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Citations (101)
I got a call from my lawyer — I'll make this quick, but 6 months ago I was arrested for something I didn't do. Since then I have remained under investigation for Conspiracy to commit fraud and it's turned my life around. The polic…
The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…
How are unemployed designers managing financially right now? — I was laid off two months ago and have been in the job search grind since - applying, interviewing, and trying to stay hopeful. But I’ve also been feeling pretty stressed and anxious, especially as ti…
Interviewing for a UX job when you have a UX job is annoying — I know, I know. I should be grateful to have a job, I should be grateful to land interviews. But the amount they're asking is insane. I'm sorry, I cannot dedicate my time to a 50 sometimes 60 hours w…
Cobbler/Chef Educational Resources — I’m a network engineer by day and part time lab assistant to earn a few extra bucks in the evening. They are wanting in the next 90 days to get me spun up on assisting with tickets as the physical lif…
Vercel and the like or VPC? — Vercel is wanting me to go pro due to how many images I have in my web game. Should I stick with vercel or do a VPS like vultr that will only cost me 5 bucks a month vs the 20 dollars a month for verc…
Is 6-8 years of career enough to start a business on? — I notice a many industry wide consultants are in the field for 20+ years before providing advice and their services for companies. While im not wanting to become a consultant, I’m wondering if someon…
Changing font of only one number or letter in paragraph — Hello, I’m fairly new to Wordpress but not entirely. I am barely familiar with coding, but hoping to become moreso. I am wanting to change the font of a single number in a paragraph sentence. Any adv…
Do push/pull dynamics happen even when you’re not participating in them? — I (F, 32, originally AP, now definitely more secure) have just gone through a very confusing dating experience. 3 months ago I started seeing this man (34 met on Hinge). He started off very interested…
Am I insane for wanting to open a brick and mortar comic/collectibles shop in this climate? — I've been reading this sub for a while now as I mentally hype myself up to take the plunge and quick my 9-5 to open my own comic and collectibles shop. I've been in the gaming industry for over a dec…
How do you actually feel safe believing and knowing when it comes to an SP manifestation? — Brief context: I've studied the law on and off for 6 years. Tried to manifest 2 old SP's with varying success, then eventually having them both try to contact me, but I realized that I was shooting so…
In an avoidant-anxious friendship, how much space should I be giving before I reach out? — The last 2 posts on the sub are about friendship and that encouraged me to post here as well. This is my friend of 5 years. We’ve gone from talking almost everyday to me being given the silent treat…
If I could just stop deactivating!! (FA) — Follow up from some of my previous posts. I’m deactivating again. I think? Or maybe lost feelings for my partner and I’m just lying to myself and not wanting to let go. The thought of that makes me cr…
Why hold out hope for other people to meet my needs when it feels more productive and ultimately better to want nothing from other people? — I try my best to be the most attentive friend I can be no matter my internal state. I don't mind doing this for the people I value, and it makes me feel better to be helpful to other people, although …
Anxiety only triggered in romantic relationship, how to manage it? — Hi everyone, I’m a 26M and fairly new to relationships. I’ve noticed my anxious attachment only really shows up in my romantic relationship, not with friends, family, or colleagues. With them I feel …
Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…
Detachment or deactivation? — Me (23M) and my ex (22F) broke up one month ago because she was feeling overwhelmed by some arguments we had due to changes in our lives (new place to live, new work). She's FA. I was secure for almos…
Any support groups out there for preoccupation with dating? — I think the obsessive thoughts and rumination around dating (status, ongoing situations) is a common thing in anxious attachment so seeking support here. Has anyone found any support groups or what l…
Maintaining this piece of positivity — Alright gang, I hope everyone is well. I’m getting a lot better with my attachment. I’m so proud of myself for times recently when I’ve had a thought about wanting to play into games or behave in cert…
Do fearful avoidants "split" or "idealise" and then "devalue" when triggered? Or is it more likely to be a sign of something else? (Eg BPD/NPD?) — I am curious about whether "splitting" is something that is an FA behaviour or if it's a separate issue associated with other mental health disorders. As an FA, do you feel yourself "idealising" or p…
Being DA but really wanting kids — Ever since I was 5, I’ve known I’ve wanted kids. I spent my teen years fantasising about having them, and felt like having kids was the best thing ever. I love the idea of caring for kids and helping …
Not wanting to sleep in same bed as partner — Idk why but I feel so uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed, but it makes me literally cringe. Im struggling trying to find ways to WANT to sleep next to my partner, I struggle with this so much. Id…
How do you tell whether you need to push through the avoidance or if you just don’t like them as a partner — I feel silly asking this but I’m in my first serious long term relationship and I’m struggling so hard. I get very paranoid that it’s not meant to be because I feel so insanely avoidant. Like what if …
Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…
Asking for input from those who are avoidant — (Forgot to add user flair.) Last paragraph has the question. But for context, I have someone in my life who has acknowledged they are avoidant. When I started looking into attachment styles I found t…
a song about longing for something that never was - disorganized attachment style edition — lyrics: Who am I without wanting you? A shadow tracing something true There's a part of me that still holds onto you tight To every place you touched in my life I can't tell where you end, and I b…
a song about longing for something that never was - disorganized attachment style edition (cathartic release) — Lyrics: I’m standing at a wishing well, One coin trembling in my hand, A promise pressed against my palm, A truth I barely understand. They told me I was unworthy, Long before I learned my name,…
i feel safe with being almost loved | disorganized attachment style anthem | i want love but i'm scared | (cathartic release) — Lyrics: Love, for me, is just a hallway, Soft light, shadows drifting slow. I see a silhouette approaching Then I turn before my heart can get too close. Sometimes I feel a brush of something ten…
aromantic, avoidant, or both? — recently i discovered i'm definitely on the asexual spectrum and this lead me to also wonder about whether i was aromantic or not. looking into my romantic feelings (or lack thereof), i found out abo…
Deactivation or undisclosed breakup? — I'm a FA woman...in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant....all was good, until past Christmas holidays , his bday and all situations when they deactivated.. he was the one who planned being wit…
I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …
what do i do? my anxious attachment is getting REALLY bad. — i haven't been like this since i last had a really close online friendship w someone 2 years ago, but i recently started talking to a new friend online and we've known each other for only a few days. …
Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…
Feeling alone because my partner lives in his own Fantasy World — Recently I discovered I am a Codependent. I've been with my boyfriend for about six years, and he has this habit of always engaging and interacting by talking a lot about marvel or superpower fantas…
Tired of people asking me for stuff... — I don't know how else to put this but I'm tired of people asking me to do stuff for them all the time.. it's at work (that's different, it's fine it's work.) But like my mom, my roommate, my friends..…
DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…
I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…
My (28f) boyfriend (37m) drinks to excess nearly every weekend, am I selfish for wanting it to stop? — Throwaway account. Please tell me if I am crazy for feeling this way. My boyfriend (37m) and I (28f) have what I consider to be a generally good relationship. We’ve had some issues in the past that we…
I woke up at the same time every day for 47 days straight. Here's what actually happened. — I expected to feel more energized. That happened, but not right away. The first week was brutal — especially weekends. My body kept wanting to sleep in and I had to fight it every single morning. We…
How to unlearn? — Hello all, I have been practicing meditation and breathing exercises regularly for the past nine months and it has been having immense effects on my life.. I coupled this with yoga, shadow work and s…
Woke up today feeling awful — Today is my 48th birthday. I woke up feeling like a complete loser. My ex wife left almost 4 years ago. I knew we had some issues but nothing to level of divorce. She never mentioned it. Our daughte…
Why Being Ok With Not Having Your Desire Manifests It Faster — It’s a very contradictory thing in manifesting where you desire something, but you’re told to let it go and not care about whether or not you have it (because in 4D you already have it). But let’s fo…
Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…
Am I crazy? I feel like a stalker. — I (26F) don’t understand how my ex (31M) switched on me overnight, and I’m struggling to cope. We dated for almost a year. At first, he was obsessed with me. He talked constantly about our future mar…
Wanting to fix my life — I want to start my self help journey tomorrow. I am tired of being lazy and having no discipline. My life has been terrible so far I'm doing bad in school, I'm poor, I'm ugly, and I'm bad at socializi…
Letting go of LUST — Dear fellow meditators, I have now been meditating for several months and have had tremendous success in letting go of a lot of insecurities I had.. This has helped in improving my social skills and …
Why Manifesting From Desire Creates Anxiety — I had a realization while trying to manifest a new job. I noticed that every time I get a notification or an email, I feel a wave of anxiety. Which is strange, because I’ve already done the “work.” I…
My dad (56M) cut me off (21) for sleeping over at my boyfriend’s house. Now he’s blowing up at me and ruining our relationship beyond repair. — \-Sorry had to repost due to not having line breaks. I’ve always had a complicated relationship with my dad. He’s very controlling and has always been a “helicopter” parent when I was growing up. I a…
My Fiancé kicked me out with only a few hours notice — This is the situation I am in. About a week ago my fiancé (25 M) brought up how he has some problems with me (25 F). We have been together for almost three years. He said he cant bring up sensitive to…
Every time I post on social media, I feel less and less like there’s space for me on the Internet. — I grew up on social media, beginning on Xanga and MySpace at 10 years old. Then, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, as I grew up and entered adulthood. I’ve always over shared my life on the Inter…
DO NOT GIVE UP — DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!! I have so much to say. But ima try to keep it short ish. I just wanted to make a quick post about my journey. I’ve been “manifesting” for five years. I actually have not. Those f…
This is the hardest part for me. I struggle with some PTSD which manifests itself often at night, in the form of nightmares, night terrors, and sleep paralysis. I'm deathly afraid of encountering an…
Came here to say this, it's not coming from a truly wanting to move on mindset, because you're still concerned the effect it has on them
In my experience, No Contact is for you first and foremost as a human being to heal and be a better version of you. If (and I mean IF) your ex contacts you, consider it icing on the cake. And hearing …
What if I ruined the chance of possibly not getting back together due to me being an emotional abuser??For example, she broke up with me because of unhappiness, goal of finishing her college degree, a…
I know this post is 6 months old, but I still want to say this. I truly feel that Robert Bruce's book, called "Energy Work", (funny how the title is the name of this sub?) should be required reading f…
Am I handling it with grace or strength, though? I'm completely torn apart and can hardly eat. I have to force myself to. The one thing I'm proud of is minimizing how much anger I feel over the betra…
Yeah finally! I thought this subreddit was wanting to be better and do better.
Just believing is one thing, subconscious faith towards your desire (not LOB particularly) is another thing. You lived your entire life based of your default beliefs without even knowing the Law. I sa…
1. Mental thoughts don’t become physical reality. Beliefs do. Repetitive mental thoughts turn into beliefs. 2. People in your world reflect your beliefs. Perhaps upon meeting someone you had an origi…
Thank you. I will ask the op to insert these links into her other post. They are a good addenda and are a beneficial part of the record. We may make her post a part of our index as well. It is a very…
Sounds pretty avoidant. That sucks - I’m sorry. Does she actually understand how important this is to you? If so, I might try having the conversation one more time, being clear that it’s a dealbreaker…
Interestingly enough we don’t see that though. We see post after post of people wanting to fix their ex or figure out how to make it work. I rarely see posts with people venting about the issue while …
I never said they tried, but who wants to find out that someone else emotional regulation depends on your constant presence. Again I’m talking about anxious attachment because secure people are secu…
Yeah I think that too but I'm sure Swift is an FA through and through. Her lyrics are so highly charged, often moving between stages of idealization and wanting outright distance from her partners, so…
Your word choice is really interesting. As someone who has an anxious attachment style, constantly wanting to contact your therapist sounds to me less like anxious attachment on a personal relationshi…
Rejection is the absolute worst. I also have rsd as well because of my ADHD and any lack of interest from my partner just sends me into deep panic. I've worked fairly hard myself in regulating these …
I think this is running the course of over pathologizing. Attachment styles are not personality types. They are trauma responses that are triggered by relationships of many kinds. Not wanting a relati…
ok so i typed up a hypothetical example haha let's say i have a coworker/acquaintance who seems like they'd have a lot in common with me, but we don't know each other well. i want to become closer to…
Your partner sounds Fearful avoidant, is he aware of his attachment style? I think all you can do is let him know in as blame-free way as possible that you notice a pattern in his behaviour that con…
It ended with “you can’t always read their mind”. Sounds like the original commenter is similar to me or has been through stuff. But if you happen to be disorganized and also have bdp (I don’t think…
So, you WANT them to hurt like you are? I understand people upset us, hurt, and disappoint us but seemingly wanting to see them in pain sends up a red flag for me. Are you getting help and support thr…
It’s not necessarily wanting them to hurt. But it is expected that when people hurt people they love/care about, it hurts them too. It’s kind of the norm. It shifts your worldview to think that some …
As a previous DA, I did not feel guilt once I disengaged from someone because I had reasons for not wanting to be with them anymore. Those reasons may be very immature they may not make a lot of sense…
Yep, it's probably not a good time...and I may have impulsively downloaded it out of loneliness. I have friends and a sister I can talk to, I have hobbies and a new career. I put a lot of energy into …
Limerence had me creating elaborate imaginings around our connection (which in reality was quite formal) and who they were as a person. In reality, there really wasn't a connection, this person isn't …
I had something kinda similar happen recently, and I totally understand why you're hurt over it! I can't even imagine that situation, honestly. Mine was different (and still is) because we met online …
You dodged a bullet. Interviews are a two way street, not only them wanting you but you wanting them. Leave a remark on Glassdoor and move on.
My therapist pointed out actually that withdrawing emotionally while still feeling emotionally connected or retaining symbols of connection as a part of push and pull dynamics. It is not a manipulatio…
The first question is, why does the drugs trigger you? What are you imagining or feeling when they talk about it. Logically, it's just part of their past. If it was something that could happen again o…
Not necessary, but I think it's common - Not wanting to share anything. My ex didn't want to share many details about themselves, even in the beginning, when things were great. And I said: it's okay, …
The depth of their reflections if you ask them about previous relationships, how they healed, what they want from a partner, relationship with parents… etc How they feel around children: if they’re …
Thank you I just love everything you wrote. I felt like despite liking me a lot, my ex DA would sometimes talk as if he had contempt towards me. As for one friend she definitely had some kind of "Im b…
avoidants (especially those that are actively working towards healing and becoming secure) may come off as secure in the beginning of a courtship. until they are met with some triggers which will lead…
Yes! I had exactly the same experience, along with the blowing hot and cold and not wanting to discuss any relationship issues. It was exhausting and ultimately sad because I had to end things wit…
This is so true and I never viewed it that way! My ex showed contempt during moments when I pushed for inter-dependence, such as holding him accountable or asking for transparency. He later said to me…
[We just had a discussion about this in the AvoidantAttachment subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AvoidantAttachment/comments/1kp4duk/the_hottest_hot_take/) What you're describing is very indicativ…
Wanting to help others improve as a person isnt exclusively a secure trait and avoidants get awkward revealing their past if it makes them feel exposed or vulnerable, at least for FAs.
Try not to look at it like this attachment style is selfish while the others are more selfless. We often assume APs are selfless and will sacrifice everything for their partners but reality is that s…
I had gotten divorced a year prior to meeting him and that was what really triggered my wanting to change. My ex husband and I are still close friends but I really messed it up by being avoidant. We a…
This one is loaded, and I really feel it. As someone who's actively working through avoidant tendencies, I’ll say this: therapy *was* a must for me. I get the hesitation—there’s stigma, fear of being …
Personal development school. They have FB groups. Not wanting therapy is just avoidance strategies and it’s very common for FA to not remember much of their childhood.
This is such a great comment, thank you for adding it. This sentence: >those of us who spent our childhood begging our caregivers to love us and constantly trying to convince them we are worthy of th…
Stop desperately wanting things. Instead see them as on the way or already yours. Don't want them, but rather have them. Its no simpler than that. If you want something you are sending out lack. If yo…
I relate mostly to being anxiously attached or AP and tend usually to score most in that category. But I really relate to everything you described still despite not being DA so perhaps it’s a sign of …
You’ve seen this woman two times, haven’t kissed or even dated, and you’re calling her avoidant for simply not wanting to entertain a conversation about having kids with you?
1. Drawn not drown. 2. You're the AP. Bc no one brings up wanting kids to a stranger like you're on a 1:1 date. As an FA, I find that very weird and off putting.
No I don’t and while I think you have some fair and good points, for some reason you’re very emotionally attached and aggravated by this.This is just a personal rant on some perceived grievance you ha…
But you and her never established a relationship in which you are dating. You met up a few times and were flirty with each other, but that isn't dating. You need to slow down and understand where she'…
Everyone on these boards has healing to do, so that's not some "gotcha", my friend. >for some reason you’re very emotionally attached and aggravated by this.This is just a personal rant on some perce…
Dude you're in here acting entitled and demanding, thinking everyone is wrong but you, calling anyone who holds you accountable toxic, and for some reason you think women must all be avoidant? You'r…