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Idk if this will make you feel better, but my abuse was often physical, I was under no delusions that I wasn't abused, but I could not access therapy for many years because of financial reasons. Now a…
Victim Blaming will not be tolerated — Hey all, Codependency can lead to a ton of behaviors and relationship styles that are less than healthy, but as we all strive to better ourselves and shed these old habits that no longer serve us, it…
A Procedural Update for the Continued Health of Our Subreddit. — Hey everyone on r/NarcissisticAbuse. We get it, we really do– the U.S. political situation right now is a bloody mess with further escalation, rather than some kind of stability, on the horizon. W…
Long road to dream job and instant healing. — Bestcub called me to write this, I hope it will be helpful to someone. A story like many others. After years of wandering around shitty loa and other stupid spheres, books and forums I finally start…
Cannot stay attracted to dating app matches — I've never been in a relationship but I've been working on myself a lot and trying to put myself out there to find love. And I've just noticed a pattern of mine. But I just keep losing interest or ge…
A Modest Proposal — A Manifesto for Metrics-First Everything — Picture it: Q1 FY 2025. A Medicaid patient opens an app to request mental health services. The screen is sleek—gradient buttons, playful microinteractions, and conversion-optimized flows. A calm anima…
You know what sucks about being in the process of healing your attachment type? Dating someone who has no idea they have an insecure attachment and you're just wasting all that hard-earned security on someone who doesn't care — I've been fearful avoidant most of my life, and it's helped me in abandoning very healthy partners because I was too blind of my issues. For 2 years now I've been working on myself and seeing huge s…
Starting over — Heya, I don’t want this to be a negative thread— looking for some positivity and hope maybe? I (34F) am recently out of a one year relationship. It was my first secure relationship in my entire adult…
I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …
Struggling with losing my best friend/coworker, anxious attachment + limerence making it unbearable — Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for this long post. I’ll just post the TL;DR at the start. TL;DR: Lost my best friend/coworker of 7 years after a conflict. He’s now cold/avoiding me but friendl…
Struggling after “healing” is challenged — I’m a late 20s AA, I have put a ton of work into myself over the years to become secure (as secure as I can be at least). Recently I was seeing a guy, likely DA, who needed some space and we agreed …
Seeking self-closure — To give a brief overview. Had a multi year situationship with someone I had fallen for, a fearful avoidant. Much pulling and pushing until it ended by her pushing everything away. A year later she st…
Reflections of my healing journey (avoidant) — I’m grateful I decided to work on myself I still consider myself a constant work in progress (I’m neurodivergent,communication and misunderstanding has always been an issue) I used a lot of self h…
Depression and self harm needs to be discussed with professionals. — I cannot stress this enough. Please do not use suicide coded language or express intent or desire to self harm in this subreddit. These are issues that need to be addressed by trained professionals. M…
Anxiety only triggered in romantic relationship, how to manage it? — Hi everyone, I’m a 26M and fairly new to relationships. I’ve noticed my anxious attachment only really shows up in my romantic relationship, not with friends, family, or colleagues. With them I feel …
A message to earnestly curious skeptics and non-experiencers: How to engage experiencers within this community and learn about the topic. — We are seeing an increase of activity from people outside of experiencer circles in threads as time has moved on and more and more people are starting to understand there really is a "there there" and…
The most painful relationship and breakup I've ever had, but it cracked me open so that I could heal. I created a text message llm analysis tool that revealed insecure attachment. — EDIT - TLDR; 8-month, high-intensity relationship. I was DA-leaning; she showed a lot of push–pull/negative lensing. We loved each other and still couldn’t repair, so we went NC. Post-breakup I focuse…
Hello from your new mod — Hello from your new mod! 🤓 I’m someone who’s been on my healing journey for a long time, and I’ve had gotten so much out of communities on Reddit in my own process. The intention is to keep this s…
Thank you — I'm in one of the healthiest relationships I've ever been in, and this subreddit—along with my therapist—has helped me in a big way. I still get triggered, but I'm better at self-soothing and have lea…
Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…
Detachment or deactivation? — Me (23M) and my ex (22F) broke up one month ago because she was feeling overwhelmed by some arguments we had due to changes in our lives (new place to live, new work). She's FA. I was secure for almos…
We should keep in mind that its a spectrum.. — I realized something in my relationship and it is not much shared in this way so maybe it helps someone else I am anxious and my fiancee is avoidant. He is very introverted and trying to deal with hi…
I think I'm in the process of healing, but it hurts so much. Feeling very forgotten and abandoned tonight — I truly recognize and see how much I've grown and how far I've come. I have so much self awareness, gotten good at soothing myself, talking to myself, even managing anxiety attacks. It's not always pe…
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations
does anyone know of any meditations that focus specifically on calming/healing anxious attachment? — sometimes i feel like ill get my attachment issues triggered by something random and then spiral. im trying to not do this or at least handle it better. i also wanna get back into meditation. does any…
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…
The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…
What I'm realizing: I relate closest to others with deep trauma and that is a troublesome recipe. — TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfunction. I grew up with an alcoholic parent…
For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…
chronic depressed and sad — I have been suffering from chronic depression for many years. Despite many attempts, it still persists and has become part of who I am. Sometimes, I have been able to cope with it. I used medication f…
Updated Rules — Hello, your mod here. The rules for this sub have been updated slightly, check them out at your earliest convenience. Basically: 1. Please remember this is not a space to make blanket statements…
Half Day Meditation Workshop For Anxious Preoccupied and Fearful Preoccupied: Focusing on the sense of "unpredictable threat" or "uncaused anxiety', this Sunday 7th of December 2025, Donation based. — Half day meditation workshop on healing "anxiety without cause". It's this Sunday December 7th 2025. Donation based. If you can't make a donation due to finances then you can apply for a scholarship…
Self-help group for anxious attachment? — Hi folks, are there regular anxious attachment self-help group meetings out there? If not, I'd like to start one. I'm looking for something that's very specifically focused on anxious attachment. I…
Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…
Avoidance seeking help: what if he’s not avoidant like me, but he actually just has a girlfriend he didn’t tell me about? — Been in contact with a guy for about 6 months now who has been pursuing me the entire time, subtly. When we first met, I had just broken up with my ex a couple of months prior to that (6-month long…
Both best friends got engaged — I (27F) have never been in a relationship and struggle to form emotional attachments at all. I've gone on dates and forced myself to keep seeing a guy because he's perfectly nice and there's nothing w…
Update: Self-help group for anxious attachment — Thank you to everyone who responded to my [**prior post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AnxiousAttachment/comments/1plm1g1/selfhelp_group_for_anxious_attachment/) re starting a self-help group. (Yes, The…
I did it!! I did the hard thing!!! Even though they were a good person, even though I knew they cared, our relationship was hurting me, despite my best attempts at healing myself. At the end of the day, an asymmetrical dynamic hurts. After 2 years of hoping and hurting, I chose myself. — I have been in anxious-avoidant dynamics before, but this was the first relationship where there were genuinely...*good* things about my the person I was seeing. They were emotionally intelligent, had…
Inner Child healing exercises? — Do you have recommendations for good exercises for healing the wounded inner child that might drive one's anxious attachment? - Good: Names of books, podcasts, etc. - Better: specific pages, chapte…
Weekly Newcomer Questions, Support, Vents & Victories — As the community continues to grow and attract people who are just figuring this all out, we've decided to change the weekly thread focus to be more open and encourage newcomer questions and support. …
Here's to an emotionally secure 2026! 🥳🎈🎉😎 (open thread) — Happy New Year everybody! Open thread to share your small or large intentions and steps for making 2026 a more emotionally secure year 😊 My commitment: I'm going to ask for help. I'm going to as…
Today marks 6 months since we last saw and spoke to each other — As the person on the receiving end of testing behaviors, ghosting, and a discard, I would love to hear that my former flame is doing well or even an apology. We have known each other for almost…
Happy and healing but still need to be "chosen." Advice welcome — I have been on a healing journey for my anxious attachment for a few years now. I am in a secure relationship where I have found a deeply vulnerable and safe connection and also know that if it ends I…
AnxAtt healing group: Meeting #1! — **Thank you to everyone who joined our first Anxious Attachment Healing Group meeting just now.** I really appreciate it. It was a great conversation with a thoughtful group of people from around th…
Next Anx Attachment healing group in 6 hours — The next Anxious Attachment healing group zoom meeting is in 6 hours: Sunday January 11 at 8:00 PM / 20:00 U.S. / Eastern Time (New York City) **To join the next meeting:** [RSVP here](https://form…
Next Anx Attachment healing group in 7 hours — UPDATE: Apologies - I need to cancel today's January 18th meeting. I'm not feeling well and need to call it an early night. Sorry for the late notice! ------- The next weekly Anxious Attachment heal…
What qualities to look for in a therapist — Previously, I had been working with a somatic therapist for 6 years (on trauma healing, not specifically attachment related) and a few months ago they closed their practice for personal reasons on *ve…
What is my core wound when I don't worry what others think about me, I'm not afraid of being alone, but still no boundaries with closest people — I want to heal my wounds and spot and correct the false truths that I have about myself and others, but I'm finding it quite difficult. It is because it seems to me that I lack some essential traits o…
"Love bombing" and anxious attachment — At tonight's Anxious Attachment Healing Group meeting, we read the following reading: **1. “Love bombing” and anxious attachment** “Love bombing” is a pattern of excessive, intense affection and at…
Advice appreciated — Hi I have started re-reading The Power of Your Subconscious Mind as I’ve owned it for years but never fully read it. I have struggled with contamination OCD for about 4 years and it has progressively …
I'll take a deeper look into revision as that could be more effective for what I'm trying to accomplish (physical healing). I definitely get what you mean about the subconscious belief over conscious …
I’ve read all Nevilles books several times over, but I’ll check out the lecture you’re referring to. About my successes, I manifested more money than I had ever seen before. Prior to that, I thought…
>About my successes, I manifested more money than I had ever seen before. Prior to that, I thought I’d always be broke. I even had to take a screenshot of my bank balance to remind myself of that amaz…
I’ve been practicing crystal medication and spiritual healing before I go to bed and last night while I was sleeping, I felt an intense vibrating feeling/ringing in my head and throughout my body. The…
In my experience, No Contact is for you first and foremost as a human being to heal and be a better version of you. If (and I mean IF) your ex contacts you, consider it icing on the cake. And hearing …
Hi. My mother and father to a lesser degree were emotionally neglectful. It is a miracle that I’m still here and have been able to do all that I’ve done. But I’ve done a lot of work and healing and I’…
**!!!!! READ ME !!!!!** The purpose of this community is to explore human energy in all of its facets while stripping away the esoteric language, rituals and distractions that have accumulated over …
no, you are missing the HUGE part of what I said "and not do any of those things enough to want to get back together". It is almost UNIVERSAL unless you did truly heinous shit like rape / abuse, etc. …
To me, right now, this is so simple but so profound. In my own journey I’m struggling for understanding, for rationale, for healing and resolution, and ultimately closure with a partner who is unwilli…
It's so easy to resent and want to blame your parents, but don't you think the way you where raised where how your grandparents raised them? Finding compassion, and understanding that your parents did…
None of it *should* stop you from moving forward and healing, but for some people it still nevertheless does. I'm sorry, I know you said this more than half a year ago but I'm going through my situati…
I could have written this myself. This describes exactly how I am feeling today, 2 weeks and 1 day after we decided to divorce. I hope you are healing and doing better now.
You have the right to your truth! And accountability is needed at times for you and for them. I think there is such a thing as loving through high expectations. Avoiding the hard truth of things means…
Omg I relate SO much to what you are saying. When my ex's affair was discovered he was remarkably cruel to me. He wasn't sure he wanted to continue in our marriage and refused to cut things off with h…
I can, evidently, post that info in r/energy_healing.
Ever heard of Lourdes ,the famous shrine in France? They have recorded miracle healings which are unexplainable by modern science and should be for all intents and purposes impossible . Every tim…
If you read the Power of your Subconscious Mind, you will know about Lourdes and one particular fascinating healing.
ok Johnny. My trainer was index and my SP is perseverance. Two cars, dream job and apartment - yes it's a coincidence and healing a leg injury while doing revision is nothing, right? You know…
Yeah I've seen a lot of increase in those posts too. I don't think is the subreddit to tell everyone else that NC led you to get back with your ex, first of all is giving everybody false hopes or unre…
I don’t understand your take on this. No contact has time and time again been proven to be the best thing you can do for mutual healing if the breakup was bad or not mutual. Giving eachother time an…
I think this might be part of the process of healing, and as such support the OP in that regard to move them onto the next phase. However, I also agree that nobody is qualified to give you the advice …
Hey, thanks so much for your reply. I can’t find a way to translate this page into English, nor can I find any other information on this person when I type his name into google. If you have the time, …
Do you feel like its much harder to start healing while in a relationship as opposed to being out of it? Diving into a serious relationship very fast, I realized I have a lot of issues with avoidance…
It is extremely difficult to *start* the healing process while in a relationship as you would be required to balance other factors (is the other party willing to work too? What is their level of healt…
I think building discernement and self-trust will reduce the risk of "inevitably being discarded". Meaning, at some point in your healing journey, you'll learn to identify people who are good relation…
maybe if that's like ALL you're doing, but the occasional vent can be healing.
Interestingly enough we don’t see that though. We see post after post of people wanting to fix their ex or figure out how to make it work. I rarely see posts with people venting about the issue while …
I think that we are talking about different points in our healing journey. I think we first recognize we’ve been betrayed and victimized, which I’ve gotten really stuck there before, then it moves to …
They can be self critical, but that's actually the opposite of being accountable and aware because typically it's just another way to ruminate. I also think that tendency in general is what drives the…
Irritating the ones you love, polysecure (because it deals with a lot of attachment education), women who love too much, polyvagal theory and exercises, legit anything to do with different therapies— …
You don't go up to a mountain and meditate to heal your attachment wounds, then come down and jump into a healthy relationship. That isn't how the human nervous system works. Healing happens in relat…
Hey, really appreciate you sharing all this. That FA-FA dynamic can be such a rollercoaster—sounds like you’ve been through a lot and done some serious inner work already. Respect. Since you’re looki…
Completely agree with you that it's a common topic, just haven't seen it discussed much on these forums, so thought I'd try to impart what'd helped me in the hope it helps someone else! Relationships…
Attachment styles are not the sole factors for attraction we create. But cutting off people we have known for a long time - especially family members, to which we are bound to biologically - is a sig…
Thanks for the encouragement, and yes, I know it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist and am trying to be mindful of any potential toxicity in my own be…
It can help you by managing your triggers, but it does not mean healing. Years of exposure to emotional turbulence sounds like a disruption to your nervous system, your attachment style. In fearful …
There are many factors to consider with regards to attachment styles, especially towards different people / situations a specific style might be more prominant. There is also a spectrum - mild, modera…
Just read the replies and imo there's nothing wrong with asking. It's great that you did. My opinion is that if I'd only had one date with somebody and they text me saying "good morning handsome" I'd…
Yes. I was with a dismissive avoidant and I divorced him, and then my older sister is a DA as well and I have been regaining my voice after I left my ex. So I have set very limited time to talk to my …
I don’t relate to attaching to my therapist, but I certainly was blindsided by some of the anxious traits that have popped up after I started healing. It was pretty disconcerting until I read in a boo…
Like others already pointed out, this is a good thing! My best friend's mom is a psychotherapist who does long therapies with demanding clients and she says that going from avoidance to attachment anx…
Your feelings are valid, AND they are not facts. The above commenter is trying to offer you some wisdom; you can choose not to be reactive and take it personally and look again and ask “what can I lea…
Bester Username 😂🤍 your reply filled me with so much pride and joy 🥺😩❣️🫂 you are doing the work. I am soo happy and glad to hear that 🤍🤍🤍 And YES! Thank you, very well worded. Your ex's *acti…
My man, I feel that deeply, as a FA myself, who seems to exclusively date other FA or avoidants. You need to start here, TheLoveChat Youtube: https://youtu.be/H8yRnR3iYA8?feature=shared - this man h…
I dont know if necessarily this would have to do with attachment styles. It may moreso be because your therapist's role is to be that safe haven for healing, in places you are hurting more you will wa…
Yes, absolutely. I believe that we all have the capability to devolve into the worst versions of ourselves when under extreme stress, which the SA definitely qualified for me, and on my more understa…
My bad, a misinterpretation. Glad to hear you’re healing and wish you well
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach to [psychotherapy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy) that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or families within each pers…
Your partner sounds Fearful avoidant, is he aware of his attachment style? I think all you can do is let him know in as blame-free way as possible that you notice a pattern in his behaviour that con…
AT only shifts after healing the core wounds that caused it, cutting out toxic family members can help, but it's rarely the final solution