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Citations (100)
My friend/coworker (26F) didn’t invite me (26M) to her birthday party after I helped her get her job. How do I handle this? — My friend who is also my coworker (26F) is having a birthday party this weekend and I (26M) just realized I wasn’t invited. This is especially weird because I literally recommended her for her current…
DAE feel like they want to be in a relationship but don’t really know how to? Intimacy problems? — I mean in terms of intimacy. When I think about being in a relationship, the concept of having someone in my corner that I can cuddle with, do things with, nurture and support and generally love—that …
Can a FA-DA relationship work? — My partners have been dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant, so I have always leaned anxious ig. In my last relationship, I felt secure at the start, it was nice, we set boundaries.. till it happene…
A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…
A letter to my fearful avoidant ex — 31st December 2025 So here we are. Another night, another thought. It’s been nearly 25 days since Eddie left me. Recently, so many emotions have been running through my mind. I never thought I would…
Another real life example of how clear communication can be distorted into a victim narrative. Emotions can rewrite history, too. There are two sides to every story. — Receipts! Slides 1-2: Their version of events Slide 3: only a snippet of all their comments on vent/rant threads and others. Removed by automod for not having a user flair (a clear rule and automod …
I hate narcissists! — I tried so hard to forgive. I even made a comment here months ago about forgiveness. I was trying to delude myself. Narcissists deserve to rot and burn in the lowest depths of hell there is. How can y…
Idealization vs Devaluation: how it looked like for me — Tldr: Just read the Idealization and devaluation parts. ## Idealization * You're a king! * You sexy tiger, handsome god of a man * You're the best! * Gives gifts early on in the relationship * On…
I made my husband confess to OBS and here’s what happened — For your education and entertainment purposes, this is the story of what happened when I forced my husband to confess to OBS. Quick backstory: (you can read the full post on my profile) my husband h…
How do you take your power back or create it? — I had all the time this passive role in determining my reality .things are happening to me rather than me choosing them.This victim mentality but stemmin from feeling powerless and defenseless. I know…
You cannot build a future with someone who is incapable of repair — I think that repair is the backbone of any real relationship. Its not the chemistry, not your history together, nor how amazing it was at the start Its about what happens after things go wrong. Becau…
society pushing the "your parents did their best" nerrative — I grew up in a dysfunctional home to say the least. I do not remember my parents caring for me and they taught me nothing - not academic nor necessary stuff (like laundry, period, showering etc.) and …
How to deal with resentment. It is making me bitter and angry — Been wronged a lot in my life. Ig I had poor boundaries and my locus of control was outwards. I've this resentment and anger that I'm waking up with everyday and it is costing me peace. Everyday I'm d…
She Came Back — She came back. Not in the traditional, melodramatic sense. Not after begging and pleading, or compromising, or settling. And not because she was bored, or guilty, or having a weak moment. She …
I cant get back with my ex — Repost from a different sub but i really do need input or just someone to talk to about this* My ex broke up with me a few weeks ago, and this past month has honestly been the hardest period of my li…
tw: abuse — hi. id like to start off by saying i was in a 9 year relationship with my ex. he was my best friend. i guess i’ll say everything good about us first. we laughed a lot, played a ton of video games toge…
Husband had an affair… is reconciliation even realistic? — My husband and I have been together for 10 years and have a 1.5 year old together. Recently, I found out he had been having an affair with a co-worker and lying to me for months. He denied it every ti…
What... did the fog just lift? Am I... done??! Or at least... okay being done? — I don't know what happened. 2.5 yr relationship. The last 1.5 years have been not great, the last 4 months REALLY bad because I dropped my (usually very strong) boundaries which he saw as weakness and…
If your parents (somehow miraculously) believe mental illness is real, what do they believe caused yours? — I find that often the case if parents actually believe mental illness is real instead of you being lazy; they have no concept of them being the cause. It's some mysterious outer force, it's the devil,…
Please help me. Please. — Relationship was going sensational for like 7-8 months, then we had a small fight and next day she went out with a boy. I had a huge crash and came back after a week. She had posted with another boy, …
I helped a woman through an abusive marriage, then she chose another guy days later — I’ve been struggling to process a situation that ended about a month ago, and I just need to get this off my chest. For about 18 months, I (32/M) was really close with this woman 32(F). We never met …
Leave your cheater if you could — Remember all the pain they have caused you. All the times they made you cry while they double texted their AP. Remember the texts or the messages you saw. Never forget how they treated you, therapy …
Wish I could say I was surprised at this response — To keep the story short I sent my mom a text highlighting all of things that I’ve been blamed for and ways I’ve been hurt through the years and asked her to please not reach out to me again unless it…
I still love him after he cheated - should I stay or give him a chance? — I’m having a hard time processing my breakup. My ex and I were together for three years, and it ended because he cheated. He never became physical with anyone else, but he talked to people on a dating…
My Narc is attempting a PFA on me — Me ( 24 F) and my narc (24 F) have been together for five years. The relationship was good up until 2 years ago when the abuse started. I don’t even know what to think but i’m not surprised. My narc …
The version of me she knew deserved to lose her. — Today is her birthday. It’s bringing up all kinds of feelings. I honestly feel sick today. I feel like I have only recently been able to truly reflect on things, and I’m finally facing who I was and w…
What does it mean when my ex asked me so many question on the first day we talked again? — Our relationship failed because there were faults on both parties involved. Therefore, I decided to write a letter to take accountability for my actions and tell him how he made me feel, then print it…
Parents completely oblivious to how dysfunctional and harmful our relationship is — Sorry in advance for the long post. My latest family drama started at the beginning of this week when I noticed my mother's chronic cough had gotten worse and sounded different and my mother casually …
Why is my mother being cruel to me during an already difficult time? — Sorry, this is going to be a long one! Let me start off my saying that I love my mother. She and I used to get along for the most part. It always seemed like we would get along great during the day …
Am I giving up too easy? — ‼️MENTION OF DV‼️ I want a divorce. Back in November he put his hands on me. Resulted in a hairline fracture on my arm from when he grabbed me by the neck and threw me on the ground. He kept screamin…
27F) My girlfriend (33F) hurt me but is acting like everything is normal how do I handle her behavior without making things worse? — I really need outside perspective because I feel like I’m starting to lose trust in my own judgment. Me and my girlfriend have been together, and recently something happened where she admitted she hur…
how many dumpees can admit it was their fault for the breakup? — please share your experiences. if you lost your significant other due to your own actions and/or negligence, when did you finally accept & take accountability for how things went? how did you cope? di…
Patching long-term relationship... Should I "start over" with a date? — So I (25F) recently sort of split apart from my partner (27M). We have been on and off since 2014 when we met in school, but overall were solid for quite some years! I think we "broke up" shortly twic…
My ex broke up with me over text 4 months ago [VENT] — hello, so idk who to tell this too, so im just gonna say it on here. My ex (16M) broke up with me (16F) around 4 months ago via text. This relationship almost lasted 2 years, and it was both our firs…
my X went no contact, but keeps trying to deplete me financially - help! — Divorce/Financial Advise This is going to be long because I need to give context (details have been changed for privacy). My ex moved out of the home we shared. We never had children and agreed with…
Cutting off my toxic mom right before my wedding? — I am a 32 year old woman and an only child to my mother. She is an adopted only child with a lifetime of trauma she never dealt with and has dumped onto me through my childhood until now. She is also …
Family travel with small kids stressing my husband out — My ‘39F’ husband ‘41M’ and I are at a crossroads regarding family travel. It’s a core value of mine to travel with our two young kids, and we traveled extensively before they were born. The problem i…
I FINALLY STOOD UP TO HIM!!!! — I finally fucking did it y’all. I cannot express how fucking proud of myself I am. He tried all the narcissistic manipulative tactics to take control of the conversation but I didn’t let him. He rolle…
My ex-husband is borderline stalking our kids — I don't know how I got into this situation, but I feel like no one is able to understand or give advice, so I thought I would try Reddit. For legal advice, I will mention that I live in Germany. So…
Reached my breaking point, but my mom suddenly changed her behavior and now I have doubts — I'll try to keep this brief. I've always had a bad relationship with my mother. We've never agreed politically, she mocked my multiple suicide attempts as a child, blamed me for getting bullied at sc…
My ex broke up with me over text 4 months ago [VENT] — ​ hello, so idk who to tell this too, so im just gonna say it on here. My ex (16M) broke up with me (16F) around 4 months ago via text. This relationship almost lasted 2 years, and it was bot…
I (27M) don't know how to disassociate accountability from self-hatred. How can I achieve this? — I've never been one to blame others for my mistakes and poor life choices (getting into college debt, poor spending habits, etc.). I've always understood that I am responsible for those things happeni…
I (27M) don't know how to disassociate accountability from self-hatred. How can I achieve this? — I've never been one to blame others for my mistakes and poor life choices (getting into college debt, poor spending habits, etc.). I've always understood that I am responsible for those things happeni…
I (27M) don't know how to disassociate accountability from self-hatred. How can I achieve this? — I've never been one to blame others for my mistakes and poor life choices (getting into college debt, poor spending habits, etc.). I've always understood that I am responsible for those things happeni…
I (27M) can't seem to disassociate accountability from self-hatred. How can I change this? — I've never been one to blame others for my mistakes and poor life choices (getting into college debt, poor spending habits, etc.). I've always understood that I am responsible for those things happeni…
NC since christmas. got ambushed at easter. abuser parent showed her colors infront of family(socially), first time ever. need emotional support. (struggling to come to terms with MBP,/captivity /starvation abuse and abusers complete refusal to acknowledge) — to preface , id like to say some of my story/past (although, for those of u who are regular here im sure u have seen some of my olde rposts from 2 years ago) the easter incident will be at the bottom…
I ended a 9 year long friendship and now my friend group is gone. — Ending an almost lifelong friendship is undoubtedly worse than an intimate relationship. While I have never experienced true love, I have experienced for what I thought was true friendship. I don’t wa…
No self-esteem or worth to get better — I'm still on this journey, but question if I've made and real progress. I'm not doing my best work in my 4 year relationship, and I continue to fail. I struggle to take accountability and communicat…
Struggling of letting go of someone while realizing what I truly want M28, F28, F27 — TL;DR - I’m caught between two women who seemingly love me and want to commit to me, but it’s messy and complicated. I’ve been in a really messy emotional spot lately. I’m realizing that my past rel…
I (29M) was dating someone (29F) for 2 months. Was this coercion? — I (29M) was dating a girl (29F) for 2 months, not official yet. We spent the night watching tv cuddling together. We were holding hands on my thigh (not initially sexual, I‘m the one who put her hand …
To me, you sound self-aware enough to understand that your fears override your emotions. What an amazing position to be in. Does it make it easier? Probably not. But self awareness and accountability…
Sounds like a DA. They will start to treat you differently for months and then suddenly blow up on you and go cold or straight up just dump you without any reason. I'm sorry they're so messed up there…
I think silence can be closure, painful yes, but he's saying ' I don't want to communicate any further' perhaps he thinks it's the kindest thing to do especially if he's very angry. It's incredibly t…
I am a FA learnt secure, and I'll say almost half of the women I have dated are avoidants. Ken Reids and Dr Sarah Hensley have given lots of advice on this. I'll paraphrase them: 1) Ask them early,…
And anxious people also trigger avoidance. You're so busy pointing the finger, it seems unlikely that you take accountability for your own maladaptive behaviours.
I think people may be projecting a bit. Yes, FAs do tend to come back around and if they haven’t changed then the cycle can repeat and much faster than the first time. But you don’t need to just blo…
i feel so seen and heard when i talk with people like you who is self aware ❤️ like you dont play the victim, you are not the villain. You reflect and take accountability for your actions and your par…
Sounds very fearful avoidant. I’m an FA, and I now understand that the fear of getting too close to someone emotionally (being vulnerable) and the inability to take accountability is actually a fear o…
No? I’ve never yelled at anyone or pointed my finger at anyone. In fact, it took me several years to even begin advocating for myself instead of just rolling over and letting people hurt me. When I’m …
Learning this after holding onto the thought of a reunion with a DA for the last 3 weeks (she broke up with me). I read similar Reddit and YouTube replies but I wanted the honeymoon phase back and tho…
Hi everyone, I’m in my early 20s, and recently I went through my longest relationship so far — almost 2 years — with someone who is also my age, and has BPD. I have AuDHD on top of everything. Our rel…
Do you have a problem or some emotional attachment to this issue because you seem very bothered lol. Like I said he had a medical condition which is what caused my thoughts to spiral. I never didn’t t…
How did she apologize and take accountability? In my previous unhealthy relationships my exes would say sorry, but then get angry and sulk. They wouldn't let me talk about it until I actually felt be…
I think two things are true: what she did initially was something most people would not be okay with in a relationship. So that was bad and it was a big deal. However, two, It sounds like she handled…
From an earnt secure: now don't you expect insecure attachment to take accountability /s
I agree with this. It’s the relationship that tends to ignite the anxiety. It’s easy to be alone and feel healed, but that’s partly because there isn’t someone else there pushing our most sensitive bu…
First, congratulations on your progress! That's beautiful! The latest things I've noticed are that I actively want to take accountability for ways that I've hurt people in the past (as opposed to jus…
It’s because it appeals to the victimhood of the other party. They’re professional victims who won’t take accountability for their own instability. If they were healthy they’d work on themselves and…
avoidants get so much flack and hate but anxious attachers are also toxic as hell. the fact that you can't really tell an anxious attacher what's bothering you without them becoming emotionally catato…
Say that you live an active and healthy lifestyle, but you need to take accountability for yourself and not blame others for being a bad influence.
Holy moly MY BROTHA IN CHRIST you knocked this out the park 👏👌🔥🔥🔥 Especially number 3… Im all about being patient with a partner who is *willing* to acknowledge and work through their stuff. We’…
The breakup: it’s been a lot of back and forth the past couple of days and it breaks my heart that we both are upset and can’t end things gracefully because we both constantly feel dismissed with each…
Friendly advice from someone who has dealt with an avoidant before and the entire emotional rollercoaster that was, in hindsight, a very educational experience: just don't. Unless you want to feel lik…
I was always that person who said I’d never date someone who is separated/not officially divorced or even someone who is less than 6 months out of the divorce being finalized. Welp… I somehow ended …
So to summarize... within the relationship, he showed signs of anxious attachment: begging you not to leave, saying he'd do anything for you, etc. And now, suddenly his anxious traits are gone and he'…
My guess is he cheated with someone who he felt was "more exciting" (or at least will be during the newness phase... And rather than cop to his wrongdoings and I have to take accountability and be lab…
I wish you the best of luck. The dating pool for us divorcees is not that great tbh. If my ex wife was open to starting over then I would go back. Take accountability for my part, learn the lessons an…
Is that a standard rule for everyone? I believe if 2 people are willing to take accountability, learn from their mistakes and strive to do things better then why not?
Here’s a little secret I learned. You are allowed to care. It was 6 years of your life and the idea of what could’ve been, and what would have been and being left like you didn’t matter…. But you are…
I truly disliked him at a visceral level; that death was brutal and wrong. I don't want to see the people who disagree with me or who are even "evil" to be killed or even suffer, **I want them to se…
i stayed for 4 more months after the D-Day. was willing to make this work because the cheating took place 8 years ago (well, plus some prostitutes afterwards). i couldn’t do it. he wouldn’t take accou…
I got engaged, the answer is no. There were signs (every ex was “crazy/mean/narcissistic” and he was always the victim.) They’re extremely manipulative and if you are an empath you can fall victim to …
I asked him why he couldn't take accountability for how he pretty much got up and left with 0 conversation, and he said "accountability is where you live". He was the one who pretty much SA'd me via c…
This is it 100% Their perception of “trauma dumping” is the behavior they are addressing, yet they can’t acknowledge that they are failing to take accountability for themselves and instead blame the …
if you saw that partner change would you ever consider giving them another chance? I am so conflicted right now. Lost the girl I wanted to marry bc I was immature and did not have my priorities straig…
There are some indicators in your chart that you could have some internal adjusting to do, and in some cases you could be “the problem”. No judgment as we are all on earth to learn lessons, and most o…
I had to do the same, removing and adding, then removing number, same with picture until I removed permanently. It's good to take accountability for yourself, I sure did also and I'm not victim also…
I empathize. The time that you’re still stuck living together is the hardest. It’s not a one-and-done decision. And when you’re not trying to keep a relationship working, you’re not having those “…
You know what's funny? The more that I read into this and the more posts I see on here, the more I see that cheaters follow a pattern. The ego and the narcissism to think that we, the betrayed, are so…
I could be wrong, but I don’t think waking up equally angry is very common among avoidants. Waking up after an argument resets my nervous system and has me feeling refreshed, more objective, and sheep…
If you really understood her thought processes, you wouldn’t be the person you are with the moral compass you have. She didn’t have any trouble potentially hurting you as long as HER needs were met. …
I really resonated with this post. I've been with my partner for 2 years and he is the kindest, sweetest, and most compassionate man. Yet I still find myself barking at him and being quite short tempt…
It does make a huge difference when you understand the triggers and emotions. Its not always easy being with a DA but if you are at a point where you understand why they do certain things that are dis…
Why? Because she “is the love of your life” (even though she loved and had a full blown affair with another man while married to you)? Even though she didn’t respect you enough to end the affair imm…
That's the part I've heard is the hardest. Accountability. It's hard for a DA to take accountability from what it sounds like. Would you, in your opinion, recommend I stick to my 30 day plan?
Hey brother, I’m going to be honest. 1 month of no contact isnt enough time for change and growth. I know it sounds so cliche but this is the timeline of what will happen, if she says yes okay cool, b…
For me personally, there’s a window to try and fix things. To take accountability and show me you want to make it right and work things out with me. And once that passes, I’m probably not willing to o…
…..again, you have the *choice* to go back home to OG county? If you’re in massive debt, stop blaming a failing business and call a debt relief company. Call a women’s resource center near you for hel…
Someone who cannot take accountability. Inability to meet expectation is not their fault. Never apologize for what they did. Someone who loves talking about themselves. Someone who is deemed as “cha…
Unable to take accountability for their actions…it’s is always someone else’s fault. Also a complete lack of responsibility being a husband or father. When my mother was taking her last breath the hos…