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I only read the first paragraph. The way i have done this is i closed my eyes, relaxed my body and mind by "letting go" of my surroundings. Then i imagined the person being sad/frustrated on how th…
Think of the comments as inverted Uber ratings. (click to find out what this means) — I last posted a variation of this a little over 5 years ago. We're a little overdue for a repost. --- You know how every Uber rating is right on the verge of 5 stars unless something's particularly …
Burnt out founders-I will not promote — Hey guys! I'm interested in acquiring and relaunching small AI tools. Would love to chat if you're open to selling or partnering. Looking for resume, hiring, email or chatbot tools. Web apps primari…
"Locked" Inspector Stylesheet — So, I recently was modifying and testing something in CSS via inspector-stylesheet and all of a sudden it got... Locked?? I don't know how else to explain it. I can create a new inspector-stylesheet …
Making the entire website a fixed-width — This is probably a stupid question, so I apologize in advance. I am working on a website for my dad that he had someone create back in 2013. Everything is fine so far, but the only problem is that he …
Shopify Bill Pay - international vendor payments cannot be funded by Shopify Balance anymore — Im not in love with Bill Pay as its so sloppy and support is lazy. Plus they lock down accounts left and right and don't tell anyone. Once the new balance account numbers went out I saw that they were…
Think I found a secure woman, and almost immediately self-sabotaged. — In my social club, there’s a woman who had consistently shown signs that she was into me. I was direct and asked her out. She said she was interested but couldn’t date for a few months because her j…
In an avoidant-anxious friendship, how much space should I be giving before I reach out? — The last 2 posts on the sub are about friendship and that encouraged me to post here as well. This is my friend of 5 years. We’ve gone from talking almost everyday to me being given the silent treat…
Struggling with losing my best friend/coworker, anxious attachment + limerence making it unbearable — Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for this long post. I’ll just post the TL;DR at the start. TL;DR: Lost my best friend/coworker of 7 years after a conflict. He’s now cold/avoiding me but friendl…
Is this Deactivation? Seeking insights from FAs. Please help me understand this — We're together for 6 months, a lot of push/pull in the beginning, but by the 4th month everything was finally going fine between us. He even called me his girlfriend nd promised to heal and everything…
I need some FA to give me insights on this situation — Break up with a FA need some insights Hi guys, i really need some insights as someone whos desire is to be a safe space for a FA girl. Breakup context: I (M, 23) was in a 2-year relationship with my…
Will my ex FA ever stop resenting me? — I was with my ex (FA) for 2 years, amazing connection and relationship. She broke up after a rough period (lots of changes + frequent arguments, not too intense) saying she was overwhelmed. Later she …
Losing (F23, AA) my mind in my relationship with my (F22, DA) sister. — We’ve had some real struggles, and I’m at a loss for what to do. I feel generally pretty secure outside of this one relationship, but recently it’s been making my AA flair up in my romantic partnersh…
I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …
Can a FA-DA relationship work? — My partners have been dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant, so I have always leaned anxious ig. In my last relationship, I felt secure at the start, it was nice, we set boundaries.. till it happene…
how to deal with an avoidant's freeze response in hard times? — my partner is FA, I've known him for a long time. He has made a lot of effort and has changed for the better. He's the more secure one between the two of us honestly, and he's pretty good at fighting …
I’m not sure how to process this. Idk if it’s my Anxious Attachment style acting up or if I’m being objective — Thoughts on finding this text exchange on my girlfriends phone? she was with a group of friends and at a bar and I guess she started talking to some guy there. I’m brown, she’s not referring to me wh…
Today marks 6 months since we last saw and spoke to each other — As the person on the receiving end of testing behaviors, ghosting, and a discard, I would love to hear that my former flame is doing well or even an apology. We have known each other for almost…
Asking for input from those who are avoidant — (Forgot to add user flair.) Last paragraph has the question. But for context, I have someone in my life who has acknowledged they are avoidant. When I started looking into attachment styles I found t…
A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…
I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…
Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…
DA’s - Do You Know When You’re Deactivating? — When you’re deactivating, do you know that’s what’s happening? If you were unaware of your attachment style or attachment theory, would you still have a sense of what’s going on? Had some intimacy …
My boyfriend and I had an argument over his marriage demands, and now he claims he means none of it... — Tl:dr: My boyfriend of two years has a list of requirements from me after we get married, and after our argument over it, which lead us to break up-- he said he didn't mean any of it and wants to go …
Wife cheated on me with multiple men over the course of 3 months. — Me (31m) found out this past December that my wife (27f) had been talking to as many as 20+ people on Snapchat (non nude but inappropriate photos, sexting, ect.). I confronted before new years by tell…
DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…
I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…
Am I crazy? I feel like a stalker. — I (26F) don’t understand how my ex (31M) switched on me overnight, and I’m struggling to cope. We dated for almost a year. At first, he was obsessed with me. He talked constantly about our future mar…
„Did you forgive them yet?“ — I stood my ground and said NO. — I opened up about my abuse to a 'spiritual friend'. His first question was: „Have you managed to forgive them yet?“ I said NO. And it's NOT my duty to forgive. He said „But forgiveness causes healin…
My Fiancé kicked me out with only a few hours notice — This is the situation I am in. About a week ago my fiancé (25 M) brought up how he has some problems with me (25 F). We have been together for almost three years. He said he cant bring up sensitive to…
No contact year 6 update: — Hello everyone! I’ve made some update posts in the past and figured I would make one for year 6 as that anniversary is coming up soon, and with context it will make sense why I still specifically reme…
Effective ways to get lucid dreams 80% — A way that you might think is contrary to the ways on the internet, but this is actually the most effective way according to me, how? This is the way. The first way, this method often allows you to h…
I made the worst mistake ever — Me (47f) and my partner (45m) met in April 2024, started seeing each other in August 2024 & moved to a serious status in March 2025. I had moved in as a roommate but now we share a room as partners. …
When the therapist is speechless… — I had my therapy session this week and she asked what I did differently with my kids than my own mother (who had Dxd Borderline). I told her my children were allowed childhoods, kids were not parenti…
Therapist told me I was a narcissist during a session, completely shutdown. — Hi everyone. I have been actively looking for a psychiatrist or therapist to take me seriously when trying to pick through cPTSD, and autistic shutdown. The services in my province (Canadian) only of…
how do I stop being codependent with my bestfriend? — I think I might be dealing with codependency and I want to work on it before it damages my friendship. I have a bestfriend who I’m extremely close with. We’ve built a really deep emotional bond and …
Coworker with anxiety simply stopped talking one day — I don't have anxiety disorder myself. But in Dec I randomly started talking to a coworker from another team (our work and teams are completely unrelated to each other) who does. Apologies in advance f…
Why could I enforce boundaries in the first years of my relationship, but after 7–8 years I couldn’t do it anymore? — I have Codepedency. I am with my abuser for about 14 years (Now very low contact and hoping to completely sever contact once I completely heal and can let go off the unhealthy attachment.) We don't …
Unable to forget what I (20F) saw on my bf’s (24M) phone — I 20F was unfortunate enough to run into my bfs 24M porn collection on reddit (lol). Although, this not being the main issue. For context, we’ve been together for about 2 years now and met through …
How do I control my anger and my lack of patience in my relationship? — I’ve been with my husband going on a year and a half. He’s a wonderful man and our relationship is overall healthy. But I fear I am becoming emotionally abusive towards him. I’ve been in bad relations…
Reactive Abuse is the Worst — I always thought reactive abuse is the worst and is always the action I did where I convinced myself I was the Narc. I always regretted it and was never proud I did it. I apologized for doing it but s…
Ex reaching out after 10 years — Hi everyone, my ex reached out to me after 10 years. This was a tumultuous high school relationship that gave me the blueprint for the life I’m living now. The heartbreak was so intense I went on a so…
Manifested an Apology - Decide — I manifested an apology today from a friend who 'ghosted' me February 10th with no explanation (no replies, denied phone call, ignored me, physically walked away from me in person, didn't acknowledge …
My (19F) Boyfriend (18M) Called Me His Managers Name During Sex — UPDATE: wow I really did not expect this post the get the traction it did. thank you guys so much for the kindness you have shown and a lot of you guys gave some really good advice. the first thing I'…
My parents raised me to just serve people — I'm 22(F) and have moved away from my parents place but might have to go back because it has become too expensive to live alone and my parents bought a bigger house so it would all work out for me if …
My (M38) wife (F34) has been very quiet since a conversation we had of why I love her. Confused about her silence. — So I'm a little bit confused about this. A couple of days ago, my wife came to me asking the question that has been asked many times during our marriage. "Do you still love me? And why do you love me?…
Leaving them unblocked only hurts you — Though I started to see my narc ex for what he was and began detaching a few month ago, I still left him unblocked. I hoped he would message me either to apologize or give me 'proof' he was a narc. I …
You are God. — you can manifest anything and everything. I say this as someone who has been into this community since i was 10. I used to try manifesting height, weight loss, friends, parents to stop arguing, everyt…
BF stayed in contact with an old hookup. Should I be worried? — Dating a wonderful man for almost two years. We both are divorced and were cheated on. So we’ve both come into this acknowledging that trust is hard for us but we’ve consistently communicated well. I …
I (22 male) slept with my colleague (30 female) and fell in love, but it was unrequited. — I apologize for possible errors in the text, translated by Google. I got a job as a loader at a store. And when we first met, we didn't really like each other. I just went to work; I didn't talk to h…
Girlfriend(26F) of 3 months slapped me(32M) in the balls for a third time — I (32M) previously explained to my girlfriend (26F) the immense pain that being slapped in the testes caused a man. We've been dating for about 3 months. The first time she said it was an accident a…
What if I ruined the chance of possibly not getting back together due to me being an emotional abuser??For example, she broke up with me because of unhappiness, goal of finishing her college degree, a…
I apologize if this has been asked. Sometimes when I think back on various memories or experiences I've had, I feel as if I'm falling back into that moment in time. Is that a form of astral projection…
Thank you so much for saying this. I said some things, calmly and collectively to my soon to be ex husband last evening, which were all true, but reflecting back today I wondered if he may have thoug…
What if you’re the one that messed up? Bad… we have a son together… its been a year and the guilt is eating me alive. I still live her too… i really want to talk to her and apologize. I understand tha…
It doesn’t always mean that though? The hard truth is it is a coping mechanism on both sides.. Using someone to satiate loneliness as well as villainizing someone to allow yourself to detach. They bot…
That was my experience we were in a similar friend group I kept respectful, and didn't talk to anyone about what happened while she turned people against me. She tried to apologize, but by that time i…
As a man who has been on both sides of the coin… bear with me cause this is a long read but it has relevance I promise. I’ve been the anxious wreck begging and pleading. Saying stuff like “you don’t…
A lot of times it’s important to take a break from an argument because when you or the other calm down, they suddenly see the other perspective more clearly and simply apologize and make up. Staying i…
Out of curiosity, do you think people should apologize when tending to their need for alone time? I ask because you included in your script here.
It's happened to me and a friend of mine as well. Once that is done to a DA, we never forgive and we never forget. That person may as well be dead to us for anything other than a polite interaction …
It's just being nice man; If you want to make yourself sound assertive then be my guest. Are you suggesting that you can't apologize for whatever reason?
Hi, thanks for chiming in, I agree with your answer! I also noticed my ex (months into the relationship) was activated, and usually it was either by deep intimacy (also by sex), or by external stresso…
Everyone always gets hurt... we are human beings. Expecting not to get hurt ever is not going to happen. You can't actually change your behaviour without engaging with other people, and you cannot con…
In my personal experience, it’s more a gesture or a declaration of deep feelings rather than any admission of guilt or remorse. I’ve personally never had someone with an avoidant attachment style actu…
That's where I'm at. This pain was unbearable. Anyone who hasn't been through an avoidant discard will never understand the severity of the experience. Our mutual friend apologized to me for hooking …
i dont think you should reply. the apology seems pretty off too. no mention of what he did specifically. just a generic "i apologize for how i was at the end"
I've been in this exact position. This person is *baiting* you by suddenly popping back up when it's convenient for them (but not for you), and sending you a carefully crafted message in hopes you'll …
They might have been more hurt that when they didn’t come in, you didn’t call to check on them, after they called to check on you when you were sick? So - I would think maybe it would be good to apol…
She sounds very immature and as they say you are the median of the people you surround yourself with I'd say upgrade to some more reliable people. You handled this very maturely. Calling someone heads…
Okay, this is long and it might sound harsh, but I relate to a lot of what you're going through and acted much in the same way as you did, and I've gone from anxiously attached within a friendship to …
No offense taken. I have actually realized this and said that to her when I apologized. >I was worried for you since you’re my friend but I’ve overstepped my boundaries and work is still work. I’m…
Like I said in my reply to the above comment, I realized I blurred the lines between friendship and coworker. I’ve said this as well when I apologized to her. I’m not saying this as an excuse but she …
Wait so am I reading this correctly or did she leave your text on read and not talk to you after you “called her out on text”? I think texting her instead of reprimanding her in front of everyone was …
I wanna apologize to you and all avodants. I've been hurt in the past and actively participated in demonizing Avodants. It’s easier to view avodants as monster than hurt people trying their best. It’s…
I don't exactly have advice, but this is very similar to what I experienced with a former colleague that I dated for a bit and developed limerence for. I'm still conflicted about whether I actually "f…
I am sorry op. I did have smth similar, once with my colleague who was my work best friend, and we hung out outside a lot. But when he told me he is in love with me I told him no, I was really upset t…
He wasn’t always mean. There were times where he was kind and showed interest in my day, what I’m doing, and whatever else. Other times when there was minor conflict or I sensed him just being rude, I…
To be honest, I kinda said something just out of frustration. But he said more hurtful things than I did. He’s the type than ANYTHING other than a positive statement seems to hurt his ego? He has a lo…
I (anxious attachment) was dating a guy who's disorganized attachment for 3 months. About 3 months into dating I asked how he was feeling. Before then he was pretty consistent with me, meeting up once…
I had a similar situation. This person I met physically for 1 month, we hung out 3-4 times a week in this one month, then he went back home temporarily for 2 months, I was chill but the texting got my…
i also had the similar situation, but he refused to apologize and also told me he's too pressured... long story short, we're not talking anymore. i really don't understand is it me or him doing thing…
I think my boyfriend (33M) and I (30F) might break up and I can’t tell if it’s my fault. This might be a long story so I’m sorry in advance. My boyfriend and I usually text most of the day, every day…
So much time has gone by and they abandoned themselves by not addressing the matter and instead probably making narratives in their own head about the whole thing. They sound like they felt slighted b…
I feel like exercising helps and bare with me, but the apps aren't or shouldn't be an issue. Through workouts, eating healthy, and generally taking good care of yourself, you'll truly feel what it's …
How do you feel secure after pushing a boundary and hurting your partner? Even when they seem to accept your apology? Partner and I are in a rough patch, we are still repairing after a big argument. …
How do you feel secure after pushing a boundary and hurting your partner? Even when they seem to accept your apology? Partner and I are in a rough patch, we are still repairing after a big argument. …
My relationship is still less than a year old and is long distance. I love my girlfriend very much and I know she loves me and she has put up with various of my problems and supported me and has been …
Hi I'm a (29) Gay M and I feel the same but my ex(59) M is moving on with a (19)M he brought into our relationship as a way to try to spice things up and knowing full well the guy was way more into h…
I think this is a letter is a great example of your awareness and your growth in learning about yourself and attachment style within the relationship . All this self awareness will For sure help you…
I'm exactly like this. Mines like Honey moon phase, be super laid back meaning no boundaries or labels, let a lot of disrespect slide for awhile, spew it out, break up, 3 days later apologize, get bac…
I feel like she isn’t interested due to me overpursuing if that makes sense. I’m totally backed off but does it ever help to admit /essentially apologize for it being pressuring? This is a girl that I…
I would hold in genuine complaints, let them build up then eventually get tired of everything then purge and dump. Not long after I would feel bad for not communicating my complaints and apologize.
I'm a guy of 50M and am in a relationship with a woman who is 46F We are 2.5 years in a Living-Apart-Relationship. She lives with her childs, I live with mine. We see eachother once a week for one, t…
Thanks! > Resentment and being shut down are usually because things have built up over years. I wonder if you asked her if she’d be open to writing out all the hurt and what she’d need to feel safe a…
ANXIOUS 24/7 Even though my fiance is mostly present, texts, and calls (once per day sometimes a bit late because he is at work) I am always anxious and I hate myself for that. If he gets one tick …
How did she apologize and take accountability? In my previous unhealthy relationships my exes would say sorry, but then get angry and sulk. They wouldn't let me talk about it until I actually felt be…
I’m hoping someone will say it’s not bad and it’s not a big deal and it’s just my anxious attachment style. But I also want the truth. She apologized for this type of behavior years ago. She told me …
**He finally opened up after a year… now I’m unsure if I should stay or walk away - how do I know if he’s actually capable of change?** I’m FA-leaning-secure after therapy; he is avoidant and until r…
I relate with so much of what you have written. For me, it's very similar in that it feels like an ever-present sense of calm or okayness. I think that there are two main feelings that I often have …
I almost got into a new relationship before I was properly healed from the previous one. It was the first thing I said, I gave a huge warning label, but we tried anyway. Every step forward was accompa…