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Citations (38)
That's heavy. I can relate. The narrative you’re telling yourself right now—that you are "unlovable and unfixable"—is a reaction to pain, not a reflection of reality. Here are a few perspectives to…
Even as an FA the one thing I'll never understand about avoidants is how they can hate someone they cared about a week ago. — I was reflecting and journaling on my past relationships, and taking full responsibility for past mistakes. I'm an FA so there were times when I thought I needed external validation to feel whole, and…
I know it's a bad idea, but I want a rebound — I just wanna be held and told I'm beautiful and have someone excited to see me. I want to wake up with another warm body next to me. To cook dinner with someone. I promised myself that I would wait to…
AE want community but too tired to find or make it? — Honestly I feel like I don't even need to ask but I'm really feeling this right now and just need to get it out there. I've been going through waves of feeling lonely which makes me even more depress…
My partner and I mirror each other's emotions, and it's starting to hurt — TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE I'm not sure if this is 100% a vent or a rant, but I def need to say this *somewhere*, and maybe get some advice or tips ? For some context…
That's fair enough about the Christian framework not appealing. I wouldn't say it was Christian, more Christ like. But I understand the non resonance. That name and the association with the religious …
What annoys me is the fact a lot of anxious people make it the avoidant’s *duty* to like them back. They have a very transactional vision of relationships. If they like someone, if they put in the wor…
Lemme give you my perspective, as a good-on-paper, self-sufficient 37yo woman… Yeah, he’s settling. My (43m live-in, avoidant af ex) told me at one point that I was ‘likely the best that he could ever…
Hmm, your situation and choices are a combination of psychological and evolutionary aspects. Let's look at why you are inclined towards emotionally unavailable men: 1) So, the ruler of your marriage…
Here’s the thing, there’s so many single women in this world who want a partner. A good man. Sometimes good men come with some baggage, as do good women. If you’re not a misogynist, point in your favo…
Reminds me of someone I dated 2 years ago. Super talented doctor too so it was just incongruous in my mind who she was outside of our relationship. I tried to be understanding and wondered if it was …
The thing that I can’t get through my little brain is the ‘why me’. I mean I know I was a means to achieve their goal, but what stood out about me? Was I identified as too weak to spot their antics?…
I suspect that she was self sabotaging her life after her cousin died and tried to push you away (pretty much trying to ruin her life if not end it). I am on marriage number 2 with kids involved both …
You’re young OP, this is just part of learning how to be safe when dating. Please give yourself grace - neither you or he has much experience. But the thing is, the relationships you have when young…
Thanks. Do you still feel any regrets like past baggage, bad decisions. Has meditation changed that ? I am sure decision making must have been improved as well.
Its the only thing thats giving me hope right now as im healing and working on myself. I have too much baggage, i was too much trouble for her and i chose to step away because it hit me at one point h…
Talk to you close family, close friends, therapist. He will NOT in ANY, WAY, SHAPE OR FORM get across how betrayed he feels and he will never be clear of the baggage, by speaking to her. Only time…
it's impossible for two human beings with their own personalities, quirks, baggage, biases, etc not to hurt each other at some point. that's just life. what matters more is how we handle it. whether w…
Hey there. I had a similar series of events that led to what I've now decided was a kudalini awakening in 2024. I was just starting reading your post and hoping you'd recognize it as the same. As w…
For me, practicing this discipline of desire has recently become very literal. While traveling for extended periods and living out of a suitcase, I’m constantly reminded of the difference between bare…
It’s important to reiterate that the only thing we truly have is our prohairesis, our character and our choices. I’ve been testing this lately in the wild by tempering my expectations of others. Inste…
For me it's those who dump heavy emotional shit on me right away without even knowing each other properly. Idolizing or vice versa, talking to me as if they know and I have no idea. Those who constant…
Makes sense. That transitional phase can be a lot and it’s tougher when you’re still carrying the baggage, sounds like you (or both) got enough closure to proceed forward though. That choice to focu…
My block is that I don’t really know what love goals I am manifesting. Once I manifested a SP - it worked, he returned to my life, but he turned out to be a man with a lot of baggage, so I like him …
That's what I meant, the 'outsiders.' It's annoying or upsetting to me because when you get close with someone, even just a friend, you want to feel understood and most people around don't really ca…
We all have baggage, but some of us have taken the proper steps to resolve them. Youre separated, living with her, have a kid, going through a custody battle, was cheated on by her, and have anger i…
I’ve held this opinions for quite some time too. The apps aren’t different. What is different is that we used to be young, we didn’t have the history and baggage, sale didn’t feel like we were running…
Yup! As much as I'd like to understand my parent's baggage, I know I'll likely never get a full explanation I can trust. But I have a theory that both my parents experienced childhood sa, and that the…
First, I’m sorry for the circumstances. Having gone through a divorce, I can only imagine how much harder it can be with a baby coming. We often assume a spark needs fire, a flash or even a splinter…
Maybe think about what it is you think you want? Because it sounds like you want a virgin with perfect mental health who just materialised on Earth the day before you met her. Every single person on t…
Sounds racist. Why does it have to be "cultural" baggage, not just baggage? Which everyone has.
I mean, the first AF is just white washed lol. She literally says that white culture is the status quo — to whom? I am american too and I don’t think white culture is the status quo to me. So, when sh…
His reaction to the breakup is a classic way of shifting the "guilt" onto you by making his vulnerability your responsibility. If he is shocked that a 30-year-old woman who wants a family is ending th…
Not at all! My dad was miserable with my mom (no fault on either of them.) They divorced in their mid forties, and my dad remarried in his mid fifties and I have never seen him happier. He has been …
Or they tell you to do the thing you are afraid. No, you don't understand the nuances of being a 20 something year old Asian in a North American country. Legally I can just go out and get fast food…
Idk, depends on the tone of how she brought it to you imo. Was she trying to blame you and make you feel bad? Or was she trying to open up to you about her feelings and her past? Everyone has bagg…
He might not be breaking up with you, but you need to break up with him. Stop passively letting him call all the shots, especially when he’s behaving so badly. He refuses to communicate with you. He…
Hey, interesting timing for me to see this question. I've been no physical contact with my father for 20 years. And mostly no contact at all except for a brief period 10 years ago. He just died ye…