buffer

Absolutely this. I would like to add to it. Parents are meant to "buffer" their children's emotions. When the child's emotions are spinning out of control, the parent should keep their emotional cen…

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

I ignored my self-critic for a full week and boy was it exhausting — A week ago I decided that since behavioural activation therapy, CBT, other therapies, and trying to find ways to be productive or find meaning with others or by myself, and even low pressure advice we…

Anxiety isn’t in the head it’s stuck in the body. The somatic trick that rewires it — I tried something that felt absolutely ridiculous during an anxiety spiral and it worked better than anything else I have ever done. I stood up put on a heavy beat and just started shaking. Full body …

Avoiding Your Real Work Is Costing You More Than You Think — # Avoiding Your Real Work: The Hidden Cost of Staying Busy Without Progress ***“I’ve been noticing this pattern in myself lately and wanted to share it here because I’m curious if others deal with th…

My ex-GF used me as an "emotional buffer" while she was literally begging another man to take her back. — My ex girlfriend and I broke up four months ago because things weren't working out. We went completely silent until last week, when she texted saying she was in town and wanted to catch up. I was miss…

Playing tetris reduced my flashback in the coffee shop today. — I have been practicing for months, different regulation strategies whilst going to the same coffee shop with limited benefit. 5 4 3 2 1 just made me self concious and made me feel more on edge, I coul…

The fourth stress response nobody talks about explained most of my life — I want to share something I wish someone had explained to me years ago because it would have saved me a lot of confusion about why I am the way I am. Everyone knows fight, flight, and freeze. There’s…

Today I Accepted that my Father is a Coward — After years of living with my (F22) abusive, narcissistic father (M46), I have accepted that he is a coward. This mostly stems from our recent fight. Where he broke something in my car, did not tell m…

She said she needed space and my brain basically threw itself down a flight of stairs — Is "I need space" the new " I've got a headache"? This happened like two weeks ago but it’s still bouncing around in my head like a loose screw so whatever, I’ll just dump it here. Maybe it’ll stop r…

All insecurely attached people tend to show up the same early on in relationships. They're usually all persistent at the start, which is a sign of someone that is insecure. Secure people don't priorit…

I literally felt the same, and so needed a second opinion. Here's what Claude Opus 4 had to say (after copy pasting it): Why does this reddit post feel like an ad? My spidy sense is tingling: Yo…

IMO an activity is a great date, although usually I tried to do that for a second date. The one time I thought an activity really worked best as a first date was when I was going on a date with someon…

She has devalued you and holds resentment. That's a hell of a trap to get out of. Resentment builds in many relationships, but with a dismissive avoidant you ARE the problem. To them. Your closeness t…

I'm so sorry. It's hard when you realize that someone holds very different relationship ideals than you do. Your sister is actively going out of her way to distance herself from you. You're not only…

Big disagree on bad psychologists able to do EMDR. There are a lot of people practicing it that shouldn't, most people take a really short basic training and have no actual basis of understanding. The…

I met a group of my girlfriend's very close friends today for a game night (afternoon?) and it went great. Even after she had to leave, I stayed to play another round and the conversation felt so natu…

Thank you for sharing this so honestly. The part that really stood out to me was how you described feeling suspicion or even disgust when someone showed interest in you when you were younger. In hinds…

Here's the thing. I'm Korean first of all. I respect Maggie Kang a lot because she not only made this movie but she put her money where her mouth is by hiring a lot of Korean animators as well as voic…

That first sober social event is genuinely one of the harder things. You realize how much of your social autopilot was running on alcohol, and suddenly you're just... there, fully present, with nowher…

It’s completely valid to need quiet time after a long day, but her comment about getting the 'butt end' of your stress hints that you both might be emotionally draining each other without realizing it…

I know how to be kind and professional and can make conversation with most people but that comes from having to make my narcissistic mom look good and growing up in a cult. When I tried to have friend…

You need to set a "20-minute buffer" rule. Tell her you love hearing about her day but you need some quiet time to decompress when you first get home. Most people don't realize they're "dumping" until…

Bit off more than I can chew. After our third date we both got bad colds that had us out of the social scene for at least a good 10 days. He’s not a big texter/caller but was making sure to check in…

I feel similar, my tension isn't fully gone but it keeps improving and I recently had a little window of it not being there that was blissful but hollow like you describe. I think it's just...boring? …

I was in a similar boat with my parents. Dad could have cared less and mom was a tragic victim. She would complain constantly to me about how unhappy she was despite having a pretty great lifestyle. T…

She's still ranting to the internet that her child abandoned her, or that she has no child as far as I know. Her extinction burst was in early 2030 when we told her her ex (my FIL) had passed away su…

“They edit their memories in real time”- I was so relieved reading on this sub about all the other ppl who witnessed the narc “glitch” that mine has when reality does not gel with her viewpoint! The b…

I’d agree that a text may be too impersonal. But it depends on how you generally communicate with her. And it’s your news to share now, so you need to do it in a way that feels good to you. The frame …

feel completely free to ignore this but i felt the same and watched Rebel Finance School - it's 10 live presentations and Q&A that they record and put on the internet, for free. From basics like getti…

I was the buffer between my husband and my n-parents. Trying to “keep the peace” and “hear both sides.” I wound up constantly betraying everyone because I was in an impossible position. I was conditio…

Hard day today. Divorce has been final for about two and a half years now. Ex just signed a custody modification agreement where he agreed to me taking primary custody after he realized that he would …

You should be so proud of yourself saving that much! Well done! May I give you a couple of tips that have helped me enormously over the years? Have a buffer zone. An amount that stays in your accoun…

I second this. I stayed for 20 years. He cheated repeatedly. Left me for the latest one after I finally didn’t rug sweep. Being loyal and forgiving affairs then still being the one who was left is ano…

Mostly life experience, plenty of trial and error, fuck around and find out. I did read plenty of books in the past but honestly I've started to develop for the most part when I stopped thinking about…

I would like to add that this can be difficult and painful. Its very much like trying to resolve a paradox. "Why am I so fucked up? Why am I so unlovable?" You need to learn to resolve these question…

I think I understand now why often, people say "men sometimes come back, but when they do it's not always for the right reasons and you might wish they didn't". More than a year ago, I ended a connec…

That "airy" feeling followed by sleep is a successful Initial Handshake. You experienced a Click-out because your brain hit a deep recovery state before your conscious "buffer" was calibrated to stay …

This actually sounds pretty normal for highly sensitive people, but the key question is - are you feeling drained because you're absorbing their energy, or because you're working really hard to mask/p…

Analyzing your feelings to understand them will not actually let you sit down and feel them fully. Something in you is begging for your attention. Try sitting with the uncomfortableness and let yourse…

Exactly. It’s already not “weird” to be looking to someone at this event. No need for The social buffer.

Confidentiality is a very nuanced question for minors in therapy. There are a few key considerations. - the state you live in and it’s unique set of laws. - whether the information you wish to share…

In my experience, I need to work a solid Alanon program in order to have peace and clarity with the alcoholics in my life. Before program, my life got really miserable. I started to feel like a mommy …

>I’m Viet as well, and have many family members that were caught in the crossfire of this conflict. But the reality of it is that even the side that is “in the right” will do bad, horrible things as w…

The original 'tapes' from the Monroe Institute were recorded on studio reel-to-reel magnetic tapes, not just cassettes. The high-quality FLAC files you are using now are (ideally) digitized from those…

I am genuinely so, so sorry. I have never had a relationship close to the length in time, I can't imagine how difficult things must be for you. I truly hope you find peace, and love again, and manage …

I generally won’t take part and harming a marriage. But if you are accurately portrayed, what is happened, you have married somebody like your parents. They’re taking advantage of your bond with them…

No.  He's a snowbird, and his travels would bring him right by my city each direction.  He'd go hours out of his way to avoid the area.  I don't beg him to visit or to allow me to visit him anymore.  …

I love this, I had to sit with this post for a bit and zoom out. I’ve seen two people say almost the exact same thing and it lands completely differently depending on how they’re wired. A lot of peopl…

I haven't visited her or her visited me privately in a long time because of how she treats me. My nmom follows a script too. I get there, and she looks me over. It's this really specific look. Head to…

chronic fatigue is brutal and can mess with your brain in ways most people dont get. when i was dealing with some health stuff a few years back i had zero energy for maintaining friendships the normal…

What my first point was disproving is that we can’t be placed on this presumed politicised one-dimensional world of Blackness V whiteness. This dipole does exist when it comes to policy-making and wea…

My wife got me an hour glass, sometimes the timer on my phone wasn't working so the physical hour glass was a nice idea. There are a lot of books on meditation that could possibly make for a good gi…

Don't have to feel anything about it, still happened? Take a break from it, touch grass and lift weights. Do something without a screen. This reminds me of an article about burnout. Entrepreneurs …

Ugh, it sucks when you don’t like your friend’s boyfriend/husband, but as long as they’re not a bad guy, there’s nothing you can do. They make your friend happy, so you have to hang out with them. May…

that’s why moving is non-negotiable. 🥲I’m currently stuck in the apartment I shared with my partner, and being surrounded by those memories every day is slowly eating me alive.🙄On top of that, I’m i…

It's only been a month but it felt like every week, I was just talking about my trauma and feeling so down and raw and I would have to lay in bed the rest of the day bc I couldn't shake it. I have bee…

It depends how much you care for your stuff... We did the exchanged one day on a public place... it was hard... almost not a words, just giving each other the bags and drift away... Somehow, maybe i…

Your husband is gonna need to learn how to set boundaries with his family and own his own decisions. Won't happen overnight, he's been living with this woman in his ear since he was born. Probably nee…