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"Does his belief that abortion is murder make him an asshole? Not inherently." See that's where we differ. It is my opinion that anyone who believes women should be forced to give birth against thei…
Proving Conciousness Creates Reality Syllogistically — 1. We exist. But our existence is dependent. We as physical beings, did not cause ourselves. 2. Everything we observe in the universe is also dependent. Stars, planets, people, and everything else we …
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
Is casual sex compatible with secure attachment? — I feel like I have a solid grasp of attachment theory after reading a fair amount of the literature over the years, but there’s a philosophical question I can’t quite resolve. Can someone who is secu…
Trying to navigate a "casual" relationship — Hi everyone, I (30F, trans) have been talking to/seeing a woman (24F, cis) for about 5 months. The chemistry is legitimately the strongest I’ve ever experienced - emotional, intellectual, creative, s…
I want to to start healing so badly, how can I? — I recently posted here my journey of realizing I have a fearful avoidant attachment. I used to think I was anxious but I realize I'm fearful avoidant and I don't want this anymore. I want to stop push…
My sun and rising are in Sagittarius. Why am I so shy and reluctant to express myself? — Based on my limited understanding, having your sun and rising in Sagittarius signifies being outgoing, expressive, and freedom seeking. I couldn’t be further from that. I know other aspects in my char…
“Asian Men Only Like White Women” Is So Baffling to Me — Preface: This post is about *women's perception* that "Asian men only like White women," not about who you should be in a relationship with . Of course, we shouldn't stop/discourage/vilify AMWF relati…
Why are people such sheep when it comes to drugs? — People seem to just accept things, unthinking, unquestioning. This person I was debating with said "Well people can just die instantly from MDMA" and I said that's just false. That doesn't happen, not…
breakthrough trip & the bigger picture — Hello, it's me again. I know that there are people here who enjoy reading my experiences so thus my posting. Obviously a disclaimer is this experience is under the influence of a psychadelic, but it t…
We desire a change in the Self — Many times when it comes to a desire, we are actually seeking for a change in ourselves. This is because you can only be aware of who you are in the moment. Really, you are always aware of yourself as…
I ignored my self-critic for a full week and boy was it exhausting — A week ago I decided that since behavioural activation therapy, CBT, other therapies, and trying to find ways to be productive or find meaning with others or by myself, and even low pressure advice we…
The fact that someone as terrible and disgusting as me has been allowed to live this long is the world's worst joke. — **(This is a repost of a post I made a while ago, which I am reposting because I'm back in a slump again. There aren't any major changes other than the ending bit.)** 20M. This might be the longest p…
THE ONLY ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS! - PART 3 - IT'S YOU! (NOT ME) — THE ONLY ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS!- **IT WAS/IS ALWAYS YOU** Never me , nor anyone else. No post in here could make you get all your desires, no coach could teach ya all that you wanna know about…
THE ONLY ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS! - PART 3 - IT'S YOU! (NOT ME) — THE ONLY ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS!- **IT WAS/IS ALWAYS YOU** Never me , nor anyone else. No post in here could make you get all your desires, no coach could teach ya all that you wanna know about…
Bullied Out of my Family — I've never fit in with my family. My mom had post postpartum depression, so she didn't really love or connect with me as a baby. She struggled a lot and had no support network, so I don't blame her fo…
Getting help at 18 — TW: mentions of abuse(physical, emotional), self harm sorry if I overshare but Ive recently gotten help at 18, ive recently turned 18 and I havent even gotten my highschool diploma yet but i graduat…
asking advice on if i was fetishized — CW for porn, past confirmed CSA, potential CSA (?) For starters, this is a new account because I have DID and don't want any other parts to know about this right now. I have been diagnosed with D…
How do I (M36) navigate this situation with my wife (F37) and our friend’s husband (M37)? — Would like advice about navigating this situation or if I M36 just need to grin and bear it. Also please let me know if another sub would be better suited helping in this situation. My wife F37 has a…
Why are People Hating on Asians Hanging Out with Other Asians — This is the most bizarre trend I’m seeing on TikTok, instagram, and Twitter. Essentially you have people (mostly other Asians) hating on Asians hanging out with each other Essentially they’re allegin…
I’ve just released the evidence to the press that NSW Police fabricated a medical diagnosis to criminalize my trauma. I am dropping the files here on Friday. — *Disclaimer: I am remaining anonymous while investigative journalists review the evidence file I just submitted to them. I have on me clinical assessments, hospital documents, and audio recordings sup…
Is taking photos of your child while in only underwear, naked or sleeping normal?? amongst other things — for context, my mother was abusive, though she was never physically sexually abusive or physically abusive, i'm away from her now and im older, also I am a woman for context, when I was from like 5 to…
I am a genuine disgusting, horrible piece of shit, and I don't know what to do about it. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD (I'm not officially diagnosed) and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years…
I’m in love with my best friend — I (33F) am in love with my best friend (34M) of four years and I need advice to stay or go, and also is it even ethical to stay when I feel this way? We met on bumble in Feb 2022 and at the time he e…
DAE have this feeling? — I once said to my old therapist that in relationships I feel like I’m a kid in a dark room screaming and no one comes. Since then, I’ve left my therapist (who made me feel the same way) and thought fu…
How can I stop feeling suicidal like this — Every night, or whenever I have time alone to think, I end up in the same place. Since I was about 15 or 16, I have kept coming back to the thought that I don’t deserve to live and should end my life.…
Does anyone's parents ever subtly tell you to do things that almost amount to worshipping them? — When I was younger, my parents, particularly my mom, would tell me to make the wallpaper of my iPhone to be an image of them. Initially, I thought that was odd, but I complied and did so for a couple …
"Trauma isn't what happened, it's what you weren't able to handle" — This feels like such a stupid cope. When people say this it just makes me angrier about my "trauma." Like I couldn't handle anything and that I'm just weaker than most people. I understand that peopl…
Male therapy — Why is it that therapy seems to be inherently sexist against men? I have read multiple guidelines, multiple posts on why men hate therapy. It all seems to point to that men are the problem. I am try…
My ex lying to me near the end of our relationship has destroyed my confidence — We were together for 3 years, ended mainly because we were bickering a lot and becoming kinda distant. But we fought to stay together, but before they left- breaking our lease, mind you- they said the…
THE OYSTER IS NOT YOUR WORLD! (IT'S THIS SIMPLE) — LONGGG POST! DISCLAIMER: for any of ya'll havin a problem with "long posts" , "english", "structure", "accent" etc etc. i got 2 tips for ya 1. chat gpt (or any other ai platform) - command c+v (summ…
WHAT DO YOU WANT?! — OK IMMA ASK A QUESTION - **QUES-** how many of ya'll had worse "3D" after learning about manifestation? reading neville? reading secret? law of attraction? law of assumption? anything at all youtube?…
Permashifting isn’t something to be skeptical of — Permashifting means shifting to another reality with no intention to shift back. So if you shift from CR to DR and never shift back to CR, that’s permashifting. If instead you shift CR -> DR -> CR, th…
Just want confirmation that it's better to not just fizzle? — In this particular circumstance she followed up about a potential date plan but I was busy and then we didn't communicate for a week. I watched a documentary she recommended and thought, "well I shou…
Did I make the right choice ending things with my situationship? — I'm writing this post an ultimatum to myself that I won't think about this anymore. I (24 M) found myself falling in love with a (23F) and ended up having a situationship with her which I ended recent…
BF (M30) snores. I (F30) refuse to sleep in a bed with him. How can I solve this without ruining the relationship? — The title is pretty much it. My bf (M30) and I (F30) have been together for about one year. It’s my first relationship. I am a very light sleeper, he snores, moderately loudly, every night. I literal…
My mother (56F) berates me (24F) for going low contact — \[context is a little long, sorry\] I'm a daughter of a vulnerable narcissistic mother and a grandiose narcissistic father who was also diagnosed with BD. My father became physically abusive in the p…
What do I (21M) do when I don't see a future for my relationship? (23F) — Some background context. I've been dating my girlfriend for 2 years now; I do love her. She is a kind, caring & considerate person, and that kindness and compassion come so naturally to her; she's a…
Days Since Incident: Perpetually Zero — I've been lurking this sub for a little while, trying to wrap my brain around how so many people share experiences so similar to mine. That for over 30 years felt normal, or it was just because I am a…
It doesn't prevent people totally, but there are complexities to this practice, it is not as simple as it seems. Astral projection is inherently a spiritual practice and not always easy to control. Lo…
That's interesting! And it makes a lot of sense! I'm definitely dependent on her, but I'm of the more psychodynamic camp where that's not an inherently bad thing. It's all so interesting!
Thank you for your supportive words :) I am definitely still an AP, but in comparison to some years ago I am able to identify my patterns and self regulate my emotions much more. This is the big diffe…
Try not to look at it like this attachment style is selfish while the others are more selfless. We often assume APs are selfless and will sacrifice everything for their partners but reality is that s…
people demonize DAs a lot, as if most people are sociopathic and can’t grow. keep doing what you’re doing. communicate, check in, all that. secure attachment requires effort, it’s not a destination or…
I disagree with this. If OP is on the path towards healing, being in a relationship can be what they need to work through the specific fears. I was fearful avoidant, and I was in CBT for ROCD while s…
People are everything. They're fickle, they're stupid, they're disagreeable, they shove you away at times, they're not solid...but they're also beautiful, and dependeable, and deep like the sea, and e…
I don't think so because attachment is inherently connection to another human. Humans who aren't perfect. There's a big difference to therapy with a human and when I vent to chatgpt for example. Thi…
Chatbots have caused severe psychosis and mental breaks in people in crisis, not to mention completely neurotypical people just looking for answers. All it does is agree with you and mirror you. It fe…
I don't know how to not devalue people in my head when it's clear that they cannot reciprocate the amount of attention and care I give them, this is especially clear when I try to get emotional suppor…
I agree with others that it sounds very AA, I think the need for dominance that lets you break off easily is likely something outside of the current scope of attachment theory, or at least doesnt fit …
He might be regretting it? [Disclaimer: I’m not at all an expert this is all just my opinion and experience as a former anxious] In my experience, avoidants work in the formula of “feelings minus fe…
He honestly just sounds like a huge jerk. He might be avoidant but being hurtful and rude and sloppy isn’t inherently avoidant behavior. I’d do your best to stop analyzing this. You didn’t do anythi…
Having strong feelings isn't inherently bad. What's bad is if they are supported entirely by fantasy. Anxiously attached people tend to lean into the hyper-romantic early on, nothing wrong with that, …
My parents are dismissive/avoidant attached and it fucked me up for life. It’s a very lonely and destabilizing way to grow up. I am 36 and only now in a secure relationship for the first time. (That a…
I would ask that you seriously give some thought into why you want a child, if it’s that you truly want to raise and nurture a child or if it’s a legacy/natural human desire and curiosity to reproduce…
And how your partner behaves in relation to you! Someone mentions this down below, but even when someone moves more towards secure attachment if their partner does not move towards secure attachment …
I’m glad you feel that my comment helped you, and I’m glad you’ve communicated these feelings! I assumed you had, but us avoidants aren’t really known for our vulnerability lol. Man, I’ve definitely…
This is the way! Talk to your partner! But try to use language that doesn't make them feel *really* bad about themself. I tried to break up with my girlfriend like three times during the first year we…
I could have written this post myself. I turn 27 in a month. And well, I have never been in a real relationship (although I dated for a while in a very avoidant non-committed way that makes me feel st…
It really depends. I know a few people in open relationships who are pretty secure, and some of them enjoy casual hookups outside their relationship and activities like swinging, kink parties, etc. I …
Okay, I will look into this person more but Steph Anya is an LMFT. You might want to search again bc dismissiveness pulls right up as an avoidant trait only. Cognitive empathy is very limiting in true…
Since this book gets recommended a lot, even in this thread, I am also making my own comment. This is about *Atttached* by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. This goodreads review by a user named Melody d…
I think you may be trying to control things that are many times uncontrollable. New relationship energy (NRE) is a thing. It’s normal to be excited by a new person. And inherently fantasizing is not a…
there is nothing inherently nefarious about remaining friends with an ex, but it’s also okay for that to make someone incompatible with you after what you’ve been through
I'm sorry, but I don't think it's inherently horrible. It's certainly confusing or annoying when you're interested in someone and trying to interpret their behavior, though. I don't quite remember yo…
The further I get along with my Social Psychology studies and how people form healthy bonds with one another, the more I am starting to understand how fucked up modern dating has become and how most p…
Interesting observation! Attraction is not a choice but the way you deal with it is. I feel like attraction to me is like a feeling, just like my emotions, it comes and goes and can be small or inte…
If you 'briefly' met him I assume he's not on your team nor works very closely with you. In that case I'd just send the follow request and see how that goes. It's not like there's anything inherently …
To your question: "Am I expecting too much consistency and reciprocity for the kind of “passionate friendship with benefits” she’s proposing?" Yes you're expecting too much. She is intentionally stru…
> tendency to weirdly label AnxA as fundamentally more manipulative or to psychonalyze us as having nefarious intentions without knowing it I would guess that this is because convincing people to do …
I think saying “I love you” is the least of the concerns here. You’re looking for some validation in that phrase, but I think you need more validation in this entire relationship. You’re essentially a…
Oooh, yeah, I like "tangential speech," as "word salad" implies that it's healthy for you to consume in any way 😜 lol I kid, I kid. There's nothing inherently wrong with *social* contracts, it's the …
If I'm interpreting you correctly, it sounds like you might be dating from a marriage-minded focus? There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but if you're looking for an alternative framing, maybe …
Pre-celebration is one of the two danger zones already mentioned in the comments, and that exists because birthdays and holidays are inherently emotionally intimate times. Emotionally intimate times r…
Woman here. You mentioned a lot not wanting to seem creepy. I can assure you that truly creepy guys rarely ponder whether or not they seem creepy. Or whether the woman feels comfortable or not. You …
This does seem like a case where maintaining a relationship with someone who isn't your endgame might prevent you from developing an appropriate relationship with your endgame. I know you just want…
It is eeeeeexxxxxtrrrreeeeeeeemmmmmmeeeeeelllllllllyyyyyy important that in your long term relationships, if there isn’t anything inherently wrong, you have to know how to handle being bored together.…
I appreciate this! The attachment theory pop-psych stuff is so frustrating. People with more avoidant attachment styles aren’t inherently bad, people with more anxious attachment styles still need to …
I’m a woman with adhd, and I think you’re going about this the right way! You’re screening out women who want/expect men to pay 100% of the time, and you’re setting a good tone of having open and hone…
I am sending you virtual hugs! I struggle with very similar feelings. I’ve only had one physically intimate relationship, and it took me until I was 25. It ended very quickly, and ever since the…
Exactly my thinking! I missed your post before, but in my own post, that's basically my thought, but in the form of a non-dating App. The idea would be where people with trauma, neurodivergence, and d…
I think what matters most is your willingness to commit to being a good relationship partner. I don’t think that will be easy for you. I think it will take specific dedicated effort, research, pract…
i was actually thinking about this the other day and i think a lot of it comes down to reddit's particular formatting, although i do think it's pretty widespread all throughout the community, you are …
I do really understand where you're coming from. I agree with a lot of what you're saying. Being attractive doesn't fix everything. Being attractive also comes with it's own set of struggles, traumas.…
They definitely reinterpreted it in the ugliest way possible, but they are kind of right. You just really can't look at someone's attraction level and make an assumption on their trauma. And it also i…
Yeah no communication for days is crap, like come on it doesn’t take that much time or effort to be polite. Sometimes I swear being patient and understanding is a curse, and some people use that as li…
Neither a cornucopia nor the Berenstain Bears are inherently a part of cultures that produce traditional mandalas. They are pop culture elements in the West.
There are some meaningful discussions to be had about the idea of the SHSAT and accessibility without specifically considering race/ethnicity. Yes, Asian families, including lower income ones, value …
There's nothing inherently wrong with being insecure, there is something wrong with being insecure and then being an asshole to your partner because of it. If youre handling your insecurity in a healt…