responsibility

breakthrough trip & the bigger picture — Hello, it's me again. I know that there are people here who enjoy reading my experiences so thus my posting. Obviously a disclaimer is this experience is under the influence of a psychadelic, but it t…

Post-quality time cool down? Is this a pattern for DAs? — My (FA) therapist and I (lol) may have noticed a pattern with my partner (DA); after an increased amount of quality time together (compared to our usual 1+ times per week), or increased amount of mess…

The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…

Even as an FA the one thing I'll never understand about avoidants is how they can hate someone they cared about a week ago. — I was reflecting and journaling on my past relationships, and taking full responsibility for past mistakes. I'm an FA so there were times when I thought I needed external validation to feel whole, and…

E-commerce Industry News Recap 🔥 Week of May 5th, 2025 — Hi r/ecommerce \- I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter. Every week for the past 3+ years I've posted a summary recap of the week's top stories…

This Week's Top E-commerce News Stories 💥 May 5th, 2025 — Hi r/Shopify - I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter, which I've published weekly since 2021. I was invited by the Mods of this subreddit to s…

Should I move from Supabase to a self-hosted backend? — I’ve been using **Supabase** for my current app—mainly for Postgres, authentication, and storage. It’s been super convenient for getting started, but I’m starting to think about switching to a **self-…

Head of Digital - Feeling burnt out. — Hey everyone, I’m in a “Head of Digital” role at a mid-sized company — but in practice, I’m the only technical person in a team full of editors and project managers from a traditional print publishin…

This is what happens when your FA ex comes back — This is my personal experience for those who are curious. Of course everyone will be different but I thought it might help those who are waiting or wishing (APs I'm talking mostly to you) Firstly the…

Depression and self harm needs to be discussed with professionals. — I cannot stress this enough. Please do not use suicide coded language or express intent or desire to self harm in this subreddit. These are issues that need to be addressed by trained professionals. M…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

Mostly healed, but I can’t stop walking on eggshells before I trust a new date (anxious-ambivalent) — Edit: I’m single but I’ve dated guys online. I’ve changed almost all of my symtoms from anxious-ambivalent to secure attachment. When I first start text someone romantically however, it’s all good un…

Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…

Recovering DA trying to reconnect with FA wife — For context: * I (40M) am a DA, my wife (41F) an FA. We have three children. * Together for 17 years, married for 13 years, distant/no-touch for over 10 years but stable and no deep conflicts. * Cont…

Stress over him smoking — So I don’t really understand this anxiety either but I really don’t like smoking. I don’t smoke but I’m okay with whoever wants to, unless they pressure me to do the same thing. So I’ve been with my p…

A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…

A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…

March 2026 Astrology: Transits, Key Dates, and More — **Last month’s write-up, I ended with this,** *“Let’s just say we end the month in a chaotic state of energy. Nothing seems real while at the same time, there is a sense of urgency that something need…

F**CKKKKKKKKK — I don’t really have anywhere to say this, so I’m just putting it here. I was with someone for a long time who I truly believed was my person. From the beginning, there was just something about her th…

Married 5 months after 10 years together (M32 / F29) — she started talking to another guy right after the wedding. We’re now on a 30-day separation and I don’t know what to do. — I’m looking for honest advice from people who have either been through something like this or have perspective I might not be seeing right now. My wife (F29) and I (M32) have been together for about …

„Did you forgive them yet?“ — I stood my ground and said NO. — I opened up about my abuse to a 'spiritual friend'. His first question was: „Have you managed to forgive them yet?“ I said NO. And it's NOT my duty to forgive. He said „But forgiveness causes healin…

A lot can change, if you allow it to. — It’s my time to give back to this community. Just to put a perspective to things, I don’t mean to boast. I am not very talented, just stubborn and a hard worker. If I can transform my scenario, so c…

What’s the healthy way for us (46F, 46M) to resolve conflicts that my boyfriend has? — Tl;dr: what’s the healthy way for us to resolve conflicts? \*\*Background:\*\* I (46F) have been dating my boyfriend (46M) for about 6 months. Neither of us has been married or has kids, and neither …

Unexpected gift of healing — The unexpected and awesome gift of healing from codependency (or rather the trauma that underpins it) is the gift of time. I have so much more time for myself now when I: * don’t get involved in th…

Opened up to my wife about how I feel about our relationship and she just said "That's your problem" - am I crazy? — We're both in our mid 40s, been together for 20+ years and we have two kids who are both teenagers and I've been thinking about divorce for quite a while now as I feel like I just don't get anything b…

Friend said something that shocked me and explained everything... — Edit: added an extra story to the bottom since this post seemed to resonate with people so much. Be strong folks, you're no one's NPC. You can go back and find a lot of my story on my page, but essen…

UPDATE: My (32f) fiancé (28m) repeatedly does not clean the house — Hello lovely reddit. First relevant links. My first post I deleted (so you can peruse the comments if you are interested): [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/18yjl0g/my\_32f\_fianc%C3%…

I (28F) care deeply about my fiancé (28M) but feel like the romantic connection has faded after years of imbalance. How do you know when it’s truly over? — From a burner account. I’m looking for some perspective because I feel like I’m at the end of a long internal process and I don’t know if I’m being unfair or if this is just the reality of where my re…

My (F28) partner (M28) gave me an ultimatum: him or my birds. Idk what to do — Hi everyone, I could really use some outside perspective. I (F28) have been in a relationship with my partner (M28) for about 3 years. I love him a lot and I genuinely imagined a future with him. We …

Should I help repay my sister’s debt to protect my parents? — I’m 31F. My sister is 29F and lives in Canada. We come from a lower middle-class Indian family that has mostly lived paycheck to paycheck. My sister always dreamed of studying abroad. She completed …

18 months after my husband’s affair and the “ick” just hit. Has anyone ever gotten attraction back after this? — About 18 months ago I discovered my husband had been having an 3 year long emotional affair with a coworker that he admits he was actively pursuing. We decided to try to reconcile. To his credit, he …

I (26F) told my boyfriend (26M) I sometimes miss the freedom of being single and he broke up with me on my birthday — I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for about 2.5 years. A couple nights ago we were lying down together and having a really open conversation about different things going on in our lives. The …

Letting go is liberating — Letting go is liberating. I’ve learned that if you don’t break the cycle with a narcissist, they will always find a way to pull you back in. Each time you think it will be different, but it only gets …

Doing meditation for past 100 days — Unable to do meditation for not more than 6 or 8 minutes, than increased it day by day and now do 25 minutes of daily meditation, Does anyone notice these things, which I noticed ? 1. Music feels mor…

I wish I left after the first affair — I feel so stupid for trying to reconcile after I caught the first affair. I was too much of a coward. I was too afraid to be alone. I was still in love. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal, everything wa…

Rescuing vs. Responsibility to Child — I am new the concepts of codependency so please bear with me. My son has struggled with chemical dependency for a couple of years now. He dropped out of school and cant keep a job and has no desire t…

People Pleasers Make the Worst Partners — I'm a Codepedent in Recovery. My partner is also a Codependent (Severe) and he's refusing healing and is a Chronic People pleaser. Being in a relationship with a people pleaser is exhausting. You sl…

If your avoidant ex discarded you: go no contact immediately. — writing this as someone who only figured out I'm avoidant/what avoidance truly is post-breakup: the kindest thing you can do for yourself as the ex of an avoidant is respect yourself enough to have t…

Calling AM on her bluff, even if it means she becomes homeless — \*\*\*\*Warning this contains Abuse, this is not for everyone if you’re under 18 please do not continue reading this. I’ll try to make it brief. My AM was a single parent of 5 kids. That’s where he…

UPDATE: I asked for a divorce — Here is my original post: https://old.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/1b6vfpt/i_asked_for_a_divorce/ Hi everyone. Hope this post finds everyone better than the last time I posted. I last po…

Why do we downplay the issues our partner had and take all the responsibility? — Basically the title. I put in so much time and effort into my past relationship. There are things in hindsight I could have done better, but those became clear only after being blindsided that they wa…

I (36M) am in tears in my own home while my parents play with my daughter. — My wife has gone away for a conference today (for the first time since we had a kid). I am alone with my parents in my own home and feel so unsafe with them. At any time, I fear an attack will come my…

I (21M) have survived two decades of severe physical, emotional, and financial abuse from my Indian parents. I'm finally exhausted and need to tell my story. I am not free yet. — # TL;DR: I'm a 20-year-old only child in India who has endured severe physical, verbal, emotional, and financial abuse from my parents since toddlerhood. They have beaten me, medically neglected me, …

Did your parents expect you to be grateful for keeping you alive and maybe doing just above the bare minimum? — Sometimes I just stop and think about how a person can bring life into the world when no one asked them to, have that life be literally dependent on them, and then use that power to guilt them by call…

Are you easily get upset or resentful — Fine I have expectations from people. But I am expecting what I give. If my friend wants to enjoy his last ride with car and invites me for example, I wouldnt say “its too late,its too far,too much t…

"Men Can't Be Men Anymore" — A week ago, I [posted about the Louis Theroux documentary on the “Manosphere,”](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1rtveyg/the_manosphere/) noting my surprise at the scale of the phenomenon, u…

My (31M) GF (28F) Informed Me That She Kissed a Stranger At an Outing While Playing Truth or Dare 2 Months Ago. How do I navigate this? — While having a conversation with my girlfriend today, I joked that I have magic powers. To which she stated rather casually that if I did I would have seen that she kissed a guy two months ago. I tho…

Has anyone had to fix their moral compass because they weren't taught how to be a good human? — Please be kind, I don't know where else to go with these thoughts. I've been mulling them over for a long time now with nowhere to go and no one to talk to about it. I never learned from my parents …

If you were the dumper you need to be the one to reach out if you want a relationship with that person again. — PSA for all you dumpers out there, if you’re experiencing a breakup and are in your head about them not reaching out because they “don’t love you anymore” or they “never cared” your in the wrong. Thi…

An Eerie Success story from yesterday that PROVES the Power of these teachings!! Healing my Mothers back, I influenced her mind with Robotic affirmations and a personal success healing story. — So I wanted to share this with you today, as a reminder of the sheer immense power of these teachings and also as a reminder, that when I share my word salads here, you can actually rest assured, that…

[Partner] Wife’s suppressed severe trauma surfaced. She’s in extreme ‘flight’ mode, refusing therapy, and I am burning out. Need honest outlooks. — \*\*Added some new context at the end Hi everyone. I’m hoping to find some perspective, hard truths, or shared experiences from those who have navigated severe PTSD/CPTSD dynamics. I am completely e…

I think a better phrasing would be assigning responsibility, not blame. Our parents neglected their responsibilities to us when they neglected us. It's less about pointing a finger at a person and mor…

I think its more about your relationship to it, like personally and privately. Before you bring your caregiver into the conversation. If you hurt your child by ignoring their feelings when they were c…

Doesn't seem to account for that there are bad actors who'll say any attribution of responsibility toward them (on what they can control) is them being victim blamed simply as a way of maintaining the…

None of this announcement caters to how the 'bad actor' is receiving anything. The onus is entirely on the person giving feedback. Even the sentence 'if someone reports something' ends with 'and it se…

You’re the only one I ever see mentioning coffee 😂I get you’re trying to be cute but I haven’t heard it once. I’m asking about *you*. Not anything thing in any sub. There are dozens of success storie…

"Point 1: Simple. Maladaptive daydreaming (MD) is a proposed mental disorder where someone excessively daydreams in a vivid and immersive way, **often to the point of neglecting real-life responsibili…

>I have had conversations with my partner over time about attachment styles, and they eventually determined that the descriptions of Avoidant Attachment sounds awfully familiar to them. They have star…

Interestingly enough we don’t see that though. We see post after post of people wanting to fix their ex or figure out how to make it work. I rarely see posts with people venting about the issue while …

"Your feelings are your responsibility" as gross misunderstanding equating to "you should not have an emotional response or request based on my behavior"

This is not a competition who is far less irritating or who is more evil than the other. Its about both parties should be taking accountability. I am more than agree with you that AP’s biggest challen…

Yes, that's precisely my message! And that's why I started treating myself for my issues so aggressively since my late teens (now mid/late 20s). I didn't want to keep passing on the cycle, and this go…

I’m not playing the “Oh yeah, you’re a fan? Name five of their songs, then” game. As adults, we know when we’re taking responsibility and doing the work, and when we’re not. I don’t have to prove an…

It's nor your fault whatever you've been through, but reprogramming yourself is your responsibility! You are a shining light and I can't imagine how hard it is, but we'll done for starting the proces…

To answer: They will escalate negative behavior towards you if you’re not respecting their distance or wishes for disengagement. I once told an ex, “If you keep staying with me I will treat you worse …

You can help him by helping him help himself. (Now that's a crazy sentence) He has to take responsibility for his behavior. That includes finding a way to stop taking shit out on you. Now is the t…

I asked my therapist this question and she said it's not my responsibility to tell him to get therapy. Think about this...you have worked REALLY hard to become securely attached. Don't you think …

It is different for me too. One is an apology, and the other one feels more just expressing guilt or absorbing responsibility to some degree. At least for my DA ex, I knew there was no ill intent in m…

Hey. These titles are often interchangeable but can mean different things for different organisations, depending on their role responsibility expectations, product/services. As such I wouldn't focus…

I hated making a plan for years and writing all the little things down. But that's what helped me. I know it's cliche. But writing to-do lists helps a lot. I have a Trello with weekdays, monthly plans…

Backstage is a "free" IDP in the same way you would get a "free" car if some dumped all the parts of a Chevy on your desk and said "congratulations, here's your free ride." It's OK for hobbyists, but…

There is a lot of middle ground before you hire an employee. You could contract out for a personal assistant. They work for themselves and usually have several clients. You could contract with an over…

It’s astonishing how you think you know me to try and acknowledge anything about a stranger online 😭 thank you, I know that I’m avoidant and also fluctuate between FA and DA. I know about my behaviou…

It feels like a child is clinging to me and then getting angry with me if I try to have a life or any interests outside of them. It starts with needling comments from them, passive aggression, accusat…

That's fair if ya take my post as a description of all FAs. I'm not sure what it means to be 100% disorganized. Fearful avoidant is the label for people who utilize a mix of AP and DA strategies. I wo…

I get what you're saying with respect to people taking responsibility for their actions, but I think it's unrealistic to expect everyone to be at the same point in their healing journey as you are. If…

We should all focus making our selves happy first or at least try to figure out what triggers and learn to control/live with these so it does not effect others. No matter what your attachment style is…

All I can say is you seem anxious, also don’t take responsibility for everything. You are not responsible for other people’s emotions

Yeah, I have mixed feelings about romanticizing someone finally owning emotional responsibility

I'm definitely not a philosopher by any means, but here are my thoughts. The article references previous research by Monroe & Malle (2009), where it's said that people's concept of free will consists …

I'm not suggesting that sub is 100% bad (nothing is all bad or all good). But it's absolutely an echo-chamber that frequently becomes toxic and dehumanizing, conflates every negative behavioral trait …

>While it's indeed true people (and early on myself included, until I knew better) confuse or wrongly attribute abusive patterns and narcissism to avoidant attachment, I don't think it's intentional. …

You claimed that the most toxic things APs do is “have too much empathy,” which amusingly points to one of the primary hurdles APs have to overcome in order to heal.  I claim that the most toxic shit …

When I said you guys I meant avoidants. A partner feeling sharing themselves with me isn't a burden and my emotions aren't their responsibility, but it's nice to know I have someone who isn't going to…

Time to move on, dude... You're lucky you got the money you did. A lot of talented creatives never see a nickle from their work... at least in this lifetime. But you have, and obviously what you've do…

Oh totally they just wanna get to the part where OP takes them back. They don’t want to actually accept any personal responsibility. In fact, they probably don’t even know how to.

The learning that has made progress possible is also one of the hardest parts of this journey for me. As I work to heal my abandonment wounds and anxious attachment, I also find myself understanding t…

No, it’s not normal to ask for that much space. The idea that dismissive avoidants “need space” gets thrown around a lot, but here’s the truth: that need for space usually comes from emotional overwhe…

Of wanting to be in a relationship, if he was ready for fully committing, and he was EXTRA scared of hurting me. He knew he liked me but being in a relationship felt stressful. And I was able to stay …

What you might be able to ask is what the pause will help her do. Sometimes DAs can feel like they’ll let you down if they have to maintain the relationship while a bunch else is stressing them out. S…

What does this even mean? One person is being emotionally abusive and the other person is… what? Learning to tolerate it better? Understanding their triggers so they can avoid setting off their abuser…

Okay, this is long and it might sound harsh, but I relate to a lot of what you're going through and acted much in the same way as you did, and I've gone from anxiously attached within a friendship to …

I tend to agree. While some alone time is fine, “space” as in “the expectations of the relationship are a problem and I want to absolve myself of the responsibility temporarily because I want to live …

From the purely bystander's perspective, ie. the rational and adult brain perspective with 0 emotions involved, him telling you to "act normal" was yet another of his defense mechanisms. From the po…

Well my post was more about my experience with learning to take space and regulate myself and focus on myself instead of my previous behaviour of being completely focused on him instead. Security is a…

As soon as I accepted that some people just aren’t that attracted to or interested in me, but are willing to date me for the convenience of easy/on demand sex or attention, it got a lot easier to let …

You just described my BPD ex wife. FA, would ignore me instead of addressing concerns. Emotionally unstable. Wouldn’t talk about something until it was time for WW3. Blame shifted. Justified her actio…

To make sure I’m interpreting this right - you were loving one day, and then the next day you woke up feeling afraid that your trust in him was misplaced? Did he do anything between those two events t…

I‘m going to make this short: You did nothing wrong. In fact, you did everything right, his behavior is objectively not okay and it’s neither your fault nor your responsibility. I don’t think that any…

Never experienced this, but my advice is that you should learn to express yourself when things bother you in the moment instead of keeping things to yourself. Your inability to be vulnerable with othe…

My ex and I have been apart almost four months. I realize now I'm fearful avoidant. When we got together, I actually kind of didn't want to. I had left my last relationship a few years before and felt…