both sides

Holy shit. There's no "both sides" here- this guy is straight up awful. Waiting years into a relationship to suddenly say he needs "way more sexual excitement" isn't some late realization- it's someon…

Theme Suggestions- simple, visual oriented, for events/non-profit — Hello! I run a small nonprofit that produces low or no cost music shows for the community. Part of our mission is to be as supportive as possible to the creatives "on both sides of the stage"... So w…

The most painful relationship and breakup I've ever had, but it cracked me open so that I could heal. I created a text message llm analysis tool that revealed insecure attachment. — EDIT - TLDR; 8-month, high-intensity relationship. I was DA-leaning; she showed a lot of push–pull/negative lensing. We loved each other and still couldn’t repair, so we went NC. Post-breakup I focuse…

The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…

My mom called my son’s birthday party “f***ing embarrassing” because she cares more about what people think than celebrating him — **UPDATE:** Thank you to everyone who commented and shared advice. A lot of people suggested going no contact with my mom to protect myself and my son. I understand why people said that, but I want …

I just used sandpaper and — I'm making a walking stick and I sanded both sides very fast and I felt some wood chipping at the back of my throat so I got a face mask and continued. I'm worried about how my lungs could now be in d…

Realized in a lucid dream that my brain was generating both sides of the conversation — Guys, it was an mind blowing experience for me in the exact dream, It went crazy but I still didn't end the dream and I kept it on (basically I can wake myself up anytime I realise it's a dream, but I…

How to stop the myths. (Please read) — Abstract- Sorry for the long post, but I hope you read it all! This post is to explain how these myths are spread and how to stop the spread. Dream myths have been known to stop people from lucid dre…

Cure Avoidant Attachment by Watching TV — Can watching TV help treat a dismissing attachment pattern? In Dr. Dan Siegel’s book "Mindsight,” he presents a case study involving Stuart, a 92-year-old attorney with dismissing attachment. Stuart,…

Am I expecting too much after the worst time of my life? — Asking for advice in a situation that is a bit of a shitshow. I’ll try to make it succinct. I live in the UK but am from a different European country. I, F42, started seeing M44, “S”, just over t…

It's truly over — I spoke to her yesterday. It's been almost 3 months since the breakup (she broke up with me) and we've spoken a bit back and forth. I had so much hope until yesterday. I just told her how i felt, lots…

Only child (30F, Indian, US). Parents financially exploited me and my husband for years. Set boundaries. Now they’re trying to destroy my marriage. — **The financial fraud:** My father retired with 1 crore and started building a house. Behind my back, he took a loan using my husband’s documents — claimed 45 lakhs, was actually 80 lakhs (POA fraud)…

Breaking Through the Barrier — Greetings I'm new to the whole energy work thing so I have something to ask about. I was surfing some forum till I stumbled upon a post there for a guy claiming that there's a vibrational barrier…

I met my new neighbors today. — I say this with joy, because the house they are occupying was, up until two months ago, an absolutely wretched Air Bnb. My neighborhood is very family oriented and the house, directly next door, is ju…

Feel terrible for initiating NC — On an alt account for this. I was broken up with about a month and a half ago or so. 3 years together and it was a relatively amicable breakup, I wont go into details because the entire situation was …

Rebound? — Recently, I have become closer to one of my friends. He's cute, and I think he's into me, but I suspect that he is using me as a rebound for his ex. I think he broke up with his gf of a year (maybe …

Me (F19) and my (ex?)boyfriend (M20) are on a break/broken up and I’m unsure how to regulate my emotions — We have been together for around a year. We have always been very intense, honest, and serious about eachother. We are also both very intertwined with each other’s families, and overall everybody on b…

We broke up but God is Good. — Hello, share ko lang yung story ko about my ex (27) and me (26). We were together for 3 wonderful years, and honestly, everything felt perfect. Masaya kami, legal on both sides, and we built so many m…

First step to being treated seriously as an AM is moving out of your parent's house. — This is more of an observational rant that I wanted share here in case it helps anyone improve their situation, because I have seen both sides of it. If you have Asian male life or dating problems, st…

UPDATE: My (23F) Boyfriend (24M) got really jacked and now I’m no longer attracted to him — Hi, I really don’t feel obligated to update but I felt it was a little important due to the amount of attention my post got. Before doing so though I wanted to address everything systematically, so sc…

32 years old, 4.5 years into the healing journey I've literally JUST realized I was sheltered — I can't believe this has only just hit me. I'm 32 years of age. THIRTY-TWO! It's literally just in the past hour hit me that I was extremely sheltered growing up and it's lead to me lacking the skills…

I'm fourteen and I've been in a really weird situation my entire life. I don't know what to do. — trigger warning for sensitive content such as abuse (only financial abuse is really explicitly stated), alcoholism, s icidality (in the past, censoring in case it gets the post removed or something)?…

I can’t get over him — My heart still feels attached to its forever person. My mind can see both sides but my heart is still fully in his hands.

DMT While on LSD-Trip Report — Close to 10 years ago, I tried DMT (specifically, changa) while on LSD. I began to vibrate like a Tibetan brass bowl & the air turned bright purple around me. I closed my eyes & some language/code/sym…

Struggling with comparison and self-worth in a new relationship (35M) — 35M here. Recently got back into dating after a long gap (UPSC prep, divorce, career reset). I’m currently rebuilding my career: underpaid relative to my potential but steadily improving (atleast I th…

Long distance girlfriend(27F) is overwhelmed with work and life but our communication has almost disappeared idk if I(26M) am wrong for feeling hurt what do I do? — I (26M) am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend (27F) for almost 6 months now. Earlier, we used to talk every day mostly on calls, and we’d text here and there during the day. Since we d…

About a week into meditation — I’m about a week into meditation and I frequently use the expand app for my mediations, I was in the middle of my 30 minute mediation and I got this really high pitched screech/ring in my ear. So inte…

Why is healing from a discard taking longer than the relationship itself? It was only 2 months — I'm 3 months out from a discard with a suspected covert narcissist, but we only dated for 2 months. Is it normal for it to take longer to get over the discard than the time we dated? It feels kind of …

I still have a Good Impression of her — Something that has continually bothered me since we broke up 3 months ago, 2.5 months of no contact, is that I still have a fond impression of her. I look back to the time we spent together and never …

Why should someone lower their standards? — It's common to see people suggesting others to "lower our standards". It's not a gender thing because both sides are told this. I'm 42 and my standards are triple what they were in my 20's. But this…

Mutual Friend’s Birthday Party – How Would You Interpret This? — Looking for some outside perspectives on a situation: Two people had a short situationship 2 years ago that lasted around 3–4 months. It ended without any major conflict or drama. One side initially …

Seeking advice about my wife's actions — Seeking advice I’m posting here because I need honest input from people who understand limerence/crush dynamics, especially if you’ve experienced it while in a committed relationship or from the part…

Overcoming emotional trauma from abusive father, feeling scared — Hi! Posting for the first time here, hoping I'm doing it right. I wanted to talk about my family trauma and seek advice about building a life on my own because my mind is so afraid to ever go back int…

F29, M31 soon-to-be married couple, family conflict before the wedding. How do we fix this? — Hi everyone, This will be a lengthy post, so apologies in advance. I got engaged to the LOML this past July, and we are about to get married in a few months. To preface, we come from two different…

I, 26F am in a loving, commited relationship of 5 years with partner (25M), have additional strong feelings for another man (27M) — This dilemma requires years of backstory which I will concisely summarize to the best of my abilities. I (26F) am in a long term relationship with my partner (25M).We met while we were in undergrad (d…

I [M23] am facing a decision that might cost me what I think is the love of my life [23F] — TL;DR: After a wonderful but complex 4.5 years, me and my partner separeted. We then kept spending a lot of time with each other and stayed exclusive, before completely ending our contact for a few mo…

I feel I have CPTSD from emotional abuse by my father, need advice — Hi! Posting for the first time here, hoping I'm doing it right. I wanted to talk about my family trauma and seek advice about building a life on my own because my mind is so afraid to ever go back int…

Did I go to an afterlife? — Did I go to an afterlife? This is a dream that I had in 2022-2023 that I hadn't told anyone until last year. This year, a family member had a nearly identical dream as my own but a deceased family me…

could card games make the hard talks with my FA more low pressure? — Some context: I've been in this relationship for the past 6 months, and things were great until month 4. Since we were both in relationships at the beginning of last year, I entered this connection …

Can I reach out? — Can I i Reach out to her? She ended things almost 2month ago. For me this breakup was and probably still is the most painfull expirience of my life. Day after the breakup she suggested to stay friends…

Me 22m and my ex 21F what do you guys suggest — I’m looking for some honest advice on whether a second chance at a relationship can actually work, and what it genuinely takes for it to be healthy again. Me and my ex recently broke up after a perio…

We keep having the same argument over and over again and nothing changes (E.g. 30M) — My partner and I keep having the same argument over and over again. We both think we’re right, and every time we try to talk, it escalates instead of getting better. I’ve been thinking — what if the…

I feel so lonely — Hi, I'm having a little conflict with my family. I don't know how to feel about it. I'm the youngest on both sides of the family, and they always assume the youngest is the favorite, but meh. Lately, …

I accidentally conjured a “Jellyfish” Egregore + Encounter with “Devine Feminine” — What did I experience? What Egregor did I conjure mistakenly? Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Please share your thoughts. 🙏….. I have been experiencing orbs over the past year at nigh…

did i make the right or the wrong decision to break up with my boyfriend? — I (22F) dated this guy (22M) in college for almost a year. We broke up a little over a year ago. He came into my life at a completely unexpected time, but he made me feel like I was the only girl in …

I dont know what to do now after breaking up with someone I truly loved for once and she left me — For context, my ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. The main reason was that I was emotionally unavailable, which caused a lot of friction in our communication. The relationship did not end o…

Divorce on the Horizon? — Sorry this is a long one so grab some coffee or tea. I (38M) have been married to my wife (35M) for 11 years together for 14. We have 3 kids, 5yo twins with autism and a 2 year old. When we met we ha…

I am working as an Officer in Govt of India with a "perfect" secure life, but my soul wants to drop it all for the Himalayan rivers, mountains, Yoga. Am I alone? — I am writing this from a busy city. I have a very secure, well-paying government job. By society's rules, I should be perfectly happy and satisfied. But whenever I find a quiet moment, my mind travels…

I 30M asked for a divorce from wife 28F but we have to live together for a year, confused on what I’m doing — I’m 30M and my wife is 28F. We started dating in college and have been together for several years. We got married pretty young. I recently asked for a divorce, but due to logistics (lease, family invo…

Help Please — If I was getting ready for something and he was already ready and waiting downstairs, he'd shout up the stairs 'you're not putting makeup on are you? Why are you straightening your hair?' He told me …

I (F31) ruined my relationship (M27) and now I don't know what to do. — I thought our relationship was perfect. It was the best I felt with someone, even though there were flaws on both sides, I saw it as "we're improving together" rather than "I need you to be perfect, a…

Because thats not how relationships work. You can’t solely be thinking of whats best for you. If I date someone yet kept myself before them all the time, that relationship would probably not last very…

>I have had conversations with my partner over time about attachment styles, and they eventually determined that the descriptions of Avoidant Attachment sounds awfully familiar to them. They have star…

And so we are able to appreciate, give compassion on both sides AND understand our own needs. It works in every way! Well played!

Thank you for offering this for a donation and scholarship - my husband and I just started getting in to attachment theory, and its the only approach to our challenges that made sense and created more…

It doesn’t always mean that though? The hard truth is it is a coping mechanism on both sides.. Using someone to satiate loneliness as well as villainizing someone to allow yourself to detach. They bot…

Okay I got you, yeah in those extreme cases of abuse you do need to keep yourself safe and just run sometimes. My mom was hit by an ex and needed to do that too. Some DA's will cut people out with no …

As a man who has been on both sides of the coin… bear with me cause this is a long read but it has relevance I promise.  I’ve been the anxious wreck begging and pleading. Saying stuff like “you don’t…

No intention to offend, but unless you have the trauma that leads to avoidant behaviors ofc you wouldn't be having the same experience as him. Anxious is not better by any means. I'm disorganized so I…

It’s not about trying to fix them - they ultimately have to fix themselves. It’s about having empathy and realizing that we’re all just a bunch of messed up people trying to keep ourselves safe. If s…

Everyone, including the anxious people, put their best foot forward at the beginning. Anxious people expect it to always stay the same as it is in the honeymoon and that’s unrealistic for both sides.…

You say you want an anxious one until they’re crashing out on you all the time for minor stuff.  Honestly a lot of avoidant aren’t bad people. I too can be both so I know how both sides act and react…

Okay,just by that message- i would hear him out. I would be okay to just meet and hang out and see where it goes. But going forward, his actions need to indicate their differences this time. I'm assum…

Agreed. In fact one of the anxious protest behaviors is criticizing. Both sides need to work on seeing their part in the dynamic and owning it. It’s push AND pull. Having empathy and understanding is …

I'm AP, there is something which helps me detaching (it might be unhealthy though) I basically try to think how wrong other person did to me. Objectively speaking, your friend is at fault here. Confl…

I mean, it's hard to say. I'm sure that two secure people might appear to be boring to insecurely attached people. Depending on the attachment style, even insecurely attached people find faults …

Ok now i'm confused actually. She was anxious all of the relationship that lasted two years. But the reasons for the breakup was being overwhelmed by a lot of changes in our lifestyles that we had dif…

In other words you are putting others above yourself. You don’t listen to the inner voice that tries to protect you. You put yourself down. Think others are better than you. This is all self abandonme…

It sounds like you communicated your needs pretty well, that takes bravery. It’s not on you to make excuses for or try figure out her mood, it’s on her to communicate her emotions and needs. E.g. “I …

It’s kind of normal to go through this with a lot of mental health treatments. People finally understand themselves and others better, there’s new skills to implement, but the outcomes initially swin…

but op said the partner did these things with the heating pad and trying to comfort her. he just stopped short of bringing her to the hospital, which in the end, would have been a mistake. what more s…

I think there is often a gulf between people who have had serious struggles with relationships in their family of origin and people who have not, and between people who have had to deal with mental he…

We don't "forget all past history". It's more like we decide something isn't working and then we decide to move on...often emotional disengagement happens before physical, and then we just move forw…

Great question and I wish I had a concrete answer. I tend to write/vent in phone notes when I’m feeling activated and that usually gets me to a place of realizing either they’re being rude/unreasonabl…

It is important to manage the expectations for both sides. It's one thing when I know that you don't answer the texts right away because you told me so. It's very different when you just decided to no…

I’m disorganized, but giving me space is a huge one. Both in daily life to be on my own sometimes and also in arguments so we can cool off before we reconnect bc the immediate reaction is often to fle…

I also feel like the other person knows. It doesn't feel good to be with someone who's "giving you a shot" ... I'm pretty sure I've been on both sides of this.  You can be curious about compatibilit…

It's a generational thing, not a women or men thing. You'll find that Peter Pan Syndrome on both sides of the equation.

Chance in the future? Did I mess this up? Is there a chance in the future? How to stop thinking of someone you never dated? I (f in my 30s) connected with a m in his 30s on hinge. We both seemed v…

You in contact about this with the respective mods of that community? I used to mod the adhd partners subreddit and the amount of polarising and shit being thrown over the fence from both sides was a …

I mean it sounds like this guy love bombs and then ghosts. He’s lying on both sides. Lying about how interested he is and then when he’s got a lead on someone new he’s love bombing them. It’s a trai…

I’m really sorry you’re in this position... but one thing I’d gently caution you about is the “if you need to talk, I’m still there” part. I know it comes from a place of care, but in situations like…

I’m really sorry you’re in this position... but one thing I’d gently caution you about is the “if you need to talk, I’m still there” part. I know it comes from a place of care, but in situations like…

While I agree to a certain extent about getting to know people for who they are beyond political views, I generally draw the line at dating. I have friends on both sides of politics, one of my best fr…

This happened to me recently. Went 10 or 12 days between seeing the guy I had been dating for about 6 weeks. During that time I didn’t miss him at all. It was kind of distressing to me because I don’t…

This 100%. I don't talk to anyone for this long on a daily basis, and I'm pretty social person. I text my best friend consistently throughout the day, but that's it. I would be very upset if my partne…

Maybe he hasn’t opened the message because he hasn’t fully processed the breakup yet. Sometimes when a relationship ends, people don’t just need space from the other person, they need space from the e…

I think the reality is that men have a lot more to lose when asking women out. I once asked out a woman at the gym, she declined as she was already taken, I said no worries, it was the most polite out…

As someone who has been on both sides of this (talking to someone who is moving to my city and also talking to people before I moved to a new city), I would just let the connection be light for now an…

I have my moments, but typically I don't think about it this way. My worth isn't tied to them choosing me or not, and them choosing doesn't mean it's real anyway. Guys get married, cheat and emotional…

I’ve only ever really ghosted from my own end when safety is an issue. I have been stocked in the past and if I get those types of vibes then I just simply bow out. Besides that, I tend to be honest w…

The whole experience feels painfully forced on both sides 😂 hope it will be lighter and more romantic in the future!

Hahah I acknowledge they are people too (and not just heartless monsters 🥴). I stopped engaging with him yes, after asking for clarity if he wanted to keep seeing me in an intentional way. It’s just …

Disagree with this completely as a woman. I prefer a man just talk to me like a regular person and build a little rapport. If he just hurriedly comes over and says here's my phone number with me know …

Sucks to be super interested in someone for life to come and make a relationship impossible on both sides. It’ll always be a what if. One of the worst feelings.

As a former PhD student, this is what a textbook burnout looks like. I've seen situations like this in my circle and all of them got better over time with a burned out partner gradually regaining thei…

ENFP/Type 5/SA here. 45 years old with about 20-30 friends, most of them over 30 years. I wont speak for SA in general, I would just share my little world/POV. \--------- Extremely honest to the po…

Hmm I’d think so. I’m 31, and a cancer sun, Leo moon, libra ascendant. ETA: Seeing both sides (fairness) really became important to me in my mid to late twenties.

I think mutual interests are essential to a conversation and by extension a relationship. I'd even try to keep the chat going for a while, if you are that incompatible interest will fade on both sides…

Similar to you, when conversation flows best and the more likely to go beyond a few dates is when women ask me out first to be honest and when Im the one who asks first its hard to gauge actual intere…

Being on both sides. . it really depends on the person. Does she trust him, yes or no. You can cheat even if you are not married.