things seem good. As an anxious attacher myself I see where youre coming from and I would never been able to do that asweel. I mean, why would you leave if you feel…
By not chasing and instead matching their pace. Absolutely reply when they text you, and match the energy if you can. Ideally you’d want to be perceived as safe, so when they text you should be detach…
I've been in this exact position. This person is *baiting* you by suddenly popping back up when it's convenient for them (but not for you), and sending you a carefully crafted message in hopes you'll …
Girl, bye. ETA: I know it is extremely tempting and they might even be good for a little while, but it will happen again and you will get hurt even more the second time around. You will be so much be…
Been there you’ll go back into the cycle let him go u deserve the best. Someone who always wants u around but not when things get tough. I’m going through it right now been tough but not gonna let him…
i've been there! it can be really freeing and fascinating, especially when you have secure people in your life who accept your quirks and understand this is a natural phase, who also have strong bound…
It’s either because it’s true (they all have a LOT to work out!) or because they think it’s an easy thing to say to escape the relationship ? Not sure which .. But yeah been there before, believing…
Fix yourself (any personal mental or physical health issues, fill your time with hobbies/books/work/fitness/social time), not him. I’ve been there, girl, I wasted ten years on gentle-parenting men int…
Sorry to hear you're going through this. I've been through something similar. Overall the biggest thing that helped was accepting that they can break up with me and my obsessing won't change that. I…
You are doing it great. It’s like a muscle, first you are in the scene for short moment, and the more you do the more you are present and staying longer. On the feelings, we all are different people…
From what you've said, it sounds like you think of life to be pointless when lived alone, and seem to be valuing romantic relationships specifically a lot. I would like to posit that it is this excruc…
I hear you. I’ve also been there. Acceptance is tough because it feels like giving up, but it’s actually about shifting perspective. Friendships evolve, sometimes they deepen, sometimes they fade, an…
I can relate to you, I think people don't talk often enough about how dark and suffering it feels to be at the other end of the spectrum. People tend to only discuss the aftermath of how you should pi…
Message me if you're struggling or feeling out of control. I've been there and it's tough doing it alone. I too was reaching out to whoever, Reddit, friends, weekly posts, dating apps, etc. I could no…
I think I just wanted someone to take charge and do something while I couldn't figure out what to do because of how much pain I was in at the moment. It could've been suggesting taking me to the hospi…
Please be careful talking to gpt, it can trigger your anxiety all over again. You don't want the issue of "I'll stop being anxious after gpt explains" it's dangerous and can impact your self regulatio…
Okay I don't know if this is going to be controversial or something but here are my two cents: * *Yes*, building secure attachment means - allowing yourself to have preferences, and not engaging in r…
Self- love and desire for a partner are two different things imo. Humans are built for connection and that comes in many different forms (friendships, family, romantic etc). If you have a preference…
I’m glad you feel that my comment helped you, and I’m glad you’ve communicated these feelings! I assumed you had, but us avoidants aren’t really known for our vulnerability lol. Man, I’ve definitely…
I'm happy that it's working for you, but remember that it's just some months, and the issue isn't how they behave pr what they say or do, the issue is they can flip it anytime and you won't even see i…
Avoidants can reveal themselves early if you know the right questions to ask. I’ve been there too. It’s super painful. I just wrote about it recently and have made it my mission to never attach myself…
hi! I am a new comer here. my name is lexi. I have been in therapy the past two months trying to work on my anxious attachment as it’s been hard. my ex partner of 5 years broke up with me a little ove…
I've been there. I could have written this three years ago - the second guessing that you feel someone is inconsistent and not safe, but you fixate on the times that feel good. With closer inspection …
An incredible poem — thank you for sharing. Here's a contribution. Vibe is a little more optimistic, perhaps speaking of the moment before beginning healing. Everything is Waiting for You David Why…
I think the problem is not *how* you reassure her, it's that: * As a person with chronic pain with periods of flare-ups/exhaustion + being more introverted in general, your friend's anxious attachmen…
>where i struggle is drawing the line between "this is a reasonable need that is not being met" and "this is my attachment talking and its my problem to figure out" I've definitely been there and yo…
Yes it makes total sense. Been there and done that myself. What I have learned to recognize in all this is how immediately censoring myself and then judging myself actually is a type of self abandonme…
I've been there. I'm sorry your experiencing this and your in a lot of pain right now. I can gaurantee that the pain will end with time. It lasted around 4 months for me, but everyone heals different…
I think so - we exchanged numbers and I've also been responding to texts. I've just not initiated the date myself, because I'm wary of setting a precendent of moving things forward. (I've been there b…
Im ngl she probably reached out so you’d hook up so you’d awaken latent feelings and reconsider moving, sounds like she hasn’t moved on (as you stated) and is trying to ‘bargain’ by showing you what y…
It's not a reflection on you. He's not your person. You did nothing wrong. I know that sounds empty when you're hurting/feeling insecure but we've all been there (agonizing over ghosting/flakiness) an…
Been there brother, I dated a very smart, charming beauty model end of last year. I wanted to want her in all the ways you mentioned and just couldn't. Very odd.
Here is the part that stood out to me: "when I asked what happened? he said ahh busy at work and I know you'd come back to me" He's going to keep doing this. I've been there. I'm sorry to say this, b…
I've been there :/ learned my lesson as well. Mine only lasted a few weeks but I was trying to give her a chance but was not into her looks, as well as some grating parts of her personality. I cut it …
Downer day. Broke it off with the girl I dated and have been talking to. I wasn't feeling the attraction I need. It's probably the first time i've rejected someone in years. She took it well and was r…
I’m sorry. I have been there. I am still not married, but I have hope. Hey, I surprised everyone, including myself, by having a baby in my early 40s. I am a decade older than you are - you have lots o…
Oof. You’ve fallen in love with someone who hasn’t recovered from divorce and is emotionally unavailable. I say that as a divorced man who’s been there done that.
I think saying “I love you” is the least of the concerns here. You’re looking for some validation in that phrase, but I think you need more validation in this entire relationship. You’re essentially a…
Exercise. Also, I've found some drop in meditation classes in my area. Sitting in silence with strangers and feeling everyone breathing helps. You don't have to talk, you don't have to be social if yo…
Just wanted to express solidarity. Been there, did the exact same thing and got hurt in the end pretty much the same way. Time will heal it eventually though it’ll suck hard for now, but you’ll get th…
Been there, done that, just swap the genders. Be gentle to yourself.
struggle is real, been there. good luck on your med journey ♥️
this landed hard because i've been there too — not exactly your story, but that feeling of being a burden before you even open your mouth. what hit me reading your post: "my needs were often put on t…