rationalize

Good for you. It isn't easy to trust your gut. We are conditioned to ignore it and "rationalize " ourselves out of leaving. Try reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. Google the title and pdf an…

The most painful relationship and breakup I've ever had, but it cracked me open so that I could heal. I created a text message llm analysis tool that revealed insecure attachment. — EDIT - TLDR; 8-month, high-intensity relationship. I was DA-leaning; she showed a lot of push–pull/negative lensing. We loved each other and still couldn’t repair, so we went NC. Post-breakup I focuse…

Disconnected from my future — Is anyone feeling lost with the current conflicts in the world? Like your future, your nations future are being ruined by leaders who don't seem to care. Now my views on the conflicts may not agree w…

My husband [M31] let slip in a compliment that he thinks his ex was prettier than me [F28] and I can't stop thinking about it. How do I let it go? — EDIT: I have made an update to this post for everyone, see here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1rwh3g2/update\_my\_husband\_m31\_let\_slip\_in\_a\_compliment/](https://www.r…

I (M46) seem to be a bit lost with what I want from my relationship with my partner (F44) — I (M46) was with the same woman for roughly 20 years until we divorced few years back. The relationship was good on a many level, but pretty practical. The emotional intimacy was there occasionally an…

Grieving a divorce — I've never posted and I don't know who will read this, but I've been reading a lot of posts for people in similar situations and wanted to share my story. I recently divorced my wife of all of 8 mont…

Has Anyone Used an Asian Matchmaking Service — Late 20’s F in grad school in CA, USA. I’m realizing that I’m super indecisive in life and am happier when I’m given limited options to choose from. If I have limited options, I can rationalize reason…

Orbs Of Light — My husband died unexpectedly 17 months ago. About 6 months before he died we started seeing orbs of light. They were usually blue or white but occasionally yellow. Most of them were around our house b…

i was in love with my best friend, who was a narcissist. — our relationship is over now. we haven’t talked in a month. but it had hurt me unimaginably. we met about 2 years ago. he was charismatic, really fun, and we truly got along great. as we got closer an…

Marcus Aurelius wrote "look inward" constantly. What's the thing about yourself you suspect you still can't see? — Something I keep coming back to in the Meditations is how often Marcus talks about self-examination. Not once as an exercise, but as a daily discipline. "Look within. Within is the fountain of good, a…

Surviving? A permanent trip and skirting the line of orange juice (YOU ARE GONNA WANT TO READ THIS.) — Permanent trip is kinda funny and skirting the line of permanent orange juice (you’re gonna wanna read this) I have bpd and dead mommy issues and I have always just wanted a drug to make me happy, es…

Sometimes it feels like the silliest things trigger me, and it's exhausting (and isolating). — Currently, there's some new, loud sounds coming from the walls of my bathroom in the morning. Could be some old pipes, could be something else (it's on an exterior wall on the bottom floor of a house,…

Disagreement over Woody Allen with person I was dating. Am I overreacting? — I had been seeing this person for a few months and was having fun with them. But a couple things gave me pause and led to me ultimately ending things, but I don’t know I was overreacting and projectin…

When to stop therapy? — I’ve been in therapy for 5 years now and have made a lot of progress during this time. I’m a lot more confident in handling the trials and tribulations of everyday life nowadays, but I do benefit from…

I've been lying to my parents about school for years — I (29yo Male) have felt terrible about school pretty much my entire adult life. I was considered smart back in highschool but not anything crazy like earnings awards or such. So My first experiences w…

Is Something Wrong with Me? — I don't understand how people are capable of not feeling any romantic feelings about someone they've spent years with, in a matter of months. I don't know what's wrong with me that I hold on for so…

Unhappy with my life and don't know what to do about it — Need to get some things off my chest. Not 100% sure if this is the best sub for this but I couldn't think of anything better. Can't place exactly what's bothering me, nothing uncommon but it always …

Apple Location Sharing — My Nmom asked me to turn on location sharing over a year ago when I was traveling across the country and at the time I rationalized it as her just wanting to see that I made it to my new state safely,…

Did I do this to myself... — long post warning i just need to get this out somewhere because it’s been sitting in my head on a loop i feel like i already know the answer but i genuinely need to get this out of my own head im 27…

How do I leave my SO? I feel like I’m watching myself from outside of a dream and I’m screaming at dreaming self to wake up.. I already know I should leave, so why can’t I? 39f 59m 4yrs — My(39f) life is a dumpster fire and it all started really going downhill after I met him(59m). Some would argue that I am better and better off now than I was when I met him, some would say otherwise……

oh boy did i get played — long post warning i just need to get this out because it’s been replaying in my head nonstop and i feel like i’m going insane trying to connect all the dots what makes it hard is that i'm so angry. i…

I get where you are coming from. I feel like though, at least for me, it can be a false sense of security trying to overanalyze things. It is masking the fear of being rejected if I ask a partner some…

This is not standard. Maybe the person has other stuff going on making them act hateful. Or that’s how they cope with their decision to leave. An avoidant deep in the trenches does not want to look li…

As someone from the other side, It is definitely the worst feeling to go through this with a FA. I feel like ever since being with my ex-husband and going through it, I constantly still find myself lo…

Seems like a person who got spooked and having escaped unscathed has calmed down, reflected, and realized that perhaps their anxiety was irrational. And that is a good indicator that when times get to…

Hmm I guess that I don't really get too much anxiety before or during the date. If anything I'm usually decently excited to meet the person. After the date though, the negative emotions are pretty ove…

Wanted to shape some of my thoughts for you and add to ThrowRA_patata3000. 🤞 It could be my two cents: but it might be that deep down, your feeling an intuition that’s trying to pull you out outward…

Look up the "neuroscience of breakup". It's totally normal to ruminate during the first days/ weeks, as your brain si trying to make sense of what happens, in hope that udnerstanding can help you avoi…

Hi! I recommend this video from Heidi Priebe about closure when a relationship ends badly: https://youtu.be/V-MrzWuHUrM?si=3cEgwWrFGZmcHtOi. Something that really resonated with me from this vide…

Yeah I think that’s the rub. I’m trying to rationalize what the problem is. I can’t fully articulate what’s wrong, just that it’s not right.

Some of it is your intuition telling you that this isnt the person for you. Your body knows before your mind. The mind tries to rationalize things.

Spoken like a cheater who has rationalized and justified their shitty behavior. I was married for 11 years and together with my ex-wife for 17 and I never stepped out. There are plenty of people out …

> I just wonder if he was burnt out and I was there and 'good enough'. Is it bad though? He clearly made a logical decision to be with you, that's not based on "vibes", "sparks" and similar bullshit.…

My emotions have definitely been blunted as I’ve aged. Years of therapy and mental health meds have also helped as I was wildly too emotional thanks to BPD. I have never stopped expressing my emotions…

I think almost definitionally, someone unaware of their attachment style or attachment theory isn't gonna know what's going on and will see their deactivation as a normal reaction to the circumstance …

The brain is quite unreliable in the pursuit of truth. It often draws conclusions which we buy into wholeheartedly in spite of insufficient evidence (see split brain experiments.) Thinking is also hea…

Word salad, just a lot of words in paragraph form. At least you can form paragraphs and sentences. You could have just said "Without proper discernment one could rationalize just about any position.…

You know how messed up it is, but when the professional acknowledges it, it’s telling you you’re not overreacting, or over sensitive, and no matter how much you tried to rationalize things, they’re no…

This is it. I was in this same boat and I too wish I had figured it out sooner. My ex never took any kind of interest in me as a person. Never really bothered to try and get to know me beyond a surfac…

you need to look at the root of the problem. what's causing these feelings? For them to go away you have to understand and rationalize/process them. For instance, say a spider scares you and you get a…

>Why does he need to do this, and why are you basing your life choices around that? He doesn't need to do anything. I just know that I wouldn't feel comfortable in a partnership with someone who…

doesn’t matter really. just move on to the next one. you’ll go crazy trying to rationalize people’s behaviors while online dating

You don't have to rationalize what you want. It's not our job to figure out how or design every single step in the process. You just have to have a deep sense of certainty that it will happen (that's …

There’s no doubt in my mind that the things I see with my eyes open and fully awake are either actually there or deliberately placed into my consciousness (potentially as a screen vision) via NHI, but…

Betrayal is the perfect word for it. Growing up in that environment I think we’re too close to it to see it for what it was. Probably also not knowing any other way. But once I saw it, I can’t unsee i…

That’s a ridiculous question to ask someone. Trying to rationalize it by blaming previous dates is a terribly unhealthy route to take. Baggage from previous experiences has no place in new ones. You…

Two reasons I think: 1) coping by making you the bad guy so they can rationalize their poor decisions or 2) When you discover a vile behavior and they realize they can’t fool you anymore, that you’ve …

Same - and wouldn’t put it past them to cut me out of the will (as they have threatened 3x in the past and I know they wouldn’t think twice about it and could easily rationalize some gaslighting bs a…

At first I went through feeling like I may have just walked away from the best thing to ever happen to me. I didn’t want to be around anyone and looking at all my previous relationships they seemed…

Because Aries gets to the point and wants to move on/go if they see the way while Saturn's all (voice at 0.5x) "*wait..... learn the lesson........... slow down......... take your time........... blab…

What was in that gummy? I had a psychedelic experience during which I was shown (through coincidences / signs like you) that we are all one (the universe experiencing itself) and that there is someth…

I have an older brother, myself being the middle child (daughter) and a younger brother. I think everyone had their own ways of trying to survive their abuse. There isn’t really a “right” way to go…

I have done revision before on a painful memory and revising very painful memories are more difficult so I will try to help from my experience, first of all yes forgive yourself, I found that doing fo…

Not according to what I’ve read. Their bad behavior and the pain it causes fuels their ego somehow. They don’t regret the behavior because they rationalize that they needed the “fuel” to feel good.

I definitely hear what you’re saying and respect your perspective here. I will say that for me, I absolutely had to let go of caring about intent regarding both my parents and my abuser later in life.…

Absolutely, yes. But I've learned to accept it. My methods won't be for everyone, but I'll share how I've (mostly) come to terms with it. * First off, I treat my background and experience as normal…

I always think that they initially reject it, then when ghe guilt sets in, they immediately go to rationalize it by twisting reality until it fits them. I definitely they can feel regret, but that reg…

Well that's a pretty extreme example .... but yeah, I guess you're right. Being able to schmooze and having an expansive and well connected network doesn't make you a good person or good partner. T…

You had a shock response. Its normal. The brain has a fight, flight, or faun response and you chose faun. Do not be too hard on yourself for this. This exact response is why people who are sexually …

1. Gemini ascendant 2. Leo Saturn 2 degrees third house (my sun and Lilith are also cazimi at 11 degrees, Mercury are also here at 15) 3. Capricorn 8th house (Chiron at 29) Aquarius 9th (Neptune at 16…

Let yourself be mad, hurt, resentful, sad. don’t rationalize your feelings by saying I shouldn’t feel this way, or I should be over this etc, just really give yourself space for all of the emotions. T…

Yes—this is a valid reason to leave. She hurt you repeatedly after you clearly explained it, and the third time wasn’t accidental. That’s not playful—that’s ignoring consent and causing harm. Don’t r…

The reason why we do this is fear. Fear of being rejected for race. We’ve all been rejected for it and it hurts. We rationalize it’s better to stick with our own and can’t see the reality out of fear.…

I’ve been there. “Soulmates” to “Strangers”. Ngl it hurts lol. But I’ve decided to work on myself and heal. Ik my brain rn cannot rationalize the fact that she will not come back but I’m working on it…

Ok, this emphasis on biology, trying to take his own biases and root them on science that is made up and not actually supported by genuine science, is a really bad sign. And if he is buying into that…

Women are different than men biologically in terms of body types, reproductive systems, and some hormones. There is nothing in science that actually proves or even supports the argument that men are …

Do you seriously think men are less emotional and that there is any real scientific evidence to support this? There isn’t. Men are conditioned by societal expectations into not showing emotion in ce…

I think this post is true, especially if you have a pattern of getting into these sorts of relationships. But if you're in your first go-around with an avoidant, I feel like it can be so easy to ratio…

I think it could be because most of your personal planets are ruled by mercury so you might need a lot of mental stimulation and perhaps that’s why you’re great with friendships since it’s all about i…

That's a healthy approach, one thing I'll add is drop the hope of "she will realize that her unhappiness didn't come from me," less than 20% of women regret their divorce, those odds are stacked again…