book
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Evidence
Citations (101)
Things are Falling Into Place — I started a 30-day challenge a week ago. I realized that one of the reasons I haven't seen my dreams come into fruition was that I haven't consistently focused on them. I think about what I want my li…
Is there a UX role in existence that doesn't involve so much documentation? — So I come from a background in design. I was a bit of a generalist before—branding, logos, layouts, art direction—and while that was fun, it started to feel fragile. Like I was always one trend away f…
Devops not using Docker (or Podman), what does your stack look like? — Edit: I have nothing against containers, I'm looking for another containerization solution / ecosystem. I hate docker with all my soul. While writing it, I'm 100% aware that "hate" is a feeling and n…
Is this site using a bootstrap or plug-in? — This bookstore has a section where, if you you click on one of the books in a slider, it expands a panel about that book below. These sliders under "New and Featured" and "Trending" (the entire div is…
Like a mentorship, but more low key — Coffee Drips, Strategy Sips is a product that delivers daily steps of action to keep you and your digital business growing! ON SALE for $17 until tonight, back to $27 tomorrow. Private Telegram chat w…
Got ghosted after 3rd round — Hey everyone, Just wanted to share my recent experience and see if others are going through the same thing. I’ve been applying for DevOps roles for the past few months, and finally landed an intervi…
W2 without running payroll — I just converted my self from a sole proprietor to an llc electing Scorp. My cpa told me I don't need to run a payroll just pay myself a w2 at the end of the yr and I was the same thing. Does that so…
Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…
I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …
Detachment or deactivation? — Me (23M) and my ex (22F) broke up one month ago because she was feeling overwhelmed by some arguments we had due to changes in our lives (new place to live, new work). She's FA. I was secure for almos…
Ignoring after an argument. Deactivating or disinterest? — I’m not really sure if this belongs here or in my Taurus subreddit, because he’s a Taurus, as am I, and we can be stubborn. But he also leans very avoidant, and has started ignoring me after arguing.…
Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…
Asking for input from those who are avoidant — (Forgot to add user flair.) Last paragraph has the question. But for context, I have someone in my life who has acknowledged they are avoidant. When I started looking into attachment styles I found t…
Specific Person (SP) Manifestation: No Magic, No Supernatural Forces. Just Proven Science — Hi everyone, It’s been a long time since I last posted, and honestly it was overdue. I keep seeing the same recycled LOA bullshit everywhere. Endless manifestation porn, more unqualified people calli…
Have your thoughts on shrooms been somewhat like this? — Yesterday I first tried shrooms. I did 15g fresh, which you can expect to be about 1.5g dry ± I've tried acid 2 times before, which were very amazing, intense and long experiences. They theached me a…
Shame has dictated my entire life for 41 years — And I didn't know it until now. It was the silent background noise, the "I'm not good enough," "Don't do that or you'll fail!" "Look how stupid you are, you can't do anything right," "Don't notice m…
Broke up with DA after a year. — Met her a year ago, almost to the day. Things started well, relatively slowly which was nice for a change compared to other situations I have been in around that time. After two months, we became offi…
The feeling of spring. — This may or may not be related to the sub, but I have felt that the energy/essence of spring and summer came a little too early this year. It was around late February/early March when this feeling cam…
How honest should I be with my new psychiatrist? — The last 2ish months I have been having a lot of issues with both my anxiety and depression and I think I need to change or adjust my meds. I have been “self medicating” aka smoking hella weed… not my…
You've Tried Manifesting Them Back Multiple Times - Here's Why It's Not Working — **"I've manifested my SP back multiple times but it never works. Now it just feels draining."** **You're not failing at manifestation.** **You're failing at creating coherent field states.** And th…
What if manifestation is actually people waking up inside a simulation? — I’ve been thinking about something and I’m curious if anyone else has had this thought. I came up with a theory that reality might be a simulation or something similar to a “matrix.” If that’s true, …
Supporting an artist — Hello everyone, I appreciate in advance anyone who takes the time to read and respond. I think in general it will be good for me to get this all out there. My (31m) husband (32m) and I have been mar…
UPDATE: My (32f) fiancé (28m) repeatedly does not clean the house — Hello lovely reddit. First relevant links. My first post I deleted (so you can peruse the comments if you are interested): [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/18yjl0g/my\_32f\_fianc%C3%…
I wanted to be recognized as an artist — (Non native English speaker, sorry for mistakes) I had 1 dream. Im an artist, i do art. Ok, this is ego talking, but anyway, art is all I do Since i’m a Little girl. I’ve been told I was good at it, …
Crazy experience “timeline hopper” — I’ve been lucid dreaming since I was about 12/13, and I’m now 23. I trained myself into it years ago and now I lucid dream every morning which sometimes can be annoying because it affects my sleep. I’…
I hate my best friends boyfriend and I feel miserable — This is a small rant, but I just need to write it out to a bunch of strangers. Basically, my friend (21F) met her boyfriend (26M) a few months ago. They seemed to click almost instantly, which isn’t a…
My mom always expects the best from me when I don’t get as much in return. — I am a 27 Korean American female. My parents divorced when I was really young and ever since, my mom has taken care of me as a single mother who can’t speak English in the US for 25 years. We were fi…
I (30F) suspect my mom (58F) may have taken money and my deceased grandmother’s earrings while I was away. I have no proof and it still bothers me years later, how do I move forward? — I’m 30F and my mom is 58F. I currently have very minimal contact with her due to a number of issues in our relationship. I haven’t blocked her, but I don’t engage much beyond unavoidable family events…
She Sent Me An Article... — I need to start laughing about this stuff because otherwise I'm going to totally lose it. I woke up to a text (muted and buried so I had to hunt for it) from my mom. I've been LC (very brief, no infor…
Does the intellectual chemistry ever get better? — 45f, I’ve been dating a wonderful guy ( 45 m) for about 7 months now. We are in a committed relationship, and for the most part, things have been great. We have common interests, similar lifestyles an…
How do you give yourself closure? — I have accepted that I won’t get closure from the person even though my brain relapses thinking it will even a year later. How do you give yourself closure? I am in therapy, I am doing the affirmatio…
Has anybody here got crushed that their dreams didn’t work out and it finally worked out in ways you didn’t imagine? — I had a dream since school to have an experience of doing my masters in the UK or Europe mainly for two reasons - the exposure and the pure joy of having an experience of living there on my own terms …
Bad things will lead to greater life. — It's one of the obvious, but sometimes even the obvious things are good to remind yourself. Everything bad that happens in your life will eventually lead to life with more freedom of mind. It filters…
I (36M) am in tears in my own home while my parents play with my daughter. — My wife has gone away for a conference today (for the first time since we had a kid). I am alone with my parents in my own home and feel so unsafe with them. At any time, I fear an attack will come my…
I did not handle the breakup well and became obsessive. Never again. — This is gonna be long and messy, so just a warning. My ex ended things with me on text, without a call or meeting me. I requested her to give us proper closure in person, but she had asked for time, …
Does anyone know about destiny swapping, star stealing, stealing the glory of people? — One day last year, I was having some horrible traumatic thoughts about my close family member of mine mocking me and making me feel as if I was a failure. It got overwhelming and then I started to fee…
My partner (f34) “quiet quit” our relationship and I (m37) need closure. — We had been together for approximately 4 years. Engaged for the last year. Bought a house. Had big plans to ride off into the sunset together. It was the best 4 years of my life; we were absolutely cr…
Ex is back on dating apps looking for a ‘life partner’ 4 weeks after — He (33m) ended our 1,5 years relationship (34f) as he said he can’t commit to anything long term 4 weeks ago. Prior to that he asked me to move in and said how beautiful our kids would be… it was a co…
Who’s else has anxiety attack while out in public?? — I’ve had an severe anxiety attack or a panic attack for no reason when I was shopping inside Walmart, there was a lot of people there so it was really noisy and loud for me, I had to sit down because …
Art and study of the Gateway tapes and general connection to the Universe (with my own experimentation) — \- I WILL BE UPDATING THIS POST EVERYDAY. LINKS WILL BE AT THE BOTTOM OF POST WITH LOG NUMBERS AND DATES - 🌠 Log. 00 \[Tuesday, March 24th, 2026\] So far, I’ve been repeating the same first 3 tape…
Neurodivergence(?) and meditation problems — Hi there, I hope you are doing well. Ive had a bit of an existential crisis about a month ago, a sudden spout of dread that has been trickling away bit my bit through each day, like how a wave di…
I started Open Monitoring meditation and immediately lucid dreamt two nights in a row — *Disclaimer: I already get lucid dreams sometimes, and I will be testing longer to make sure this isn’t coincidence, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to try if you’ve never had one before 🤷🏾♀️* I made …
Encounters with NHI + Jesus? — Hey guys, I had an experience that I want to share and want to know if anyone had a similar experience. I haven’t seen any posts about it after searching far and wide on this sub. I one night medita…
how to really manifest! you don’t need to “do” more. you need to live differently. — it’s not that deep!! i really want to help people with this and share what i know but it’s so so hard to put into words what im trying to say! it’s like it’s almost too simple to explain in words, so…
After 9 years together she cheated, moved on fast, and dropped the bomb during 'final goodbye' – advice needed to survive this — Hello Reddit, new user here using a throwaway account. I've heard this community gives solid advice, so I'm finally posting. My ex-girlfriend and I were together for 9 years. We broke up in May 2025 …
Things ive said in my 7 year marriage — I can’t wait for our long lives together, any life as long as it’s with you. We’ll go anywhere you feel fulfilled—let’s go! Do the things that will make sure your life is lived regret free. You’r…
16 years together feels destroyed... — 7 months ago I (M, 35) found out my partner (F, 35) of 16 years was messaging another man she had met intermittently at her work in a professional capacity (she no longer worked there when I had disco…
I think my friend is leaving me and it's destroying me — I have been knowing this friend for around a year or so. We bonded very quickly, opened up about our pasts, shared a lot and quickly became great friends. We used to chat all the time (pretty much lit…
Leaving, but it is complicated — This may or may not be in the right sub. I'm not sure if I fit into al-anon, nar-anon, or NAMI, but what I am struggling with right now does fall under the work I've been doing to break codependent tr…
Why does therapeutic help trigger me? — It's to the point im not going to bother mentioning that therapy triggers me with a therapist, i'm not remotely willing to. I've had several therapists, since I was around 15, I'm turning 24 soon. I'v…
Three Tabs Yesterday. — So in the past two months I’ve tried LSD three times. Yesterday I went to the zoo with my girlfriend and her family and dropped three tabs right when we got there. Everything was cool things were brea…
Love the list of basic needs in the first question. I’ve never seen it put like that before, and have always questioned myself. Now I know for sure. This is great. Thank you.
Hey there’s a Z code in the DSM 5 for emotional neglect, I’m sure. I haven’t looked but there’s a lot of different Z codes to help identify life circumstances, to give a bigger picture to the F code d…
Hey, I am an overconfident twat that lacks any real creativity. I tend to just jump in on anything to feel included . Sometimes it's confusing cause I don't even understand what I'm trying to shit on.…
Oof. I feel that... I think what's worse is I know I *could* have, and it would have helped save my marriage. But to do it now, without the support of the one person I thought I could rely on to help…
If that's how you want to look at it. I quit smoking this year after 15 years. It took constant "affirming" in my mind that I was no longer a smoker. Same with losing a ton of weight. I decided I was …
Sure. Just edit out all criticisms of the loapornstars and their lies and propagandist tactics. Also any criticisms of the loa communities and their idiot members. We're all painfully familiar with …
1. Mental thoughts don’t become physical reality. Beliefs do. Repetitive mental thoughts turn into beliefs. 2. People in your world reflect your beliefs. Perhaps upon meeting someone you had an origi…
1. That doesnt disprove anything. It just means it may be more difficult. That's like saying mindfulness doesn't work because some people have ADHD. 2. Decent point but keep in mind some scientist …
If by 'ruminating' you mean 'processing your emotions with others', then...sure.
Right, I just want to get to know someone at a steady pace. The presents felt like pressure.
I'm a dismissive avoidant for sure. I've been in therapy for like a year I guess and my therapist is really the only person I have any sort of emotional connection with. It's honestly weird but it tot…
As a man who has been on both sides of the coin… bear with me cause this is a long read but it has relevance I promise. I’ve been the anxious wreck begging and pleading. Saying stuff like “you don’t…
You will find the answer here - Moonlight Mailed Me ! : The No1 reason why people fail with their alpha programming. *Hi Everybody, I am one of moonlight's new cubs and his best for sure. I have a …
The issue is, I hurt him unintentionally by crossing an unspoken boundary..and im left reeling and in pain because he ghosted. I begged for forgiveness..even not fully knowing for what, but he just re…
Sorry, the more correct term is fearful avoidant leaning avoidant, and DA and FA are their own categories. However, there are a number of variations among FAs, including whether we lean anxious or avo…
It’s a team sport for sure. But you’re right, it doesn’t mean everybody has to be a part owner to equal degrees. But I think a lot of “solo” founders use it as an excuse not to learn to work with ot…
Umm.. I think your % is off and there are way more lurkers here and some real people out there. I thought about doing posts, a podcast, or a book as an entrepreneur about how hard it was for years ru…
Please note the following is my opinion only, YMMV. I like minio for homelab or developer use cases. When it comes to cost though, I'd argue that S3 is generally cheap enough for anything that is ei…
If she's a DA that have not done the inner work to heal, for sure. Just because it seems fine at the moment, because there's nothing at the moment that is triggering her, there will absolutely be thin…
It was. It was your effort to approach it in a unique way that didn't add pressure. The direct needs are scary. The indirect ones are a box to check that allows us to show our effort without being ove…
Humm, this is very interesting and I can see myself in that fear But I did something weird, I wanted to feel close and vulnerable but did not know how and still feel sometimes so afraid of intimacy th…
Sure. If they talk about things they did to process the breakup and understand why it happened, such as journaling, therapy, online support groups, talking with friends about it, etc., then it shows t…
I'm definitely not a philosopher by any means, but here are my thoughts. The article references previous research by Monroe & Malle (2009), where it's said that people's concept of free will consists …
Pleasure. And I own Nyx Glitter Glue :)
This is called “hoovering”, it’s a known technique for toxic individuals. They’re saying whatever they think will suck you back in to the scenario. Note the expansive, emotive but oddly totally no…
As others have mentioned this is called, "Hoovering". In attachment theory, particularly with someone who is dismissive avoidant, they may feel threatened by too much intimacy and push you away (brea…
The massive problem I see and read in your post is there aren't boundaries. It sounds like the whole status and line between the two of you are blurred. So, you are not wanting to label what you have…
Okay, this is long and it might sound harsh, but I relate to a lot of what you're going through and acted much in the same way as you did, and I've gone from anxiously attached within a friendship to …
I know, for sure. It took me a while to learn my own terrible habits and a lot of it came from dating avoidants who were uninterested in healing. It’s a scary thing to feel and some (like me) see the …
Sure. If it helps, this is the checklist I went down every time I had “doubts” about my attraction to my then bf: - am I in danger/is any harm coming to me? (No) - does this person respect me? (Yes…
I am not sure. And I don’t know how to present it to him. It’s just kind of a sensitive topic to bring up now. But even before our breakup, he’d say things like “Don’t psychoanalyze me”, so it’s ju…
Oh I'm sorry. Sounds like our situation is similar. I know that my ex is definitely FA leaning dismissive for sure. I think if he had leaned AP I probably could have dealt with it better, honestly. I …
Yeah, we are now fully no contact. It’s been a bit over a week and I’ve moved far away so we’re now officially severed. I just want to call him all the time, he really was my safe space and now the gr…
Hey OP I remember your previous posts. I'm sorry you're going through this. Expecting warmth from someone who's gone cold is a punishment in itself, so stop punishing yourself and stop waiting for som…
I also have intense rage. My avoidant left me in my darkest hour and relapsed and went on vacation with ALL of our extended friend group and excluded me and told them all to lie about going with him. …
I have the same… withdrawal feelings. How to cope? I am not sure.
Most people are going to say that you sound FA, but I disagree. I think that we are very quick to slap the FA label on people the second they don't neatly and concretely fit into a box. The primary r…
Hahaha no, I don't believe this mf😂 It always gives different answers while sounding like it's 100% sure. Like, I ask it "do you think im AA" and it answers "yes, of course!". Then i ask "but maybe i…
’m in a really difficult spot with my boyfriend. We’ve been together since late 2021, and recently he’s been second-guessing our relationship. I think im anxious and he’s avoidant. I’m 22 and he’s 25 …
TLDR: Seeking advice re: Dismissive Avoidant 50F dumped my Anxious-leaning Secure self (53M) but posts her upcoming travel to our once-shared calendar. ..... Yes, it was the classical Avoidant's int…
You can't make her do anything, you can ask for what you want/need but if she's not willing to give it to you then you have to either accept that or walk away, but those are your two only options righ…
How long have you been married? If you know he can be relaxed or at ease and his resting face is serious looking (which I imagine is the case for most people), why do you need additional reassurance? …
Maybe try remembering that there may not be answers to the questions you have. And getting “answers” is not likely gonna give you the closure you think it will. Cuz the “answers” will not likely be th…
Delete their number and block them on everything. It's like a self-imposed boundary to keep you in check. You reached out to salve your anxiety, but that decision has only led to feelings of shame.…
...because I was busy managing the pain of feeling stabbed no matter what I did? If I lied down and put pressure on my back, it hurt like hell. Then it hurt trying to move to lie down on one side. …
I see. I'm not sure. I'm probably AA, I feel its.. incredibly difficult to have long lasting relationships and the few you do have are always busy with their own lives so I guess it sometimes means …
I just expected him to have any initiative or take action. I'm 100% that person who'd risk being overbearing because when I do see or hear about someone I care about having health issues, I get very p…
Yes I would! If he asked me anything or imposed anything that was for my sake, I would just go with it at that point and then appreciate it. Reposting ny answer to someone else: I just expected him…