stable

of course you can have "stable" text, then you look away and re-read it. it s changed. it's one of basic reality check.

Someone elaborate on this please — Hello I have been reading and watching lots of Neville videos and what I concluded is that circumstances come from our inner state and that they don't matter anyway because we can always adopt a new s…

What's new in AI for marketing: YouTube is testing AI reviews, will it reduce clicks? Google discusses search ranking volatility, beyond — Sometimes it’s so hard to keep up with all the AI news. It seems like it's taking over every platform and us as well. But the most important thing is staying updated on everything important. So let’s …

My co-founder decided to quit: I'm stuck and could really use some advice | I will not promote — Hey All, A few months ago, I shared my story here (original Reddit post in comments) about starting an IT consultancy business in the Netherlands with a friend right after graduation. At that time, w…

Should I redirect the sales? — This is not a rant/rave about my e-commerce journey as I expected a lot of turmoil and for e-commerce to not be all it was cracked up to be. This is actually witnessed by the shhear number of people …

What would you be willing to pay for at your company? — Over the years, we’ve seen several licensing dramas and ongoing debates even on this sub — the latest being Redis becoming open source again. Someone once said: “I'm fine with companies making money …

How do you build new connections in the ecommerce field? — I have few acquaintances who work in similar areas as I do. I’ve been making a living from ecommerce for several years now, but I haven’t managed to build a stable professional network in this industr…

Passive FTP into Kubernetes ? Sounds cursed. Works great. — “talk about forcing some ancient tech into some very new tech wow... surely there's a better way” said a VMware admin watching my counter FTP strategy😅 **Challenge accepted** I recently needed to r…

q5.js v3.0 has been RELEASED! — Hi I'm Quinton Ashley and I just released q5.js v3.0! https://youtu.be/xizIG1QNc7g https://q5js.org The q5.js WebGPU renderer is up to 32x faster than p5.js v2! In typical use cases it's also signif…

Advice with how to deal with problem customer (aggressive) — I recently opened my local game store and the community has been great. The other day a customer came in and was rude and combative right out of the gate. I was polite back but that seemed to make no …

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

This is what happens when your FA ex comes back — This is my personal experience for those who are curious. Of course everyone will be different but I thought it might help those who are waiting or wishing (APs I'm talking mostly to you) Firstly the…

For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…

This situation is too messed up — Hi everyone, I (20F) really need some guidance about my SP (19M). We’ve been on and off for the past 2.5 years, and our relationship has always been very messy constant fights, unnecessary arguments, …

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

Recovering DA trying to reconnect with FA wife — For context: * I (40M) am a DA, my wife (41F) an FA. We have three children. * Together for 17 years, married for 13 years, distant/no-touch for over 10 years but stable and no deep conflicts. * Cont…

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

Which reason is correct for why conscious techniques work less efficiently? — Ive been reading and trying to think of the answer. Came to 2 conclusions. 1. You need 51% subconsious faith only. So any effort with conscious faith will have no effect unless it eventually effects …

A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…

Dismissive - Anxious dynamic catch 22, how could we make it work? — I'm having issues with a relationship that's really important to me. It's someone who I dated last year for 6 months. We have very intense and wonderful attraction and connection in a way that is rare…

feeling numb in dating but longing for intimacy — For the past few years, I've been mostly numb in dating. I don’t really feel anything romantic. I don’t feel sparks. I don’t feel excited about anyone or attached. I don’t miss people when I’m not wit…

A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…

Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…

Specific Person (SP) Manifestation: No Magic, No Supernatural Forces. Just Proven Science — Hi everyone, It’s been a long time since I last posted, and honestly it was overdue. I keep seeing the same recycled LOA bullshit everywhere. Endless manifestation porn, more unqualified people calli…

Is this an emotional affair? — I (36F, single), have a good guy friend (40M) who has been dating a new woman for 2 ish months now. Full disclosure I don’t like her very much and I think they’re moving super fast (already saying I …

Has anyone here just gotten back with their ex after seeing what’s out there? Lol — Ok, so, I know there’s a lot of “hey she/he is back what do I do” posts on here. But, I just wanted to field a question about simply getting back with your ex by choice after playing the field in yo…

My father is sabotaging my career and medical treatments through "smear campaigns" and monitoring. I feel like I'm living in a Truman Show nightmare. — ​I (25F) am an Indian doctor currently preparing for NEET PG, and I am living with a family led by a malignant narcissistic father. My mother and brother are complete enablers. I’m writing this becaus…

F**CKKKKKKKKK — I don’t really have anywhere to say this, so I’m just putting it here. I was with someone for a long time who I truly believed was my person. From the beginning, there was just something about her th…

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

Does strong energy field scare people subconsciously, here is my experience — For the past few years I’ve been focusing a lot on my self-concept and doing inner work, working on my shadow, learning healthy emotional detachment, and grounding myself. I went through a difficult p…

I recently found out my close friend slept with my girlfriend while we were together. I'm struggling with how to process it. — I’m a 22-year-old Japanese guy and I recently learned something that completely changed how I see a lot of people in my life. About a year and a half ago I was in a serious relationship. We lived tog…

Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…

The post-abuse life is rarely worth it — Losing your youth to abuse, coming out extremely fragmented and almost disabled when it comes to forming relationships, chronic illness that prevents you from work that prevents you from money that pr…

When did you finally realise, your life would never be ‘normal’? — I am 47M I grew up in an EXTREMELY dysfunctional household, with every type of abuse you can imagine, and death of a parent at 12. I’ve had to fend for myself since that age, whilst being used and a…

Covert narcissists are drawn to people with a strong instinct to help and care. — I grew up early. Owning Responsibilities that weren't mine. I learned that love was earned through being useful, stable, and selfless. I became the person people brought their chaos to. The one who a…

Would you stay in a relationship with someone like this? — I’m in my first relationship post-divorce after 20 years of marriage. We’ve dated for a year and I love and care deeply for this man, but I’m struggling with whether I’m ignoring red flags. The good:…

I think I might have extreme codependency and I don’t know how to break the cycle — I’ve been realizing something about myself that’s honestly kind of scary, and I’m wondering if anyone here has experienced something similar or managed to get out of it. I feel like I’m at a really e…

You've Tried Manifesting Them Back Multiple Times - Here's Why It's Not Working — **"I've manifested my SP back multiple times but it never works. Now it just feels draining."** **You're not failing at manifestation.** **You're failing at creating coherent field states.** And th…

I’ve been with a narc for 5 years and I don’t recognize myself anymore. How do I get "me" back? — I’m writing this because I feel completely lost. I’ve been with a narcissistic partner for 5 years, and looking in the mirror is scary because I don’t know the person looking back. I used to be jovia…

Does anyone else find that exposure therapy and putting yourself in social situations literally fries your brain instead of making you stronger? — People often say things like "just work for a month and it'll get easier," "don't give in to your avoidance," "go where it scares you." I really tried to follow this advice, and it didn't get easier.…

I achieved my dream… now what? — Hi everyone, I’m in my early 30s and I’m facing a luxury problem I never thought I’d have. I’ve basically achieved what I set out to do, since I was a kid. I have a good education, a well paying job…

Does anyone else just not tell their mother anything — I have too much trauma to write here but in short I stopped telling my mum anything from about the age of 16 (now 31) because I learnt the hard way that anytime I was brave enough to share my true tho…

My desire for relationships disappeared after a narcissistic ex. Has anyone else experienced this? — I was in a relationship with a narcissist for about a year. After it ended, I spent about two years working through it with a therapist, and I’ve continued doing a lot of personal work since then. I r…

How to permanently stop feeling romantic love for anyone? — wasn’t sure I needed a TL;DR here, but I’ll put it anyway: how do I turn off my ability to feel love for anyone, ever? hi all, I (M,33) have not had a whole lot of luck with dating. I try to stay s…

I (21F) Am losing feelings for my (22M) boyfriend. Any advice? — Throwaway account. I (21F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for a little over two years. It's been good for the most part, and i can tell you that my boyfriend is one of the best people i kno…

UPDATE: My (32f) fiancé (28m) repeatedly does not clean the house — Hello lovely reddit. First relevant links. My first post I deleted (so you can peruse the comments if you are interested): [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/18yjl0g/my\_32f\_fianc%C3%…

I (28F) care deeply about my fiancé (28M) but feel like the romantic connection has faded after years of imbalance. How do you know when it’s truly over? — From a burner account. I’m looking for some perspective because I feel like I’m at the end of a long internal process and I don’t know if I’m being unfair or if this is just the reality of where my re…

The horrific stories of abuse on this page make me feel ashamed of my CPTS. — I had a narcissistic father and a neglectful, mentally ill mother and my childhood was very unstable, but my story pales in comparison to the gut-wrenching stories on here. I read a story about someon…

Sexual Vampire — I have no idea where to turn- and I never thought I would posting something like this. But here we are. 5 weeks ago I met a man at a bar. He was a bit younger than me, the same age as my first love. …

My boyfriend (31M) is upset I prioritize money and don’t want kids, even though I (24F) told him this from the start — I (24F, in university) have been dating my boyfriend (31M) for 3 years. We both still live separately with our parents. From the very beginning, I was **extremely upfront** about my priorities: I do…

Some Pointers after 12 Years of Meditation — Meditation is an invisible skill, which makes it especially prone to confusion and obfuscation. I wanted to jot down some pointers and opinions about meditation that have served me at one point or an…

per checking The most stable marriage model verified by PYTHON: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKtw-PiQH2A](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKtw-PiQH2A) It seems the most stable marriage is to find …

I discovered that both statements work equally, it probably depends on how accustomed we are to the statement I think. Specifically how well we experience the meaning of the words we use. If we can us…

For me its making the same amount of money while spending less time working. I've found out i'm severely burned out by work and failed relationships are just symptoms of an unstable person. Besides …

You might want to look into relationship attachment styles, love bombing, and whether you're mistaking the slow burn as boring because it's stable and consistent. The excitement ppl often feel is actu…

The lol is more of dark humor - all of those relationships happened over a 10 year period. Only on the recent 6 month one did I really start to see the full picture. With women that didn’t draw the an…

One thing that's bugging me. By switching to caddy, you are [leaving performance on the table.](https://youtu.be/N5PAU-vYrN8?si=Z-MJqp6Hxw3mJcH4) if nginx is already working, stick to nginx. Otherwis…

Terraform/OpenTofu is still the industry standard, OT means it's still "safe", and relative to Bicep has the advantage of stable providers managing more than just Azure. I use it for managing infrastr…

Hey, Your future employer knows that you are fresh out of university, they know your work experience and should have set their expectations accordingly. Breathe, take your time relax and learn. That…

Use your money as a down payment to buy an existing business that’s had stable revenue and net profit for the last three years. There’s way more to it, but this way you get what you’re looking for wit…

At our shop, the dumber and more boring the setup, the more stable and automated everything becomes. Our "internal developer platform" is just a simple CLI: `./run-cli.sh deploy all/staging/demo…

Look, I do understand where you're coming from. And I can tell you're only looking out for me. But think about it this way. Things have been really good, really stable and I do feel genuine connection…

Thank you for sharing. Do you think 3 months is enough to spot one? Or is it not enough? The example you gave is pretty obvious to me tbh someone who needs to ghost me for some time before coming back…

This is so confusing because the ones I wasn’t immediately attracted to in the past also ended up being trouble, even if I consciously looked for secure/stable. 😭

Physical attraction.  I would never date someone I wasn’t at least somewhat intellectually attracted to. I’m aware emotional attraction was not something I was aware of (for me it was fused with intel…

Childhood trauma doesn't always look like yelling or hitting; people mistake this a lot. You can have a lovely attentive parent who still didn't teach you emotional regulation, sent you in time out in…

Exactly. They need to find a safe, stable relationship that won't blow up and is hard for them to blow up, so they can learn to co-regulate in safety.

Love this comment. I’ve found it to be so true. For a regular ex I was with for nearly a decade and we had a fairly normal/stable/secure attachment to each other, maybe a little bit dependent on each …

u/TTMI2 It’s really a shame to see sooo many cut throat answers here that leave little room for personal development and growth. These responses are missing a very important point; *attachment styles…

Like how insecure attachment have different intensity in their styles, securely attached are similar. Deepen your secure attachment style to be more stable. And someone with deeply rooted secure att…

Legit. I did a ton of healing (and some fucking up lol) for years after getting hot-potatoed by a long-term Fearful Avoidant partner. Then I dated a bunch of oblivious dudes, then one aware but still …

You MUST build a support system. You have to. The whole point here is to get better, not perfect, but to get better you have to do it. More of a network would show you that this isn’t a doom spiral,…

I also get very anxious. I try to act secure but my brain is going insane. Always overanalyzing, preoccupied, I genuinely cannot tell when I am overreacting and when I am right, so I always override m…

It’s honestly uncanny, how accurately you have described my own situation - except that it has been a week now and we (me: f34, AP - him: m30, DA) were together for 10, married for 8 years. We were ea…

Yes it is closure and don’t be his friend right now . Could he really be a great friend being DA at this time ? Friendship also requires a certain level of intimacy . ? I think your shell shocked from…

Yeah I’ve been on this cycle many times with my ex. We were friends for a long time before we ever got romantic. And even looking back at those days, he was subtly doing this cycle even then - we woul…

I suspect his last relationship she was more DA so maybe he was more triggered into his anxious but it wasn't a super long term relationship, 2 yrs and they also broke up and got back together through…

Oh wow, that's a noticeable difference in both the shorter time to deactivation and the longer deactivation period. I would say that I definitely noticed a shorter time to deactivation and shorter o…

You just described my BPD ex wife. FA, would ignore me instead of addressing concerns. Emotionally unstable. Wouldn’t talk about something until it was time for WW3. Blame shifted. Justified her actio…

Research for the knowledge first off, then be consistent with how you show up for her and showing interest over a longer period of time. Many of us with this fear weren’t allow to be ourselves growing…

The last FA I dated shit tested me early on, dumping some not so flattering info about herself just to see how I would react. I'm not an FA but I've dated quite a few of them. Fear of abandonment is …

No I don't think any insecure attachment is the best choice for a long lasting stable healthy relationship. If you want that kind of stable relationship then everyone should try to seek a partner that…

Well, i can share, why not? It's not a big secret. My both parents really love me, but they both were extremely unstable during me growing up. With my mom it would go from obsessive love to silent tre…

Thank you for your perspective! It sounds close to truth for me but only with the partners that start getting gradually cold. I don't remember panicking like this with my AA ex🤔 About my parents - no…

Thank you for sharing. A lot of Avoidants get a bad rap for never doing any healing work. Props to you for recognizing it. And I agree with the above guy, my most successful relationship was a little …

I'm sorry to hear that. I saw your post about it, that sounds rough. I was going through it in a big way when I wrote this comment. I'm back to some level of stable, if heartbroken lol. I did reach …

I'm a FA in therapy (although with another FA/DA was leaning anxious). A lot of people don't have the skills and guts to communicate uncomfortable things. Here comes ghosting, which is way easier to d…

I sometimes feel life is so complicated. Just to give love, receive love and be in a stable and healthy relationship. Everything takes so much effort.

No, that’s normal secure relating. Partner is a consideration and a fixture, but not what I’d say is “top importance”. Maybe it’s just a semantics issue. Those people could likely still feel like life…

This is silly to me because practically you will eventually be “no contact” with an ex, theirs no healthy way to maintain close contact with your ex’s indefinitely. No contact is the most practical wa…

I think the answer to your questions is "not yet"... At least, not in a secure way (because i can always take anything as a red flag and bolt before anything even starts). I think a big reason of…

Hmm ill take your advice to focus on my education, I am in my late teens and I should make sure I can have a stable job. However, I always believed that planning for marriage is important as well as I…

I really appreciate you sharing your insight and experiences, it's made me reflect on my own. The advice above is great. I'd add to focus on relaxation. Before sex you can do things that help you rel…

Well I think this is where you need to do more work. Some questions to ponder: Did your parents take their anger out on you? Whether it was verbal, emotional or physical? What do you think it mean…

how long have you and your bf been together? i have an anxious attachment style. i have been with my bf for 3 years, in the beginning he had an avoidant attachment style but as he grew in to a man and…

From what I’ve read - anxious attachment requires your partner to be okay for you to feel okay - you were trained like this as a child by parents So your mind can’t rest until it fixes the problem w…

It’s the real her (confused, emotional, unstable) but the real you is shattering the fantasy version of you (not your fault). Her fantasy of how your relationship was going to go just got “real” now s…

Having dated people with BPD and avoidance I'd say the biggest difference is how much they change when they do split. Most avoidants from my experience are able to come back pretty quickly but BPD peo…

Yeah potentially. I've also dated a DA and our relationship was way more stable though and he definitely showed empathy so I wouldn't say NPD light was with him although he could be quite cold and sel…

You can have as many requirements on a partner as you want. The more requirements you have, the likelier you'll be single. But realistically, people don't date the first homeless person on the streets…

I know my relationship of 15 years is over. She's mentally unwell and has very drastic mood swings, but she refuses to actually get help or to work on herself at all. When she's in a good mood, she …