hyper

what do orbs look like? — hello all! ive been an experiencer for a long time and had several contacts with nhi within my mind and dreams. previous to this ive only had one f2f where i saw nothing but experienced an intense act…

Handling another crush as a FA — Hello all, spring is here and so is a new crush. I really can't get used to how excited but anxious my butterflies and fantasies make me. Sometimes they make me so anxious to the point I get dysfuncti…

City links — I've done a fair amount of searching and reading on this topic but I've not seen any examples of creating links for cities on a website that is one page. I run a business that provides repair work a…

What are the Benefits of AI in eCommerce that actually influence why we buy? — I was reading up on how ai taps into emotions like FOMo urgencye or even guilt to push you closer to a purchase. and it’s not always obvious it’s subtle stuff like “only a few left prompts or remindin…

What do you think about nuejs/hyper — Just saw this [article](https://nuejs.org/blog/introducing-hyper) and I was wondering about what other people think about it ?

Anyone here navigating entrepreneurship with ADHD? How do you manage focus, procrastination, and distractions? — Hey everyone, I wanted to reach out to the community to see how many of you might relate. I've been wondering lately if I might have ADHD — I haven’t been officially diagnosed, but I know a lot of pe…

Starting over — Heya, I don’t want this to be a negative thread— looking for some positivity and hope maybe? I (34F) am recently out of a one year relationship. It was my first secure relationship in my entire adult…

Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…

Can a FA-DA relationship work? — My partners have been dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant, so I have always leaned anxious ig. In my last relationship, I felt secure at the start, it was nice, we set boundaries.. till it happene…

New relationship insecurities that mimic AP — The first 6 months or so in a relationship I feel like I'm an AP, sensitive to people not texting consistently or following through with planning meetups, primarily. Then I settle down, feel like I ca…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…

What I'm realizing: I relate closest to others with deep trauma and that is a troublesome recipe. — TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfunction. I grew up with an alcoholic parent…

Studying attachment theory — I’ve been studying attachment theory for a couple of months now, and I’ve only recently started to REALLY look into it. I started reading a book called Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for…

First Time Serious Connection With an Avoidant — I was in a relationship with an avoidant for around 3 months and everything was going well and we weren't moving too fast in my opinion. We had gone on dates and met each other's families. They had be…

How do I ask for support in a secure way? (Hyper-independent) — I used to be more anxious-ambivalent and now I’m more secure with a bit avoidance. The pendulum has swung a bit to the other way. My problem now is that I don’t know how to tell someone that I’m curre…

Anxious Attachment and Hypervigilance — I’m wondering to what extent AA is correlated to high levels of hypervigilance, and how is the experience for different people? I struggle with hypervigilance (confirmed by my therapist) a lot, in re…

Anxious Attachment Injury - Nervous System Stuck in Fight/Flight — TW: attachment injury, trauma-bond withdrawal, panic attacks, obsessive rumination I think I’m in severe attachment-injury / trauma-bond withdrawal and I’m struggling to function. I’m asking for nerv…

We live in a culture that glorifies self-sufficiency and punishes inter-dependence and needs. That impacts what we start labelling as anxious attachment, and how we are encouraged to heal. — Disclaimer - anxious attachment style is real, it creates distress in those who have it, and causes real strain to relationships. That being said, we cannot ignore that cultural norms have *always* di…

so what is ”healthy”? — so i’ve read over the several attachment style subs and something interesting i’ve found is that on the anxious side people are talking about how the society is pushing us to be hyper-independent and …

Mom is being kicked out — Parentified eldest daughter here. haven’t spoken to my recovering alcoholic mother in years. Doing so always sends me into a spiral. She puts herself in awful, high-risk situations, never chooses her …

Every time I post on social media, I feel less and less like there’s space for me on the Internet. — I grew up on social media, beginning on Xanga and MySpace at 10 years old. Then, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, as I grew up and entered adulthood. I’ve always over shared my life on the Inter…

Would you stay in a relationship with someone like this? — I’m in my first relationship post-divorce after 20 years of marriage. We’ve dated for a year and I love and care deeply for this man, but I’m struggling with whether I’m ignoring red flags. The good:…

I am successfully shifted — Hi! My English is bad sorry I wanted to shift my reality where my sister is alive and healthy with me. I started to robotic affirmation 24/7 and subliminal, I have been locked in my room since 1…

Healing from perfectionism taught me that I’m not superhuman — I’m just a regular person and everyone else is just as ordinary as me. Sure, we all have our quirks and differences but you’re never the only one with them or unique. I am not loved based on my achie…

I manifested clear skin! Pictures below. — TW: skin issues, swipe on your own risk. The first 3 pictures are taken today in daylight no filter, the other pictures show my skin before. Months ago I got really bad dermatitis and acne, the skin…

SSRI Time! — After almost 3 years of CBT and SO much growth and progress, I am still struggling to feel a healthy balance of calm and energized/motivated. My healthcare provider and therapist believe my fight-or-f…

Sober dating question: does anyone else feel weird making a move if the other person has been drinking? — Sigh…When you’re completely sober and the other person has had two or three drinks, it creates a strange dynamic that’s hard to explain. Even if she clearly likes me, sometimes I feel uncomfortable m…

Please tell them the truth before it destroys them. — If you’re cheating on your partner, please stop. And if you already did, have the courage to tell them the truth. Infidelity doesn’t just “hurt someone’s feelings.” It can destroy a person from the i…

Avoidance and not being able to access emotions when deactivating — Wondering if this is something other avoidants have felt and how to deal with it. I’m in therapy but I don’t know that it’s helping that much with my attachment stuff. I’m in a relationship with a wo…

What placements in a birth chart can indicate intense attraction or hyperfixation in relationships? — What placements indicate that a person tends to experience attraction very intensely, or quickly? I'm not talking about *only* physical attraction but also the emotional pull and curiosity. For exa…

THINGS TOXIC "SHIFTERS" SAY/DO (they are more normalized than you think) — Soo days back I made a post voicing frustrations about my shifting experience and mentioning a few a of my roadblocks. Two days ago I shifted successfully to the Odyssey and when I came back to my cr…

I am ruining my life and I feel like i cant stop it — Hello everyone and let me say thank you for taking the time to read and/or respond. Our time is valuable and I want you to know thst I genuinely appreciate you giving your time to a stranger... This …

Has anyone ever encountered a celestial feline presence either through experiences, meditation or dreams? This one spoke to me and told me I need to relax and stop stressing over my reality because it isn't real, it's just a learning experience. — This AI image I got from ChatGPT is so close to the experience that it creeps me out. It first appeared as my old cat, and as I was giving him love and affection he placed his paw on my forehead and I…

Anyone else unable to find others attractive (in a romantic sense) after a breakup? — Maybe this sounds ridiculous, but it's been almost a year and a half since my last breakup (which has mostly been no contact) and I'm still unable to find other women romantically attractive. Even whe…

I normally don’t like to talk about my issues outside of therapy because I just want people to see me as normal, but I’m 36 and still can’t get past the effects of trauma from my childhood. — I grew up with a mom who is obviously mentally ill, very likely borderline personality disorder at the very least. I grew up white trash in poverty surrounded by drugs and trashy people my whole life …

30 Years in "Functional Freeze": How I mistook Survival for Personality — For three decades, I lived in a state of high-functioning freeze. I was the "perfect" and reliable son, but internally, I felt like a total fraud. I grew up with a mother who used the Silent Treatment…

I (21M) have survived two decades of severe physical, emotional, and financial abuse from my Indian parents. I'm finally exhausted and need to tell my story. I am not free yet. — # TL;DR: I'm a 20-year-old only child in India who has endured severe physical, verbal, emotional, and financial abuse from my parents since toddlerhood. They have beaten me, medically neglected me, …

I Changed Myself and Got it All — Hello, I’ve been wanting to write this post for a very long time. Grab a snack and come along for the ride! **The Beginning: April - October 2022** I discovered Neville 4 years ago; after a year of …

Processing my NDE and the paranormal experiences that followed — I can’t sleep and i’m feeling the need to document a sequence of experiences I had from February 2019 through 2020 that forever changed my life. I’ll try my best to keep each section somewhat brief, b…

Neurodivergence(?) and meditation problems — Hi there, I hope you are doing well. Ive had a bit of an existential crisis about a month ago, a sudden spout of dread that has been trickling away bit my bit through each day, like how a wave di…

I’m 31, but I just realized I’ve been emotionally 4 years old my entire life. — Hey everyone, I’m having a massive breakthrough and I need to put this into words. I finally understand why my life has felt like a performance for 30 years, and why I’m suddenly "falling apart" now …

Caffine withdrawl and anxiety? — Ok so you know those little glass starbucks bottles? I love those things. I drink two or three a day. They never make me hyper or anxious or anything like that, at most a really good buzz and sometime…

If trauma made me ‘interesting,’ who am I without it? The grief of getting better. — I’ve been doing EMDR and CBT for 2 years for severe social anxiety and trauma. I’ve made huge progress. But I’m realizing that my entire personality, my dark humor, my hyper-independence, my career in…

Has anyone dated a lot and kind of regret it? — I’ve dated a lot since my divorce, 6 years ago. So much that all of my stories of the last six years pretty much include some random guy I was dating at the time. Oh I went to that music festival… wit…

[Partner] Wife’s suppressed severe trauma surfaced. She’s in extreme ‘flight’ mode, refusing therapy, and I am burning out. Need honest outlooks. — \*\*Added some new context at the end Hi everyone. I’m hoping to find some perspective, hard truths, or shared experiences from those who have navigated severe PTSD/CPTSD dynamics. I am completely e…

I’ve been shifting since 2016, ask me anything :) — Or let’s have a discussion! I found out about shifting on accident in 2016. It started as I was being homeschooled at the time(I was 12 im 21 now lmaooo) and I was extremely fascinated with like sci-f…

I dreamed, or I was in a contact with an entitie or a alien, in a meditation? — I make it short. I was meditating in a frequency of 4 hz. (100hz in one ear, 104 in the other), when I saw a kind of machine. In the meditation I knew how it function. After that, I put all my quest…

The way i am raised affect the way i do everything and its so annoying — I can't tell people im busy sometimes. I remember the first time I said "mom, im busy i got to finish homework. I can do it after I read" my mom hit me so hard i bled. I can't stand up to for myself…

feeling extra lost at 16 — hello everyone, like the title said I feel so lost right now. I skipped 2 grades which means im graduating at 16 this year and I feel lost abt my future. I want to be a nurse in Canada (im french) but…

Finding myself — Hi everyone I’ve recently gone threw a break up a weird situation where we still live together until he finds a place, I have 2 kids and my life is a mess. I have many many problems I need to work …

There aren't many but as far as I can tell there are a couple which could qualify. 1. Escapism. Just like anything fun, let alone of the "reality substitute" type, there is the potential to use it e…

I'd just tag on that posters pay attention to all advice posted, regardless of the upvotes/downvotes. The hivemind here can be brutal. This is PARTICULARLY problematic when advice gets legal advice …

I'm FA and I identify with this. I value my alone time, and generally speaking, consider myself an introvert. A recharge period is definitely necessary, not just after a social interaction but at the …

Sounds pretty avoidant. That sucks - I’m sorry. Does she actually understand how important this is to you? If so, I might try having the conversation one more time, being clear that it’s a dealbreaker…

This is the one. I'd also add that attachment doesn't just stop at partners — it's also at play at work, friendships, family relationships/siblings, and even children. It's really fucking hard to be …

I think what others are saying unless someone says I hate you, then it's based on your feelings. Feelings are 100% valid but not facts. I'm anxiously attached and felt many people have disliked me ov…

You mentioned you were raised by a Narcissist. FAs usually have complex developmental trauma and this needs to heal for you to move towards earned secure attachment. Even if you are aware, FA tends t…

No, my statement has nothing to do with validation. I find when someone says 'that's invalidating', they haven't sat down and thought about what they're saying. And why would I need to constantly vali…

Sorry, the more correct term is fearful avoidant leaning avoidant, and DA and FA are their own categories. However, there are a number of variations among FAs, including whether we lean anxious or avo…

"Bare metal" is a term that older than k8s. Its meaning is derived from virtualization. A bare metal server is a server that runs directly on the physical hardware, as opposed to a virtual server whic…

Bare metal refers to the layer below a hypervisor. Eg directly on a physical server. Useful for situations where you want to dedicate a piece of hardware to a task (usually super high performance data…

Openstack essentially lets you self host an AWS like cloud platform. You can use GitHub actions to deploy to self hosted servers. Also curious why you don’t want to use containers and want to deploy …

I was diagnosed three years ago with ADHD. My wife, who is a psychotherapist, speculated for a long time and then gave me an assessment, which was then confirmed with a psychiatrist. But I've been run…

This is super impressive! I relate to that frustration with fragmented UK property data soooo much. I'm actually working on automating my own property investing workflow (tho not nearly as sophisticat…

Oh man, I feel this post in my bones! As someone with ADHD who built a whole business helping other ADHD entrepreneurs (Scattermind), I can tell you you're definitely not alone. The "100 ideas but ca…

This is super impressive! I relate to that frustration with fragmented UK property data soooo much. I'm actually working on automating my own property investing workflow (tho not nearly as sophisticat…

Oh man, I feel this post in my bones! As someone with ADHD who built a whole business helping other ADHD entrepreneurs (Scattermind), I can tell you you're definitely not alone. The "100 ideas but ca…

Heidi Priebe videos cover this alot, the hyper focus on fixing others to get our needs met Ultimately it's about accepting that sometimes people we like are not meant for us and we aren't meant for …

1. Therapy is like training wheels. If you can’t even ‘shop’ for a therapist, meaning: seeing their profiles, interview them, try it out, switch, maybe come back, maybe move on means you don’t have a …

This is backwards. First, you need healthy self esteem. Boundaries are a natural effect. You need to trust yourself so when the red flags go up, you will do right by you. If you do not value yourself,…

😂😂 I didn’t say that. This is why I’m saying you don’t have a point you’re just arguing with yourself. I didn’t say the most toxic thing APs do is having “too much empathy”. I’ve never mentioned AP…

You nailed it, western culture isn’t just “about freedom,” it’s engineered for hyper-independence and maximum consumption. That’s why divorce, loneliness, and relational burnout are the norm, not the …

From my POV it looks like she always passed on dates but then it was on her to schedule a date that she can actually attend (if she's both secure and interested) - and she never did that. You might ha…

It would be unhealthy or hyper vigilance to treat everyone like my toxic avodant ex.

Yeah, I feel you my friend. That hypervigilance that's always sort of "on" under the surface. And what makes it harder to overcome is the fact that we can point to all these instances where that hyp…

And my narrative is “all insecure styles have their issues and do not hyper focus on DAs when all insecures are not good partners” that’s the entire fucking point but y’all, YOU, wanna comment to me m…

Hey OP, thank you for being so open, truly. That raw fear of abandonment, the intense pull-push of wanting connection while also feeling like you’ll be “too much” for someone is all classic anxious pr…

Your post is a month old with 251~ comments. my reply is probably going to go into the wind. I'm gay so I can't really comment on dating women but I also feel avoidants is super common in the dating p…

I’d advise being in active therapy while working through this. I went to CBT for ROCD and my fearful avoidant tendencies while dating a good friend of mine and the progress I made was life changing. I…

I just broke up with an FA 3 weeks ago. After 4 years of a hard pattern playing on repeat. The only difference is improvements were being made but mostly because I was working really hard to heal my o…

Go slow, always offer space. And, difficult but, when it’s something out of proportion, or irrational, that’s not something to take personally. FA brain is always on hyper vigilant mode. And it’s no…

Amen. I've read every comment up to now without commenting and while there has been some great insight on "how" to show up for an FA partner, the "what happens when they don't like it" insights are la…

Before our “conflict,” things were okay and like I said he is warm to others except me. It’s hard not to take that personally when after 7 years of friendship, he suddenly goes cold on me; especially …

This actually makes me feel a lot better I feel like I’m just hyper fixating on like “ok maybe he will just answer and he’s busy there’s no way this is happening” which makes me AA. I feel a lot of a…

I think it may be a sign that the relationship is being allowed to take up too much of your time and focus. I find if you have a hobby or you balance your attention time and effort across family and f…

I think you're right in your concern that forcing yourself to be alone to get better is a trauma response. Some people get hyper-independent to cope with being let down by others. I found that I was m…

Hi everyone, I’m in my early 20s, and recently I went through my longest relationship so far — almost 2 years — with someone who is also my age, and has BPD. I have AuDHD on top of everything. Our rel…

That sounds very triggering! It sounds like you wanted more out of this than it’s turning out to be, and maybe this fellow is trying to make a polite exit. It’s impossible to know why. Maybe he’s avoi…

Already started therapy a couple weeks after breakup.  As far as engagement I thought that's what she may have wanted...I think she did in the moment, but it triggered something in her.  I was there f…

Since like teenage years I’ve only had like 3 serious relationships but I’ve dated a number of people. Prior to my first serious (teens) I would date someone I “liked” and then break up with them li…

I think what you’re describing is actually really common in anxious–avoidant pairings. You’re not crazy for how you reacted.Your nervous system was just trying to find safety, while his was trying to …

Also - hyper vigilance is sooo common. Constantly scanning for signs that they’re going to leave. I think it’s helpful to try to pause and turn inward in those moments and talk to yourself as you take…

Hi!! My apologies for commenting late in the game to your post. As an AuDHD myself, I can't confirm that moving slowly in a relationship is correlated to AuDHD. There are AuDHD / autistic people who a…

You’re really doing great - this is just so hard! I’m gonna say something that might sound counterintuitive and blasphemous, but I hope you’ll stick around to read my long winded explanation of why 😅…

I think reading about his personality style will help you a lot. Your husband is not you, he sees the world/people differently than you. We are hypersensitive to reading the room, but I think reading …

We take on the responsibility/the hyper vigilance as an attempt at control. We need to give the responsibility back to the other person to communicate- so even if they literally are lying, it’s in the…

I find it helpful to do this in situations where shifting focus in the healthy thing to do. So if let's say I know that nothing is really wrong, but for some reason I'll fixate on my friend's and/or p…

I’m also an FA, and I’ve been in therapy a while. I’m not an expert, just been trying to improve little by little and your post really resonated with me. I also feel like it’s hard to determine what i…

I'm struggling with what is realistic to ask/expect regarding texting. I spent the entire weekend with my boyfriend, he left for work this morning and we texted throughout the day while he was at work…

this is the pendulum swing most people don’t talk about you go from hyper-vigilant to hyper-permissive, thinking that’s growth. it’s not. it’s overcorrecting. healing isn’t about overriding your inst…