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horsemen

r/relationshipsUpdated 30 days ago
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Citations (13)

Boyfriend insults me in fights

The Gottman Institute has a list of 4 "horsemen" ie 4 traits they've identified from their research as the greatest predictors of relationship breakdown. Contempt, what your BF is displaying towards …

r/relationshipscomment3/27/2026
The 4 ways couples fight, and only one of them actually works

The 4 ways couples fight, and only one of them actually works — So I went down a rabbit hole reading Gottman's research a while back (the guy who can watch a couple argue for 15 minutes and predict divorce with like 93% accuracy) and the thing that stuck with me w…

r/selfhelppost3/30/2026
Anyone Else Feel Relationships just Aren't for them?

Arrogance usually is. And the emotional openness in anxious attachment is (generally) just emotional *unavailability* masquerading as honesty. So being proud of that points to a lack of self-awarenes…

r/attachment_theorycomment7/24/2025
I (27F) keep getting mocked about my lack of friends by my boyfriend (32M)

Op, WHYYY would you put up with a boyfriend who mocks you? Just want to leave this here. The Four Horsemen are four negative communication patterns identified by John Gottman that predict relation…

r/relationshipscomment3/22/2026
Those of you who were blindsided, discarded, or abandoned- how are you doing now?

Married for 20 years and together as a couple for 25 years. She represents an identity I held for close to half my life, and I couldn’t imagine a life without her. When she asked for a divorce, the wh…

r/Divorcecomment3/22/2026
My boyfriend (27M) embarrassed me in public and I’m not sure how to address it

It’s over. He ignored you when you were happiest on that date - this is a classic symptom of a bad relationship. See « gottmans four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse » - ditch him. Find someon…

r/relationshipscomment3/23/2026
Psychiatrist said "We all have some form of trauma" and she also said "blah blah" when I was sharing my trauma

Ugh.. I hear ya. I won't even considered someone who's not a fully licensed informed trauma therapist. My wife and I went to a few associates when searching for couples councilors and it was either a)…

r/CPTSDcomment3/30/2026
My (23F) husband (26M) gets offended over EVERYTHING and I don't know how to handle it anymore?

It’s one of those 4 horsemen of the end of a relationship or something I think it’s called.

r/relationship_advicecomment4/2/2026
What to do; My spouse (M43) called me (F34) a c***

"contempt" is one of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse for a marriage and dropping the "cunt" word = contempt its already over... doesn't matter if she leaves now or leaves later... in fact, doesn't …

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
What to do; My spouse (M43) called me (F34) a c***

you know of the 4 horsemen (contempt is one of them)

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
What to do; My spouse (M43) called me (F34) a c***

Look up the Gottman’s four horsemen, and have a little read. I think it will resonate with you.

r/relationship_advicecomment4/5/2026
Her personal hygiene

I reiterate that you seem very unhappy in this marriage and you don’t need anyone else’s permission to leave. It’s hard for me to understand why you want to stay married to someone who you describe t…

r/Divorcecomment4/9/2026
Considering leaving my long term partner due to mismatched libido. Am i crazy for throwing away a 20+ year relationship over this?

I think the general understanding within the poly community is that it is difficult to transition from a closed relationship to an open relationship normally.  I edited my last post, this topic is a…

r/BreakUpscomment4/10/2026