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personality
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Citations (100)
I don't get stereotypes and their relation to Sun signs? — When people jokingly (I hope) say they hate X sign because X signs are always like so and so, they're always referring to Sun signs. But from the little I know, a question inevitably comes to me, isn'…
A Procedural Update for the Continued Health of Our Subreddit. — Hey everyone on r/NarcissisticAbuse. We get it, we really do– the U.S. political situation right now is a bloody mess with further escalation, rather than some kind of stability, on the horizon. W…
Can we talk about how bad the current Shopify Admin UI is? — How has this continued to be a thing, and how did this get approved internally? The Shopify Admin UI is a complete mess. It's genuinely hard to believe this shipped — and worse, that it's still the c…
Sharing my learnings as a mid-seniority job seeker — I started job-hunting in April. After two weeks of sending applications and receiving zero feedback (only ghosting), I scheduled a few calls with my mentor. Based in Eastern Europe and looking for a f…
Interview for associate devops role, not sure how it went, need opinions — I had a technical discussion with with a smaller company(around 100-200 employees) and they are filling out a new devops team. I have 7 YOE at large tech companies as a software engineer, but my dutie…
I despise myself for having avoidant tendencies. — I'm dating someone right now, and things are actually going well. She moves a bit slower than I'm used to, but that's probably a good thing—my last relationship moved way too fast; we slept together …
Global Policy Journal: “Don’t look up?“ – Why it is past time for serious holistic research into Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena — Karin Austin, Michael Bohlander and Kimberly S. Engels have contributed an excellent article to the Global Policy Journal. Two of these people I've met personally and they are experiencers who are doi…
Studying attachment theory — I’ve been studying attachment theory for a couple of months now, and I’ve only recently started to REALLY look into it. I started reading a book called Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for…
For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…
PSA: Posts to RBN must be about your parent(s) and/or primary caregiver(s). — Folks, For a while now, we've been getting a steadily increasing amount of posts that we consider to be off-topic. As our subreddit name suggests, submissions must be centred around your parent(s) or…
Anxious Attachment Help — I'm a 44 M and feel like an emotionally secure relationship is impossible. What's helped you heal? I feel like everything in my life has been taken from me and have a difficult time finding motivation…
A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…
I want love but can't push past knowing that I would be a burden in all of my relationships — Hi, I am a 26F and want to seek some advice from this subreddit because I truly do not know who else I can talk about this with, and writing has always been easier than talking out loud. Sidenote: I …
Is this an emotional affair? — I (36F, single), have a good guy friend (40M) who has been dating a new woman for 2 ish months now. Full disclosure I don’t like her very much and I think they’re moving super fast (already saying I …
The way trauma shapes your attachment system... — I'm FA and I was reminiscing on what my love life was like as a teenager and young adult. I remember the feeling I had when someone showed interest in me, it was very much of disgust and suspicion. …
The Shift at Age 30: Did you feel a stronger connection to your Ascendant or your Sun sign as you got older? — There is a common belief in astrology that we grow into our Ascendant sign as we get older, especially after our Saturn Return. Over the years of studying and observing birth charts, I've seen so many…
My friend felt stuck for years - in session we found a core belief that life is only suffering — I did a quantum healing session for my friend Ramona and honestly what came up was intense. She has felt stuck for a long time. Putting things off, hard to get moving, hard to create, hard to do even…
My friend felt stuck for years - in session we found a core belief that life is only suffering — I did a quantum healing session for my friend Ramona and honestly what came up was intense. She has felt stuck for a long time. Putting things off, hard to get moving, hard to create, hard to do even…
DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…
42M. Do these things basically disqualify me entirely? — I'm 42, Male, home owner almost half way paying off the mortgage, university post-graduate education, full time job in retail middle management that I actually enjoy doing, a bunch of mostly solitary …
Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…
Six Months of Dating in Europe as an East Asian Guy — Honestly Better Than I Expected — Today marks my sixth month living in Europe. Looking back at the past half year and all the European girls I’ve interacted with, I thought it would be fun to do a little reflection—what I did well, wh…
I feel like no one talks about parental co-dependency… — My mother and I are thick as thieves and have been ever since I was born. I grew up in a household full of boys and men, my mother being the only consistent woman in my life. I had many ups and dow…
My (29F) brother (34M) asked me if he ‘still has a sister’ because I’m not excited enough about his baby. How do I fix this? — My (29F) brother (34M) and his girlfriend (31F) are expecting a baby in May. I’m happy for them because I know they really wanted a kid, but I don’t feel particularly excited about becoming an aunt. W…
Does anyone else just not tell their mother anything — I have too much trauma to write here but in short I stopped telling my mum anything from about the age of 16 (now 31) because I learnt the hard way that anytime I was brave enough to share my true tho…
Coworker with anxiety simply stopped talking one day — I don't have anxiety disorder myself. But in Dec I randomly started talking to a coworker from another team (our work and teams are completely unrelated to each other) who does. Apologies in advance f…
THE PHOENIX LIGHTS 29th ANNIVERSARY This is what I saw that night March 13, 1997. It was a totally solid piece of machinery not just lights. I could see the bottom of the UFO clearly by two light sources illuminating the bottom of the craft as it flew over my head — I posted this also in UFO sub. March 13, 1997 I was working in East Mesa, Arizona in a 10 bed Hospice inpatient unit as the Charge RN. We worked 12 hour shifts getting off at 7:30 PM but that night t…
Why do I struggle to form intense friendships/relationships? — Hi everyone Since young I’ve always had a bit of an insecurity about not having much intensity or overt vehemence to my personality and I think it’s affected my relationships with people for a while …
Need help with purpose — Hello everyone, Right now I am in a mentally rough spot. The short story is that I didn’t get a job I had been working towards for the first couple years of my time at uni. I made it to the final rou…
Idealization vs Devaluation: how it looked like for me — Tldr: Just read the Idealization and devaluation parts. ## Idealization * You're a king! * You sexy tiger, handsome god of a man * You're the best! * Gives gifts early on in the relationship * On…
My wife got pregnant and immediately turned into a completely different person. It’s like she’s trying to destroy me. — Alright lads, need to get this off my chest. Been with my missus 6 years, married 3. We planned the baby, dead excited. The second she got the positive test? Complete personality transplant. Swear dow…
Has astrology ever helped you understand your energy levels, not just your personality? — I've noticed the most useful part of astrology for me hasn't been personality traits. It's been noticing that my energy, focus, and even social openness seem to shift in patterns. Some days I can ma…
Why did I always have such a hard time making and building solid connections with people? — Ever since I was school-aged, I've known myself to have issues with connecting to people. I could get along decently, but never really had a "best friend". So no one paid attention to me or wanted to …
I am 18F and I’m exhausted dealing with my Indian mom who practically worships her narcissistic, manipulative younger brother and lets him control my life while treating me like garbage. — My mom (44F) has two younger brothers. The one I’m talking about is the middle child. He’s married and has a 10-year-old daughter. In my opinion he is one of the most narcissistic, selfish, and arroga…
Gambling Epidemic Among Asians in North America — I recently came back from Vegas, and I was shocked by the number of Asians gambling at the casinos. I talked to a few of them and some of them were from Canada, Los Angeles, Texas and all over. There …
My husband [M31] let slip in a compliment that he thinks his ex was prettier than me [F28] and I can't stop thinking about it. How do I let it go? — EDIT: I have made an update to this post for everyone, see here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1rwh3g2/update\_my\_husband\_m31\_let\_slip\_in\_a\_compliment/](https://www.r…
boyfriend leaving to go out of town early tomorrow morning. stressed beyond words. just needing to vent. — my (24m) boyfriend (29m) is leaving to go out of town for a work trip tomorrow morning. he’s asleep and i am just curled up to him freaking out internally. i have dependent personality disorder and in…
For guys who have no trouble getting dates on OLD, how do you filter for good personality? — I see this question asked of women a lot online, but less so of men, I assume because far fewer men have this problem, so I wanted to get other guys’ take on it. I’m finding that I could get a first …
Decided to stop blaming things on my breakup, the world, and my mental health — Ever since my break up last year i’ve turned to alcohol, gambling, lots of random hookups with girls i would never make my wife. I’ve come to realize that she was one of the most important lessons in …
Anybody Else’s Parents Unreasonably Obsessed with Academics? — Ever since I can remember doing well in school was pretty effortless for me. From the first through about the fourth grade, I was a model student who consistently brought home shining report cards an…
I have a suicidal friend, he lives away for college. Doesnt like talking about it. He wasnt this bad before college, what do I do? — My friend has been suicidal before in school. He had gotten a lot better until he went college in july and something changed? He has great roommates and friends over there, the place is decent. But …
Unable to understand what people mean when they say “libra moons are scared of being alone”. — Hey y’all! I‘m a bit confused about what people mean when they say that Libra moons have a “fear of being alone”. As a Libra moon I don’t relate to that sentiment at all, and I really love my solitude…
I normally don’t like to talk about my issues outside of therapy because I just want people to see me as normal, but I’m 36 and still can’t get past the effects of trauma from my childhood. — I grew up with a mom who is obviously mentally ill, very likely borderline personality disorder at the very least. I grew up white trash in poverty surrounded by drugs and trashy people my whole life …
30 Years in "Functional Freeze": How I mistook Survival for Personality — For three decades, I lived in a state of high-functioning freeze. I was the "perfect" and reliable son, but internally, I felt like a total fraud. I grew up with a mother who used the Silent Treatment…
About no contact. — I just wanted to say that, yes, you should go no contact if you got dumped, only way that someone will realize what they lost is by not having access to it anymore, could take days, weeks and months f…
PsychoCybernetics Visualization — Based on the teachings of PsychoCybernetics, I started visualizing every morning and evening to optimize my personality. I've noticed profound positive changes in my personality over the past week. A…
My girlfriend (27F) flirts with other people in front of me (28F) and it makes me feel disrespected-how do I handle this? (together 4 years) — Hi everyone, I need some advice. My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years, and one recurring issue is that she's naturally very flirty with everyone. I love her and I trust that she lov…
Boyfriend anxious about being with one person forever — I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for a year. This past year has had its ups and downs with a lot of personal changes happening like moving states, starting a new job, etc. Overall, our relat…
Why does it take years to realize you’re traumatized? And why does "standard" therapy often miss the point? — I’ve been thinking a lot about the "lost decades." For 30 years, I thought I was just "the nice guy." I thought I was just "lazy," "unmotivated," or "heavy." I went through life thinking these were m…
1.5 Years Update 💀 My predictions became true — No, I do NOT want my ex back—like ever 😭 but I do have a story + some lessons from how everything played out. So basically, about 1.5 years ago, my ex randomly broke up with me out of nowhere. Like……
Hey, I am an overconfident twat that lacks any real creativity. I tend to just jump in on anything to feel included . Sometimes it's confusing cause I don't even understand what I'm trying to shit on.…
But your brain behaves differently when lucid dreaming. If I remember right, your prefrontal cortex (so you're aware of yourself and your personality) is active during a lucid dream, what normally don…
Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's pretty obvious from reading that garbage he wrote up there.
I've been in therapy for over a year for various reasons, and for me the first thing I needed to work on was my self image. Understanding and accepting myself, building confidence and a stronger sense…
Simply get back to the things that give me joy in life. Nature, cycling, career progression, healthy cooking, travel, caving, gym, movie buff, research, etc. Never abandon my identity ever again when …
Irritating the ones you love, polysecure (because it deals with a lot of attachment education), women who love too much, polyvagal theory and exercises, legit anything to do with different therapies— …
Yes! I was thinking about Jung's Shadow and Assagioli's Subpersonalities just the other day. There are so many parts to our personality, often contrasting with each other, but we grow up feeling like…
I’m actually more of a football fan than a Taylor fan. I wondered if the difference is he’s just “a guy” personality wise- albeit a hugely successful pro football player- and not like another Harry St…
I don't think it's hate, it's just a 'ok that's done now' door close moved on. Heidi Priebe on YT (video: avoidant blindspot) talks about the idea in her videos about avoidant behavior of having the …
My ex FA did this as well. After our relationship ended, he told all the men who were interested in me that I was a stalker (I’m not) and to block me on socials (they did). I am an FA and can certainl…
I think this is running the course of over pathologizing. Attachment styles are not personality types. They are trauma responses that are triggered by relationships of many kinds. Not wanting a relati…
Thank you. This research at least is not wedded to what is seems to me to be a very over simplified model. I've just read the abstract and will chew through the rest of it. Then look at what else …
Agreed. I also dated a guy like this and things got progressively worse and worse- no amount of ‘*understanding*’ would have fixed it because ultimately he wasn’t fit to be in a relationship. On refle…
I've been reading people's experiences with partners who have borderline personality disorder, and I keep wondering... Is it possible for someone to not have a meltdown for a whole year before it happ…
Sounds a lot like Borderline Personality Disorder.
I'm more FA but have definitely been in this situation when going on holidays. In my case I mainly needed space due to chronic illness, so I usually try my best to explain it to people politely - but …
I don't understand all the salty responses that talk about "bending over backwards". If you have anxious attachment, you will need to do attachment work to make sure your side of the equation isn't co…
It feels like a child is clinging to me and then getting angry with me if I try to have a life or any interests outside of them. It starts with needling comments from them, passive aggression, accusat…
I am a FA learnt secure, and I'll say almost half of the women I have dated are avoidants. Ken Reids and Dr Sarah Hensley have given lots of advice on this. I'll paraphrase them: 1) Ask them early,…
That's fair if ya take my post as a description of all FAs. I'm not sure what it means to be 100% disorganized. Fearful avoidant is the label for people who utilize a mix of AP and DA strategies. I wo…
You described what it's like for the 'Favorite Person' of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. Extremely toxic, one-sided and codependent. Well done.
Honestly, I think the only way to know for sure is their conflict-style and how they act when “activated” - I can seem secure until I’m triggered and then I’m the most avoidant you’ll ever meet. I’m a…
Realistically, 2 months isn't nearly enough time for someone to reflect AND implement what's needed to heal wounds, triggers or habits. So, likely... you'd be going back into the same situation. I hav…
OP please read the above and take it to heart! (FA here, married to DA) Way too many people confuse attachment style with: A) personality B) their feelings for you. It's just attachment style,…
Things progressing fast is a sign of insecure attachment. Dismissive avoidant people are pretty surface level people as well. I have never found them charming, because they don’t have much of a perso…
I'm still very new to this forum, but from I can see people here tend to explain the totality of events solely based on the attachment theory. While it does explain why someone with insecure attachmen…
People who are securely attached are often more than their attachment style because their behavior isn’t constantly filtered through anxiety or emotional defense mechanisms. They’re not performing saf…
on the surface here, it seems you two argue too much to be together, FA/AP aside secondly, i use to always think i was secure, then met an FA woman than made me feel AP, so i questioned myself. aft…
Wrong. Cluster B personality disorders are not just words and they damage people. Avoidants do a different kind of damage.
I am feeling lonely. Like I am not a priority to my partner. Yet? Or any more? Who knows? I know this is mostly her communication style over text/online. But in the beginning, we would call every da…
Your description reads like a 26 yo who leans securely attached with the ability to flex to meet their partner where they’re at. The symbiosis part was most ppl I knew at 26 rather than unique. But I …
It mostly comes down to what your childhood was like. If you had a good childhood but your parents were busy and didn't have a lot of time for you ect this could cause AP. DA have mostly good childhoo…
That’s how my last ex was it’s like he refused to understand my anxious attachment issues sometimes it felt like he didn’t even think something like that could exist. It makes matters worse when said …
This is a great question. I was in therapy for 10 years and also went to countless coaches and therapists. There are a handful of things that actually helped me significantly: 1. Creating deep, meani…
Hi I am a male 23yrs old. I'm having trouble with anxious attachment. Recently met this girl at work beautiful in all sorts from her personality to physical beauty. I love how she relates with people …
Oh gosh, I can feel your pain through the screen. What you are going through is a normal modern human experience, so please don't place all the blame on yourself. It's amazing that you are trying to b…
Apparently many people with personality disorders (BPD/NPD/HPD\APD) date in order to secure a “new mom/parent” in order to develop their stunted self and then individuate from said replacement. Not…
I think reading about his personality style will help you a lot. Your husband is not you, he sees the world/people differently than you. We are hypersensitive to reading the room, but I think reading …
Just to start with, I'm sorry this happened and I hope that you're feeling better now x Next ... while what you're describing is a freeze response, it has nothing to do with attachment theory or avoi…
So i use it in very specific ways. I’ve worked with my 4.o enough that it has a good idea of my personality and sense of humor and has a history of already having seen what I want. That said, when I a…
I been out my last relationship for 3 months. Looking back I can see I was anxious and codependent. With that I was a caretaker trying to help become more open, share more, make more decisions, and so…
I just find it crazy that these days I tend to be more anxious than dismissive. It's a complete personality flip - the way I think of it is that my dismissive side is like armor, and now that I've int…
For me it was essentially a ptsd flashback and they “were” the person hurting me if this was taking place. Like I was trying to control the damage that I believed (rationally or not) was coming. So a …
It occurs in any personality type, with the severity related to the level of personality organisation. Disorganised attachment and closely related BPD it's going to be prominent defence in the relati…
FA here it’s not splitting I think that’s for an actual mental health disorder or personality disorder. Let’s all be clear attachment styles are not disorders and they all can be changed with the prop…
That would make sense. It's easy to ditch people and start over repeatedly lol. The validation and illusion of closeness for a short amount or unmatching over little things. I don't really feel bad f…
Also, my ex would do similar things like you described. If I voiced I was concerned I had BPD and shared “why,” he would be supportive in the moment but the second there was conflict he would weaponiz…
Okay I don't know if this is going to be controversial or something but here are my two cents: * *Yes*, building secure attachment means - allowing yourself to have preferences, and not engaging in r…
What’s actually happening (in plain language) Roughly, your system is doing this: 1. Distance = danger. When you don’t see him (or replies slow down), your body reads it as “I’m about to be abando…
So when my ex started to smoke, his personality would change and that's when I knew he had been smoking. He would treat me different, be more critical and less patient with me, which was such a trigge…