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Such a great book, I felt the same way while reading it and I am definitely 100% a Fixer. It was so spot on. If you liked the psychology and overachiever patterns from the book, especially around th…
Start Here: Essential Resources & FAQs — The idea for this post came up in [this thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/Wordpress/comments/1cpme25/mods_can_this_subreddit_implement_a_minimum_karma/) by wiz to avoid the number of similar questions …
To the former LOAPorn folks here — Hi everyone! It's been about 3 months since me and my SP have been NC. It's quite a long story to retell it there, but we two got really close, and we were very happy with each other. However, due to…
Solo founder here—bootstrapped a travel startup, no bookings yet. Influencer model failed, paid ads feel too risky. What would you do? — Hi everyone, I’m a solo founder of hopmytrip.com trying to build a travel group tour platform—basically fixed-date trips to places like Bali, Thailand, and Vietnam, where people from any country can …
We should keep in mind that its a spectrum.. — I realized something in my relationship and it is not much shared in this way so maybe it helps someone else I am anxious and my fiancee is avoidant. He is very introverted and trying to deal with hi…
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
how to deal with an avoidant's freeze response in hard times? — my partner is FA, I've known him for a long time. He has made a lot of effort and has changed for the better. He's the more secure one between the two of us honestly, and he's pretty good at fighting …
Have you ever mixed up attachment issues with something else? — For me it’s financial/practical security because of health problems and being poor even when I can work enough hours (still not enough money). What are your experiences and where do you draw the line …
Everything we know about shifting is probably false — So much of our communities take the knowledge we spread to be fact, when in reality shifting isn’t a science. At all. This has been said before but I NEED you guys to actually read and internalize thi…
A lot more people are hurt/traumatized than evil — A lot more people are traumatized/ in pain than are evil. And I won’t say that evil people simply don’t exist, they do, but there’s fewer truly evil people than there are hurt/traumatized people who d…
My husband cheated and is now the meanest person I’ve ever met — I really just need to rant because I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. So my (30F) husband (38M) cheated on me 4 days after my 30th birthday. To go into more detail, he snuck out of our house while…
My mom always expects the best from me when I don’t get as much in return. — I am a 27 Korean American female. My parents divorced when I was really young and ever since, my mom has taken care of me as a single mother who can’t speak English in the US for 25 years. We were fi…
I will stop using ai. — So I have been using ai for like everything: homework, writing some notes and even coding for me, that's horrible for my brain and even my future. But am deciding to change - I will stop using it com…
I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…
She admits the lies and secrecy, but still denies anything physical — I’m posting because I feel like I’m losing my grip on what is real, and I need perspective from people who understand trickle truth, repeated minimizing, and what it feels like when someone admits jus…
About to be laid off, again - will this ever end? — For past 7-8 years, I have been on the run. I am always forced to leave my jobs - policy changes, layoffs, hostile behaviour etc etc. l am good at what I do, but it’s obviously not enough. Job changes…
2 Years Later — I just wanted to share for those of you who are still “in it,” that there is so much light on the other side. The first year was so dark. I had so much guilt for leaving and I was so entangled in hi…
I (M46) seem to be a bit lost with what I want from my relationship with my partner (F44) — I (M46) was with the same woman for roughly 20 years until we divorced few years back. The relationship was good on a many level, but pretty practical. The emotional intimacy was there occasionally an…
affordable therapy when you make too much for assistance but not enough for 150 a session? — I feel like I’m in the worst possible affordability bracket. I technically make “too much” to qualify for any assistance or low income clinics, but not enough to casually drop 600 a month on therapy. …
April 2026 Astrology: Key Dates, Weekly Forecast and Mundane Astrology World Events — April is one of the most active months we’ve seen. Not one planet is in retrograde. Aries fire and cardinal energy sets the stage for initiation, assertion and spontaneous energy. There is a bit of na…
You Cannot Achieve Success by Slapping Positive Thoughts on Top of a Lifetime of Empty Expectations... — Here’s the truth most “experts” won’t tell you: Thinking positive, setting intentions, and believing the universe will deliver? **Not enough.** Manifestation only works when **you’re truly aligned**…
37/m. 3 months ago, I committed an act of domestic violence on my ex partner and I am trying to make sure the version of me that did that stays in the past. — In December I physically attacked my now ex gf of 4 years. It is the single worst thing I have ever done in my life, to the person I loved more than I have ever loved anyone before. I moved out immedi…
Grieving a divorce — I've never posted and I don't know who will read this, but I've been reading a lot of posts for people in similar situations and wanted to share my story. I recently divorced my wife of all of 8 mont…
When is love not enough? Please help me understand — When we first got together she was up front with me about her emotional issues. I was OK with them, having dealt with my own demons for so long. But I didn't realize how severe her issues were. Two co…
What else can I do to help treat my anxiety? — Anxiety is ruining my life. I don’t want to be like this anymore and want to actually be able to leave the house on some days that I want to. I’m on meds and in therapy but that’s not enough. Genuinel…
My (at the time 18F, now 20genderless) ex(at the time 19M) used me for sex and broke up with me years ago. I can’t seem to forget about it. — This was my first ever relationship, and far from his first. At the time I felt that the relationship was good and normal. He admitted he was using me for my body in the relationship and broke up with…
Breakup with fearful avoidant — So I just want to tell my story of how the breakup is and how I assume that the person who broke up with me is fearful avoidant after analysing what happened and what was going on. I want to get some …
Feeling conflicted after he confessed — My boyfriend and I were together for a little less than a year and a half. I thought we had a really healthy relationship. I never felt jealous or insecure and genuinely trusted him completely. I love…
3 year relationship gone in — Im writing this from my car. I got broken up a couple days ago over text. However the catch is that we still live together. She has had a friend over since the day she broke up with me so I haven’t be…
After my layoff should I hire a career coach to fix my job search approach — Since the layoff my job search has been exhausting with hundreds of applications and almost no responses. I know my materials are not landing but I cannot see why. At my previous salary of $140000 I t…
An open letter to my wife — I want her to know this but I know it wouldn't be healthy so I'm writing it here because if 1 person sees it then maybe I will feel seen. To my 'wife', When we met we were smitten with each other. …
Struggling with comparison and self-worth in a new relationship (35M) — 35M here. Recently got back into dating after a long gap (UPSC prep, divorce, career reset). I’m currently rebuilding my career: underpaid relative to my potential but steadily improving (atleast I th…
What do you do after someone declines a date? — I heard from a coworker just this evening that someone I had asked out (different department) is "disappointed that I don't talk to him anymore". I was really into him. He wasn't into me. Or not dati…
Find myself or Find her Again? — I was 16M when I met her and got into the relationship she was 19 at that point but her schooling was equivalent to me because she missed some of the years due to her parents separation. our bond was …
I Spent My Life Trying to Control Others.Until I Learned to Control Myself. — As someone who has been trying to control and manage people my entire life, I find it hard to believe that all I had to do was control how I feel, my thoughts, and what I do. It’s literally mind blowi…
Should I (22F) break up with him (21M) ? — So I have been dating this guy for 9 months now (we dated 2 years ago for 2 months but I ended things till he texted me again). He is very respectful, nice, loving and treats me very good. At first I …
how do y’all deal with family as an adult after your mental health was neglected growing up — How do y’all deal with family now that you’re older after your mental health was neglected growing up? I’m 19 and I keep realizing how obvious it was that I was not okay when I was younger and it hon…
i dont know how to become the person i want to be... — i want to be smarter (with topics of culture and interesting things), occupied with more hobbies and gave them the time it requiers to be good at them, i want to be more conected to my family and frie…
Coping with breakup — Lately, going through a breakup I feel a strong sense of guilt and anxiety and I don't know how to get over it and forgive myself. I loved and love enormously, as I know how, as I could, cleanly and …
Do quiet/introverted girls get seen as “boring” in relationships? — I’m more on the quiet side and not very expressive like some other women around my partner. I sometimes worry if being like this makes me less interesting or not enough in a relationship, even though …
The pain of anticipating a divorce — How do you deal with the pain of knowing divorce is the only outcome of this marriage? Me and my husband have been married for 8 months. It was semi-arranged, but we both met and hung out multiple ti…
To all dumpees… what would make you guys regret losing a person? — A little context: me and my ex were in a ldr for 2 years. Everything was going grt, but one day, completely out of the blue, she told me she wanted to break up. She didn’t give any reason, just said t…
Being unemployed has wrecked my confidence!!! — It's not just about applying for jobs, it's about money depleting and also the more you wait the career gap increases and no one wants to hire you... Opening linkedin feels traumatic :( I tried side…
20 years and want out — Ive been married to my wife for 20 years, and we have 2 grown up kids, 20 and 28, both of whom live in different countries now for study and work. My wife and I run a family business, so we have spent…
When was the first time you knew you’re not enough? — Being compared to your siblings? At your school?
Why do middle class parents care so much about name brands? — Something I’ve noticed is that way too often, people in the middle class get loans on things they can barely afford. There’s so much emphasis on going to school just for the name, but not enough empha…
My peculiar version of ladder experiment + how I manifest effortlessly — This is gonna be long, but worth the read. I've been consciously manifesting for years with lots of successes but recently fell off my mental diet a bit (bc I'm human, ayo 😂) so was recommitting to…
My handwriting is… different — Back in August I changed bedrooms and moved from the upstairs to downstairs. My closet was such a mess and so cluttered I didn’t move any thing in there down with the rest of my things, I would go ups…
It's better to enjoy your own companionship than being in an unhealthy and immature relationship — Just came out of a very weird breakup, and I was completely emotionally drained near the end Sometimes you give your all, and it still doesn’t matter because it’s not enough for the other person. I’…
Manifesting a guy who barely knows me — So there's this guy who i really really really like and we barely know each other. Idk how much he knows about me but I'm sure he's heard of me through his friends , not much just my name. I know him …
What are your favorite ways to meditate? — Have a blessed day everyone. I'm no expert ,just been into meditation for about 4-5 months. My method is 60 minutes daily that I must do before the day ends. I usually space them in chunks of 10 or…
Thats not true, just because they are not going to come back, I can promise good or bad, they DO think about you, they DO often miss you, and many times they still love you. Just not enough or in the …
I’ve had this pulling sensation happen to me before. It feels really scary tbh. So scary that you feel yourself gripping your bed so “it doesn’t take you.” “It” being this invisible force trying to li…
"Most of the time I feel like I'm going to die alone, like I'm not enough and oher bullshit." I suggest you take conventional action and see a therapist to sort out your self-esteem issues in the fi…
Impressive, really. 1 upvote is not enough but nvm, take it
Based on my experience dating a DA, yes this is all “normal” for them. He made it clear we were only to see each other once every two weeks. He didn’t “have capacity” for more than that. The week afte…
>I have had conversations with my partner over time about attachment styles, and they eventually determined that the descriptions of Avoidant Attachment sounds awfully familiar to them. They have star…
I wouldn’t say they aren’t aware. AP can be extremely self critical. I find the issue is that until they process the underlying trauma, the attraction pattern is hard to break. Simply being aware of i…
I would suggest you reread my comment again. I said I didn’t want romantic relationships to take up 80% of my life, which is a major and unsustainable deviation from the normal relationship pattern of…
It’s not enough. And it’s not diagnosing if you just count the traits. There are NPD and BPD traits, and you can do inventory check and discernment. Throwing labels on someone isn’t useful even in the…
I’m FA and my current relationship has me feeling like I’m losing my mind half the time. I’m really into him, but when conflict hits, I shut down, even though he actually tries to talk things through.…
Upper middle class in the US aren't even making that money at their prime. I either am living under a rock or your friends are full of shit and you are somewhat naive. Not enough information. Your fri…
If you are in the SaaS industry, I suggest you try Product hunt, X, Youtube, Seo and Google Ads. My email marketing tool, Mailgo, was launched on Product Hunt on April 15, and ranked #1 on the daily…
If you are in the SaaS industry, I suggest you try Product hunt, X, Youtube, Seo and Google Ads. My email marketing tool, Mailgo, was launched on Product Hunt on April 15, and ranked #1 on the daily…
Most business owners I talk to are just overwhelmed by the nonstop AI hype and have no clue where to even start or which tool isn’t vaporware. Some are nervous about privacy, others just too busy to m…
Thank you for sharing. Do you think 3 months is enough to spot one? Or is it not enough? The example you gave is pretty obvious to me tbh someone who needs to ghost me for some time before coming back…
Interesting thought. Out of curiosity, don't securely attached people also have "patterns" that they follow? Or would you say secure attachment alone is not enough for free will?
Of course they do follow pattterns too. But due to having less active Amygdala, they are less driven and have a sort of natural mindfulness to a degree, depending on the temper. Still, I agree with yo…
How would you feel if all of this is handled for you? Relieved? Trust in the power of something higher? Ask yourself these questions . Just let it linger, don’t answer right away. If you’re try…
This is so tricky and difficult for you to manage, because the message itself appears genuine and heartfelt. But remember the bigger picture here, beyond the words...this is someone who just pretty mu…
I just am not going to hear how awful DA and FA are at this point. I’m a DA I don’t ignore the expressed needs from my partners but I also don’t allow (AA attachment people specifically) full range to…
I'm sorry to hear that, it's incredibly painful to go through this dynamic. I like to believe they can change, but I just think unfortunately they have to: 1) Want to change 2) Do the consistent w…
No, not at all. But perhaps it’s also because I have BPD, so I have a black and white thinking. I’d feel anxious during the relationship because they might leave me for being hot and cold — not delibe…
This is interesting. my ex was fearful avoidant, and she broke up with me just after 12 days of coming in relationship, and mind you the relationship was at its best at that time. I'm a secure guy,…
I'm a FA in therapy (although with another FA/DA was leaning anxious). A lot of people don't have the skills and guts to communicate uncomfortable things. Here comes ghosting, which is way easier to d…
Hey, thanks for the response! I don't know if he was self aware or not, but he told me in our last conversation that he can't look past his work/life and that I deserve better. He also said that the …
So I (38M)'ve just been dumped again by someone who picked up on my attachment anxiety, and I'm extremely frustrated because I'm pretty far along my healing journey, but not finished yet obviously, an…
Hey! First time asking question but long term sufferer or anxious attachment! How do yous cope and self soothe and calm? I can never handle my emotions til after the fact. I’ve had issues with anxiet…
The spark comment is what makes us spiral and over analyze. Think of the worst-case scenario. We tend to internalize, and it drives us crazy. Without knowing the situation and I can only use my own …
Yeah, you fucked up. He offered to come over and help you, and you said no. Then you resented him for not seeing past your lie and coming over anyway. That makes no sense. You should've just told h…
I'm really sorry that this person keeps lingering and making it hard to move on. Ultimately they have broken up with you. This little lingering is not enough of a behavioural change to actually have a…
Text of original post by u/Longjumping_Choice_6: For me it’s financial/practical security because of health problems and being poor even when I can work enough hours (still not enough money). What are…
(Tried to post this as a solo post, but couldn't due to not enough karma) *Does Thinking About Death Really Help Us Live Better?* In this post, I want to question the practice of Memento Mori, becau…
It's just a breadcrumb. Staying close without real connection. Avoidants can't do connection, vulnerability, responsibility. You dating someone else during the 18 months apart was not the reason they …
I dated a ln avoidant who wanted nothing more than to have children. It became an excellent reason to discard people. No one was ever good enough to be the mother of his future children. He’s now 46 a…
I've been there. I could have written this three years ago - the second guessing that you feel someone is inconsistent and not safe, but you fixate on the times that feel good. With closer inspection …
I type out messages with vulnerable content so that I can send them to my SO, but I end up deleting them because it feels icky and unsafe. Even if he's been supportive in a way that is both caring and…
I hear you, and I do try to look beneath the unfortunate associations that religious institutions have caused. To not throw out the baby with the bathwater around it all. But I feel like I do that thr…
I've heard (and taught) all this stuff so many times. I just...have a lot of snags around it all. Let me go through each of your points. I have other hobbies and interests, but it's hard for me to ac…
A healthy relationship can’t survive in those conditions. Your needs are not being met and he is not in a place to meet them. Trying to force it will not make things better. In fact it will make it wo…
This resonates, it sounds less like low self-worth and more like being over-adapted to closeness, where you can stand alone just fine but lose yourself a bit with the people who matter most. Sometimes…
Here's my thoughts after being on this subreddit for a while, and I am someone who has been daily practicing for the past 8+ months with no physical results. 1. Maladaptive daydreaming proves that ma…
Honestly here because I am curious more than anything for good habits and coping mechanisms because I find myself often in similar spot. It’s hard to manage when the person you have loved and poured …
I’m such a bag fumbler. I was at a bar with my bestie this weekend, a fairly nice one. We were on our way out and some man stops us, asking us where we’re going. Clearly quite drunk. I wasn’t going to…
Only you know. I can’t stay with someone who isn’t fun. What I mean is, I want to laugh in my relationship. I don’t care how sweet, hot or kind he is - if we aren’t laughing I’m out. I’m a silly pers…
32 nb Update! 5th(?) no, 6th(?) date w 39m last night, we watched a movie together at mine and kept pausing the movie to talk. I like him more and more…and so the Switch has Flipped in my brain where…
I've been to two singles events and feel hopeless coming out of them. Well that's not true, in the first one I managed to vibe with a girl and got her number but it just didn't go anywhere, no date …
> People who claim someone as avoidant after dating them for three months Today's situation that set me off was after one date. I'm glad we can all agree that's not enough time or knowledge about som…
In my past relationships watching TV together was our daily low-effort bonding activity. Something you can do even if you're tired and don't feel like talking much, just sitting there, laughing togeth…
Nerves. I can't remember the last time i've rejected someone I dated, so I'm having a hard time deciphering how i'm feeling. I had a great first date with a girl last weekend and since then we've conn…
> I'm frustrated and I don't know what or how I need to change to build the connection. Trying to change yourself into someone else's ideal will drive you crazy. Because everyone has their own speci…