nice guy

Total speculation here, but my impression is that he is a "nice guy" (the unhealthy type in the book "No More Mr Nice Guy") who struggles with people pleasing and honesty (even being honest with himse…

30 Years in "Functional Freeze": How I mistook Survival for Personality — For three decades, I lived in a state of high-functioning freeze. I was the "perfect" and reliable son, but internally, I felt like a total fraud. I grew up with a mother who used the Silent Treatment…

the anxiety is gone... but now there's just a massive void. How do you handle the "nothingness" after liberation? — Hey everyone, First of all, thank you for the incredible support on my last post. It’s been overwhelming. But I need to be honest with you today: while on the outside it looks like I’m finally "winni…

Why does it take years to realize you’re traumatized? And why does "standard" therapy often miss the point? — I’ve been thinking a lot about the "lost decades." For 30 years, I thought I was just "the nice guy." I thought I was just "lazy," "unmotivated," or "heavy." I went through life thinking these were m…

Divorce is Finalized BUT… WTF is wrong with me? — I’m 56 years old. My divorce was finalized in January. My wife was given three months by the mediator to move out of our home. I should say my home since I bought it and paid it off before we were mar…

Emotional Attachment issues — Me (20F) and this guy I was seeing (20M) ended things a few days ago after 3 weeks of talking. I honestly thought things were going great and he was a very nice guy. However, we didn’t go to the same …

Plain "lost feelings" or might she be an avoidant?! — We were together eight weeks. No conflicts, no issues. She was fully invested, she initiated equally (or even more), said "I love you" first after one month, made future plans for the summer and easte…

Im still struggling with my mental health my gf of 1.8 years left me and i was not treating her very well as she did and i feel really guilty and sad that i wasn’t a nice guy — Any suggestions on how to cope with these things

26F i fell in love during ketu venus ad — I have attached both of our charts first is mine second one is his He is 3 years older to me we met through dating app I joined dating app for fun just for a day That's where we met We have be…

My [19m] girlfriends [20f] male friend fancies her — My girlfriend has a male friend who likes her. For context, my girlfriend and I are currently in a long-distance relationship. This friend of hers is someone she got to know through uni, when she mov…

Friendship problem — look so im a nice guy at most of what all of my friends call me (online friends) because i prefer them sometimes over my real Ones and i invest myself so deep in the friendship like i help the other w…

Two year relationship down the drain. — M28 and my gf25 emotionally cheated on me. And I’m considering giving her another chance. I found her texts on her phone when she handed it to me at a concert to use the restroom. This was her normal…

Gay to straight — Hey i hope everyone is doing well! I got addicted to watching porn&jerk off since I was 13y don’t judge me I’m a nice guy anyways after 14y I got attracted to men much more. I’m almost 18 right now I …

They clearly don't think thier decisions through — My old Covert Nice guy Narc friend basically told me. I'm better than you. Infront of a mutual friend. On the way to a Movie no less. After 14 years of friendship. My rummination questions are 1. Th…

What counts as a discard? — I posted the other day asking for advice and about my story with a covert narcissist (the signs point to it) but someone said it can’t really be a discard because we only dated and were never in a rel…

F23 can’t decide if i should break up w my boyfriend M23 — Hi yall when did you decide it was time to break up with your significant other? little back story on my side i have been with my boyfriend since 2022 and he is super nice guy always there for me but …

Feeling triggered and used — \*\*Trigger warning for small mentions of CSA and other sexual topics\*\* I’m new to this sub but I already feel very comforted by seeing so many others who have been experiencing the same things as …

Feeling uneasy about the near future — Me \[23m\] and my girlfriend \[26f\] have been in an online relationship for almost 8 months now. We’ve never met face to face, she lives abroad. We met on Bumble and got into the relationship quite…

Is my (23M) boyfriend emotionally cheating on me? (22F) — My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years now and I love him so much, we always talk about spending the rest of our lives together. However, over the past year, I found that he’s grown distant. Fo…

I played with a guy’s feelings and now I don’t know what to do — Before I start, I know I’m in the wrong here but I need advice so I don’t cause anymore harm. I (16f) met a guy (17m) who I’ll call Peter a few days ago through some friends. I didn’t know these peo…

Anyone have a parent try to turn you against the other one? — I have some questions. Me and my narc partner split up and have a 1.5yr old. Im terrified he will turn her against me in the future. He rewrites history, lies, gaslights, but is so fun and charming an…

Help Me Please I’m into my TA 21M and we’re ending the semester and I don’t know what to do 19F — This is really random but I don’t want to rant to my friends anymore because they’re all going to be biased. I’m finishing my freshman year of college 19F, and it wraps up in about two weeks. All seme…

Am I (32F) overthinking or ignoring red flags with my (30M) boyfriend? — I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half, and things have started to feel rocky in the last couple of months. Early in the relationship, he said he wanted to move in together and was …

Struggling with my first ever breakup (21F/23M) — I'm currently in my junior spring and I met my ex boyfriend during sophomore fall. We both are in colleges, 45 minutes apart from each other. He's currently pursuing his masters degree at the college …

I thought I was so pretty before meeting him — I really like this guy. We agreed to be exclusive, but wait until we are in better spots financially to officially date (tell our families, post about each other, get "serious"). I caught him texting,…

Am I asking for too much, or am I just tired of carrying my relationship? — Am I asking for too much in my relationship, or is it time to leave? I (20F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for about 2 years, and I feel like I need outside perspective because I’m too deep in th…

okay for my dad to do this? how do i set boundaries? — so my dad hasn’t done this for a few months, now that i live in the basement. but today i (15afab) was taking a shower and he walked in. didn’t knock just came in and acted like it was nothing. i froz…

Photos — I just saw a somewhat recent picture of my ex on one of my best friend’s fridge’s. I was with him for 5 years and we broke up a year ago. I’m helping her and her fiancée plan their wedding and I’m g…

Finally seeing a therapist — I’m to the point where I cannot do this alone anymore- the trauma I went through and then the dependency which I’ve never had before has completely wrecked me. I know he was a nice guy but not a good …

How do I know if future partner won't cheat on me? — It's scary how I notice it's everywhere now, after I went through it myself. Even nice guy cheats. So how do I know for sure??

Is it too soon for me? — Im (45F) going through a divorce and it’s been 2 years since separation. I thought I would never get over the rejection of my husband of 25 years having someone else. A friend (45M) has recently show…

Ghosted after 5 months — I was talking to a guy for 5 months. he told me he liked me. we started meeting in Feb, made out a couple of times. he was very nice, took care of me, was communicative, emotionally mature. I thought …

Ghosted after 5 months — I was talking to a guy for 5 months. he told me he liked me. we started meeting in Feb, made out a couple of times. he was very nice, took care of me, was communicative, emotionally mature. I thought …

I think my brother is secretly a creep online — My brother(31m) has been banned from Facebook enough times hes new Facebook is a name that's not his name. The reason for the ban? Nudity.(but he doesn't post nudity) He's also according to him was …

I’m functional and getting chores done, but the 'What Ifs' are keeping me mentally paralyzed. How do I shut my brain off? How do I move on when I know I caused the damage? How do I forgive myself for letting a lifetime of trauma ruin the only healthy relationship I've ever had? — I think I need some advice. I (22F) am at a point where I can still push myself to go to work and keep my space clean, but my mind is on a constant loop. My partner (22M) and I just broke up, and the…

Partner (22M) and I (22F) broke up. I'm still functional, but the 'What Ifs' are keeping me mentally paralyzed. How do I move on when I know I caused the damage? How do I forgive myself for letting a lifetime of trauma ruin the only healthy relationship I've ever had? — Sorry for the lengthy title. I think I need some advice. I (22 F) am at a point where I can still push myself to go to work and keep my space clean, but my mind is on a constant loop. My partner (22 …

Am I wrong for getting the ick when someone’s been in a relationship before? — LET ME EXPLAIN (cuz the title sounds kinda crazy lol) Im 16F, no experience whatsoever with love or intimacy, and there’s this boy, 16M, that I started crushing on, we’ve talked for around a month no…

Ended up dating a narc (I think) — So I want to preface this person was 18M and I had known of them since they were 14. From what I knew of them they were relatively nice, insecure, unattractive, smart, had family issues, and deeply un…

I acknowledge that I was and still am stupid, I broke contact with him because he scared me. I told him that I was a dismissive avoidant, so the second day we started talking he asked me to spend the …

Disappointing second date last night! Very nice guy but we had this expensive dinner (I know, I should have kept it cheap but I was trying to impress him) then after we went for wine (making the night…

Went on a date Friday which wasn't great. The guy looked very different in person as the pics he had on his profile must have been a few years old. So that kinda threw me off. Other than that, he was …

This is interesting. I’ve experienced the exact same thing regarding getting disappointed in people once you get to know them. My solution? Get to know their good sides first and try to meet them in …

If you are stressed AND nice, people don't like that. This is the stereotype "nice guy". He wants something from you and is forcing a situation. Even if he does all the right things, if he does it wit…

As long as your wife is working with this guy, the affair is still going on. It's also an indication she has no remorse for cheating on you. Emotional affair is cheating. By continuing the affa…

Two more phone chats today then finished with this round. 15 matches, I swipe with pretty much everyone as I only know from interacting if we'll get along. 5 unmatched me when I asked early on if they…

I posted the following response on this sub earlier this week: I broke up with this guy I’d been dating for a few months, when I was in my much younger/immature dating heyday. Nice guy but I wasn’t …

Check out “No more Mr. Nice Guy”. You seem like a very giving person who sees focusing on yourself as selfish. It’s not. People need to be able to focus on themselves in order to be better for those a…

I'm expecting to be curious about them, to be hooked into something more than "oh he's a nice guy"

I'm not sure for how long you've been divorced or how you are finding dates. If you are newly divorced, you may need to take some time to heal before dating again. It may help you get better at select…

Hmmm I got almost 3k likes from having profile active only a week. And certainly most don’t seem interested to chat with me. I’m sure there’s a few nice guys in there but how am I supposed to know whi…

Yes, these are likes and not matches. I prefer to pause my profile and then I can work through the likes (you have to pay for this option though). But as I said I’m not really getting anywhere as the …

Please go to the Dead Bedroom subreddit… there is a lot of good information there. My first dating relationship after my divorce was with a really nice guy. Very old fashioned. It was a very similar s…

You are so right. I postponed marrying mine as I was concerned about some of his attitudes. I’m glad I did as he was unable to keep trying to be Mr nice guy.

Bro -- I don't know where I go with this. Chatted on the phone with this guy, well video call, we talked for like an hour and even more amazingly this is the first time I've EVER showed up for a first…

I went on a few dates with a man who wouldn’t eat when we were out. He said food was for sustenance only. He said he gets these bags of meat and veggies that he would boil and eat as his meals. He was…

Hmm. Gay = ok to cheat ? Sorry but not buying it. Anyway, how you handled this is very common, but has the least chance to “save” a marriage. The veterans here ( most ) would attest that the 2 big…

Sounds like you are on the right track. I did the same mistakes so nobody here is any better, we just try to reduce the incredible pain of a woman’s betrayal with proven advice. There is good news.…

A person who has the ability to cheat is 3.4 times more likely to repeat cheat. Nice guys and gals both get taken advantage of. Staying means it will only get worse, never better.

Started dating one month after. Broke down crying about my ex, the second I came home from my date lol. It was a nice guy though and I wanted to give it a chance and see how I’d feel about all of it. …

Went on two first dates this week. One with a tall,masculine, strong, quiet type... conversation was more difficult but he kissed me goodnight and the chemistry was off the charts. He asked if we coul…

Don't try to figure out stay or leave right now. You would just be guessing at what door to take. Prioritize yourself. Grey rock her. Look and ask literally nothing of or from her. See how she chan…

It shouldnt be a threat to leave. It's more of a, "hey, I have to speak to you about resentment that's building for me and it's seriously starting to affect this relationship. Is this a conversation y…

Do so man, a lot of us men grew up with morals,standards and proper footing. The days of walk away, be the bigger person l,hold your tongue are long gone. You may be the nice guy but that does NOT me…

5th date with 38M tonight. So excited! He's a really nice guy, and I'm just trying to calm myself.

As you are obviously aware, reconciliation is very risky for the betrayed. Some try to spin that fact, but ultimately it remains a life going forward with pangs of pain, sorrow and suspicion. You do…

Work on your self esteem and confidence. Read “No More Mr Nice Guy”.

I’m sorry you went through that. I’m glad you’re younger and this didn’t happen at 50 after having two kids with him. There is literally nothing wrong with you. Yes they try to impress and live in f…

I'm a Mom, in my mid 40's. I had to get divorced about 10 years ago for my husband's domestic violence towards me. We got together when I was 19, he never laid hands on me until after we had a kid t…

It's a loss you have to grieve... not really her, but the person you thought she was. Research the 5 stages of grief, and power through it. You'll come out stronger, and smarter. I say smarter, be…

I told an ex over and over that he needed to trim his nose hairs. Even bought him clippers with the right attachment. Nope. And that neglect (and elsewhere that he also couldn’t be bothered with) wa…

I was in the same situation. I had a friend, not a super close friend give me some advice that I will admit, eventually brought me back a happiness reset. I can’t duplicate the words, but the premise…

I agree with you, Accidental Guru. What you said here really resonated with me: *“My grandpa passed all his family trauma onto my dad, and then my dad onto me.”* I feel something similar in my own f…

That’s funny, I was going to say next time tell her what you love about her that has nothing to do with you — her personal positive traits. Like she is so kind and thoughtful she always puts everyone’…

Sounds like you were the back up plan. She wanted to do hook ups and only stayed cause she was afraid how people perceive her. You were her good guy. The nice guy. She sounds like a calculating person…

Took me a few months to realize mine was at my worst during the relationship. My body would develop rashes I’d be way too anxious for nothing all the time. Dude was a nice guy but the whole time my bo…

I’d just find a way to mention how I learned to love average sized penises bc guys with big dick energy are assholes. And about how I got lucky to be with a nice guy because my last 3 exes were asshol…

The reason why it came off as justifying is because your comment response to me really didn’t have anything to do with what I said. It was like a story you wanted everyone to know about even if it did…

Mine seemed to hate me the one time I broke my NC rule and came back. After he got my attention again and the nice guy part was over, he was meaner than ever. Like, he lost respect for me for going ba…

My definition is: nice is performative, kind is genuine. If they're doing something "nice" because someone is watching or they want some reward, that's not actually "nice", it's manipulation. Hence th…

I no longer do the dating apps as they are rife with liars, men who misrepresent themselves, put old outdated pics of themselves on there. I am more likely to meet a nice guy at the grocery store or H…

I totally understand you. I am now 39. :D So I only started this process like when I was 36. Just saying you have a lot of time ahead of you. I was so passionate at the age 20 and I didn't like any le…

Did he used to be more curious about you when you first started dating? Or has it always been this dynamic? I went on a few dates with a nice guy who liked to tell stories but not ask any questions ab…

41f here and having the best sex of my life. I don’t date younger, all my partners have been in the 43-50 age range, and all have been absolutely wonderful - caring, giving, experienced, I just can’t …

\+1- except I \*do\* date the ‘nice guy' types...and still as satisfying as everything else.

Hey, i get you! Been single 16 months after a 7.5 year very toxic relationship with a very flawed man. I’m staying off the apps bc from previous experience (7 years ago and then 14 years ago), it just…

Same. I date the nice guys (43-53 is my age range) and they have all been amazing. One needed the blue pills but it was a non issue

Yeah, reality check - the crush is not worth the negative side effects it will have on your job!! I got involved with a coworker and the drama really made my work suffer. Find a way to give yourself t…