traumatic

I hate to be "that guy," but I must point out that attributing "trauma" to the research process in the same sentence as the actual experience of those who lived through the mistreatment really devalue…

Feeling smothered by an AP friend… — This is part reflection/observation, and part question at the bottom. It’s interesting and a bit funny to me, I rarely feel avoidant in my attachments. The test I took for this sub, showed all secur…

This is what happens when your FA ex comes back — This is my personal experience for those who are curious. Of course everyone will be different but I thought it might help those who are waiting or wishing (APs I'm talking mostly to you) Firstly the…

Self-soothe tips during ruptures? — I am the anxious partner, and my husband is the avoidant partner. He is also an addict, which has been traumatic in our relationship and in my trust in him. He is currently sober and working recovery.…

I don't want to cry all day and feel lonely anymore. I don't want to fear abandonment anymore. I want to improve myself. — In 12th grade I became very close to a classmate of mine. Both of us bonded over shared trauma and basically became inseparable. We texted each other 24/7 and became very VERY affectionate which then …

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

What I'm realizing: I relate closest to others with deep trauma and that is a troublesome recipe. — TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfunction. I grew up with an alcoholic parent…

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

Are any people avoidant not because of emotional abuse/neglect ? — So most people with avoidant attachment have childhood problem that explain there attachment style but I dont. Im avoidant because I dont build any deep enotional connection with anyone but it is not …

Coworker with anxiety simply stopped talking one day — I don't have anxiety disorder myself. But in Dec I randomly started talking to a coworker from another team (our work and teams are completely unrelated to each other) who does. Apologies in advance f…

SPICY Shifting Tarot Pull (collective message)? 𓆩༺✧༻𓆪 — Hey friends, I am a tarot reader (for myself and others) and I just did a tarot reading for myself in regards to some blockages I have to shifting to my DR specifically. I wanted to preface by saying …

Friends/Coworkers joke about my Sobriety — I am 20 years old. I had never drank or used substances up until I started working at a high volume sports bar over a year ago. I swore i would never get into it, i never thought i would, but it is he…

was it "written in the stars" that i was going to be dropped on my head as a baby? (transit chart for the date and approximate time it happened) — my mom was taking me to my babysitters' house, holding me in one arm and diapers in the other when i threw my arms up and rolled out of her arms, landing on my head on my babysitter's driveway. it was…

Found out my husband resents me a lot for my mental illness — Let me start off by admitting I did something wrong. I looked at his Reddit history after seeing his username on his computer. Yes, that was wrong of me. Basically, I found his post on depression\_pa…

I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…

Bad things will lead to greater life. — It's one of the obvious, but sometimes even the obvious things are good to remind yourself. Everything bad that happens in your life will eventually lead to life with more freedom of mind. It filters…

Does anyone know about destiny swapping, star stealing, stealing the glory of people? — One day last year, I was having some horrible traumatic thoughts about my close family member of mine mocking me and making me feel as if I was a failure. It got overwhelming and then I started to fee…

if you're in this vibe, you're not alone — some of the vibes I've observed on a personal level now, has a lot to do with past pain resurfacing around "muggles," and the "muggle world." specifically the antagonistic energies we experience as in…

Confused if my therapist is just not the right fit. Am I the problem?? Do I just need to work harder? — My diagnosis is Bipolar 2, heavy on the depression. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a few months now. A few things I’m confused about that I need advice on. ⁠1) I feel like he doesn’t understand my …

My body constantly feels like a panic attack ... how do I ever reverse this? — Hi, all! I really would appreciate some help here. I've had a lot of traumatic things happen in the last few years, and I realized a lot of traumatic things happened in my childhood. There is a lot I'…

1.5 Years Update 💀 My predictions became true — No, I do NOT want my ex back—like ever 😭 but I do have a story + some lessons from how everything played out. So basically, about 1.5 years ago, my ex randomly broke up with me out of nowhere. Like……

Could use some compassion - I broke up with my ex of nearly two decades last fall. I was codependent on him for everything. — TW: a depressing and heavy post, self blame, neglect I left him last August after realizing we were holding each other back. I wanted to get married but he just… never proposed. At one point we did …

How do you rebuild your life after depression takes everything? — I’ve had a pretty rough life overall - lots of abuse and difficult experiences. I’ve done a lot of therapy and worked really hard to become a healthier person, and I feel like I’ve moved past a lot of…

I got my psych report back today, and it’s damning. — Hello everyone after a few months of intense therapy including EMDR, I got my psych report back today and truthfully, it made me cry. It was 8 pages long of just the most negative stuff anyone would w…

BF of 3.5 years broke it off. I'm so happy and free. — Sooo these last couple of days were a lot. I (29M) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 3.5 years. If you asked me a week ago, I'd say our relationship had its ups and downs, but we were generally ha…

Anyone not have many childhood memories? — Like I just draw blank a lot of the time when trying to remember childhood, what happened at home, what things felt like, etc. My brothers often talk about how aggressive and dominating Dad would get…

Post traumatic cognitive decline affecting speech and conversational ability. Can meditation help? — I had an extremely traumatic event occur to me 8 years ago. I was able to recover emotionally after about 6 months to a normal emotional state. However, I noticed a significant decline in my ability t…

How to cry? — Im a 34yo man. Last time I cried was 20 years ago. Yeah I can't cry. I've been through break-ups, many people I loved died and my face didnt have a reaction. My childhood was stressful and traumati…

Why do I have so many tears to shed? — I cry easily and often, at least once a day. I’ve always been like this since I was young. Went through an abusive upbringing and a stretch of traumatic times in recent years that I’ve done a lot of w…

I am talking with myself in alone? now what I do? — I am a 23 year old woman. I’ve started talking to myself in alone and I think it’s because of several factors. I had a traumatic childhood because of my parents fighting and as an adult I studied fa…

Be as if you have a happy past — ​ Assume you have a happy past. Most trauma people carry trauma because they keep remembering their traumatic past. Be as if your past is a happy past even when it's not , and this will fr…

Contemplating if I should reach out — So I’m 20F and dated my ex-boyfriend for a year and a half. We broke up a little over a year ago. We went to college together and went through lots of traumatic situations and so much change together.…

He broke up because of my anxious attachment, how can I Deal with This? — Hey. My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. I am 26 years old and it was my first relationship. It only lasted for 3-4 months sadly, we knew each other for 6 months in total. We started textin…

My horrible mushroom trip by Jimmy Burnt — It all started during an environmental school excusion/protest. I had packed my lunch that day, drank my water, dressed well and expected nothing to happen. To preface I live in Sydney and lived aro…

Just saw my ex on a dating app and it made my day — So my ex broke up with me a few weeks ago in very traumatic way. She had suffered some serious abuse in a previous relationship and her trauma spilled over into our relationship. I’ve been a wreck unt…

Why are people so cruel? - Day 13 of Recovery — Had a bad day today... *Really* bad... People are so fucking cruel. First someone sees my scars at church of all places... Not that I'm Christian, but isn't it called a sanctuary for a reason? Anyway…

The impact of Mother / Daughter SA - People don’t talk about it — People don’t talk about MDSA (mother daughter sexual abuse) much. They do more than they used to though. There’s also Janette McCurdys Memoir *I’m Glad my Mom Died*, which discusses this type of abuse…

Fantasies about being rescued? — Did anyone else used to fantasize about being rescued or saved from traumatic situations? Like, I know now adaptive daydreaming is a thing and it's a thing I've also experienced, but did anyone ever f…

No one goes no contact immediately. — We have all been there, and you know that no contact is the right thing to do. Fuck that, no contact is out only thing to do when have broken up with. But why is it so dam hard? The fact that it's ha…

I don’t know how to understand what’s happening in my family (mom vs sister & husband) — This is a long read, but I’d really appreciate any insights or thoughts. I feel pretty alone in all of this. I’m trying to figure out how to even classify what’s going on in my family, because it fee…

Can meditation help with serve rumination and maladaptive daydreaming and how can I start practising — for the past 2 years or so I've been ruminating 24/7 I can't stop i ruminate about traumatic memories and past bullying. how can I stop, it's really impossible for me to not ruminate. I'm genuinely je…

I just realized that I might be a victim of munchausen by proxy — I'm realizing that my whole life was a lie and I am feeling waves of shame, regret, anxiety. I'm a young adult female stuck in severe isolation still at home with just my mom and sibling. I think I ha…

dumped by bf — I’m (22F) processing three traumatic relationships. First, an 8-year friendship turned 1.5-year situationship left me feeling so so unlovable, ugly and rejected after he became distant and was breadcr…

I am experiencing traumatic memories even 2 years after our relationship ended. — Throwaway account because my family knows me from my main. Buckle in for a long, long ride. Sorry in advance! For context I belong to a desi, Muslim family. Cousin marriages are very popular here and…

how can i help myself when i constantly feel like i deserve to never get better to atone for my past mistakes — hi, i'm sorry for making this post, i hope it's ok. my entire life i've struggled with fitting anywhere, or being anywhere. i don't have a good relationship with my family and have been bullied to the…

Why do I dislike my mom so much — Im not a very good speller but essentially im 14 and I live with my grandma I dont really do much all day I kinda just go to school then go home play games and sleep but basically I lived with my mom …

How do I move past this? — I (33F) have had an on/off situationship with “Mark” (39M) since 2020. We met at the gym, became close friends, then segued into hooking up. We had an immediate connection and the chemistry between us…

I want to try ART but my eyes can’t seem to take it. — My regular therapist recommended Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) for some traumatic events I can’t quite seem to shake. I was open to the idea so she referred me to the professional that offered …

"childhood trauma is when a situation overwhelms a child beyond their ability to cope." — so if a parent denies buying a child a toy and this results in a crying, screaming, wailing tantrum, would it not mean that this situation has overwhelmed the child's ability to cope? like sure, it s…

Saved by Aliens! Twelve Benevolent Encounters — [**Saved by Aliens! Twelve Benevolent Encounters**](https://youtu.be/aPMjZJDOfis) by Preston Dennett https://preview.redd.it/78ywlpbo7zsg1.jpg?width=1604&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bac3d50493e2b7125956…

On reassuring my ex abuser — ​ I'm getting ghosted from a fwb I had an abusive relationship with this person and I trauma renforced our l relationship after opening up about a past traumatic event. This traumabond is hur…

Yes, absolutely. I believe that we all have the capability to devolve into the worst versions of ourselves when under extreme stress, which the SA definitely qualified for me, and on my more understa…

I suppose I’m scared of therapy because I don’t want to take any medication for other issues and I don’t trust the therapist. They’re just a person too, they’d likely harbor judgment and opinions agai…

I just broke up with an FA 3 weeks ago. After 4 years of a hard pattern playing on repeat. The only difference is improvements were being made but mostly because I was working really hard to heal my o…

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you might be describing the 'Drama Magnet + The Citadel' trauma attachment patterns, which often come from emotional neglect childhood experience for you, and con…

When someone stonewalls you, flips the script, seeks to erase your history together, the effect is traumatic. This is deep relational trauma. You need space to process the deep grief of loving someo…

Side note: A layer I haven’t seen come up in your post or the comments is the influence of traumas, big or little t. Not pressing you to share. Just adding that there’s the influence. A person who was…

This is an interesting question, and if I understood you correctly you are asking if my subconcious belief/faith has risen? Well I have to preface this reply with one nuance. I discovered manifestin…

You are unconsciously putting distance between yourself and others and it's tricking your brain into thinking love isn't possible. You probably need therapy to learn to be vulnerable, as avoidance sys…

Yes. Traumatic relationships in adulthood can also create attachment issues.

Text of original post by u/Positive-Entrance193: In 12th grade I became very close to a classmate of mine. Both of us bonded over shared trauma and basically became inseparable. We texted each other 2…

>You are unconsciously putting distance between yourself and others and it's tricking your brain into thinking love isn't possible. You probably need therapy to learn to be vulnerable, as avoidance sy…

You're welcome. I'm glad you found it relatable. I have a friend whose husband has those same outward qualities you quoted and once she was telling me that he gets upset that she has all her friends a…

I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with all of that! That’s some really traumatic stuff. From what you’ve described I can understand why you get different results from the attachment type tests. I’m not a…

How do I survive getting broken up with when I’m so much in love? Hi! My bf (25M) just sort of ended things with me (22F). For back ground we have lived together for about a year and a half but have…

I hear people with anxious attatchment speaking about trauma a lot, but i personally havent suffered so severely in life. Nothing bad has happened to me that has been traumatic, however you are right…

Attachment styles comes from how your adults care for you when you're very young, newborn-2yrs. Anxious attachment is caused from inconsistent parenting, so as a baby you didn't always know if your ne…

Same here, and can relate so much you. I haven’t found the way to stop that cycle but my therapist told me that one doesn’t have to go through a specific “traumatic” experience to create an anxious at…

Ultimately, I've found that I have been attracted to lots of people with whom no secure attachment is possible because it feels *really really good* to take care of someone and have them appreciate yo…

Text of original post by u/f1rstpancake: TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfun…

I think there are just a lot of people out there who have traumatic experiences, unfortunately. I don't think it's necessarily bad to form connections with people who have trauma because it can be hel…

These are actually great tips. Thank you for sharing. I am getting deeper into understanding my own process of thoughts through therapy. You are def right that it’s usually a trigger related back to s…

I am also anxious. I told my partner to leave in June, which was extremely traumatic but I'm sorry, I won't cohabit with anyone who is an apologist for the worst excuse for a human being on the face o…

Okay…here is what I am seeing in what you are saying. It doesn’t sound like you really enjoy your hobbies/interests very much. Like you are doing them because you think you should but not because yo…

Your best bet is therapy, then you won't feel that bad around secure people from non-traumatic background.

It sounds like your therapist guided you to revisit an old traumatic memory? That's not the Ideal Parent Figure protocol, not at all. We don't go back into past trauma / life with IPF :) Give it a tr…

Its so painful; I'm really so sorry you're experiencing this horrific pain right now, I've been through this twice; both partners were DA's who discarded brutally after the new relationship energy w…

I did in fact worry I’d be permanently jaded from it. In our case, it wasn’t so much a situation of anxious/avoidant cycles, it was just the abuse cycle. She was extremely controlling, jealous, would …

Others have said, this seems a typical trope that exists more with women but I experienced this as a man. Dated for someone in 2025 for 9 months who was great on paper, most compatible, we both had so…

What I mean is more like... what's not fair to ask of someone? It's extra hard to know because he is so willing to do anything and everything I ask for, though he may be unsuccessful sometimes. So I w…

Complicated rejection and experience. (sorry I don't have enough karma for a post yet ...) Just wanting to hear from different people their opinions, but also similar positive / negative stories! I \…

You have been through a traumatic relationship and have your fair share of other problems. Have you worked through any of it e.g. with a therapist? It doesn't sound like you are in a good place to dat…

I was adopted as a baby and anxious attachment regarding everything under the sun has affected my life. I've managed to break out of many of my anxious tendencies, but when it comes to romantic connec…

Thanks for your story. I realised my relationship with my FA was verbally and emotionally abusive and I ended up leaving him. We had a pretty intense trauma bond that kept me going back to him in the …

>I started dating rather late, at 28, but since then I've been a major avoidant. Every time I find myself getting close to someone, I overthink it, and feel like I can find someone better. >Also, the…

It’s a profound act of self care to leave these types of relationships. I’m proud of you for doing that. It’s sounds like he has a lot of growing to do and often we can’t grow if there is no pain. I h…

Why stay in contact with someone you’re not with romantically? I know it sounds good to be friends on paper but aftercare isn’t his responsibility and could be traumatic to both of you. Did you not…

I am currently in a push-pull dynamic with my partner. I call her partner because there has not been a definitive decision made on whether we have split up or not, if that makes sense? There have been…

Today is the birthday of the guy I'm seeing and I'm so excited. He's never had an actual long term relationship and we have had some conversations about taking things as slow as he needs. One big th…

Same. Except now I prefer to be single because of the latest traumatic relationship.

If the reassurance you are seeking is going to come off as toxic or manipulative then it’s not really the type of reassurance you should be seeking. More often than not the reassurance you want needs …

A bunch of things. 18-22 were mostly younglings trying to figure out life. I have moved twice in my life. One when I was 22. Then I started work and worked 90 hours a week for 4 years, so relationship…

>Would you be okay with elaborating a bit on the wound triggering? I’m not sure if this is something I did *to* her or just happened to be around when it started. You didn't do anything to her, its n…

Not really; I came out of a long term marriage so my goals are a little different. That said, I’m realizing I want him to see me as wife material even if I’m not sure I want to be wifed. My marriage w…

1. **State your rising sign:** 25 Virgo ASC 2. **State the sign and degree of your natal Saturn:** 28 Libra 3. **State the two houses that Saturn rules (this will be the house cusps that land in Capri…

Depends on the situation.  Separated for some time but paperwork is taking a while, fine.  And I mean, a while, like years. Plural.  Not like my dumbass who started dating less than 6 months from th…

Following your gut feeling. It definitely seems weird, but sometimes we are on high alert because of the trauma we experienced. I can say for sure, knowing how traumatic his childhood was so soon (2…

I relate to all of this so much. I’m in my fifties, and happily married with kids. I’ve never had truly close friends. I only realized my childhood was traumatic just a few years ago, but now I know I…

I just stumbled upon this comment chain and I do appreciate you not sharing all the gruesome details. I wanted to mention that I often have disguised reptilians and their servants coming at me in drea…

It is insane… we are being shamed because we don’t want an incurable contagious disease with unpredictable severity and frequency. I’m so sick of this mentality and the energy wasted trying to convinc…

Why did they cheat, it is the not knowing/understanding why that matters most. https://www.newsweek.com/why-people-cheat-relationships-infidelity-reasons-1688541 Here's Why People Cheat on Those The…