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r/DecidingToBeBetterUpdated 30 days ago
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Citations (56)

Since 2000, I've lived by this lesson from the 1930s: Don't let a temporary condition trick you into a permanent solution

Since 2000, I've lived by this lesson from the 1930s: Don't let a temporary condition trick you into a permanent solution — Last week, I came across a file I didn't realize I still have, but it had some things in it that I've lived my adult life by. I hope they help you (starting with the most important one to me): Way b…

r/DecidingToBeBetterpost4/12/2026
Is "good on paper" a thing for guys our age?

Is "good on paper" a thing for guys our age? — I can't help but feeling like I'm good on paper and that's why my boyfriend is with me. I'm conventionally attractive, I make really good money, I take care of myself (and him) and my things, I'm kin…

r/datingoverthirtypost2/20/2026
No contact isn't about them. It's about teaching your nervous system that you survive without the response.

No contact isn't about them. It's about teaching your nervous system that you survive without the response. — Nobody told me this when I started and I wish they had. I thought no contact was a strategy to make them miss me. Or a test of willpower. Or punishment for both of us. It's none of that. Your brain…

r/ExNoContactpost3/24/2026
Weirdest experience when dreaming last night

Weirdest experience when dreaming last night — So last night / this morning I had the weirdest experience when dreaming - I have realised whilst dreaming before that it was a dream and it was like what I was seeing froze like a picture, shattere…

r/LucidDreamingpost4/2/2026
My dad just texted me to "get over it" after 8+ months of silence

My dad just texted me to "get over it" after 8+ months of silence — I've been low/no contact with my mom since last August after she sent me a guilt-tripping meltdown over something trivial (I didn't text her back fast enough about a card renewal while I was on vacati…

r/raisedbynarcissistspost4/7/2026
Can't say it objectively "gets better" but it's definitely gotten better for me since finding out I had CPTSD in 2019.

Can't say it objectively "gets better" but it's definitely gotten better for me since finding out I had CPTSD in 2019. — Right now, I'm the most functional I've ever been. To describe what that feels like to me, it feels like in life you have to fit this mold of accepting lifes truths. Truths like, nobody is coming to …

r/CPTSDpost4/11/2026
Does anyone else go through phrases where they feel cynical about people easily?

Since you're a DA, it's normal for you to feel that you're OK while others aren't. It's your natural stance. Typical AA/AP are the opposite.

r/attachment_theorycomment6/4/2025
Anyone Else Feel Relationships just Aren't for them?

I think dating is for you and self sabotage is common. I think a key, a lot of the time is, is to go into most situations with no attachment to outcome. Find people you like, date and just see how …

r/attachment_theorycomment7/23/2025
Why do Avoidant’s still check your social media even when they go silent?

It could be he is curious, annoyed, unhappy, frustrated, or all kinds of feelings. But, it's not communication. It is him refusing to communicate with you when you've tried. Remember to focus on how…

r/HealMyAttachmentStylecomment12/3/2025
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here!

Gonna out myself here, but FWIW, I'm a pretty clean guy and people have noticed so much so they have commented on my cleanliness. That said, I've had a peeling right foot since I was a child. IDK if …

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/4/2026
Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

>I might have to work up a little courage for communicating vulnerably, but good and healthy people are kind and let you take your time. I like this sentence here. :) It's easier to move into a…

r/AvoidantAttachmentcomment2/5/2026
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here!

If he is okay with not using protection "in the heat of the moment" with you, I can guarantee that will be his stance with other women as well. Keep yourself safe. If you're okay with it being casual,…

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/10/2026
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here!

Oh no, I'm sorry it must be very hard raising a baby alone. Do you have support network of family and friends? I hope you're ok. Does your ex keep in touch?  Thank you for your compassion, I'm doing…

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/12/2026
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here!

You need to revisit the conversation because she EXPLICITLY asked you if you're ok with once a week and you're not. Figure out during that conversation if you guys can make things work to see each oth…

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/18/2026
Is "good on paper" a thing for guys our age?

So, a few first thoughts - none of this is meant to be accusatory or judgmental, but are my first reactions here, and I think kind of teasing out some unstated things could help. **First:** …

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/20/2026
Is "good on paper" a thing for guys our age?

You can't know if he's settling or not, and you shouldn't care as long as he treats you well--whether or not he's settling is immaterial if your relationship is going okay But to answer: **Men over …

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/20/2026
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! New? Start here!

Another thread in the sub has a survey re: settling, reproducing my answers here **Men over thirty: are you settling?** No **Are you looking for the one who is 'good on paper' and you're okay if sh…

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/20/2026
Is "good on paper" a thing for guys our age?

It doesn't sound to me like he is just settling. With the exception of him not being particularly emotionally expressive, to me it sounds like all the hallmarks of a relationship on the right track. B…

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/20/2026
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - February 24, 2026

I think I commented on this before. Not sure if you posted under a different account. Presumably in a year or two things could be better if you live together. But it's up to you to decide whether y…

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/24/2026
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - February 25, 2026

The further out from DC, the more suburb-y the vibe is. Arlington / Alexandria will be your best bets for finding single, working young people. When I say Alexandria, I mean the  Del Ray /  Belle Ha…

r/datingoverthirtycomment2/26/2026
The Cheat Code to the Universe

The spirit of it all is good. Choosing the highest vibration to me sounds like pseudoscience. I'm not saying the idea is bad, but the language is making me cringe. Overall the idea of a cheat code i…

r/Meditationcomment3/7/2026
What are the most infuriating sentences your ex has said to you during or after the breakup?

"What we had is over. I don't feel anything for you anymore, be happy. I hope you're okay." I died a little when I read that 😞 Literally, it hurt even more to see her fall into someone else's arms s…

r/BreakUpscomment3/10/2026
Does anyone else feel like this fixation on "trauma dumping" stinks of toxic positivity?

yeah, the whole "good vibes only" crowd are frankly, idiots. What kind of banal human interaction is that, when everything is positive? Have these people gone outside? Relationships are based on being…

r/CPTSDcomment3/10/2026
r/BreakUpscomment3/10/2026
Tips for attracting left-leaning men?

So a few things. Personally I dismiss anyone that's listed themselves as conservative, moderate or not political. To me these are all varying levels of conservative and/or show me that a man is entitl…

r/datingoverfortycomment3/11/2026
r/raisedbynarcissistscomment3/12/2026
My 22F boyfriend 22M is scaring me

I had the most wonderful boyfriend, many years ago, who developed schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, and this sounds horribly familiar to me. You have to get yourself to a place of safety NOW. Don'…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/13/2026
The only thing you'll ever need to manifest ANYTHING.

Great take on it! For me, detachment means you can absolutely want something but you're OK with not getting it or getting something else

r/nevillegoddardcomment3/14/2026
Some men have questionable hygiene and it has made dating even more challenging than it already is.

I read your replies. I'm a dude who brushes his teeth and washes his ass. This should be basic hygiene you learn as a child. Not sure why you're arguing so much with her about it. I'd 100% not date a …

r/datingoverfortycomment3/15/2026
I think my 32F 36M boyfriend lied about me passing out during sex

Here's a repost of my comment I've already put up for the same situation: > OP PLEASE GET YOURSELF CHECKED OUT IN THE HOSPITAL. > STRANGULATION CAN DO A NUMBER ON YOUR HEALTH. SOME THINGS AREN'T A…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/15/2026
these antis omg

Is it okay if I ask how you're still with us? Man be careful. 🥲 I'm glad you're okay now!! Can you go more in depth regarding being gold strings and being everything? I always find that kind of thi…

r/realityshiftingcomment3/15/2026
Share your most insane ‘money just appeared’ story

Wow! I'm glad you're okay. What is the 2 point method? How did you use it

r/nevillegoddardcomment3/15/2026
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 15, 2026

Or... You could ask? Unless you're ok with casual, then whatevs

r/datingoverthirtycomment3/16/2026
I 34F woke up to a message about my 35M husband

You can emotionally recover from this. You have already. You don't want to leave. You forgave him. In a cheaters mind that means you're okay with it as long as he apologies, cries, swears his undying …

r/relationship_advicecomment3/16/2026
Do u guys trust the gateway tapes?

I've done focus 10 and 12 over a 3 month period. I also channel, so am already very open. I've done a lot of reading about Gateway as well. I trust that they can teach you a lot. That you can open ac…

r/AstralProjectioncomment3/16/2026
Does anyone else feel like they're "performing" being okay in therapy instead of actually being honest?

This is so real. I was this way for the longest time. Still am a lot of the time. Not intentionally, but I unintentionally mask my emotions when talking about hard things and then process my emotions …

r/therapycomment3/17/2026
Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - March 17, 2026

Ugh, this sucks. He definitely should've spoken up sooner but it is what it is now. He needs to get help for his OCD if he's serious about a life together because your dog isn't going anywhere and yo…

r/datingoverthirtycomment3/17/2026
I'm a rotten abuser and I can't forgive myself for it and I don't feel that I should.

Gently, I understand getting to a place of self-loathing because of shame. It's normal and human. However, self-flagellation is a continuation of the harm, both to yourself AND to your husband, becau…

r/CPTSDcomment3/17/2026
r/CPTSDcomment3/19/2026
Dealing with an avoidant’s silent treatment/deactivation/no contact

I think while they aren't talking to you that you should journal or reflect some other way on, what are your needs and limits? For example, how long is healthy to have no contact for you after a disag…

r/HealMyAttachmentStylecomment3/19/2026
How do I (F26) talk to my partner (M33) about casual misogyny?

Because misogyny runs DEEP. Like deeper than every other bigotry. It's ingrained by our society. But that doesn't mean he's not at fault for his abhorrent beliefs. You have to decide whether you're o…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
I was in a bad accident, looking to cleanse energy from items that were in the car

First off, really glad you're okay and recovering well from the accident. That's what matters most.for cleansing items with intense emotional/energetic attachments, I've found that a multi-step approa…

r/energy_workcomment3/19/2026
Update: Just found out my (36M) new friend (32M) is a registered sex offender

Inform, maybe even a group chat with everyone and say why you are putting distance. Idk but I would want to be clear if I valued that person even how you said you're ok with second chances but family …

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
How do I (M22) explain to my girlfriend (F20) that I have a substantial amount of money?

There are two problems here: - what do I tell my girlfriend - how do I handle this life #1, I'll echo the crowd: you can tell her you have some money / aren't worried about it, so she knows you're n…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/19/2026
My (M19) Gf (F19) constantly asks for details on me being raped because she "can't wrap her head around it", is this worth it?

NTA. She's clearly dealing with some issues when it comes to relationships and it seems like to me that she's really not ready for something even close to commitment. The idea of you being violated …

r/relationship_advicecomment3/20/2026
I love my bf, but i genuinely cannot stand his dog, its affecting everything

Ok, first of all, there is nothing wrong with the dog. Do not blame him. Bad behavior is a symptom of bad owners most of the time and this is a clear example of that. My guess is that the ex girlfrien…

r/relationshipscomment3/20/2026
Am I expecting too much after the worst time of my life?

'Initiating' is the word you want here. Instigating typically has a negative or aggressive connotation to it. I would want to know, so I'm telling you. Anyway, the alcoholism is a problem, whether h…

r/datingoverfortycomment3/21/2026
Am I expecting too much after the worst time of my life?

Your hospitalization was his fault. I know, you're consenting adults and it's both/no one's fault, but he should feel some responsibility of some kind to make sure you're okay, taken care of. He shoul…

r/datingoverfortycomment3/21/2026
​Husband (46M) keeps "helpfully" rearranging, hiding, and disposing of my (46F) stuff--what tactic or wording can I use to stop it?

at this point, you're doing this to yourself. you either stand up to this -- in real, definite ways that have consequences for him (whether that means doing it back, or making him find your shit and p…

r/relationship_advicecomment3/23/2026
I flew across the country alone at 19, and they followed me.

I'm thrilled to hear you and your cat got out safe. Regardless of the chase... they have to go home sometime. I'm glad you're ok!

r/raisedbynarcissistscomment3/23/2026
Divorce is Finalized BUT… WTF is wrong with me?

The issue is that you have no respect for yourself. You're ok with her walking all over you. You let her have her cake and eat it too. For years. And now you still are. You've gotten used to bein…

r/Divorcecomment3/25/2026
I (21F) Am losing feelings for my (22M) boyfriend. Any advice?

I'd love an update if you're okay with that. I think that's a very healthy way to see it either way. People that accompany us always give us opportunity to grow. Sometimes you can't grow further with …

r/relationshipscomment3/25/2026
I'm (F33) struggling to tell a friend (F40) I can't share an apartmwnt with her on a trip because she's a terrible roommate.

It probably would have been best to tell her last year that due to her behavior she wouldn't be included again. Instead the best time to do it is now. If you're okay with her on the trip but not stayi…

r/relationshipscomment3/25/2026
My [28F] husband [37M] wants me to deliver bad news to his mother. How do I get out of doing this without hurting feelings? TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ mention of miscarriage.

He is allowed to have emotions about this pregnancy, yes. But he got into this shit by telling his mom too early, and now he wants you to get him out of this shit by breaking the news to *his* mother …

r/relationship_advicecomment3/26/2026
Apologies for posting again. Apparently I am the abuser and narcissist - I am beyond devastated. No more sharing stuff online for me. *TW - unaliving mention*

I'm so sorry you went through this you don't deserve that I'm kind of in the same boat as you disabled I also have a childish mother who treats me like I'm dumb and a child and has tried to scare me f…

r/raisedbynarcissistscomment3/26/2026
Leaving this subreddit and what I learned

i wasn't even planning to comment today but i had to stop and say something about this "i only had 20% and i forced myself to give you 21" okay that line is going to live in my head for a long time. b…

r/BreakUpscomment3/26/2026