It's okay

I (21M) need help with a sticky situationship with my best friend (23M) — TLDR Depressed gay best friend rarely texts me after I ask whether we could date, and now I cant cut off this situationship because I will be too sad and we already planned an expensive trip together …

How can I become more consistent in my relationships? — I recently learnt I'm fearful avoidant and I've been in therapy for 3 years so I know how I stopped being inconsistent in many areas of my life I used to be – I learnt to be consistent with studying b…

How can I become more consistent in my relationships? — I recently learnt I'm fearful avoidant and I've been in therapy for 3 years so I know how I stopped being inconsistent in many areas of my life I used to be – I learnt to be consistent with studying b…

I'm a rotten abuser and I can't forgive myself for it and I don't feel that I should. — I 30F am an abuser who has ruined my husband just because I can't accept being loved. yesterday I told him that I hope one day he gets the self esteem to leave me, and he responded that he hopes one d…

You need to sit down and imagine NOW! — I get a good amount of DM's from SP posts/comments I've made complaining about their SP and how their SP "is" (as if it is some immutable characteristic). Do you see what you are doing?! You are just…

It has been two years since I broke up, and here we are, folks. — It's a strange day/event to commemorate, yet it's undeniably a significant one. I feel like it's important to pay a token of respect to the journey I took. So here we are. 1. Before diving deep into …

Why It's Critical You Work On Yourself - For Yourself - After a Breakup — Hey all. So - it happened. After eight months and seven of no contact, I ran into my ex in person. As a reminder, I ended things with my ex after a year and a half or so because we could not co-regu…

music and shifting — i mini-shifted twice yesterday by using a combination of music (malcolm todd, beabadoobee, mac demarco & clairo) as well as my own drowsiness. both times, i felt someone from my DR touch me! the f…

finding and keeping jobs? advice or experiences shared would be helpful — please be nice im having a hard time wording this :( i lost my stable job back in march of last year because of wrongful termination. and while that is a whole other story, i've been trying to find a…

Hello!! Quick question regarding my father walking in on me while I shower. — I'm 15(afab) and my dad has always had a problem with this. He's never really been a big boundaries man, and has laid his head on my chest multiple times, along with various other odd things. I'm not …

Parents recorded Csam of me - don't know what to do — I'm not sure if this is too graphic but I feel that I need some validation because I keep questioning my reality and if it was really abuse. When I was 10, I was watching home videos with my parents …

Need help — hello, so my thing is linked to law of attraction or manifestation but in different view, I'm like on healing journey things are helping to move onn and gain strength but the thing just hit(Trigger…

Me (F21) and my friend (F21) spent nine hours together, cuddled, and held hands, and I don't know if it's a date or not. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend (F21) a few weeks ago and we're staying friends. Can I talk to her about it? — **TLDR:** *My ex told me to date around when we broke up, but has been really clingy and possessive since then, and one of my friends want me to go no contact. But she's the person I want advice from …

I (19M) need advice about sticky situationship with best friend (21M) — I (21M) am in a situationship with my best friend (23M) and it's starting to hurt. He has told me that he might be depressed and autistic, and I can definitely see that. He constantly makes self-depre…

I (28f) can’t tell if my anxiety is affecting my relationship or if something is actually wrong (Partner 28m) — TLDR: I don't trust my thoughts and feelings and want to know if what I'm going through is a normal couple emotional relationship bump. Summary: I’m in a generally loving relationship, but I struggle…

Am I (28F) overreacting or is my partner (28M) unsupportive? — TLDR: I don't trust my thoughts and feelings and want to know if what I'm going through is a normal couple emotional relationship bump. Summary: I’m in a generally loving relationship, but I struggle…

I'm being asked to leave my "found family" — This isn't strictly related to my parents, so hope it's okay to post. I basically cut ties with my father at 18, then went low contact with my mother at the age of 23ish. Currently in my mid 20s now…

My mother died in front of me ten years ago now. I'm 26. I'm losing my fucking mind. — The actual anniversary of her death is in a few weeks and I'm burning inside. I hate this fucking month and the one my sister died in, and this one starts with April Fool's, hers starts with my birthd…

Are my parents the nparents or am I just the shitty kid? — Hello everyone, I'm Subha. I'll get straight to the point because this will be LONG. I've always wondered if whether my parents are narcissistic or not. And I needed your help to make me realise …

Anyone else get attached emotionally in relationships/after sex? — So, I started talking to this girl late March in class last year, on April 6th last year I got her number and asked her out on a date... it felt so right because I was going on vacation for a week and…

Emotional attachment after sex/sex for emotional validation — Hi, this is a shorter version of a recent post - I met a girl from class around this time last year and due to things that happened to me/lack of care/love in life, I got super attached really fast …

I'm laying in bed crying again cause I'm realizing what I feared 6 years ago is the truth — Alright I uh don't really know how to start this but I just need it to be written down somewhere. TW, SA and Suicide So i've had autism and ADHD and was diagnosed when I was a child. I was the lucky …

I feel weirdly empty and I can't make sense of it — i have lost a lot recently. i wanted to manifest it all back, i have faith, and i did everything. it's okay if not a lot changed irl, because i know it will get better, because i believe the moment …

i [29F] have been feeling kinda uneasy about my relationship w my bf [29M] — it's kinda a long story but i will try to summarize it as best as possible. nothing necessarily terrible has been done, but i just have this weird anxiety lately about the stability of my relationship…

weird timing pattern in classes and grading over the years — i've noticed a really weird pattern over the past few years and i don't know if it's just coincidence or if anyone else experiences something similar. when i go to class every single day, even if i'm…

I love my mother; I do not like her. — My (20f) mother (42f) is the kind of person who thinks that talking poorly about someone is funny. The kind of person who thinks she can treat people however she wants. My whole life, I have heard my …

Small manifesting — hello, so my thing is linked to law of attraction but in different view, I'm like on healing journey things are helping to move onn and gain strength but the thing just hit(Trigger) me today was the…

No contact is the only way to heal — Hi everyone, I hope you are doing well. I've posted a couple of times on this subreddit about my break up (worst break up ever). To cut a long story short: Two best friends (both females) unexpected…

I feel quite lost. — I've never really had someone I could talk to about my problems. I have lots of people in my life I COULD talk to, but I feel like there's no one who could understand. I don't know where it starts. …

I JUST found out why I have problems saying "no". And why I want to please others and "fake it". — More occurred, but a month after I turned 14 I was raped by an older, very experienced girl who was my first kiss. I said no. I didn't orgasm and she cried. She got so upset I let her do it a second t…

Nmom is acting creepy towards my sister and I don't know what to tell her — There's so much backstory to this, but I don't even have energy to explain all of it. Long story short, me F37, my sister, let's call her Elle, F31 and her teenage kids, live together in an apartment …

Is texting and checking up on the girl too annoying for her or a turn off — so to start with I met a girl on a game kr started if normal it's been like what 4 days I wasn't even intrested she gave sort like mixed signals once she sounds like she wants to know me more once she…

What happened between me and my therapist? (Erotic transference/countertransference) — I am a 26yo girl, and I am seeing a new therapist after a long psychoanalysis when I was younger. this new therapist (lacanian approach) is a 40 year old male, I respect him very much and I started fe…

Much better at dealing with my emotions. I think of her every hour and it's been 11 months. My birthday was 2 days back and she didn't wish me. Sucks how easily replaceable/forgettable iam ,did I not…

I think its more about your relationship to it, like personally and privately. Before you bring your caregiver into the conversation. If you hurt your child by ignoring their feelings when they were c…

Sorry if this is not the applause you may have expected; but to me a translation of your title is "Turns out DAs are DAs, and we need to bend over backwards to "make it work" with them, and that's ext…

Not necessary, but I think it's common - Not wanting to share anything. My ex didn't want to share many details about themselves, even in the beginning, when things were great. And I said: it's okay, …

This is such a great comment, thank you for adding it. This sentence: >those of us who spent our childhood begging our caregivers to love us and constantly trying to convince them we are worthy of th…

Well this might be an unpopular opinion but since this is a friendship and not a committed relationship, it's okay to just back off a bit. Also, when you've repeatedly set boundaries and had them re…

Hi OP. You sound like you're being really mature about this. Feel your feelings. It's okay to feel sad, disappointed, betrayed, and scared. Explore those feelings and journal about why you're feeling …

I'm AP, there is something which helps me detaching (it might be unhealthy though) I basically try to think how wrong other person did to me. Objectively speaking, your friend is at fault here. Confl…

The trick to really becoming secure is to communicate directly, without shouting or "cussing" your needs. Or it's to do so without feeling you should hide your feelings, suppress them, or minimise the…

Wow, this is a beautiful way to look at it. I can imagine that that siren going off for me, is actually a scared little girl tugging on my shirt hem with tears in her eyes. I just need to look down. L…

I usually just try to focus on something or write down my feelings if it's too overwhelming. I don't really know why I'm like this, but I do tend to take a little while before feeling fully trusting a…

I'm trying to explain that the intentional exclusion is likely due to your manager status. And while it's okay at your company, your direct reports may feel differently. If I were to spend lunch tryi…

Ultimately, I've found that I have been attracted to lots of people with whom no secure attachment is possible because it feels *really really good* to take care of someone and have them appreciate yo…

I'm not the person you responded to, but in my opinion, insecure attachment patterns (like trauma dumping early on, keeping score, or obsessively seeking out your partner's time) create "faux-closenes…

Hey I've been facing some issues in my relationship. Need advice on how to fix everything. My partner very recently expressed her concern for my health and that i should really avoid drinking at all.…

Great for you to have this realization! It isn't easy! I sat on my decision the evening before ending it for many hours, cycling through the data and seeking support. It will be unfamiliar at first wh…

\- You can absolutely fully break down in front of someone. Yes, people are fully breaking down in front of the people close to them - just not, like, all the time. Most people cry a little bit regula…

I see, I appreciate your very thoughtful response. I just disagree with the conclusions you've made. She mentions being able to use this as a self assessment (which should always be done before we jud…

I'm not sure if your person is FA or DA but I'll add my view as a healing fearful avoidant. If you have lighthearted things to share, the best way to share them is to just send them to the person. Giv…

Sure! You can avoid sounding critical when what you say stays with your own experience. When he says something like "we'll see" and plans change the problem most likely isn't that you didn't meet but…

Something that does help me is just reminding myself like, I want someone who likes me, fits into my life, etc. So if that person decides they like someone else more, or they don't like the way I am, …

This will vary from place to place I imagine but at 29 you should be able to find loads of people who aren't divorced and don't have kids. It's okay to not want to date people with kids, it's very di…

You were reading into 'signs' like twirling her hair, etc. No matter what other people say, you should not think someone is interested in you unless they explicitly say so. You asked her several times…

On such short notice I couldn't find anyone to fill her spot, so I made the decision to postpone the event. We landed on a new date quickly though! Another one of our friends who's also invited for th…

I've stumbled on an account of someone on Instagram and it's such a breath of fresh air. I hope it's okay to mention him here since I like people fighting the good fight in trying to make modern datin…

It's okay to feel burnt out and take a break every once in a while.

I understand that it is a lot. That is fine with me. I don't need every man to be attracted to me or be compatible with me.  I am a high effort friend, daughter, granddaughter, sister...and would als…

Awww so happy for you! Congrats!  It's okay, you don't have to believe it, it's still happening :) step by step you will see it's your reality too, and that good things happen to you too. You definite…

I agree about the stakes. But I guess for different reasons. I don't even understand why the stakes are higher but I guess I must feel they are if I am so terrified to lose someone who I don't know al…

When you're in a relationship, you should never be feeling like you're dragging your partner along in milestones. It's okay for them to need a little more time, but it feels like you're begging him fo…

I'm so sorry you tried to heal with someone who obviously needed to do their own healing first. I know it can feel like you're back-sliding or like you've failed in some way. But you truly haven't. R…

I had virtually no breaks where I wasn't talking to someone or actively dating someone after my divorce for years and I think in retrospect it's really delayed my healing and I probably should have ta…

"Yeah, her dental hygiene is extremely off-putting, but it indicates deeper issues with adulting that also manifest in other areas of her life." That's not an argument in favor of continuing to purs…

Let me tell you from experience of being in your exact position (knowing there is no relationship going forward but caring about your ex and wanting them to be okay), that it does you zero good for yo…

I think it's okay and probably even healthy to set boundaries by saying you aren't comfortable meeting friends/family yet. If you constantly capitulate to another other person's desires without making…

can you do a little flirting to drop hints that you're thinking about it? i have no idea what that looks like (been a long ass time since i've had to do this) but maybe you can get a little vibe check…

Sorry about your dad! And it's okay to not be okay even after months. Grief is something that comes in waves, but with time the waves become smaller and smaller, even if they started with a tsunami.

Uhm, you are a woman, right? Given how many, many, many, many, many, maaaaany posts of women there are complaining about this exact behavior from men, the likelihood of it all happening because of bad…

Sometimes even though there's nothing romantic left you can still feel tinges of that partnered  attachment . It's okay if that makes you uneasy. (Full disclosure/projection alert that I'm going throu…

That's the standard assumption in American culture You don't have to be part of it though. I personally would not multi date past 2 dates, as in the past, it has led to me feeling disingenuous, or I…

You know what you're looking for, and if you're looking for someone who would've insisted in paying that bill in full then it's okay to interpret this as him not being what you're looking for. I do t…

I think one can be honest yet tactful. I wouldn't put close family and friends in one circle and colleagues/acquaintances in a different circle. I do agree that being completely honest with close fami…

Heey :). Earned secure, formerly FA here. \- sorry, this got very long :P <3 I relate to this behaviour so much. I can really understand how difficult saying no, setting boundaries and advocate fo…

It's okay to be a work in progress and it's not shameful to live at home because you're clearly correcting some of your previous mistakes, which shows you are responsible and trying your best. I mean …

It's okay. I was in an 11 relationship that when it ended I realized it was a situationship. 😭 It wrecked me when he abruptly ended things. We love who we love. They lead us to think it'll be more w…

Honestly, if he reacted that well and told you it's okay, believe him. chlamydia is basically just the seasonal flu of the reproductive system and it's super easy to clear up with antibiotics, so try …

Getting tested regularly is important, not only before and after relationships but also *while* in a relationship. Chlamydia is honestly one of the best things you could have named. It has an easy an…

It's okay to give yourself time to figure this out. You can tell her that you need some space if you want to. Sometimes it takes me a while to process things and space helps me clear my head and do th…

I forgot to add, that I said „To me, letting go doesn't mean forgiveness.“ I added „Letting go to me means building a conscious barrier between the past and now. Forgiveness to me means that 'it's o…

(I copy paste of two of my comments to this topic:) I forgot to add, that I said „To me, letting go doesn't mean forgiveness.“ I added „Letting go to me means building a conscious barrier between …