LEARNED HELPLESSNESS

Abusers CONDITION their victims to not protest. It contributes to what psychologists call " LEARNED HELPLESSNESS". Reading up on those terms can help you understand better what is going on.

Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…

Advice Needed: Dealing with Elderly Covert NMom — I am looking for advice ideally from a specific subset of RBN folks: those prioritizing a low contact relationship and either care managing or caregiving for a covert narcissistic elderly parent who d…

Bed bound as a young adult in diff country - mom not connecting at all with me — Hey guys so I learned about emotional intelligence/neglect fairly recently. I'm a young adult and sadly become very sick after moving from my home country to be with my partner. My dad is a covert na…

My mother died and I'm finally free, I'm just scared I'm too old — I'm kind of nervous to say this because I can't help feel like an imposter here, my mother wasn't all that abusive after all, but now she's dead I can't help but feel like she caused me a lot of harm.…

FAQ on emotional neglect - For anyone new to the subreddit or looking to better understand the fundamentals — **What is emotional neglect?** In one's childhood, a lack of: everyday caring, non-intrusive and engaged curiosity from parents (or whoever your primary caregivers were, if not your biological parent…

Already familiar with these concepts, but I enjoyed reading this. It is succinct. Reading your descriptions of learned helplessness, trauma, complex trauma and addiction made me cry too, from identify…

Thank you so much for this, it’s cathartic to see the traits childhood emotional neglect can cause. I always just thought well this is how I am like I was just made this way, and seeing them as result…

Ooooph feel you. I feel like it can also be a form of learned helplessness in the face of a world we have so little control over. Tis rough.

I also agree with that! Sometimes I struggle in telling if I am tired or I actually am being lazy. I spent most of my childhood addicted to my devices or maladaptive daydreaming so daily tasks are inc…

From learned helplessness to empowerment. That's how the shift happens as we heal. 💪🏼

Oof, this brought back some bad memories. I remember telling my mom "I wanna try out for American Idol some day!" and she said "im sorry honey, that's for people who can sing well." I listened to a …

When he was in school he was a SAHD. He’s a good dad and homemaker. I still think we come out on top with him working + factoring in insurance. He’s not lazy, he’s a good employee and hardworking just…

Hard, hard, hard disagree. This is like how people say "sure advertising is effective, but it doesn't affect *me".* The reality is people are being taught by most authority figures in life to intens…

I’ve read this comment several times now in good faith but I truly cannot understand how, outside of the last paragraph/section, what you’ve said relates to my comment at all. I feel like there’s seve…

Lack of positive interactions with a parent can lead to a [non-verbal learning disability](https://nvld.org/non-verbal-learning-disability/) that makes us really bad at connecting to our own emotions …

Yes, it is definitely something conditioned from childhood, and something I still need to work through, as well. When you have someone to validate or "mirror" your emotions, it looks like a parent who…

As someone with ADHD, try not to do that. Don't beat yourself up about it of course but try not to blame your problems on ADHD or whatever else you may have. Acknowledge it, know that it makes your li…

>because I guess it's a grass is always greener type thing, Feel that. In the end, both parent-types are still grown from the same ground. As in. "Boring" people come from a "go with the flow" backgr…

I am a an RN, we see this a lot in our frequent flier patients. We will have patients that laugh and joke with the staff, have full range of motion and able to complete all the tasks that occupational…

It is not your job to fix him. Find someone who is an adult. This "panic attack " sounds like manipulation. Learned helplessness. You are too young to be stuck with a man child.

Oh honey, this is called “learned helplessness.”

Seems like you have to fit in a particular box. Low self esteem is a no go, along with Learned helplessness. My age was pointed out, I’m an adult and I need to grow up?? I don’t know how that “advice”…

If telling myself I haven't tried hard enough works, it'd have worked about twenty years ago! I'm totally aware I'm not trying as hard as I could be. I do want to try, but sometimes it's a matter of n…

The feeling of an invisible force is very relatable to me. I've only recently started to unpack my life, as it were, because neglect, especially emotional neglect, is the invisible backpack of traumas…

For me it's >Decision paralysis + perfectionism + executive dysfunction + learned helplessness + low self worth It's an awful combo I can't decide what to do, I feel so much pressure to do it perfec…

I think this mindset is called becoming calloused to it, with it meaning a suffering or difficulty. Being calloused to something bad refers to becoming emotionally hardened, insensitive, or indifferen…

I'm not in your shoes. I am sorry that you are having to 'gird your loins' as it were just to deal with your mother (look up the girding of the loins, it may provide a humorous side trip for your brai…

A few months ago I would have wholeheartedly agreed with you. Looking down on people, learned helplessness. Janina Fisher and her book Healing the selves [...] is the first time I've ever felt seen an…

I will second this - do not move back in with them. I made the mistake of moving back in with them after a breakup and hitting a wall with my career to "regroup" and “start over again” since I was dea…

"Until suddenly she couldn't understand why I couldn't do anything on my own and needed to be hand held." Same, turns out learned helplessness is a thing and this is a way that it starts. I also real…

Hi I will come back to this - sorry I'm just extremely sick but I appreciate you taking the time to offer me advice. I did watch that video and it was very applicable to my mother especially. I've n…

Your life isnt over, therefore *it isnt too late*. However as someone whose Nmom is still alive, i had a partner who had to drag me through the process you are currently looking at, and i do still hav…

Want to know what the best thing about freedom in your 30s is? *The freedom* Perhaps your illness still inhibits you, and there are legal boundaries you may not want to test, but other wise, think i…

Uh he’s just miserable and maybe has learned helplessness or is lazy? Sounds really manipulative and like a martyr complex. Just break up, you can’t make him want to give a shit about his own life

Yeah, this is some generational trauma from poverty at play. It's coming with learned helplessness and weaponized incompetence.

Sounds like generational trauma mixed with learned helplessness and a a dash of emotional immaturity and weaponised incompetence. Generally, therapy is going to be the best way of dealing with that, …

From my experience with my own father? He knows. When I was 14, when Dad and I were out on the boat together, alone, I opened up to him. I didn't use such words, of course, I didn't know them, but I …

Hey so what you have is learned helplessness I say this gently with genuine care I had the exact same issue as you it’s not your fault at all its how your narc parents like mine raised you but it is o…

Yes but people like us who have been raised by narcs have learned helplessness and aren’t aware of it and subconsciously think that we are forced to do things or aren’t capable enough on our own. It t…