book
narcissist
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Citations (101)
Have any good book recs? I used to think it was just her attachment style, cuz that seems to be the go-to reasoning these days, especially because the word "narcissist" is overused. However, I liste…
Posting anonymously is now possible! — Considering the topic of this subreddit, we acknowledge that in some cases users may feel posting through their own accounts may be possibly problematic and obstructs safety to an extent. For those wh…
A Procedural Update for the Continued Health of Our Subreddit. — Hey everyone on r/NarcissisticAbuse. We get it, we really do– the U.S. political situation right now is a bloody mess with further escalation, rather than some kind of stability, on the horizon. W…
Anyone Else Feel Relationships just Aren't for them? — Hello all, I'm basically pretty severely A.P. , & so far I've been unable to get close to anyone (romantically) in my life without just exploding with terror that I'll be abandoned (or feeling a stro…
What I'm realizing: I relate closest to others with deep trauma and that is a troublesome recipe. — TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfunction. I grew up with an alcoholic parent…
How do I ask for support in a secure way? (Hyper-independent) — I used to be more anxious-ambivalent and now I’m more secure with a bit avoidance. The pendulum has swung a bit to the other way. My problem now is that I don’t know how to tell someone that I’m curre…
Weekly Newcomer Questions, Support, Vents & Victories — As the community continues to grow and attract people who are just figuring this all out, we've decided to change the weekly thread focus to be more open and encourage newcomer questions and support. …
I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …
My father is sabotaging my career and medical treatments through "smear campaigns" and monitoring. I feel like I'm living in a Truman Show nightmare. — I (25F) am an Indian doctor currently preparing for NEET PG, and I am living with a family led by a malignant narcissistic father. My mother and brother are complete enablers. I’m writing this becaus…
Update: My mom actually showed up at my friend's home to get my therapist's contact info. — First post: https://old.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/1qgkzxj/mom_threatened_to_go_to_friends_house_to_find_my/ A month ago she threatened to do it, at which point I told her the truth: n…
Did your Narcissist gift you a " Trash " gift? — My Nmom would gift me the most ugliest things to wear just to make me look bad in front of other people, to the point where I wore something she gave me and I would find out I was being laughed at by …
DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…
It’s my birthday. I’ve made it to 55. — Despite having two narcissistic, extremely emotionally immature, miserably inadequate so-called parents who made my life a living hell , I have SURVIVED. 💜❤️💜
Y'all ever realize how narcissists create unconditional amounts of chaos and then blame everyone else for it? — Like I can't be the only one. They're literally come in disrupt your entire day leave you in the aftermath of a tornadoes chaos and then look at you with this genuine look of concern and confusion as …
Want to hurt a covert narcissist? Tell people the truth (but be smart about it) — **DISCLAIMER:** Only do this if you are physically, financially, emotionally, and psychologically separated and safe from a narcissist. The following will probably not be applicable if you have to mai…
I (28F) am tired of constantly having to ask or tell my partner (28F) how to love/care for me. Do I just move on? — I’ll start off by saying, I completely understand we have to communicate with others on the ways we want to be loved and cared for. This isn’t that anymore. My gf and I have been together for a littl…
What happens when a narcissist gets engaged? — Genuinely asking because I found out he recently got engaged with his gf I tried to warn that he cheats.. but what do narcissist do when they get engaged, do they actually change? They been together f…
Covert narcissists are drawn to people with a strong instinct to help and care. — I grew up early. Owning Responsibilities that weren't mine. I learned that love was earned through being useful, stable, and selfless. I became the person people brought their chaos to. The one who a…
I’ve been with a narc for 5 years and I don’t recognize myself anymore. How do I get "me" back? — I’m writing this because I feel completely lost. I’ve been with a narcissistic partner for 5 years, and looking in the mirror is scary because I don’t know the person looking back. I used to be jovia…
Gray rocking for over a year has made me see how really crazy he is — I still have to stay in touch with my ex covert narcissist because we have a child together. On my end I keep things extremely civil, I only talk to him about things that I have to talk to him about r…
My desire for relationships disappeared after a narcissistic ex. Has anyone else experienced this? — I was in a relationship with a narcissist for about a year. After it ended, I spent about two years working through it with a therapist, and I’ve continued doing a lot of personal work since then. I r…
Feelings of self hatred without my crystals — I am staying in my mother's house, and I tend to get feelings of self-hatred. I don't know if it's me or the house, but I wear protective crystals. It helps. I left the bracelets off for 24 hours, an…
As an artist, I now can see the reason I loved art, nature, and music so much growing up was a form of escapism from my emotionally neglectful parents — Can anyone else relate? I think when I was younger, getting lost in a painting or paying attention very closely to the natural world around me would help me find joy in a world where I felt extremely …
Did yours seem attracted to you when you were succeeding at life, but also resentful? — Did you ever notice that yours would say things that seemed to contradict their body language? If you were succeeding in your career or personal life, mine would comment on it ‘positively’ but their b…
Therapist told me I was a narcissist during a session, completely shutdown. — Hi everyone. I have been actively looking for a psychiatrist or therapist to take me seriously when trying to pick through cPTSD, and autistic shutdown. The services in my province (Canadian) only of…
Did your narcissist go through pets like they were handbags? — I remember so many pets that were either sold after the narc only had them for a few months. Or the pet just wouldn’t make it. Snakes, dogs, cats, hedgehogs, ferrets, chinchillas, possibly more. Whe…
The horrific stories of abuse on this page make me feel ashamed of my CPTS. — I had a narcissistic father and a neglectful, mentally ill mother and my childhood was very unstable, but my story pales in comparison to the gut-wrenching stories on here. I read a story about someon…
I hate narcissists! — I tried so hard to forgive. I even made a comment here months ago about forgiveness. I was trying to delude myself. Narcissists deserve to rot and burn in the lowest depths of hell there is. How can y…
My boyfriend (31M) is upset I prioritize money and don’t want kids, even though I (24F) told him this from the start — I (24F, in university) have been dating my boyfriend (31M) for 3 years. We both still live separately with our parents. From the very beginning, I was **extremely upfront** about my priorities: I do…
When it’s finally over with a narc or NPD person — I said this in a comment to someone else’s post but I feel like I should post it here, just in case it helps someone. There’s no way of truly knowing whether or not a person with narcissistic traits…
Letting go is liberating — Letting go is liberating. I’ve learned that if you don’t break the cycle with a narcissist, they will always find a way to pull you back in. Each time you think it will be different, but it only gets …
Nmom said out loud: "I should adopt that kid, maybe he'd take care of me when I'm old" — I wanted to pull my hair out when I heard this. Nmom is in her late 50s. We have a relative who's a young boy and the parents are neglectful. Nmom said that maybe she'd adopt the kid, NOT out of con…
I am 18F and I’m exhausted dealing with my Indian mom who practically worships her narcissistic, manipulative younger brother and lets him control my life while treating me like garbage. — My mom (44F) has two younger brothers. The one I’m talking about is the middle child. He’s married and has a 10-year-old daughter. In my opinion he is one of the most narcissistic, selfish, and arroga…
Missing my old self. — I miss my old self. I miss everything about my life before I got into a relationship with my narcissist ex. I was fun, carefree, light, and I genuinely loved life. I feel like I’ve had a dark cloud o…
How dating a narcissist has changed you to this day? — I personally now clasify people very quickly: you either have empathy or you don't. I'm a bit black or whote thinking in this aspect. I don't want people around me that are non-compassionate. I f…
Comically anti AM agenda in the 2025 series Alien : Earth — The show is so bad that Im not even mad. Imagine. Weland-Yutani is a half Japanese megacorp but there is not a single AM in sight in the entire series. The company is run by AF. Wait, actually there…
A simple example of how narcissists create no win situations. — My fil is a narcissistic abuser. I want to mention he did MUCH worse things than what I’m depicting below. But the example is so simple I wanted to share for people who maybe stuck in similarly confus…
If your avoidant ex discarded you: go no contact immediately. — writing this as someone who only figured out I'm avoidant/what avoidance truly is post-breakup: the kindest thing you can do for yourself as the ex of an avoidant is respect yourself enough to have t…
The dangerous 'toxic positivity' of AI therapy: A personal story — **TL;DR:** I used a customized Gemini "Gem" as a complementary therapist, but it completely failed to spot a predator. The AI interpreted extreme red flags (love bombing, gaslighting, and manipulation…
The best and 5 worst things I did after 5 breakups in 12 years chasing unavailable partners, and I just got marriaged on 2.14.2026 — I've been through 5 painful breakups over the last decades, all with the same pattern: I'd chase someone emotionally/physically unavailable—either a cheater or straight-up avoidant—who'd pull away jus…
How can I build a personal life that doesn’t depend on other people? — Hi Reddit!! I really need an outside perspective on my situation, because I feel like I’m completely lost in where I’m going and what I actually want from my life… Maybe people who have learned to man…
Worth the wait — About 6 years ago, I (34F) hit rock bottom. My life was in shambles after an abusive relationship, so I had no other choice but to go back to live in my mother’s house for a while. At this point, I wa…
What happens when the narcissist realizes this whole time they may have actually been delusional? — Narcissists spend their whole lives as a lie so im curious, has anyone actually seen what it's like for a narcissist to seem to get a glimpse of clarity that shows them that maybe their life isn't all…
A Narcissus is an empty shell with no real existence — "A Narcissus, such as Ovid's Narcissus, is someone who thinks he has found himself by looking in the mirror. His life consists in searching for his reflection in the gaze of others. The other exists, …
My cheater soon the be ex husband got cheated on. — Wanted to post this so you could have a laugh today. 😂 My soon to be ex husband got cheated on by the trash affair partner he had during his deployment. She too was cheating on her husband when cheat…
"You'll understand when you have kids..." — ... has got to be the biggest load of narcissistic bullshit. I hope I can treat my kids with love and compassion instead of control and manipulation. I was also told, "I know you better than you know …
The one trait that predicts narcissism more reliably than anything else — I spent years trying to figure out why some people drain everything around them while others don't. After a lot of research and painful personal experience, I found one principle that predicts it more…
Signs you dated a narcissist — This goes for both girls and guys and I realized all this after breaking up with my ex. 1. They replace you immediately they cannot handle being alone, they need someone to uplift them. aka their …
I am so done with narcissistic people — I just can’t deal with that anymore. For me it all started with a narc father. As an adult, i have dated three people with npd/bpd or strong traits I and just can’t take that emotional and physical ab…
How does the narcissist feel inside? — This is something I wrestle with, knowing what I know about narcissists. I know they don’t really feel empathy or remorse, so is their internal world just sunshine and rainbows? Most narcs I’ve met se…
My girlfriend drove 10 hours to see me and my mom showed up at 3 am and ruined everything — Someone told me I should come over here and check this community out. I’m not sure if my mother is a narcissist or not. I just need some similar stories, advice, or ways to handle this going further. …
All BS is by definition 100% wrong. And god is the ultimate narcissist, and arent we made in the image and likeness of god ?
What about Neville is narcissistic ? Where he says that you are god ?
Kinda cruel to do something that hurts them. Haven't you both hurt enough from breaking up? I mean most couples did have allot love or strong feelings for their person at some point. Getting closure i…
He's a serious narcissist. It comes through. Better off leaving this sub.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's pretty obvious from reading that garbage he wrote up there.
Maybe (as an FA) I can offer some insight… I was raised by a narcissist. In spite of my best efforts (15 years in therapy), I still have a high risk of ending up in a relationship with one. The mom…
You are correct. Your perception of love is warped. And thus it can be really hard finding it without accidentally finding yourself in shit relationships. As many have commented, avoidants typically …
I really appreciate you taking the time to write this response. I was raised by a narcissist, so I like to get a second opinion on thoughts like these.
You mentioned you were raised by a Narcissist. FAs usually have complex developmental trauma and this needs to heal for you to move towards earned secure attachment. Even if you are aware, FA tends t…
Hi there, i know it's only been a day, but are there any updates? Reading this, i feel a pit in my stomach for you and hope that he's just busy. It's almost like getting the news that someone you love…
When you shame them for becoming distant, or misconstrue that distance as them hating you. Being too emotionally overbearing, *without explanation*. Being narcissistic or abusive, which is a given. Re…
My phrasing was also strong. And to that level of controlling, yes, I agree. I presume this may happen for some severe anxious attachers or narcissists.
I'm a neuroscientist and I know a conditioned puppy when I see one. I will continue to meet what I sense being 110% wrapped up in classical conditioning and subjective emotions with 110% mental clar…
It feels like a child is clinging to me and then getting angry with me if I try to have a life or any interests outside of them. It starts with needling comments from them, passive aggression, accusat…
That's fair if ya take my post as a description of all FAs. I'm not sure what it means to be 100% disorganized. Fearful avoidant is the label for people who utilize a mix of AP and DA strategies. I wo…
Childhood trauma doesn't always look like yelling or hitting; people mistake this a lot. You can have a lovely attentive parent who still didn't teach you emotional regulation, sent you in time out in…
I definitely agree with this, however, as an AA it is useful to know about how FAs and DAs react and how to interact with them. This is for two reasons: first, no matter what I know in theory, as an A…
I def shifted from secure to anxious after the DA discard (first DA ever and first discard experience, man that hurt), had no probs with narcissist getting out of my life, but it was much more traumat…
And these are the people calling avoidants "narcissists" 💀
It’s so absurd! This is a slight tangent but it is such a red flag when these people are “always” getting entangled with narcissists 😂 How is that even possible?! Are they going to Cluster B Mixers?…
I don't want to go to those other spaces and have to wade through the slog, but could someone explain why we are lumped in with narcissists? Most of my family members are avoidant attatchers (it runs …
Exactly! The core belief of someone who has avoidant traits is "no one will see or meet my needs" whereas the core belief of narcissists or those with narcissistic traits is "I need to use others to f…
I am highly skeptical of people online armchair diagnosing anyone as a narcissist. 9/10 it just means "person that hurt me". It seems to be a way to write someone off and never have to understand thei…
100%. I think narcissism seems to have become this, honestly quite toxic, fad label that gets thrown around all over the place these days to label anyone who has hurt them I feel. The way I see it bei…
👏👏👏👏👏 It also makes you (the anxiously attached person doing the derailing) look like an absolute lunatic. Leaving no doubt about why your "narcissistic ex” broke up with you.
>While it's indeed true people (and early on myself included, until I knew better) confuse or wrongly attribute abusive patterns and narcissism to avoidant attachment, I don't think it's intentional. …
No I don’t and while I think you have some fair and good points, for some reason you’re very emotionally attached and aggravated by this.This is just a personal rant on some perceived grievance you ha…
In short, what he is doing will affect you exactly in the same way narcissistic abuse would do. Regardless if he's one or not, or if he's being conscious or not, the effects on your mental health will…
How to tell me he's a narcissist without telling me. You're his fallback supply. Don't believe a word he says, and continue to ghost.
Don’t respond. This bread crumbing is a classic technique used by narcissistic people to “hoover” you back in.
All due respect, you know nothing about my "mental state", just because you read a vent after I was discarded by an avoidant with narcissistic traits. > The problem she had was she always chose comf…
I have done some self-work and I might not be the most severe example of an AP, but I find that in a secure relationship I can become secure myself. I had an 8 year relationship with I believe a secur…
I think everyone has fear of committing and is mot that into yr partner at times. The difference is you keep working at it. Sometimes the other petson can sensevall your issues and get so frustrated t…
Did you notice that each time they came back the deactivation happened quicker each time? My experience From 1st kiss to deactivation around 2 months Went NC for 2 weeks She came back and we b…
I mean, you could have said the same thing about Hitler before the end. Or literally anyone who was majorly successful in their narcissistic, immoral agendas. This is a stupid post that ignores all th…
I know it’s hard and it feels unfair. You are going to have to do the greatest mental magic trick of your life and learn to ignore/hide your feelings. I know the feeling of not being good enough i…
She talked shit about me being obsessed with her, while unbeknownst to my friends she was breadcrumbing me, emotionally manipulating me and gaslighting me. The angriest I’ve ever seen her was when I …
Hey, I'm in a similar situation, do you have some suggestion on what to do when those shut downs happen? We end up arguing on super stupid stuff, because of her, she doesn't want to recognize it and…
I love the realization. Some narcissistic people only blame others completely to protect themselves while a smaller minority are able to realize both side's faults. You are very mature and im glad you…
Yes, I had / have the same experience ( former- I consider) FA. I rarely get attached to people, unless they prove themselves. And, at the slightest sign of them being inconsistent, I detach. I worke…
Leaders are kissing his ass because he is a narcissistic man-child, who can get a temper tantrum if his ego is not being stroked, and this could cause him try to destroy your country in his moronic ra…
I do do the cognitive restructuring, like reminding myself of all the things my partner has done to show care. It helps in the moment but like I said, once we break up I wonder if I should've listened…
I believe I have anxious attachment & feel stuck in my over 2 year relationship. I think he may be a narcissist & I’m trying to now make a plan to leave, he makes that very difficult. I feel your pain
Thank you for sharing this it really echoes my experiences! I too was anxious in my past relationship that in retrospect was very unhealthy and my ex was avoidant with downright narcissist traits. I h…
I believe her to be FA because she told me she has a fear of abandonment. Her father abandoned her and she has a track record of dating emotionally unavailable men or narcissists.
It occurs in any personality type, with the severity related to the level of personality organisation. Disorganised attachment and closely related BPD it's going to be prominent defence in the relati…
Narcissistic tendencies are trauma protection mechanisms, the actual labels don’t matter too much if you’re able to identify patterns. A very unhealthy person can exhibit all of these behaviors
Text of original post by u/f1rstpancake: TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfun…
The guideline I have always heard is if you are worried you might have NPD, you definitely don’t. As far as narcissistic traits, you are correct, everyone has some of them, it’s just a matter of how s…
All of that sounds very anxious attachment related. When you are operating out of fear (basically anxious attachment) your priority becomes to make that feeling go away, and you put it on the other pe…