comfortable

Reading this comment and the original post, here's what I gathered: 1. Your gf is flirty, it's a fact that she even admitted herself, so there's no vagueness about it. 2. She was flirty enough for…

Hello, I have just recently started with Joseph Murphy books, I have a question. — So I find it difficult to repeat certain affirmations while falling asleep, to keep repeating 'Subconscious Mind' feels off, just not comfortable for some reason, has anyone tried naming your subconsc…

Happy New Year and Bye-bye 2024: 6th Kill - $20,000 from Futures Trading — # 6th Kill: $20,000 Money Mission **Mission**: To make $20,000 from futures trading **What I achieved:** I made $20,000 from futures trading **How long did it take:** 5 and a half months **Backgro…

How to Wreck Your Career: a cautionary tale from someone who has 5 years of experience.. — Context:- I am a 31 year old UX designer with a masters degree in industrial design from one of the top design schools here in India. I have almost 6 years of experience on the paper of which I hav…

Don't get distracted by lack of experience (I will not promote) — You know the biggest myth people buy into? That you need experience to succeed. It’s a trap - a story we tell ourselves to stay comfortable. Don’t get me wrong, experience is nice, but it’s not the…

Duolingo leader throws shade at r/UXDesign — You all might remember this thread a few months ago, [debating Duolingo renaming UX to “Product Experience.”](https://www.reddit.com/r/UXDesign/comments/1j3hvkw/duolingo_renames_ux/) The VP Mig announ…

Modern web dev has me on the ropes — I'm a FED, and I've been helping build websites for 15+ years. Started on LAMP stack, did some Wordpress stuff, but mostly my bread and butter has been FED-heavy, building UIs with HTML, JS, CSS/SASS …

Some guidance would be appreciated. Should I focus on a Linux certification first like RHCSA/LFCS first or the Kubernetes CKA. More details below. — Hi everyone. So recently i finished my a devops certification from a bootcamp and have since been spending time working on my own portfolio project. my project consists of: \- a frontend and backend…

Advice with how to deal with problem customer (aggressive) — I recently opened my local game store and the community has been great. The other day a customer came in and was rude and combative right out of the gate. I was polite back but that seemed to make no …

Found out my friend and her coworkers are stealing money from their job — My friend works at a small franchise location that is a self serve food place. The amount of staff is small (8) and I recently found out that the they all essentially steal money. The owner doesn’t li…

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

🛑STOP HIJACKING POSTS🛑 — 📣Saying it loudly for the people in the back. I know this post is going to have a “vibe” but being warm and fuzzy has never worked so I’m trying to be crystal clear and firm here: Recently there h…

Help me understand-anxious now ex bf + part avoidant ex gf — My anxious ex and I met in ‘22. Online I was a full dismissive avoidant I began to work on myself in October’23. Since October ‘23,I have been a dismissive avoidant in recovery Recently,I have …

For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…

How do you stop feeling of needing to be perfect? — I have no problem getting dates, but things always seem to end after 1-3 months. Sometimes, it was my decision to break up or it was theirs but I didn't disagree. But I've had guys dump me when I thou…

How to be comfortable in new, developing relationships without devaluing them for not being as deep as a past relationship (phantom ex?) — After many months of thinking, I've come to the conclusion that one of the things that made my past relationship so special is the fact that it was the first time I had ever been in touch with someone…

Physical Reaction — I will try to keep the backstory short. I had not known anxious attachment was a thing or that one of my coworkers had become one of only a couple people I really felt a deep connection to, until a f…

APs what would you want to hear in response if someone doesn’t feel the same as you? — So I’ve been noticing the way a few friends reach out, feels mismatched with how I’m feeling. Usually this is my more anxiously attached friends/most unhealed ones. Often it will be something sugary…

For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…

How do anxious attachers know when they are truly ready to date again, rather than just trying to soothe anxiety or loneliness? — I was talking with a friend recently and we were comparing how hard it is to get an honest gauge on your own readiness to date again when you have anxious attachment tendencies. Everyone tells you to…

Not wanting to sleep in same bed as partner — Idk why but I feel so uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed, but it makes me literally cringe. Im struggling trying to find ways to WANT to sleep next to my partner, I struggle with this so much. Id…

How do you tell whether you need to push through the avoidance or if you just don’t like them as a partner — I feel silly asking this but I’m in my first serious long term relationship and I’m struggling so hard. I get very paranoid that it’s not meant to be because I feel so insanely avoidant. Like what if …

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

The monster jar theory of FA or avoidant attachment. — So I was talking to a friend of mine and supporting her and my own feelings of shame and I was reiterating somethjng that isn’t anything new at all but hit on an analogy that really worked for both of…

What to do when i am triggered around my partner? — When i get triggered i usually have a routine of pausing, taking deep breaths, positive affirmations, then switching my attention to something else. However when i am around my partner and i become …

contemplating root of avoidance — I have been considering why some of my relationships work while others make me disconnect. I think the root is a desire to feel deeply understood and seen. I recently had a connection with someone I…

Please help me understand this feeling — So..I need some help with this. Everynow and then i get this feeling where my heart emotionally hearts. Physically there is nothing wrong with me, but my heart, it's like it's racing like to the poin…

Dismissive - Anxious dynamic catch 22, how could we make it work? — I'm having issues with a relationship that's really important to me. It's someone who I dated last year for 6 months. We have very intense and wonderful attraction and connection in a way that is rare…

Considering to quit therapy — I have been with my therapist for a little over a year. Up until now, he was very comfortable and not confronting me. Last session, he started to point out the various ways I push people away, and th…

Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…

Please help my friend and I decide if we're unreasonable. How much time do you spend with your partner or spouse and if you live separately or together. — My best friend and I are pretty similar. I'm single, she's married. I was dating a guy similar to her husband off and on for fourteen years but everything came to a head at the end of 2024 and we went…

Trying to navigate a "casual" relationship — Hi everyone, I (30F, trans) have been talking to/seeing a woman (24F, cis) for about 5 months. The chemistry is legitimately the strongest I’ve ever experienced - emotional, intellectual, creative, s…

Bf of 14 months hasn’t said I love you — My bf (35M) and I (33F) met December 2024 on a dating app and became exclusive immediately after our first date. On our first few dates he asked what I was looking for and I said I was looking for som…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Girlfriend told me she was going to kill herself on my birthday. My attachment was almost healed or so i thought - all of that is in shambles now. — There were a lot of other red flags I have previously chosen to ignore, but this is what made me wake up. I suppose after hiding from people and feelings for so long, I felt like if I just broke it of…

Should I meet up with my ex? — Back in November 2024, I went on a couple of dates with a guy from my friend group, “Frank” (41M now). Looking back, it’s obvious to me that he was a rebound, but I genuinely didn’t realize it at the …

Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…

Is there a way to manifest myself to STOP being attracted to someone? — I’m curious if anyone here has used manifestation or LOA techniques to intentionally lose attraction or romantic interest in someone. There’s a guy in one of my classes that I find really attractive.…

DDay - 2/19/2026 - Online Emotional Affair Led to Full Blown Infidelity — I found out my wife was going on “solo” concert trips, but was also using them as a way to vacation with a guy she had been talking to online for years. Seventeen years together and seven years marri…

I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…

My (28f) boyfriend (37m) drinks to excess nearly every weekend, am I selfish for wanting it to stop? — Throwaway account. Please tell me if I am crazy for feeling this way. My boyfriend (37m) and I (28f) have what I consider to be a generally good relationship. We’ve had some issues in the past that we…

Reflection on over friendly therapist? — Hi readers. This is something that has been on my mind for months and I don't know how to wrap my head around it. Some professional insight might be helpful. I left therapy a few months ago. I had …

Experiences With Cosmic Entities. — Hello everyone! This post will be a little bit different, as i wish to dive into odd encounters that i had with different beings, that surprisingly helped me out a *lot* - more than i could have possi…

Am I meditating improperly? — So I've heard from Dr. K of HealthyGamerGG that when your attention wanders from your meditation and you bring it back, that's like doing a pushup for your mind/brain. But only very few times have I d…

Unexpected emotional shift after Adventure - Five Messages. Has anyone experienced something similar? — Hi everyone, I wanted to share something that happened recently and see if anyone here has had a similar experience. For some context, I recently went through the end of a **10 year relationship**. …

The divorce was the best decision of my life and I have to talk about it. — I'm 27f and I've been in a marriage with a man who absolutely did NOT connect with me for six years. Like... In the beginning, we were best friends since we were tots. Best friends through high school…

I feel like no one talks about parental co-dependency… — My mother and I are thick as thieves and have been ever since I was born. I grew up in a household full of boys and men, my mother being the only consistent woman in my life. I had many ups and dow…

Lack will dissolve when you realise: Manifestation starts from irony, and feeling it real starts from memory. — I said it. This post is for people whose brains are very logic driven. Those who think: “I need to see proof before I believe something.” i have something for you. Let's go. We all know the key: The…

Covert narcissists are drawn to people with a strong instinct to help and care. — I grew up early. Owning Responsibilities that weren't mine. I learned that love was earned through being useful, stable, and selfless. I became the person people brought their chaos to. The one who a…

I’m scared of everything I love becoming old and I’m scared of the world right now — Okay so for starters I’ve always hated time, I hate it so much and I don’t know why, the thought of years passing makes me feel so uncomfortable and I just want to go back in time to when things were …

Why Manifesting From Desire Creates Anxiety — I had a realization while trying to manifest a new job. I noticed that every time I get a notification or an email, I feel a wave of anxiety. Which is strange, because I’ve already done the “work.” I…

Knowing that there's a physical reason for the confusion and lack of awareness makes it easier to accept. One feels like an outsider; the people around you seem to know how to be with each other. An…

How what do I do after getting the rollover signal? I find it very uncomfortable and just give in. Also, there are times when I can literally make my body fall asleep while I'm aware. I can hear mysel…

I have a question. My mom has told me various stories of when she was a child, that she would just dream that she was floating outside her body, going through the window, etc. She is a very spiritual …

Just wanted to say that my first lucid dream was successful with the "piano key" method. I forget the actual terminology but basically you wake up in the middle of your sleep (3-5 hours) and you're no…

I've asked two different entities, and they gave me partly conflicting answers. The self-proclaimed deity said most humans and all animals go to an enormous astral...warehouse waiting room thingy. Th…

Fortunately I've taken my separation (and inevitable divorce) as an opportunity to quit drinking and make healthy lifestyle choices. I've been working really hard to practice mindfulness and radical …

I echo this about sitting in your uncomfortable feelings. Most of the time we want to rush out of those hard uncomfortable feelings but I learned that they are just feelings and emotions that can't hu…

What does that look like??? Find a new hobby. Anything. Try learning to knit. Learn to build robots. Take a class in 17th century blacksmithing. Join a woodworkers guild. Join an improve troupe. Volu…

r/decidingtobebetter is not therapy. If you have serious issues like that, go seek therapy. This sub is for mundane issues such as "I want to stop being lazy", etc, etc. Also, a lot of people are not …

I did not make these changes because of one member’s complains or disapproval. I made these changes over months of observation and after countless posts from members on the sub calling for mods to tak…

I did notice there are occasional “I am an abuser/racist/sexist” posts nowadays, although more time will be needed to observe and decide whether a rule about that will be necessary because as of now, …

1. Mental thoughts don’t become physical reality. Beliefs do. Repetitive mental thoughts turn into beliefs. 2. People in your world reflect your beliefs. Perhaps upon meeting someone you had an origi…

Tbh you’re allowed to have your viewpoints but this is attention seeking behavior judging by your posts meant to get a reaction out of the people here. Also, why go on a Murphy sub for this? You alrea…

I'm FA and I identify with this. I value my alone time, and generally speaking, consider myself an introvert. A recharge period is definitely necessary, not just after a social interaction but at the …

Probably...I'm not fully DA especially now, but even when I first started dating my girlfriend, I never needed time away after spending time with her. In fact, I wanted even more. DA or not, it's a…

Not OP, but I really appreciate you sharing this perspective here. I (FA) have been in relationships in the past with DAs and FAs, and have always felt like there was something wrong with me for not f…

This explains how I let things get so out of control with avoidant types as I’m an introvert and quite secure independent and confident but after a year I started feeling like the relationship wasn’t …

I'm not sure but I have some FA tendencies in dating and have needed "cool down" periods in past dating situations, as sometimes they really ramped up my anxiety and I needed space to regulate again. …

Omg twins. Hi! Yeah I hadn’t been in a romantic relationship at all for six years before I finally tried with this FA guy. In my last real relationship I was targeted by a psychopath and it fucked me …

I feel you. I’ll give you my experience as a FA then suggestions. - I also transitioned from anxious to avoidant our the years. I was never full on AA but more anxious leaning FA as a child. Now I l…

I've been in therapy for over a year for various reasons, and for me the first thing I needed to work on was my self image. Understanding and accepting myself, building confidence and a stronger sense…

Now THIS is the kind of conversation we need to be having. As a fearful avoidant who leans both anxious and dismissive avoidant I have to say I love this sub but I’m getting tired of the victimhood co…

This is largely because people would rather avoid the discomfort of being honest about how someone's behavior impacts them, and let somebody else continue to struggle forever, than let themselves be u…

Sure! Some happen in conversation Let's take the example of a simple question to which you can answer with a yes or a no Example 1: Question : - " Do you want to go to the movies tonight? " ( You…

I don’t relate to attaching to my therapist, but I certainly was blindsided by some of the anxious traits that have popped up after I started healing. It was pretty disconcerting until I read in a boo…

This is not standard. Maybe the person has other stuff going on making them act hateful. Or that’s how they cope with their decision to leave. An avoidant deep in the trenches does not want to look li…

I'm a dismissive avoidant for sure. I've been in therapy for like a year I guess and my therapist is really the only person I have any sort of emotional connection with. It's honestly weird but it tot…

Omg I think you just gave me a key to bring to therapy. Thank you! This resonates with me so much! I for sure victimize myself, but when you added the part about why do it beyond the point of the actu…

No problem, being vulnerable on here makes me feel uncomfortable, but I'm trying to expose myself to these feelings, so I can get over the unease. Just know you’re not in the struggle alone.

Oh, this is a cool topic, there is nothing cooler than the fucking time that is chasing us.  I was just in the middle of my first mission related to a new job. At that time I was already quite burnt…

Yes, absolutely. I believe that we all have the capability to devolve into the worst versions of ourselves when under extreme stress, which the SA definitely qualified for me, and on my more understa…

I've been doing parts work for a couple of years. I'm wondering if it may be more beneficial for you to analyze them, and their potential attachment style, less and just try speaking to them and being…

ok so i typed up a hypothetical example haha let's say i have a coworker/acquaintance who seems like they'd have a lot in common with me, but we don't know each other well. i want to become closer to…

The thing is everybody has feelings, you don't need to see it to know that. Part of why I was attracted to people with DA tendencies is they could recognize that. I've been called cold, robotic, emoti…

Thank you for your sympathy! 💕 I reported them on the app, but didn't feel comfortable going to the police since similar behavior hasn't been consistently regarded as assault in other cases. My expe…

I mean I don’t know how you can be a developer and not be comfortable with databases so.. doing development and Ops.. yeah you should. Even if you’re just ops if you can’t backup and restore or setup …

Go to the toilet before hand and wear comfortable clothes.

There is no "best". There is "best for you". What requirements does your org have? What kind of pipelines are they running? What kind of applications? What platforms are they targeting? What existin…

Echoing what everyone else said. Any time you're walking into a situation to make an organization or team devopsy when they weren't before, you're going to get opposition. Small changes will make peop…

I recognize this disorder because I suffer from it myself! :-) It's commonly known as controlfreakism. Don't worry, though. You can use it to your advantage. The good news is there's a way out. Much…

Hey, thanks for sharing your story and I am sorry to hear what happened to you, it sounds pretty hurtful. Yes totally agree, as anxious we tend to overlook or blame ourselves for our date or partner s…

You can engage a sales rep who specializes in this retailer if you're not comfortable dealing with the buyers yourself. The customer will provide onboarding documents, including the Vendor Buying Agre…

I’m not a DA but I do need space. Fortunately, my friends have always understood that, and I haven’t had to communicate it. I feel like they are kind of the same and everything just feels super natura…

I like this idea. It seems to help both the anxious leaning and the avoidant just check in for the day rather than the avoidant expecting to have to check in continuously, or the anxious person waitin…

You already feel comfortable (asa secure) to share more privat things after, lets say 1 month, and they arent comfortable with more private topics after, lets say, 1 year of dating. Nothing wrong with…

The depth of their reflections if you ask them about previous relationships, how they healed, what they want from a partner, relationship with parents… etc How they feel around children: if they’re …

Some of these comments are saying silly (and heteronormative) things like "weird around children" or "checks out other women when they think you're not looking". Obvious reminder that being uncomforta…

I will give my own experience as an FA. A lot of women will project who they want me to be onto me, even If I gave no indication of such from the beginning and even when I actively try to shatter pr…

I say this with kindness because reading through your posts, you remind me of me from 5-6 years ago. I think your feeling of shame is clouding your judgement a bit here. It sounds like you were just i…

I'm definitely not a philosopher by any means, but here are my thoughts. The article references previous research by Monroe & Malle (2009), where it's said that people's concept of free will consists …