triggers

i see this in a lot of my clients and actually have a prewritten paragraph about it that im going to share here. one thing i can catch here is you hold an assumption that beinh anxious is delaying you…

Even as an FA the one thing I'll never understand about avoidants is how they can hate someone they cared about a week ago. — I was reflecting and journaling on my past relationships, and taking full responsibility for past mistakes. I'm an FA so there were times when I thought I needed external validation to feel whole, and…

I set up a blog to help with my website's SEO. There are already triggers on the blog page to contact me, but this is my question: does it somehow help my blog page's SEO if I include my website's footer on the blog pages? With address, phone number, email, etc.

What are the Benefits of AI in eCommerce that actually influence why we buy? — I was reading up on how ai taps into emotions like FOMo urgencye or even guilt to push you closer to a purchase. and it’s not always obvious it’s subtle stuff like “only a few left prompts or remindin…

[Product Survey] Help us understand your auth/DB platform choices (Supabase, Firebase, Auth0, Clerk, and more) — Hi everyone! 👋 I’m a Product Manager working with a developer friend on a new backend-as-a-service solution, and we’d love your feedback. Whether you’ve used Supabase, Firebase, Auth0, Clerk, Authn …

In an avoidant-anxious friendship, how much space should I be giving before I reach out? — The last 2 posts on the sub are about friendship and that encouraged me to post here as well. This is my friend of 5 years. We’ve gone from talking almost everyday to me being given the silent treat…

Anxiety only triggered in romantic relationship, how to manage it? — Hi everyone, I’m a 26M and fairly new to relationships. I’ve noticed my anxious attachment only really shows up in my romantic relationship, not with friends, family, or colleagues. With them I feel …

Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…

I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

How do i stop the cycle of freaking out when im away from my partner? — When me and my partner dont see eachother for a long time, i just shut down. Everyday were apart the urge to pick apart every message is so strong and eventually when its too much, i just break down. …

contemplating root of avoidance — I have been considering why some of my relationships work while others make me disconnect. I think the root is a desire to feel deeply understood and seen. I recently had a connection with someone I…

Should you announce that you're avoidant early on? — Not just in dating (in fact I don't even want to date right now), in general? I really want to start correcting my fear of engulfment and vulnerability but I can't make the jump from avoidant to consi…

Anxious Attachment Injury - Nervous System Stuck in Fight/Flight — TW: attachment injury, trauma-bond withdrawal, panic attacks, obsessive rumination I think I’m in severe attachment-injury / trauma-bond withdrawal and I’m struggling to function. I’m asking for nerv…

A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…

Deactivation or undisclosed breakup? — I'm a FA woman...in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant....all was good, until past Christmas holidays , his bday and all situations when they deactivated.. he was the one who planned being wit…

Netpun and crude oil — I looked up what happened when Neptune was in the same position as it is now. As we all know, we are living in interesting times. With the help of Wikipedia, I found the following: 27 August 1859: …

A lot more people are hurt/traumatized than evil — A lot more people are traumatized/ in pain than are evil. And I won’t say that evil people simply don’t exist, they do, but there’s fewer truly evil people than there are hurt/traumatized people who d…

I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…

Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…

Song banned from Casinos cause 'it makes you win more' — There's a song trending back on TikTok videos and people claim Ring My Bell by Anita Ward is banned in casinos because the frequencies supposedly make slot machines pay out more the story going aroun…

Become Indifferent Neville says. But it's easier said than done. My Tips. — If you want to be in charge of your creations you have to become indifferent to your own reactions. And it sounds easy until someone triggers the bejeezus out of you. Politics, your mother in law, pe…

NHI that Stop Time and Timelessness of the Oversoul; More Research that Supports how Aliens Obscure Human Memories. — Hi everyone. This is [me](https://www.reddit.com/r/Experiencers/comments/1ai4nzi/i_had_26_physical_contact_events_with_grey_aliens/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_c…

Started gateway this week. I’m confused — Hello! I admittedly don’t have the most knowledge about the gateway tapes. I’ve listening to a couple podcast episodes about them but it sounded like this intense experience where you will astral pr…

I tracked my dreams every day for 6 months. Here's what actually worked and what was a total waste of time. — So I've been into lucid dreaming for a while now and decided to actually get serious about it. For the last 6 months I tracked everything. Techniques, sleep times, supplements, all of it. Figured I'd …

I keep self destructing my marriage and I resent myself so much for it — Hi everybody, I’ve struggled with AA for a while now but I just feel like I can’t take it any longer. I cause so many arguments between me and my husband, arguments which could be very easily deescala…

If someone is repeatedly triggering you despite knowing what your triggers are is it emotional abuse? — I've been married for 10 years. Certain phrases trigger my trauma in tense moments like in an argument. My husband knows what these phrases are but says them to me regardless causing me to spiral in t…

How to stop being a caretaker in a relationship — I didn't realise how much I was being a caretaker in a relationship and how it impacted my mental health. I feel really bad because I love and care about this person. He's grown up in a very abusive a…

(tw: trafficking) I can't interact in queer (or even fandom) spaces because of all the sex — *"Oh yay, someone recommended I watch this fun, light-hearted new movie about a gay couple! I sure hope it isn't actually an uncomfortable, borderline-rapey story about a 24/7 bdsm dynamic that goes p…

Communicating stuff to partner — So my relationship with my partner is pretty good but most of the time I catch myself always checking my phone to see when she texts back . She talks to me everyday but I feel like I’m losing my indep…

if you're in this vibe, you're not alone — some of the vibes I've observed on a personal level now, has a lot to do with past pain resurfacing around "muggles," and the "muggle world." specifically the antagonistic energies we experience as in…

Recovering from emotional affair. — I discovered my wife's inappropriate relationship with her coworker in August of last year. We are finally at a point where I believe nothing physical happened (I truly believe it) and she has admitte…

Writing about my experience with Iboga medicine 🌱 — Earlier I made a post and someone commented that they didn't want to watch a video. Understood! Here is an account of what I saw during my time with ceremony number one with iboga. It was not what I i…

Something I wished I had heard about sooner when I struggled leaving my now nex that would've made me leave a lot earlier. — Why we stay is because of trauma bond and hope even though they play on that and say to you "if I am abusive why don't you leave", unhealed empaths stay because we delude themselves on what they could…

[Partner] Wife’s suppressed severe trauma surfaced. She’s in extreme ‘flight’ mode, refusing therapy, and I am burning out. Need honest outlooks. — \*\*Added some new context at the end Hi everyone. I’m hoping to find some perspective, hard truths, or shared experiences from those who have navigated severe PTSD/CPTSD dynamics. I am completely e…

Why does therapeutic help trigger me? — It's to the point im not going to bother mentioning that therapy triggers me with a therapist, i'm not remotely willing to. I've had several therapists, since I was around 15, I'm turning 24 soon. I'v…

The best things I did to stop me ruminating and wishing my ex would come back (After wishing she would for more than a year) — Hello Everyone At the beginning of 2025 I went through the type of breakup I would not wish on my worst enemy, I wont bore you with the details but I struggled with this for over a year. Here are …

TV, Movies, and Novels — While I appreciate a good workbook or self-help book, such as Facing Codependency or Boundaries or the Big Book. I find there is something wonderful about just hearing a healing story and drawing my o…

What do you do when you feel annoyed and angry with someone for no reason — This is a vulnerable post, so please no judging...it's an honest question for inner exploration to find the love and compassion for others. There are some people who seem to instantly irk me. It's o…

What is a trigger you have that originated from your parents’ treatment of you? — I was thinking about how the triggers we develop can seem strange or over the top to people who don’t get it. One of mine is when I’m actively listening to somebody yapping at me about things I don’t …

“Time will heal” I finally get it now, I’m not completely there yet, but definitely closer — Time will heal. There will be ups and downs. It’ll be a roller coaster. Never really believed in that, I thought it meant “just suffer, it’s part of it and you can’t avoid it.” And it’s true, you ha…

Is This Coercion? — TW. I \[23F\] have been with my “husband” or BD \[26M\] since I was freshly 17. He was about a month away from being 21 at the time. Whenever I don’t feel like having sex, for however long that may…

After 3 years of failed reality checks, here's the protocol that finally gave me consistent lucid dreams (not MILD, not WILD — a hybrid) — I've been chasing lucid dreams since 2021. Like most of you, I started with reality checks and MILD. Got maybe 2 lucid dreams in the first year. Frustrating as hell. Then I went deep — read LaBerge's…

the veil dropped — So, I am in a new layer of integrating my dimi break through (3 months ago), and the experiences and lessons (hell) I had are revealing themselves to me in new ways, expansive ways, however there is e…

Life Happens — Recognize patterns of being controlling and possessive: You’re not allowed to visit family, or friends. Because they restrict you from going. They cling onto you and always accompanying you in everyth…

I thought I was "bad at mornings" for years – turns out, I was just fighting my own biology. — 1. You aren't tired – you're chemically blocked. Brain fog is a chemical siege happening inside your skull, and most people pour coffee on it by default. 2. You're never "too dependent on caffeine to …

Reality check triggers & methods — what do you use? — Hi guys!You know those habits or “triggers” people set to remind themselves to do a reality check—like drinking water, seeing a certain color, or noticing something specific?Do you use anything like t…

Do discrete developmental stage models cause harm when clients internalize the stages as self-judgment? — If you use a stage-based developmental framework in clinical work (Kegan, Loevinger, Cook-Greuter), have you seen clients weaponize the stages against themselves? A client who believes they should be …

I just watched a video on how ADHD makes us prime targets for abusive/narcissistic behavior, and I feel so defeated. — Hey everyone, I’m writing this because I really need to vent and see if anyone else here with CPTSD and ADHD has experienced this. I just finished watching a video by a creator named Danish Bashir a…

help in general — a lot of my other posts say the same thing but i just need help i started talking to older guys because a lot of people told me to. im 16 nearly 17 ftm. i did. i feel disgusting. i hate it and i know…

I’m intensely triggered by my partner’s younger sister and I hate what it brings out in me — I need to say something ugly and I’m hoping someone here will understand rather than just tell me to “work on my self-esteem.” My boyfriend has younger sisters, and one of them especially triggers so…

So my husband turned me on to the idea that my weird dreams are something called lucid dreaming and showed me this sub. Pumped to be here! So periodically I will experience DILD and take control of …

I'm just learning about AP. I dream a lot (every night, very vividly, and highly detailed landscapes/locations), to the point where I sometimes feel tired in the mornings. Last night I experienced som…

Thanks for the reply, and yes…. I appreciate it… The part about being deserving of love (and for me without performance)… is one of the most recent and most powerful realizstions. Yesterday I went to …

Here's what I found helpful to figure out my own feelings. I look at three angles: 1. If they suddenly told you they were done and didn't tell you why, would it hurt you? If it wouldn't hurt at all, …

I suppose it’s very subjective. Even tho I’m wired anxious in romantic relationships, I catch and correct myself. I figured this out in my 20s when I began dating. At minimum, basic self-awareness a…

It can help you by managing your triggers, but it does not mean healing. Years of exposure to emotional turbulence sounds like a disruption to your nervous system, your attachment style. In fearful …

It just sounds like therapy is working. You might not yet have secure attachment so now you are able to deal with your triggers/traumas/whatever stuff, and this is the person who you trust. And, you n…

You mentioned you were raised by a Narcissist. FAs usually have complex developmental trauma and this needs to heal for you to move towards earned secure attachment. Even if you are aware, FA tends t…

My mistake. I must have misunderstood that. I’m sorry. I still stand by my comment- you can’t always spot an avoidant. The walls they build to ice us out are not “up” until something triggers them. M…

I’m FA and my current relationship has me feeling like I’m losing my mind half the time. I’m really into him, but when conflict hits, I shut down, even though he actually tries to talk things through.…

if someone triggers my attachment system, it's basically the worst. Usually my partners have not done that and I was mostly normal? though the fear of being cheated on has shown up with everyone who …

This is the poor man’s version. For deploys, trigger your GH Action pipeline on what ever event that matches your branching or tagging strategy. That action would build/push a docker image or build an…

Before working with any agency or automating anything, do it yourself first, even if it’s messy and manual. You can’t outsource what you don’t understand. If you don’t know what works yet, an agenc…

Someone’s gotta be on the other end. He might be pushing, and looks like he usually is, but you’re pulling every time you entertain him. Because most people wouldn’t keep letting him in again, which y…

The first question is, why does the drugs trigger you? What are you imagining or feeling when they talk about it. Logically, it's just part of their past. If it was something that could happen again o…

Dismissive Avoidant. It's an attachment "style", and very challenging to be in a relationship with(as all insecure styles can be,) as many of the things that build connection in a normal relationship…

avoidants (especially those that are actively working towards healing and becoming secure) may come off as secure in the beginning of a courtship. until they are met with some triggers which will lead…

Well, if you're into them, that's the first sign. It'll be tricky to differentiate between DA and secure for you because they'll both feel like they're moving at a reasonable pace at first, but a DA i…

We should all focus making our selves happy first or at least try to figure out what triggers and learn to control/live with these so it does not effect others. No matter what your attachment style is…

A big part of healing is facing the fact you don't trust anyone and leaning into it by trusting someone, such as a therapist. There are books you can read. The main thing is  learning emotion regulati…

It isn’t. Avoidance, more so than AA, is deeply unconscious. Consciously, we want to show up for our partners and to be vulnerable, which makes it difficult to recognize the fact that we are distancin…

you are very heavily generalizing here. how many avoidants have you actually known? they cannot control their triggers, the ones that will try and heal will work on the behaviour around dealing with t…

Seems like a person who got spooked and having escaped unscathed has calmed down, reflected, and realized that perhaps their anxiety was irrational. And that is a good indicator that when times get to…

Realistically, 2 months isn't nearly enough time for someone to reflect AND implement what's needed to heal wounds, triggers or habits. So, likely... you'd be going back into the same situation. I hav…

Im very proud of you for being so grounded! Dating as adults is nothing more or less than deciding whether your issues are compatible. Its a constant battle of making the conscious effort to get your…

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realised a lot of people don’t want to work on themselves or change . It’s just the way it is . I believe the underlying reason is working on emotional reactions stirs up to…

What does this even mean? One person is being emotionally abusive and the other person is… what? Learning to tolerate it better? Understanding their triggers so they can avoid setting off their abuser…

I'm securely attached and I'm still dealing with the emotional turmoil from letting a FA in. It's one of the hardest things I have gone through in my life because the person actually understood many o…

This sounds like you’re putting a lot more work in than he is. It’s not going to work unless both of you put the same amount of work in. I wish it was I do 80% and you do 20% and we finally reach 100%…

Hey OP, thank you for being so open, truly. That raw fear of abandonment, the intense pull-push of wanting connection while also feeling like you’ll be “too much” for someone is all classic anxious pr…

The feeling of attraction by the way disappears with fear, and we are all afraid of good relationships. Thats why, since in the past Ive almost always been in avoidant mode, I dont trust my feelings o…

Yeah, thats understandable and I feel/felt the same. We were together previously and I broke up with him because he wasn't aware and he just cycled through anxious lashing out during arguments or de…

I mentioned before the breakup that I thought I was AP and that he was DA which he originally denied and said he was secure, then 6 weeks after he reached out regarding returning items. I knew it was …

Well my post was more about my experience with learning to take space and regulate myself and focus on myself instead of my previous behaviour of being completely focused on him instead. Security is a…

Yeah definitely. I think I have a problem with staying for way too long and self abandoning. I also need to work on self soothing, processing, noticing my triggers and self regulating. My endless empa…

I'm sorry to hear that, it's incredibly painful to go through this dynamic. I like to believe they can change, but I just think unfortunately they have to: 1) Want to change 2) Do the consistent w…

The more intense the situation the more likely we all are to lean into base attachment style. High stress triggers and can roll back a lot of the work done to become more secure.

Yes I think I knew we needed solid time apart to heal and after the 6 week breakup I had firmly told myself I wouldn't go back unless he had done therapy and worked on himself but I knew it would prob…

I‘m seriously struggling to find boundary lines as well. I‘m often confused about what’s still in the realms of healthy behavior and what isn’t, or how to be sure that someone’s a good fit for you. In…

Yeah, that's basically the same as him unfortunately. He went mostly for me, but I guess he did also want to go for himself. He just didn't like the type of therapy that actually touched on any of his…

Oh wow, that's a noticeable difference in both the shorter time to deactivation and the longer deactivation period. I would say that I definitely noticed a shorter time to deactivation and shorter o…

It’s also okay to have a conversation now at the outset between two FAs about how this happens. “Hey, it’s inevitable that we won’t like everything about each other, but what’s important for me is tha…

Though as I can guess from any other attachment style (or even mental health issue/relational pattern in general) every person is different, I imagine clarity and communication are key here. I would o…

Do not sleep with her before you have built the mental/emotional infrastructure & structure to consistency. I have screwed this up so many times it's embarrassing. If you truly want this to work for h…

Triggers happen. You are secure but the avoidant behavior is triggering your previous AA style. Even for someone secure it's not easy to be ghosted. You have to understand the very fact that a DA is g…

I think out of all OP’s signs of AA this is like biggest one and kind of the only one. I mean cmon now, you’re being ghosted by a DA. You already know this is unhealthy, you know it’s time cut your lo…

You are so correct. After dealing with anxiety/panic for 25 years the shocking thing I find that I have to tackle above all else is the behavior of my family and friends toward me and the fact that …

This is super AA! When they start distancing, it triggers your fear of abandonment so much that you preemptively disengage from a stress fawn/freeze response. I'm also AA and also leading in a relat…

Text of original post by u/Dralexus: Hi everyone, I’m a 26M and fairly new to relationships. I’ve noticed my anxious attachment only really shows up in my romantic relationship, not with friends, fam…

I think Fearful Avoidant - I know someone has a great counter argument in the above comments - but it’s a complete myth that fearful avoidants don’t crave intimacy The crucial part of fearful avoida…